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By Amy Dee
With everything that's happened in the last year, life in America seems more stressful than ever. But have you noticed that people cope with stress differently? As a funny motivational speaker, I have a bird’s eye view of an industry that turned upside down when our country closed in March. Like everyone else, all my speaking events postponed. Lots of speakers dealt with cancellations. Suddenly, virtual speaking became the only option. People Cope With Stress Differently That’s when I saw how differently people cope. Some speakers decided virtual wasn’t for them, so they are waiting it out. Others reluctantly dragged themselves into virtual but are still floundering today. A select few charged head-on into virtual speaking, now they love it and say they’ll never return to live events. You’ve seen it yourself. Some people face pressures directly. They are mentally flexible. These people flourish and grow through tough times. While others pretty much curl into a ball and hide. Let’s start by recognizing that stress gets a nasty rap. But truthfully, not all stress is bad. In fact, a bit of pressure is necessary to get you out of bed in the morning. Good stress helps you get things done; bad stress messes you up. In this article, I summarize stress categories so you will better understand stress. After that, I’ll give you tips you can quickly apply to build your stress resilience. You Already Know Stress Can Be Harmful By now, you’ve undoubtedly heard of the perils of stress: sleep disruption, increases in the stress hormone cortisol, cardiac stress, and depression. In addition, it can make you irritable, obese, and wreak havoc on your relationships. As if that isn’t enough, you may experience G.I problems, have difficulty thinking, and find yourself isolating. The list goes on. The truth is that Chronic Stress correlates, in degrees, with all of these awful, scary effects. Without a doubt, this is terrible. None of us want to be a lonely, irritable, fat, gassy, depressed person with heart and relationship problems. At first glance, it appears that stress should be avoided like the plaque The Other Truth About Stress While this awful stuff can be real, this isn’t the entire story. Here two important things to also understand about stress. Stress also has lots of significant and positive benefits. and… The way you look at stress is even more critical than the amount of stress you experience. Different Types of Stress To clear this up, I’ll identify the different types of stress. Normal Stress (Eustress) Eustress is a situation or event when a bit of stress shows up, then quickly leaves. This stress can be beneficial. It may give you a burst of energy that helps you get things done. In addition, it may create an incentive that allows you to focus and improves your performance. Example: Despite speaking to thousands of people yearly, I get a little burst of eustress before I grab the stage. This stress helps me sharpen my focus; it makes me alert and completely present. Ultimately eustress improves my performance. Distress Distress is harsher stress. Although it doesn’t last long, it does cause significant disruption. The effects are serious but short-lived. After experiencing distress, we usually return to a normal state. Example: You trip during your morning jog (a reason I do not jog). You suffer minor injuries but recover. Traumatic Stress Traumatic Stress is a big deal. It is profound. After this experience, your beliefs and assumptions may change. You recover over time, but you are forever changed. Heavy or unrelenting traumatic stress may outmatch your capacity to cope. As a result, you may experience fatigue, exhaustion, or even a breakdown. Example: A natural disaster such as a hurricane rips apart your home. You or a loved one becomes diagnosed with a major health problem such as cancer. The Persistence of Stress Stress can also be categorized based on how long it lasts. Acute Stress Acute Stress is the most common form of stress. It may be a result of pressure and demands from the past or the future. Acute stress is exhilarating and exciting in small doses, but too much becomes exhausting. Example: You arrive at work excited and ready to roar. But by 3 pm, you are drained and ready for a break. If you don’t take time to recharge, you risk making critical errors. Episodic Acute Stress Some of you may suffer from acute stress frequently. Perhaps your life is pummeled continuously with chaos and crisis. You may be juggling lots of demands and find it challenging to keep them all afloat. Episodic acute stress causes you to experience acute stress reactions, i.e., becoming short-tempered, over-aroused, anxious, irritable, and tense. You may have lots of nervous energy. You may rush about but find yourself often late. At times you can be abrupt and irritable, causing you to respond to others with hostility. In the end, you may harm your relationships. Example: You may self describe as a worry wart or a type-A personality. These characteristics can create frequent episodes of acute stress. Chronic Stress Chronic Stress is the eroding stress that wears you down bit by bit over a long time. Unfortunately, people experience this when they can’t see their way out of a bad situation. You may experience constant demands and pressures for seemingly never-ending periods. Eventually, your hope depletes, and you quit looking for solutions. Chronic stresses may come from traumatic, internalized early childhood experiences that make the present painful. Eventually, your view of the world or your belief system eternalizes this constant stress. The world becomes a threatening place. You may feel you must always be perfect. Worst of all, you may normalize feeling this way. You get used to it. You forget that this unpinning pressure is even there. Long Term Effect of Chronic Stress Because acute stress is new, you immediately notice it. On the other hand, chronic stress becomes easy to ignore because it’s old and familiar. Oddly enough, it may even become almost comfortable. Your physical and mental resources erode. This lack of resources makes the symptoms of chronic stress are more difficult to treat. Extended medical, as well as behavioral treatment and stress management, may be required. Example: Chronic Stress may come from being in a dysfunctional family situation or living in the stress of poverty. You may feel trapped in a hated job or career. Inside, not outside response to Stress Let’s face it, too often, our first response to stress is to look for help outside ourselves immediately. We download productivity apps or invest in productivity software. These promise to help us reduce distraction, add hours to our day, and make our lives easier. Or instead, we look for more get more help at the office or home. We consider switching careers. Sure some of these solutions can help. But more often than not, these external fixes are superficial and temporary because the answer lies inside, not outside of you. Remember Your Power In order to manage long term stress, you must find your internal power before looking for external solutions. By strengthening your resilience superpower, you can turn problems into challenges and difficulties into opportunities. Resilience Resilience, according to The American Psychological Association, is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress (such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors). In other words, resilience is “bouncing back” from tough situations and painful experiences. The great news is that research continuously shows that resilience is ordinary—not extraordinary—and that people commonly demonstrate resilience. Research also shows that our resilience muscle can strengthen by choosing to respond positively to difficult times. To be clear, emotional pain and sadness are common when we have suffered through trauma or major adversities. Furthermore, resilient people don’t live on cloud nine; they also experience difficulty or stress. Truthfully the road to resilience is likely paved by considerable emotional distress. That said, resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. Instead, resilience is a process. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that resilience involves thoughts, behaviors, and actions that can be learned and developed in all of us. 3 Steps To Resilience Unless you live under a rock, you already know that eating right, sleeping enough, and exercise are essential. All of these help you better deal with stress and increase your resilience. Instead of rehashing these critical factors, I’ll introduce a few mental tools you can use. STEP ONE: Find Your Locus of Control Locus, according to Merriam-Webster, means a place where something is situated or occurs. Do you have an Internal or External Locus of Control? If you are uncertain, you can take a quick quiz to determine the position and strength of your locus of control. To sum it up, people with an internal locus of control believe that their actions determine the rewards they get during their lives. Conversely, those with an external locus of control believe that their behavior doesn’t matter that much. Instead, they think that life’s rewards are outside of their control. Your Locus of Control is important because… Resilient People have an Internal Locus of Control. In other words, Resilient people believe that they are in control of their lives. While these folks understand that they can’t always control what happens to them, they know that they can control their responses. Having an internal locus of control makes a huge difference in our attitudes and the course of our lives. Fortunately, you can develop your internal Locus of Control. Here are three quick tips to consider: CHOICE: Remember, You always have a choice. No matter what happens, it is YOU who decides how you will cope. It is YOU who decides what resources you will seek out. It is YOU who decides the language you will choose to describe this challenging time. TRUTH: By telling yourself the TRUTH Saying “I have no choice” or “I can’t” isn’t honest. You always have a choice. You may not like the option available, but you do have a choice. At times you may have the opportunity to change a situation. At other times, your choice may be to accept the situation gracefully. No matter what, you choose. Brainstorm: Brainstorm your choices When you feel stuck, create a list of every possible course of action. Don’t judge your options, just scribble them down. This list will help to remind you of your choices and keeping you from feeling stuck. You’ll remember that even though there are things you cannot do, there are also things you can do. When feeling overwhelmed and stuck, remember Viktor Frankl, who suffered from three years in horrific Nazi concentration camps and lost most of his family. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl writes: “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl (March 26, 1905–September 2, 1997) STEP TWO: SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE Resilience people accept that life will always be full of difficulties. Because this is true, they understand that they need to be flexible and open to change. They don’t have a victim mentality. In other words, no self-pity, feeling victimize or look for someone to blame. Instead, they look for the positive benefits of facing stressors. Recognizing that growth comes from experiences and mistakes, they look for actionable forward-moving steps. Kelly Mcgonigal’s research (see this TED talk) compared people with a positive attitude about stress to people who have a very negative attitude about stress. Her research found that people with an equal amount of stressors are not equally affected in negative ways. Instead, only people with a negative outlook about stress have an increased risk of these adverse consequences (death, illness, etc.). In short: your perspective of your stress matters more than the number of stressors you experience. In essence, Your perspective about stress affects how you experience it. Your attitude matters. You can shift your perspective and grow your “resilient attitude” by being aware of the positive aspects of facing stressors. Understand that stress is a part of every life. Realize that stress enhances your ability to grow and get stronger. When you shift your perspective, you change your perception. Changing your perspective is process. Therefore, with greater awareness and clarity about your power, you will better handle stress and strengthen your resilience. Step Three: Relationships: Get support. No man is an island. People with low social support are more likely to develop depression in the presence of chronic stress. In fact, strong social support helps protect people against the harmful effects of stress. In addition, the brain of a stressed person has lower adverse chemical effects when they have high levels of strong social support. We all know that when it comes to facing challenges, our friends help lighten the load. Resilient people are likely to have secure networks of social support. They also tend to cope well with stress and to stay healthier and happier throughout life. Certain feelings and behaviors are signs indicating the need for prompt, professional help. Important warning signs are:
Seek Help if you are overwhelmed If you feel that your resilience is crumbling, you should seek help without delay. NAMI is an essential national alliance that offers mental health support. https://www.nami.org/Support-Education The National Suicide Prevention Hotline offers 24-hour telephone support a 1-800-273-8255. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org Human beings are amazing creatures. We’ve mastered flight and traveled to the moon. We’ve developed language, writing, electricity, photography and the internet. Vaccines, music, wind and solar power, theory of relativity and quantum physics have all been created by us. So, how is it that such intelligent creatures, still struggle with managing stress? The good news is, we have the power to change. We can better manage our stress and increase our resilience through a mindful approach to life. Stress resilience is a process, a journey…not a destination. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker!
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By Kristin Baird
People often think good communication is how we speak and write, but listening is even more vital in good communication than what you say. This is especially true in the virtual world. Too often, we listen to respond rather than listening to understand. In that case, our minds travel away from the person and their message to formulating our response. Careful, active listening, or generous listening, is more vital now than ever as we support staff who are stressed. With in-person meetings restricted, and more virtual encounters becoming the norm, it is vital to remain conscious of your non-verbal cues on camera in order to demonstrate you are listening. When coaching people on improving listening during in-person encounters, we focus on:
At first, I thought she was multi-tasking and working on something else. Then I realized she had two screens. My image on one, and her camera aligned with the other. When I pointed it out, she was surprised because she thought she was looking right at me. The other common pitfall that can impede a personal connection is a lag in sound. It feels like people are talking over one another, or there is an awkward lag. HERE IS HOW YOU CAN APPLY ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS IN VIRTUAL ENCOUNTERS:
It seems everyone is more stressed these days as we deal with months of pandemic-induced changes. Virtual options will help us remain connected safely, so let’s make them as close to face-to-face as possible. Think generous listening every time you enter a virtual meeting room. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! By Colette Carlson
Six years ago my car was in the middle of a five-car pileup. I distinctly remember the moments that followed as individuals emerged from their cars. No one appeared to be physically injured, although one person showed possible signs of shock. The first car’s driver jumped out, surveyed his smashed bumper, and left the scene quickly as if nothing had happened. Two adolescents surfaced from a back seat, sat on the sidewalk, held hands and softly cried. One guy screamed and cursed at the driver who was slow to hit her brakes causing the initial impact and domino effect. She softly repeated, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Is everyone okay?” I reacted by going into what my daughters refer to as, Mechanical Mom Mode due to my eerily calm, composed manner in a crisis. A skill, I might add, developed over time through practice. This allows me to quickly provide the anxious woman a towel to lie down, water to hydrate, and a blanket to ease her shivering. Next, I pooled cell numbers and photographed everyone’s driver’s license, insurance card, and car damage while waiting for the police (which I had called) to arrive. Only much later did my own emotions surface. The coronavirus pandemic brought this memory back to life. Why? I was reminded of how individuals react differently when faced with unexpected, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable situations. Given this truth, leaders must communicate and support their teams, as different as they may be, without fail during a crisis. And our world is in the thick of a crisis. The foundation of everything we know has changed. No one is immune from riding the “Coronacoaster”, filled with emotional ups and downs. Unlike the obvious steps taken following a car accident, there is no current rulebook for leaders. Nor does anyone know when the ride will end or the long-term effects on people’s psychological state. Depending on your employee’s circumstances, they may be feeling confusion, anger, anxiety, sadness, fear or all the above. You may work with individuals who still exhibit signs of denial and wish others would stop overreacting. You might find yourself operating in Mechanical Leader Mode, especially if you support individuals on the front-line or find yourself juggling virtual meetings with homeschooling. Pushing forward and compartmentalizing without giving yourself the stillness or space that allows emotion to surface. What is a leader to do? As someone who studies human behavior, communication, and stress, my best advice follows to help you communicate and connect right now: 1. Communicate consistently. A study by TINYpulse to measure employee satisfaction with how their employer is dealing with them during the pandemic, rated frequent communication the most important key takeaway for leaders. Staying silent for too long, especially during times of rapid change, encourages workers to fill in the gaps with rumor and hearsay, increasing anxiety and stress. Best to be repetitive on different channels in different ways no matter how tired you are of saying the same thing again and again. Repetition is the mother of learning and ups the odds for message clarity. 2. Communicate candidly about job security. Ever wait for test results from your doctor to come back? The unknown and unsaid cause unnecessary angst. People can handle the truth when your delivery exhibits empathy and compassion. Employees are genuinely concerned about losing their jobs, so speak the truth with a heartfelt response. “As of right now, what I can tell you is we’re exploring all options to keep everyone on board. I’ll keep you apprised should anything change.” Leaders can model AirBnB’s CEO, Brian Chesney’s, approach. He delivered heartfelt, well-chosen words in a note to his employees: “This is my seventh time talking to you from my house. Each time we’ve talked, I’ve shared good news and bad news, but today I have to share some very sad news. When you’ve asked me about layoffs, I’ve said that nothing is off the table. Today, I must confirm that we are reducing the size of the Airbnb workforce.” 3. We NEED more cowbell! Hearing a cowbell when someone leaves a hospital anchors those inside to a joyful, hopeful feeling. As a leader, you must look for and shine a spotlight on positive moments to continue to build your team’s resilience. Remind them of prior difficult challenges they have overcome. Especially since some team members need your support to shift their focus and stress to a past or recent success, no matter how small. The ritual of asking my own daughters, “Tell me something good that happened today,” began in pre-school. Those moments were celebrated before focusing on snacks or homework. On the occasion my youngest snapped, “Nothing,” I held space for her to unload. “Wow, sounds like a tough day. Tell me more.” Being fully present for someone and empathetic listening counts as more cowbell. A healthcare director I interviewed for an upcoming virtual program asked her long-term care managers recently, “How is your soul doing?” In a later interview a manager shared, “It’s just downright crazy right now and we’re all running on fumes. But knowing my director has my back is my fuel to keep going.” 4. Know your audience. Leaders cannot ignore that people are grieving for different reasons right now and blanket policies or statements may not be effective. This demands more flexibility, patience, and tolerance than ever. Certain individuals are healthy, but still grieving the loss of attending milestone birthdays, graduations, or weddings. Others have experienced illness, either themselves or someone they know, so the degree of trauma is heightened. And then there are those who lost someone they love in this battle who are literally immersed in the stages of grief. Leaders who can meet people where they are at and provide necessary support will have gone further to engage employees than any benefit previously provided. Your teams will never forget if you ask, “How can I support you right now?” rather than “How quickly can we get back to hitting our numbers?” 5. Double-down on Feedback. Uncertainty and feeling out of control lead to increased stress, anxiety, and lack of focus. More than ever your team needs you to provide direction, as well as, input on their progress. Left only with visual cues provided during a virtual meeting means your team experiences fewer shared smiles, a nodding head, or concerned look than when sharing office space. Sharing why their contribution is vital and connecting it to the organization’s vision reminds employees they ARE making a difference and provides purpose for even the most minor task. On the flip side, encourage and provide safe channels for feedback to flow your direction. I’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the poll responses and chat feature during virtual programs by encouraging participants to change their Zoom name to the letter A. These anonymous answers, free of judgment and repercussions, dramatically increases both participation and transparency which provides for a better program. During a crisis, we all want someone to put their arms around us and tell us, “Everything is going to be okay.” As challenging as that may be virtually, by following the strategies above, the “Coronacoaster” will be a safer, smoother, and more secure ride for all. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Christine Cashen
I had high hopes for my pandemic lockdown. But what I’m finding is regardless of whether I’ve accomplished ANYTHING, I flop into bed exhausted. How about you? Yes, stress does that to us! I’m a motivational speaker and as you might guess, not doing a whole lot of speaking. So, I’m trying to drink my own Kool-Aid and make the most of this unusual time. It has taken me a few months to get my feet planted right, but I found some strategies that can bring light where you may be feeling some darkness — energy gainers, instead of energy drainers. I call it the 4H Club. No, not the wonderful youth-based organization where you show your hogs. Instead, this is a tool to help you remember the four pieces that can give you peace: HEALTH, HOME, HEAD, and HEART. Let’s get started... HEALTH: PUT ON PANTS Many of us are struggling to stay on the health bus right now. There is the occasional over achiever on social media showing off their new buff body, but for the rest of us, this pandemic is becoming a poundemic! Instead of going full out, just do something small for your health every day. Take your vitamins. Go for a long walk. Meditate. Try to not drink alcohol EVERY night. In the beginning, I had my head in a bag of M&M’s saying that I would deal with my health (and fitting into my clothes) when this is over. Do not do that. Do not wait. At least once a week, wear something other than yoga/sweatpants. Seriously, something with a zipper and less than 5% spandex. HOME: FIX IT ALREADY Yes, we all had that master plan for clean-up and organization when this all started. If you are like me, you discovered that TIME is not the enemy. DESIRE is! In the beginning, we started strong, but the desire for organization quickly took a backseat. To feel some accomplishment at the end of the day, do ONE tiny project. Tackle one junk drawer (doesn’t have to be big), file that pile of papers in your office, or better yet, recycle what you don’t need and will probably never look at again. Say goodbye to magazines that you have held onto for years, feeling guilty about not reading. Change the dang filter in your Brita water container. If you’re feeling bold, go for the furnace filter too! Start small… you will build momentum. You’ve got this. HEAD: BECOME HEADSTRONG There are so many classes online right now that are FREE or low cost. Instead of lamenting over the news, put your time and energy in learning something new! A friend is taking sign language, another is taking up yoga, and I was gifted the Masterclass series. Yup, just took a comedy class with Steve Martin. It was wonderful! If you have always wanted to learn about (fill in the blank), now is your chance. Don’t waste it! If you have ever uttered the phrase, “I wish I had extra time to do (fill in the blank)…”, now is the time. Get up and start your day with 30 minutes of learning something new. Your brain will thank you. HEART: THE GIFT IN THE LIFT What can you do to help others? Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while. Write cards to people to lift their spirits. I still love getting real snail mail! Leave a roll of toilet paper on a neighbor’s doorstep (after confirming it’s not going to rain and you have a square to spare). Make sure you are posting positive on social media. Do you know why John Krasinski’s Good News segments are getting so much attention? Not only are they good, they make you feel good while watching. As I have said before, there is a gift in the lift. If you are feeling down, the best way to feel better is to do something nice for someone else. ALL TOGETHER NOW Many people (myself included) are riding a coronacoaster of emotions these days and it is not easy to stay positive. As we emerge from this Twilight Zone, if you become a member of the 4H Club and do one thing (no matter how small), in each “H” category, I promise you that you will be more inspired and less damn tired. I promise. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us today to make your healthcare event a success! By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
Back in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, I was experiencing volunteer-itis, a condition known as the swelling of volunteer activities. I served on four church committees, was an active member of a Rotary Club, and was heavily involved in a national association. I was a bit overextended even though I enjoyed the opportunity to serve. After six straight years of various church committees, I finally finished out my last term and was looking forward to fewer meetings on my calendar each month. About three months after my last assignment, I got a call from a man in our church. He wanted me to consider serving three more years on a different committee. In a calm Christian voice, I said, “Bill, put the phone down, slowly step away, and no one will get hurt.” We both had a good laugh. But in the back of mind, I couldn’t help but feel that the organization didn’t respect the fact that I had served my time, so to speak, and needed a break. Their approach felt somewhat discourteous as they tried to squeeze more blood from a lemon and rope me in again (I think I mixed up those metaphors). It reminds me of that famous line from The Godfather when Michael Corleone said, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.” A contrast to requesting too much is no response at all. Several years ago, my wife and I wanted to volunteer for a local service organization. Being new to the area, we felt it would be a nice way to get involved in the community. On three separate occasions, we submitted the necessary paperwork expressing our interest in volunteering and listing the skills we could offer. Over a two-year period of time, we got no response from anyone in the organization. So, after hearing nothing, we pursued other opportunities. Then, about six months later, I got a call from someone in the very same hadn’t-followed-up organization who asked if I would be willing to redesign their website. Wait, what? This was not a skill that I had nor was it something I wanted to do. In my most respectful volunteer voice, I said, “What the heck is wrong with you people!” OK, I didn’t say that. Instead, I politely declined by indicating that my time was already committed to another project. Not only did their lack of follow-up lead to losing two new volunteers, it sent a discourteous message that we weren’t worth the effort. And when it comes to a lack of respect, you can see examples all over social media. Last year, a famous actor posted a photograph of her two young sons at the beach. Immediately, people attacked her parenting skills because the boys had long hair. She had simply shared a picture of two healthy, happy, long-haired boys enjoying the beach. And based on this, she was accused of neglect. I think the true crime was that those who judged her neglected to embrace an attitude of respect and courtesy. More recently, I watched a conversation unfold on Facebook that probably won’t surprise any of you. A colleague made a potentially offensive statement and then received several respectful counterarguments. Rather than simply acknowledging the different perspectives or offering his own respectful counterargument, this guy dug in his heels and continued to aggressively defend his position. His comments suggested that anyone who disagreed with him was wrong and his perspective was the only one that mattered. Well, as you can imagine, the conversation unraveled and the more he dug in, the worse it got. It was like hitting a tennis ball against a wall. No matter how clever you think you are, the wall will always win. Sadly, my colleague came across as quite insensitive as he posted more and more discourteous comments. These days, it seems that aggressively rude behavior is the norm. When it comes to a differences of opinions, the phrase, “You’re a ridiculous, uninformed idiot” is more common than, “Oh, thank you for that insight.” Why is it that we can’t respond to alternative perspectives with more courtesy? Do we think that we’re right and everyone else is wrong? Do we fear that understanding someone else’s view suggests that we’re giving credibility to a position we don’t support? Do we really believe that vinegar will attract more bees than honey? I was raised to respect people because we are all…well…people. Then, in social work school, I was taught to go a step further and to try to empathize with others—especially those whose experiences are different than mine. And even though there might be a voice in my head that occasionally says, “You’re a ridiculous, uninformed idiot,” I don’t say it out loud. Instead, I try to say, “Hmm, that’s interesting” while attempting to understand. Empathy is tough. However, if we can adjust our “knee-flexes” (those knee-jerk reflexes) and show a little courtesy, I wonder if we might just find that some of the friction gets smoothed out. In fact… I wonder what would happen if everyone agreed to respond to discourteousness with kindness and understanding? I wonder what would happen if we embraced the concept put forth by Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr. who suggested that non-violence and love can be powerful weapons against intolerance? And I wonder what would happen if we used social media to build one another up rather than to tear each other down? Perhaps we can embrace the idea that we have a far greater chance of bridging gaps when we show courtesy and respect for each other. Then, maybe we can change the script to, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in…for a hug.” Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
Every day offers the same opportunity: To invest in activities, efforts, work and conversations that build others up or choose attitudes, words and actions that push others down. Our choice not only profoundly influences how we feel about this life, but also the lives of those around us. Although it’s been more than five months since I’ve flown, many of my past experiences travelling, in airports and working on the road continue to influence me. Years ago, I was settling into my seat, buckling up, getting out a snack, setting up my laptop, and stuffing my journal into the seat pocket (yes, I have the travel needs of a 4 year old!), I overheard an unusual conversation a row behind me. An elderly-sounding woman shared with the person next to her that this was her first trip since the death of her husband. She mentioned she was nervous to travel, but was looking forward to talking with someone on the trip. The gentleman responded curtly, “Lady, I am really sorry to hear about your husband. But, I am using this flight for sleeping, not talking.” Now, I am not judging the man. My flights are reserved for working, reading and writing. But something in her voice spoke to me. It reminded me of the many times I’ve needed someone to talk to; or the times a friend has wanted to share something with me. Do this one thing to find more meaning in your life. Finally set up and ready to tackle my to-do list, I shut the laptop, turned around and asked the gentleman if he wouldn’t mind changing seats with me. The next 2 hours and 10 minutes I received a spoken memoir from a new friend named Helen. She shared about her impoverished childhood, unlikely marriage, experiences during World War II and raising her children. Her stories of sleepless nights, happy times and intense losses held deep truths about the agony of death, power of faith and gift of love. She shared of losing two of her four children to separate accidents, a grandchild to AIDS, and most recently, a husband to heart failure. She shared not for attention or pity, but to impart the wisdom that in spite of the innumerable challenges of life, the journey forges us into the individuals we are perfectly intended to become. Hours earlier I left the comfort of my seat and the work I wanted to accomplish to switch seats for her. As we landed, unbuckled our seat belts, stood and hugged goodbye, I realized it was actually entirely for me. We all have so much to teach, and learn, when we make time for genuine connection with others. Helen reminded me that it’s not in the doing and achieving we find success, but in the willingness to be present and open to possibilities. Sometimes those possibilities reveal themselves in the least likely of places and people – like an older, lonely woman who just wanted to talk. A woman, if given the chance, could teach a lot about relationships, marriage, children, war, peace, family, faith, and death. And what it means to actually live. My friend, these are difficult times. It’s easy to get stuck in the rut of negativity and believe there have never been days as challenging as these. It’s all too common to feel that the best days are behind us and we are isolated – even when we are surrounded by others. That’s why it is more important than ever to remember the way you get meaning in your life: Devote yourself to loving others, to your community around you and to striving to make a difference. There are innumerable opportunities to live like this, yet we must shut off the media, step away from the negativity, get out of our comfort zone and open ourselves up to first see them, and then to ultimately learn from someone else. Perhaps it’s time to unbuckle and switch seats. This is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! By Roger Crawford. This was originally published on Roger's blog.
Have you noticed how many times a day you open your briefcase or handbag to retrieve items? Most people hardly think about this task, but for me it is an actual challenge. With limited dexterity of my hands and a total of only three fingers, the repeated opening and closing of my briefcase causes significant discomfort. In fact, it can be so painful that I often resort to other methods; let’s just say I have very tough teeth! In a recent discussion with my wife, she suggested there might be an alternative to the traditional zippered case. Within days, she presented me with a surprise: a handsome new briefcase with magnetic closures rather than zippers! Until that time I had never considered another option. This has literally changed my daily life. No more sore hands or delivering a speech with missing front teeth! All of us encounter challenges that need solutions. Developing the ability to navigate problems successfully and discover solutions first requires awareness, discipline, commitment, and an effective strategy. Here are some useful suggestions. Solve a Problem Early Problems most often start small and become much larger if you do not acknowledge them or take appropriate action. Here is a great analogy: Life will sometimes throw you a pebble. If that doesn’t get your attention, a small rock, and finally a boulder. In other words, ignoring small problems does not make them disappear. In fact, they will continue to grow until you are eventually forced to deal with them. Ignoring a small health issue or financial difficulty can allow it to become a much larger problem, seemingly overnight. Successful people look to solve small problems before they get bigger. Focus on Best Solutions Simply worrying about a particular problem does not solve it. Worry creates unnecessary stress and can cause paralyzing anxiety. It can also erode your energy and waste valuable time. It is vitally important not to catastrophize our circumstances. Your success in solving problems is determined by what you dwell on. Rather than dwelling on the problem, clearly define it, and then turn your attention toward possible solutions. The better clarity you have, the better the solutions you will find. Don’t wait for the perfect solution; it may not exist. The perfect solution for my briefcase problem would have been my getting seven more fingers, while the best solution was simply a new briefcase. One Plus One Equals Three My good friend, author and speaker Brian Tracy, shared this principle of 1+1=3 with me many years ago. He explained that the talent, wisdom, and experience of two or more people working together on a solution will create powerful synergy. In other words, the sum of the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. I had dealt with blisters and bite marks for many years with my briefcase. When I shared my frustration in just one discussion, the solution appeared. Whenever you are dealing with a problem you’ve never faced, seek out someone who has. Their experience can help you find the solution you’ve been looking for. What are some challenges that you are currently facing? Is there a way you can approach the problem differently that might serve you better and perhaps offer a solution? I hope this article has given you some valuable options. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! By Amy Dee
Best Laid Plans Years ago, I was to sing at a friend’s wedding. The bride had been planning every detail of this event for over two years. At one point, she called me in a panic, saying, “I am just so afraid something will go wrong.” “Count on it,” I responded. The wedding day arrived. It was a brilliantly sunny day with mild temperatures. Five hundred guests sat in the church adorned with glorious bouquets lining the altar and pews as gentle harp music rippled through the air. Everything was perfect. Shift Happens Toward the end of the service, fourteen attendants stood beside the bride and groom to receive a special blessing. Suddenly, a thunderous retch, the sploosh of liquid, and a resounding thud interrupted the service. The bride’s brother had vomited and passed out cold at the altar. The church exploded with 487 guests gagging and running to the bathroom, while a guest doctor and family members jumped to assist the fallen groomsman. Moments later, ambulance sirens screeched to a halt outside the church. EMTs raced in with a stretcher for the tuxedoed, vomit-covered groomsman. A few brave guests armed with handfuls of paper towels mopped up while the attendants washed splatters off their formal wear. Forty minutes later, everyone (painted in various shades of green) harnessed their emotional resilience to resume their places. The ceremony restarted with a rancid-sweet-flower smell permeating the air. In the end, the bride and groom married and the reception was fun. Despite my friend wanting to kill him, her brother, hungover from the bachelor party, recovered. Even after years of planning out every detail of her wedding, shift happened. The Human Need to Predict As human beings, we have a distinct feeling of being able to internally pre-experience future events. Because of this feeling, making constant plans for our future comes naturally. Pre-experiencing the future allows us to “try out” various possibilities, which can be handy. The problem comes when we mistake our pre-experience tryouts for facts. Thinking doesn’t make it real. Human beings are notoriously bad at predicting the future. Life never precisely happens as planned. When plans are successful, our innate ability to adjust and adapt makes dreams come to fruition. Good News! You’ve Got This! Experiencing a worldwide pandemic is new to all of us. Despite this, here is good news: Within you is a deep, untapped reservoir of resilience that will help you survive and thrive during and after this pandemic. Life will not be the same because life never is the same. Our lives are in a constant state of change. But our remarkable ability to adapt makes most challenges and changes barely noticeable. Think about it: you and everyone else out there has experienced and survived some challenge. Most of us have thrived through difficulties: the death of a loved one, conflict in a relationship, illness, pain, job disappointments, and fear. The truth is, you were resilient long before COVID-19 came along. You will figure this out; you will adapt. You can not only survive, but thrive. This is a choice. Jason Moser Ph.D. of Psychology at the University of Michigan, who has published multiple studies on human emotions, cognition, and the ability to rebound from adversity, says, “Humans are a highly adaptive species” as are many others in the animal kingdom “so we’ll figure out how to get to living in a new world and be okay.” Overcome Stress at Work COVID-19 presents a unique set of concerns about work, including:
Whether you are experiencing stress at work, at home, or both, the following tips will help you increase your self-reliance and build your emotional resilience. Gratitude Let’s start with the most straightforward bit: gratitude. Gratitude practices can not only help you overcome stress at work. These can also help you better manage any hardships or challenges that come your way. Building emotional resilience is about control and perspective. A Gratitude practice allows you to stop and reflect on the good instead of overlooking it and passing it off as unimportant. Of equal importance, gratitude also will enable you to pause and put some space between your impulse and your actions. This space allows you the ability to choose. It gives you the control and perspective you need to make the right decisions while dealing with challenging situations. Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down your blessing and your thoughts about the gifts you’ve received each day. Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to write and reflect on the good things that happened during the week. Choose three to five things to identify each week. As you write, think about the sensations you felt when that blessing came to you. Reframing Reframing is an excellent tool for building your emotional resilience. Reframing works because it requires you to look for positives in a situation. A Reframing Metaphor: The camera and director There are always many ways to view a situation. As a metaphor, let’s say your Uncle Bob is videotaping your family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Uncle Bob can focus his camera lens on the massive pile of dirty cooking pans by the sink or focus on the family laughing together while enjoying their food. When you shift your perspective, you change your perception. Here is an incredibly useful reframing tool I use in my everyday life. Humor One way this humor helps is by allowing us space to detach or distance ourselves. Humor also helps strengthen group stability and social support. As a result, you will be more effective during challenging situations. Humor makes challenges tolerable. Don’t let feeling frustrated and stressed keep you from finding the fun and joy in life. Humor is powerful. It can weaken negative emotions and flip a negative mood into a positive one. Finding the funny redirects you towards solutions to the problems that created your negative emotions in the first place. It eases the tension you feel and gives you greater control over the challenges you are facing. Humor helps keep everyday irritations in perspective. Most (not all) problems are pretty small when you consider the big picture. We cannot control everything that happens to us, but we can control our response. So count your blessings, shift your perspective, and laugh. Building resilience happens by making choices, one challenge at a time. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! |
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