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By Amy Dee
Would you like to build your resilience? To be sure, resilience builds when you become become more aware of your thoughts, and become more flexible in your thinking. In the following paragraphs, you’ll learn how to identify and immediately counteract the negative thinking trap called: Catastrophic Thinking. Resilience vs the Catastrophic Trigger At 11am you get the following email from your boss: “Please clear your schedule from 3 to 4 pm and meet me in my office.” That’s it. Consequently, being armed with so little information causes your mind grabs a shovel and start filling in the blanks with every negative bit of dirt it can conjure. You start catastrophic thinking. Did a client complain about me? Is she angry that my report was two days late? Maybe she’s made that my numbers were low this month? And your thoughts keep going. What if I get fired? What if I can’t pay my mortgage? Will my house be repossessed? I’ll be homeless and on the street! And on and on and on it goes. Humans Aren’t Always Rational Let’s face it, we humans like to believe that we are rational creatures. We believe that when faced with a decision or projecting future outcomes, we judiciously weigh out all facts, carefully consider the pro and cons and come to a reasonable, rational decision. To put it bluntly, this is not true. Instead, every human brain is embedded with irrational thought patterns that blind us to the truth. Science describes these as cognitive distortions. But, for this blog, I’ll call them Thinking Traps. The result is, thinking traps cause errors in judgment. The good news is, that by becoming conscious of your thinking traps, you can stop them in their tracks. Definition of Catastrophic Thinking Catastrophizing is a thinking trap that causes you to waste critical energy ruminating. Instead of moving forward, you go around and around thinking about the worst-case outcomes of a situation. First, there’s a trigger i.e., the email from your boss. This activating event starts your mind racing, like an evil runaway train, rolling into every horrible thing that will happen. Next you get stuck ruminating on all of those irrational, worst-case outcomes. All of that negative energy and rumination blocks you from actually taking any action. In short, catastrophizing causes an imbalance between the interpretation and the reality of the threat. The threat becomes much bigger than it probably is. As a result, it looms over you, blocking out possible solutions. You not only overestimate the danger, but you also underestimate your ability to cope. Problems Catastrophizing Causes To illustrate, let imagine that you and your spouse have a pretty bad argument. Afterward, you can’t get the disagreement out of your head. Consequently, It’s hard to focus at work because you keep replaying and analyzing what you said and what you heard your spouse say. Not being able to focus is a common outcome of catastrophizing. Is he/she still angry? Did the kids hear our disagreement? Did he/she tell someone at work about it? Actually, while these catastrophic worst-case thoughts generate anxiety, they can also crowd out your ability to focus on your next project. In addition, replaying the argument gives you a headache or stomach pain, or sweating palms. You may even feel short of breath. Because there are all sorts of ways that catastrophic thinking affects our bodies. Unfortunately, pessimism is another trap caused by catastrophizing. If something doesn’t go well, our minds might automatically start painting a picture of doom and gloom. Resilience and pessimism don’t mix. The result is that problems became so much bigger than they actually are. Instead of confronting the stressors or issues that need your attention, you may withdraw. Catch Yourself Catastrophizing “My speech is going to bomb” I think. Now, with zero evidence, I forecast the worst possible outcome of a situation and brush away all facts that contradict my negative belief. Instead, I predict that everything will things will turn out badly. At the beginning, when you catch yourself worrying over something that hasn’t happened, start by identifying your pessimistic prediction. Afterward, ask yourself “Where’s the evidence for this conclusion?” 3 Catastrophic styles that Harm resilience The University of Penn, along with other researchers, have identified three styles of catastrophizing. 1.Downward spiral: You build an entire disastrous story out of one situation or event. Example: The email caused a downward spiral of thoughts. Your thoughts leap from: The meeting with the boss will be hostile to I’ll be fired, lose my job to being homeless and on the street. One event creates a downward pull of imagined threats. 2. Scattershot: You manufacture a massive variety of bad things that might happen to you because of the situation. Here, you don’t create a story like you do in the downward spiral. Instead, you imagine a widespread variety of bad outcomes that could happen. Example: You argue with your spouse, now your mind goes off in different negative directions. We’ve had been lots of arguments lately; could he/she be having an affair? What if Joey heard us argue and can’t concentrate? What if he flunks his Biology test today! Did our neighbors listen to us yell? They probably think we are such losers! 3. Circling: You ruminate about a central theme. Your supervisor asks you to rewrite a report and have it on his desk tomorrow at noon, and the circling begins. Example: My afternoon is packed full with meetings; I don’t have time for this! I have parent-teacher conferences at 7pm. How can I fit that in? I promised Zack I’d help him study tonight, but there’s no way I’ll have time for that. Plus I need supplies for Sara’s party is on Saturday. There’s no way I’ll get all this done! I’ve gotta sleep too! There’s just not enough time! How Catastrophic Thinking Harms Resilience: Whatever the type of catastrophizing you tend to use, be it the down spiral, scattershot or circling, they all end up blocking purposeful action. Not only that, all three types of catastrophizing lead to procrastination and anxiety. In addition, each one engages the flight or fight response. In other words, they all get in our way of handling or coping with the situation at hand. So we all need self-awareness to recognize when we are catastrophizing. But being aware isn’t enough. In addition to awareness, you need skills to challenge and change. U of Penn Positive Psychology has developed some easy-to-use skills that you can immediately apply. They call this Real-Time Resilience because as soon as you recognize that negative mental chatter, you can challenge it on the spot to regain your focus, confidence, and composure. The Steps of Real-Time Resilience by U of Penn 1. Evidence Explore evidence that proves your counterproductive thought is false. Start a sentence by using the phrase: This is not true because… Example: Recently I performed my first live event after a year of virtual events. I was nervous before going on stage, thinking, “It’s been so long, I am going to mess this up!“ Once I recognize my catastrophic thinking, I can stop myself and say “That’s not true because I’ve spoken in front of thousands of people, and most of the time, I get standing ovations!” Make sure you use vivid data (1,000’s of people-standing ovations)to prove why what you’re thinking is not valid. 2. Reframe Shift your perspective to change your perception of the situation. Start by saying, “A more helpful way of me seeing this is… Example: “A more helpful way of seeing this nervousness is as energy I can bring to my audience this evening!” 3. Plan When catastrophic thinking grabs you by the throat, screaming the horrible things about to happen, your anxiety increases. This increased anxiety stops you from performing effectively because you are entrenched in the fight or flight mode. So make a plan. Start by saying If X happens, I will do Y “If I suddenly forget a story, I will take a deep breath, pause, make a joke about Covid Confusion and regain my composure”. Relaxing will help get my brain back on track.” In conclusion, building resilience requires you to be aware of your thoughts at the moment. In addition, it also requires you to ‘catch’ and counteract these negative thoughts. The good news is that YOU CAN DO THIS. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
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By Amy Dee
Throughout the years, I’ve realized that one of my most significant powers comes from focusing on what I can control and making the best of what I can’t control. Examples:
I do have control over creating a studio and performing virtual presentations. Due diligence and lots of practice have made my virtual performance exceptionally well received. That’s good. But I have no control over when my live keynotes will begin again. My commitment to recognizing what I can and can’t change is a significant cornerstone in Stoicism’s ancient philosophy. Stoicism gives us tools that will make us more resilient, wiser, more virtuous, and even happier when applied. Stoicism and just rational thinking point out that the root cause of emotional suffering comes from worrying about things outside of our control. Will I get the promotion? Is this this plane going to crash (once airborne)? Why are my hips so wide? Will my adult child text me back? Giving power to things we have no control over is the cause of mental and emotional suffering. Worrying over circumstances or events we cannot change is not only a waste of time; it is a painful waste of time. Instead, we need to focus on what we do have control over. We have control over our perception and our actions. In other words, we can decide how to interpret an event, what it means to us, and how we want to react to said event. We control whether our action (response) to that event is honorable or corrupt, noble or lowly, good or bad. After that, nothing else is under our control. We can’t control the weather, other people’s actions, our health, and body. Frankly, we can’t control anything or everything else that happens around us. You may object by saying, “I can control my body through diet and exercise.” But these are behaviors. Yes, you can jog fifty miles a week, but this won’t affect your height, the size of your feet, or the color of your eyes. There are things about our bodies we don’t control. Some things are up to us, and some things are not. Change your Focus Alcoholics Anonymous embraces this philosophy through the first lines of the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. A person suffering from alcoholism cannot return to the past to change the pain they caused themselves or others. He can’t un-drink the alcohol. Instead, he can accept the past and focus on changing the present and the future by making better everyday choices. Remember the story of William Tell? A cruel Sheriff forced him to shoot an apple off his son’s head. Stoics used the archer metaphor to illustrate their fundamental belief of focusing on what you control. William Tell focused on the apple, drew his bow, aimed, and fired. But he couldn’t control the wind, that may have blown the arrow off course. He had no control over his son, who may have moved his head in fear. Once the arrow left his bow, he had no more control. His only choice was to wait and see what happens. Tell could do his very best up until the arrow left his bow. But ultimately, whether he hit the apple or killed his son was not in his control. This story is a metaphor for the same control we have in our everyday life. We can prepare, choose our intentions and our response, but ultimately, the outcome depends on variables outside our control. Years ago, I worked with a difficult person. She was rude, demanding, and lazy. Multiple complaints to management did nothing. I realized I had three choices.
Whether you are dealing with a crabby co-worker, the effects of COVID, an angry teenager or unpopular changes at work, your first step to resilience is recognizing what you can and can’t control. Focus on what you do have control over, then make the best out of what you cannot control. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
For the most part, multitasking just doesn’t work, but a lot of us still believe it makes us more efficient. I doesn’t work because we can’t do two or three things at the same time. Instead, our brains switch from task to another losing focus over and over again. This is a problem because we have limited supply of attention each day. So every time we switch tasks, we lose a little bit of our power to focus that day. Multitasking is terrible for business. Studies have shown it decreases productivity by as much as 40%. Multitasking lowers your IQ by as much as 15 points...which is basically the same effect as not sleeping the night before. It kills creativity. Because you are never focused long enough to be creative. It really increases stress to the point we can hate our jobs. Still, I catch myself multitasking. Lately I’ve had lots to do…and have felt so frazzled. So, for one week I consciously stopped multitaskingI focused on only one thing at a time. Only write for 20 minutes...take a break. Only read for 20 minutes. And guess what? I got a lot more done. When cooking, I only cook. I paid attention to the colors, textures and the taste of the food…and cooking was more fun! My productivity is better than ever, I am less stressed and feel happier. So if you are a multitasker like me…and you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed and anxious. Considering taking just one day to stop multitasking and focus on one task at a time. And I betting you’ll feel better too. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Would you like to build your resilience? To be sure, resilience builds when you become become more aware of your thoughts, and become more flexible in your thinking. In the following paragraphs, you’ll learn how to identify and immediately counteract the negative thinking trap called: Catastrophic Thinking. Resilience vs the Catastrophic Trigger At 11am you get the following email from your boss “Please clear your schedule from 3 to 4 pm and meet me in my office.” That’s it. Consequently, being armed with so little information causes your mind grabs a shovel and start filling in the blanks with every negative bit of dirt it can conjure. You start catastrophic thinking. Did a client complain about me? Is she angry that my report was two days late? Maybe she’s made that my numbers were low this month? And your thoughts keep going. What if I get fired? What if I can’t pay my mortgage? Will my house be repossessed? I’ll be homeless and on the street! And on and on and on it goes. Humans Aren’t Always Rational Let’s face it, we humans like to believe that we are rational creatures. We believe that when faced with a decision or projecting future outcomes, we judiciously weigh out all facts, carefully consider the pro and cons and come to a reasonable, rational decision. To put it bluntly, this is not true. Instead, every human brain is embedded with irrational thought patterns that blind us to the truth. Science describes these as cognitive distortions. But, for this blog, I’ll call them Thinking Traps. The result is, thinking traps cause errors in judgment. The good news is, that by becoming conscious of your thinking traps, you can stop them in their tracks. Definition of Catastrophic Thinking Catastrophizing is a thinking trap that causes you to waste critical energy ruminating. Instead of moving forward, you go around and around thinking about the worst-case outcomes of a situation. First, there’s a trigger i.e., the email from your boss. This activating event starts your mind racing, like an evil runaway train, rolling into every horrible thing that will happen. Next you get stuck ruminating on all of those irrational, worst-case outcomes. All of that negative energy and rumination blocks you from actually taking any action. In short, catastrophizing causes an imbalance between the interpretation and the reality of the threat. The threat becomes much bigger than it probably is. As a result, it looms over you, blocking out possible solutions. You not only overestimate the danger, but you also underestimate your ability to cope. Problems Catastrophizing Causes To illustrate, let imagine that you and your spouse have a pretty bad argument. Afterward, you can’t get the disagreement out of your head. Consequently, It’s hard to focus at work because you keep replaying and analyzing what you said and what you heard your spouse say. Not being able to focus is a common outcome of catastrophizing. Is he/she still angry? Did the kids hear our disagreement? Did he/she tell someone at work about it? Actually, while these catastrophic worst-case thoughts generate anxiety, they can also crowd out your ability to focus on your next project. In addition, replaying the argument gives you a headache or stomach pain, or sweating palms. You may even feel short of breath. Because there are all sorts of ways that catastrophic thinking affects our bodies. Unfortunately, pessimism is another trap caused by catastrophizing. If something doesn’t go well, our minds might automatically start painting a picture of doom and gloom. Resilience and pessimism don’t mix. The result is that problems became so much bigger than they actually are. Instead of confronting the stressors or issues that need your attention, you may withdraw. Catch Yourself Catastrophizing “My speech is going to bomb” I think. Now, with zero evidence, I forecast the worst possible outcome of a situation and brush away all facts that contradict my negative belief. Instead, I predict that everything will things will turn out badly. At the beginning, when you catch yourself worrying over something that hasn’t happened, start by identifying your pessimistic prediction. Afterward, ask yourself “Where’s the evidence for this conclusion?” 3 Catastrophic styles that Harm resilience The University of Penn, along with other researchers, have identified three styles of catastrophizing. 1.Downward spiral: You build an entire disastrous story out of one situation or event. Example: The email caused a downward spiral of thoughts. Your thoughts leap from: The meeting with the boss will be hostile to I’ll be fired, lose my job to being homeless and on the street. One event creates a downward pull of imagined threats. 2. Scattershot: You manufacture a massive variety of bad things that might happen to you because of the situation. Here, you don’t create a story like you do in the downward spiral. Instead, you imagine a widespread variety of bad outcomes that could happen. Example: You argue with your spouse, now your mind goes off in different negative directions. We’ve had been lots of arguments lately; could he/she be having an affair? What if Joey heard us argue and can’t concentrate? What if he flunks his Biology test today! Did our neighbors listen to us yell? They probably think we are such losers! 3. Circling: You ruminate about a central theme. Your supervisor asks you to rewrite a report and have it on his desk tomorrow at noon, and the circling begins. Example: My afternoon is packed full with meetings; I don’t have time for this! I have parent-teacher conferences at 7pm. How can I fit that in? I promised Zack I’d help him study tonight, but there’s no way I’ll have time for that. Plus I need supplies for Sara’s party is on Saturday. There’s no way I’ll get all this done! I’ve gotta sleep too! There’s just not enough time! How Catastrophic Thinking Harms Resilience: Whatever the type of catastrophizing you tend to use, be it the down spiral, scattershot or circling, they all end up blocking purposeful action. Not only that, all three types of catastrophizing lead to procrastination and anxiety. In addition, each one engages the flight or fight response. In other words, they all get in our way of handling or coping with the situation at hand. So we all need self-awareness to recognize when we are catastrophizing. But being aware isn’t enough. In addition to awareness, you need skills to challenge and change. U of Penn Positive Psychology has developed some easy-to-use skills that you can immediately apply. They call this Real-Time Resilience because as soon as you recognize that negative mental chatter, you can challenge it on the spot to regain your focus, confidence, and composure. The Steps of Real-Time Resilience by U of Penn 1. Evidence Explore evidence that proves your counterproductive thought is false. Start a sentence by using the phrase: This is not true because… Example: Recently I performed my first live event after a year of virtual events. I was nervous before going on stage, thinking, “It’s been so long, I am going to mess this up!“ Once I recognize my catastrophic thinking, I can stop myself and say “That’s not true because I’ve spoken in front of thousands of people, and most of the time, I get standing ovations!” Make sure you use vivid data (1,000’s of people-standing ovations)to prove why what you’re thinking is not valid. 2. Reframe Shift your perspective to change your perception of the situation. Start by saying, “A more helpful way of me seeing this is… Example: “A more helpful way of seeing this nervousness is as energy I can bring to my audience this evening!” 3. Plan When catastrophic thinking grabs you by the throat, screaming the horrible things about to happen, your anxiety increases. This increased anxiety stops you from performing effectively because you are entrenched in the fight or flight mode. So make a plan. Start by saying: If X happens, I will do Y “If I suddenly forget a story, I will take a deep breath, pause, make a joke about Covid Confusion and regain my composure”. Relaxing will help get my brain back on track.” In conclusion, building resilience requires you to be aware of your thoughts at the moment. In addition, it also requires you to ‘catch’ and counteract these negative thoughts. The good news is that YOU CAN DO THIS. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Unresolved Conflict Grows Years ago, before I became a funny motivational speaker I was a nurse and during a crazy shift at the hospital, two of my co-workers clashed over a patient’s care. While there were no black eyes or hair loss, the quarrel was big enough to make them mad, and the rest of us uncomfortable. Unfortunately, the dispute ended, but the crummy feelings didn’t. In fact, the bad blood between the two became worse as they repeated their version of the conflict to anyone who would listen. Despite several of us encouraging them to “talk it out,” they never did. As a result, this small quarrel became the foundation for them to see each other in a bad light, no matter what happened. Years later, while neither can remember the argument’s gist, the coldness between them is noticeable. Broken Window Theory This small disagreement reminds me of the broken windows theory that I’ve often applied to my problems. Created by James Q. Wilson and George Kelling in 1982, the Broken Windows Theory is based on a metaphor of broken windows. Kelling, a criminologist who worked with Wilson on the theory, stated the following: “When a window is broken, and someone fixes it, that is a sign that disorder will not be tolerated. But one unrepaired broken window is a signal that no one cares, and so breaking more windows costs nothing.” In other words, if broken windows get quickly repaired, the environment appears well kept. A tidy environment is perceived to be inviting and safe. The appearance of a safe and orderly neighborhood helps to eliminate crime. Years ago, this broken windows theory was the cornerstone of the “quality of life” crime-reduction program in New York and Los Angeles. I acknowledge that this theory has been argued, defamed, and debunked throughout the years. Nonetheless, BWT it has been a helpful metaphor I’ve used to improve my life. Personal Improvement Broken windows repeatedly pop up in my life. For example, over the last few months, I’ve eaten with a toothpick while wearing my swimming suit to lose twenty-five pounds (whoop! whoop!). Unfortunately, by mindlessly eating jalapeño kettle chips and peanuts M & M’s while watching Netflix at night, I’ve recently gained five pounds. Recklessly eating junk food at night is a personal broken window. If I don’t get my eating under control, I’ll eventually regain the weight I’ve lost. In the same manner, after writing, I’ll often leave a stack of notes and empty coffee cups. This little mess can start an avalanche of the disorder. Suddenly, a jumble up of books, plastic bags of yarn, and a swarm of pens appear( I am looking at my office as I write this). Eventually, a mini mess (broken window) becomes a massive mess and a much bigger problem. Sometimes a lousy mood causes me to begin finding fault and snapping at Steve, another broken window. If I don’t flip my perspective and get my mouth under control, I can harm my relationship with my husband. Likewise, when he is impatient or irritable with me, I don’t feel as close to him. Broken windows show up at work One unhappy customer can eventually complain to between 8-20 people, severely harming your reputation. A grumbling employee can taint the entire team. A few dirty coffee cups and leftover doughnut boxes can turn a break room at work into a nasty eyesore. One missed deadline can lead to more of the same. How Small Problems Grow What about your life? Do you repair the ‘broken window’ quickly? Or do you sweep it under the rug, thinking “it doesn’t matter that much” or “I will deal with it later”? Allowing a mess in your life to remain doesn’t impact how others see you; it can also negatively impact how you feel about yourself. Not only that, the larger the mess, the more overwhelming it is to clean up. Exactly the way one disagreement grew with my two co-workers. The longer they procrastinated mending the situation, the worse the distance between them became. This broken window theory can easily apply to organizations. A quickly fixed problem can’t grow into a bigger, more costly problem at work. For this reason, it’s worth the effort to be proactive and fix small problems before they gain momentum. Not only that, but this theory also doesn’t just apply to fix problems. It can create improvements. Just like landscaping and painting upgrade your home, enhancements can make a good organization even better. In any case, whether it’s a broken window, a bad tooth, or service failure, quickly fixing a problem avoids decay. Not only that, we all know that maintaining is a lot easier than gutting and having to start from scratch. On the other hand, if a complete rehab is unavoidable, fixing a broken window could be a great way to start. Two Questions for Life Improvement Look at your life objectively, from an outsider’s perspective. 1. What’s a broken window in your life? Where can you use a touch-up? Is there a physical and emotional part of your life that could improve by a bit more order and control? Are there bits of your home life, work-life or relationships that could use some repair? 2. What can you do right now to begin fixing that broken window? While improvements are a breeze, others take courage and commitment. Whether you need to lower your cholesterol, repair a friendship, or rework your sales strategy decide what you can do today. If you can’t fix it immediately, take action by creating a plan. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Find Your Purpose Pain gives us a choice. The first choice is to give up. The second and better alternative is to take up a positive, proactive mission that converts aches into action. Deliberately locking into a cause that energizes and pushes you forward can transform agony into achievement and injury into innovation. Your mission becomes the fuel that empowers your resilience. It can be either personal or public. Personally, you may want to get into shape, create more harmony in your family, or quit drinking. Publicly, you may want to mentor high school students, register people to vote, or start a soup kitchen in your community. Having a purpose will increase your energy and passion. You will become more focused and determined! Finding your calling boosts your self-love, which encourages more self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others. Choosing a meaningful goal fires up your energy! Your heart floods with passion! Not only that, connecting to a mission will enrich your life and fire you up! The Science Behind Finding Meaning Psychological studies reveal that having a crystal clear focus and fully committing to the purpose of strengthens resilience. In fact, finding meaning is a basic human need. Because without purpose, we can become despairing and alienated. Studies also show a difference between seeing your work as a job, career, or a calling.
Find meaning in Trauma Trauma causes people to respond differently. Some eventually find value in Trauma. They become strengthened by it. As a result, they use it as motivation for growth. Others seek out the meaning in the Trauma they’ve experienced. They use their tragedy as a catalyst to help others. They deliberately turn their atrocity into positive actions. Faith in A Higher Power Connect to a higher power. It doesn’t matter what it is. Your higher power should be something that inspires, motivates, and shelters you during hard times. Anything meaningful and powerful to you will work. Your higher power may be God, nature, or the concept of love. On the other hand, you may connect to moral principles, internal drive, or your Pledge to serve others. Whatever you believe in, this should be one of your most important relationships. If you’ve not identified something bigger than yourself, consider taking the time to do so. Life is a short but magnificent journey. Perhaps even more important than offering support during tough times, connection to something bigger enriches our short adventure on earth. Resilience Requires ConnectionMost of us believe there is something bigger than ourselves. But if you just can’t get there, consider believing in the concept of connection. The recognition that we are all connected can give you strength during difficult times. That idea of connection can lead you to better opportunities and choices you’ve not considered. Seeing more positive opportunities or even relief from pain increases hope, and hope strengthens resilience. Believing in something bigger than yourself allows you to rise above our everyday self. Fear, anger, and anxiety become weaker when we remember that connection. This connection changes our perspective. Our perspective shifts so that mistakes, disappointments, and failures don’t have the power they once did. This higher power helps us realize our lives have greater meaning that our current pain. We understand that there is a greater purpose for who we want to become. Funny Motivational Speaker Amy Dee calls you to “Take Action” Every day there is a situation where taking action is an option. Choosing to act increases resilience. There are great reasons to pick a goal and plan out the steps to reach it. But too often, we get so caught up in the planning and forget about the action. The truth is, planning to achieve some mental satisfaction. For years I would plan to start a diet every Monday. During the weekend, I’d research diets, shop for healthy food, and make a meal plan. While planning satisfying, it wasn’t enough. One Monday rolled into the next Monday because planning isn’t an action. Instead of sitting around gabbing about your next step, take the next step. Instead of planning for later, focus on the next minute. What can you do right now, in the next moment? Action in the Next Moment It’s challenging to keep your cool in the middle of an argument. Instead, decide to keep your cool for the next moment, then the moment after that. Like it or not, fears, worries, and anxiety is part of being human. Instead of thinking about how to fix this in the long run, take action in the short run. Here’s a metaphor that may help. Let’s say you’re a bus driver who has to complete a route. You make a stop, open the bus door, and anxiety steps into your bus as a jerky passenger. It’s not possible to kick anxiety off the bus, so you don’t waste your time. But you do have a choice. You can allow this nasty passenger to sit directly behind you, whispering horrors into your ear. Or, you can escort anxiety to the back of the bus and keep on rolling. Resilient people recognize that anxieties, worry, and fear are unwanted passengers on everyone’s bus. Instead of wrestling with them, they accept them and continue to produce. When I am fearful, an action makes me feel in control. Movement can be anything positive, do something. Forgiveness Forgiveness is voluntary. Sometimes we choose to forgive when we become ready to move forward. Then again, forgiveness may occur when our heart embraces more love than hate. Let’s face it; revenge often feels satisfying and justified. It is commonly our immediate reaction to being hurt. While stories of forgiveness warm our hearts, these stories make the news because we consider them unique. In our world, the need for revenge feels pretty “normal” to us. It takes strength and courage to forgive. That said, it is important to realize that we pay the price for our desire to retaliate. Namely, revenge poisons our minds. Carrying a grudge is a heaviness that weighs you down. When you hold onto anger and resentment, it gnaws away your ability to progress. Instead of concentrating on the next thing, you become stuck in the past thing. Bitterness blocks your power. For all these reasons, forgiveness is crucial to resilience. Throughout our lifetime, we will all have lots of opportunities to practice forgiving each other. Like it or not, hurting each other is part of the human condition. For this reason, it is helpful to approach day to day forgiveness as an outlook. If ahead of time, you commit to forgiving someone who hurts you, whether it is your co-worker, family member, friend, or stranger, you’ll be ahead of the game. Instead of clinging to anger, embracing an attitude of forgiveness, and you’ll become more resilient. Science and Forgiveness Fred Luskin’s forgiveness studies are pretty amazing. These studies show that the participants who learned forgiveness strategies had reductions in:
Perception Matters in Forgiveness As an aside, it appears that our perception matters when it comes to forgiveness. According to the Baumeister study, there is something called the magnitude gap. To summarize, when we are the victim, we tend to remember the hurt easily and in detail. When someone hurts us, we tend to feel it is intentional and even malicious. On the other hand, if we are the victimizer, the details are fuzzy. Even if we do remember it when we know our hurtful actions were not intentional. Because of this, we may believe our victims are overreacting. The truth is, most of us don’t walk around trying to hurt people. Nonetheless, sometimes our actions are hurtful. We all know there are some jerks in the world. That said, most people don’t walk about intentionally trying to cause us pain. Even so, though, their behavior is sometimes hurtful. In fact, sometimes they aren’t even aware that they hurt us. Once we let go of anger, we can move forward and become more productive. Instead of pouring our energy into the past, we can’t change; we can use it to empower a future we can change. Also, when you forgive others, you can better forgive yourself. For this reason, next time someone hurts you, consider their intent. Note: Forgiveness is not you are approving the wrong you’ve experienced. I was a psychiatric RN who worked in an acute care psychiatric hospital. Every day, I listened to stories from victims who’d experienced unbelievable horrors at others’ hands. Disgusting, irredeemable behavior is never okay. That said, forgiveness is not a gift to the perpetrator. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Because, once again, holding a grudge weighs YOU down, not the offender. Four Tips to dig into your resources 1. What is your mission or purpose?Where are you feeling pain? How can you channel the problem into something that benefits you or your community? It can be an inner mission, i.e., to take better care of your health. Or, it can be an external cause, where you convert your pain into helping your community. Or, take advice from Viktor Frankl. Instead, searching for meaning by asking, “What is the meaning of my life?” Ask, “What does life expect from me?” You enter this world called with gifts that this world needs. Abilities that only you alone can give. 2. Higher PowerWho or what is your “higher power”? How can you strengthen this connection in your life? Can your higher power help you confront the weakness you are facing? Consider beginning each day with positive readings. Perhaps end your day by writing down moments that made you smile. Small experiences often hold great magic. 3. ActionWhat’s a task you’ve been avoiding due to a lack of experience, motivation, or resources? Do you tend to procrastinate tackling the task, waiting for the ideal moment that never seems to come? 4. ForgiveIs there someone you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself? Resilience Becomes You You appeared on this earth, at this time and place, and with a unique set of skills and talents. You’ve had a particular set of experiences that you’ve interpreted from your unique perspective. Your job throughout your life is to learn the reason you are here. In this world, you represent you. It doesn’t matter what you have. It matters what you do with what you have. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Do You Feeling Stressed and Overwhelmed? Emails pour in, a co-worker goes home sick, increasing your work load, the phone won’t stop ringing, and your elderly mom just called with her grocery list. Everyone wants a piece of you at the same time. You feel like growing out your mustache, slapping on some sunglasses, and going missing…just get away from it all. When stressed like this, your life feels off balance. Thoughts pour into your head so fast you can’t sort them out. You begin imaging worst-case scenarios: your co-worker will hate you, you’ll be fired, and your mom with starve to death. Most likely, none of this is true, but your head keeps spinning. Not only that, your breathing gets shallow, causing your heart to start banging. Your muscles tighten. You can’t think straight or stop thinking, so you start beating yourself up with ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda.’ It’s all too much, so you either dig in, to work harder or dig into a pile of nachos with rocky road ice cream to numb out. AARGH! Workplace Humor: Your Built In Stress Buster! Now, here’s the good news! Tucked inside your body is a powerful stress buster. Best of all, you can quickly and easily detonate this weapon by laughing at a funny cat video or chuckling with a co-worker. Laughter shifts your perspective, lowers the heat in stressful moments, and calms your nervous system. It has tons of other benefits, including strengthening your resilience. Humor doesn’t only reduce stress. Laughing with co-workers enhances creativity, improves productivity, boosts morale, and makes you more approachable. As a psychiatric RN in an acute care hospital, I know how much laughter helped me emotionally survive the demands of my very stressful work. There is no doubt that humor helped me cope with the demands of single parenting. Laughing helps me now, sandwiched between the layers of running a business, helping adult kids, and being the sole caretaker of my elderly mother. If Workplace Humor is SO Great, Why Don’t We Laugh More? Unfortunately, despite office humor being an incredible coping tool, too often, our sense of humor flies out the window when we most need it. Today we need it more than ever with the fear of Covid19 and the economy. Adding to the stress are school closings and working from home. Let’s top it all off with the cost of health care and concerns about our jobs. Right now, we are all under more stress than ever. Studies show that those of us still working are putting in longer hours. What’s more, due to Covid19, healthcare, and tech workers have been incredibly stressed during this pandemic. Now, without question, we need to concentrate on what we can control and better handle what we cannot control. Here are a few ways to bring more levity to your work-life. Most important, remember that this is about having fun, not about always being funny. There is no need for a comedy workshop; just decide to bring more playfulness to work. 4 Tips to add Workplace Humor 1. Start a Workplace Humor board As a hospital RN, we had a bulletin board in the break room where co-workers could share funny cartoons or sayings. Laughing together brought us closer as a team. PS The internet has lots of funny things to share, like memes! 2. Poke fun at yourself Don’t beat yourself up, but talk about your little quirks or embarrassing moments. For example, one day I got lots of stares and sniggers while leaving a roadside bathroom. Once back in my car, I realized my skirt was tucked up and inside my underwear, Embarrassing? Yes! Funny? Absolutely! We all have awkward moments. Sharing them with co-workers make you more human and relatable. 3. Find humor, even in serious moments. I am not condoning offensive humor, but seeing the funny side of a situation can rebalance our thoughts and help us find more creative solutions. I worked as a psych RN in an acute care hospital. One day, when an unhappy patient yelled, “You Fat-Old-B#*%H!” I whispered to my co-worker, “Pretty sure he’s talking to you.” Obviously, we didn’t laugh out loud, but it made for some levity at the moment. 4. Bring funny snacks to share Due to Covid 19, I’ll recommend only individual pre-packed items but check with your hospital or company’s guidelines. Consider bringing candies with a double meaning, such as Laffy Taffy or Take 5 during a rough week, to remind your crew to laugh and take breaks when needed. Make puns of candy names or prepackaged snacks like: You’re a Whopper of a co-worker! Snickers: You keep me laughing! Nestle Crunch: You always help out in a crunch! Chips: Thanks for chipping in! Workplace Humor: Shift Your Perspective Look for humor everywhere. Hone your ability to see funniness in everyday life. Share the funny things your kids do. As a toddler, one of my daughters loved the word ‘diarrhea,’ making for some comical moments. Share the goofy antics performed by your cat or dog. Or make fun of a particularly awful morning (overslept, spilled your coffee, stepped in dog doo on the way to your car). Do your parents mistakenly say funny stuff? One of my parents always mispronounced Volvo by changing the letter ‘O’ to the letter ‘U’. Finding humor requires you to actively look for things to laugh about in everyday situations. Even if you don’t consider yourself ‘funny,’ you can still learn to find humor in the little things. Choose to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously. Seek out the funny wherever it happens. Most importantly, look for humor no matter what happens. Shifting your perspective to find levity in even serious situations is one of the best ways to cope with difficulties. So, if you are irritated with a co-worker, tired of all the meetings, or lose a sale, learn to poke fun at the situation and your tension will melt away. Once your mood is lightened, you will have more energy to find solutions. Shedding a little laughter on a dark subject can be the ticket to brightening things up. In the end, once you understand how all-powerful laughter is, you’ll want to incorporate lots of workplace humor into every day. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
“I can’t believe I’ve gained weight!” “I’ve gotten nothing done!” “How did I messed up so badly?.” Are you tough on yourself when you mess up or miss a goal? Join the club. To be honest, I tend to be pretty hard on myself. As a matter of fact, research shows that I am not alone. The problem is, beating ourselves up isn’t helpful. In fact, studies show that the lack of self-compassion is the root cause of most of our mental suffering. For example, when all my speaking engagements were postponed in March 2020, I had BIG plans to get lots done. To do: -Lose 40 lbs: to lower my cholesterol and wear that red dress on stage. (The skinny dress I’d worn twice, ten years ago) -Feng shui my house. -Cull and organize my kitchen cabinets and dresser drawers. -Repaint my entire upstairs -Update our lighting fixtures. In contrast, this is I’ve accomplished: – Organized one kitchen cupboard. -Lost ten pounds. (I lost 25 pounds, regained 15 pounds binge eating Moose Tracks ice cream and kettle-cooked jalapeño chips. Not proud, just the facts, Ma’m.) Unfortunately, seeing the numbers skyrocket on my bathroom scale or digging through a messy kitchen pantry can make me very angry with myself. But to get back on track, research shows that self-compassion is the path to self-improvement. What is Self-Compassion? When we fail, struggle, or notice a quality about ourselves we don’t like, self-compassion encourages us to be supportive and understand ourselves. Self-compassion requires you to be a good, kind friend to yourself. Why Do We Dodge Self-Compassion? I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be. — Kristen Neff Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering self-compassion researcher, author, and teacher, tells us that self-compassion isn’t self-pity, and it doesn’t give us a license to whine and avoid taking responsibility. Instead, self-compassion asks us to experience, accept and deal with those unpleasant feelings and emotions. Rather than brood and ruminate about lousy stuff, self-compassion helps you embrace, process, and let go of it. Sadly, deep down, many believe that if we don’t blame or punish ourselves for failure, we will become too lazy to change. But, being compassionate to yourself won’t make you complacent. Instead, research shows that self-compassion works lots better for personal motivation than self-punishment. So, instead of dodging personal accountability, self-compassion actually strengthens it. Compassion contains Compass and Passion Compassion/Compassion. Have you ever noticed that inside the word compassion, you can find the words’ compass’ and ‘passion’? A compass is an instrument that determines your direction. When it comes to self-compassion, the arrow points to you. Passion is a very powerful feeling or an extreme interest in something. Self-compassion requires both feelings of self-love and self-mercy, and interest in self-understanding, self-empathy. Lovingly investigating ourselves, warts and all is an important part of our life journey. 3 Steps to Self-Compassion 1. Respect Your Emotions: Allow for Your Pain This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need. — Kristin Neff Self-compassion requires you to honor and respect your own suffering. Being present with the hurt helps you learn more about yourself and gives value to even unpleasant experiences. Telling yourself the truth enables you to see the good, the bad, and the ugly within you. Self-compassion encourages you to accept every bit of yourself. It asks you to draw a bigger circle to encompass all of you during this once in forever life journey. 2. Recognize your Common Humanity You must allow yourself to fail because your setbacks, stress, and suffering are part of the human condition. You are Not Alone. To clarify, self-compassion asks us to acknowledge our common humanity by realizing that everyone is flawed. Being flawed is part of the human experience. Furthermore, you don’t have to be right all the time. Self-compassion allows you to let yourself off the hook if things didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Stop expecting perfection and beating yourself up for falling short. Forgive yourself. You are a mortal, after all. Being human means you get to be a fallible, wonderful person just like everyone else. 3. Self-kindness/self-mentoring. To begin with, remember and honor your core values. Your values are the things that influence the way you live and work. These are your priorities. Knowing your core values will help you make decisions that align with what is most important to you. Values give you a way to measure whether your life is turning out the way you want. Use a kind voice to ask yourself helpful questions such as: How can I help myself right now? What do I need most? What feels hardest?” Negative self-talk Next, watch for negative self- talk. Negative self-talk is commonly very black and white, all or nothing. “I am a loser because I regained the weight I lost.” Instead of accepting this negative tape, ask yourself, “Is this true?” Find evidence to the contrary. For example, I did regain most of my weight (not good). But, I also took care of two sets of family members who lived in my home for six months (good). Respond to your negative self-talk by remembering: you are enough, you do good work, too. You have friends and family who count on you and love you. Beware of the Busy Trap In his 2012 New York Times piece, “The Busy Trap” Tim Krieder writes, “Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.” Restrictions caused by COVID has taken many of us out of the everyday busyness loop. Consequently, some of us have more ‘free time’ to enjoy ourselves. Despite this, instead of enjoying the time off, our obsession with busyness challenges us to be productive! Use this time wisely! Optimize it! Now, in addition to worrying about catching a potentially deadly disease or the world economy crashing, our anxiety is boosted by the worry of ‘not doing enough.’ This is not helpful! To put it bluntly, beating yourself up because you didn’t finish writing your novel, learn Latin, or repaint your house isn’t helpful. Instead, those negative emotions suck up the energy to need to move forward. In other words, focusing on everything you haven’t done or should do, drains the energy and attention you need for future tasks. So, instead of concentrating on the things you didn’t do, shift your mindset by noticing all you have done. To be sure, there’s no Feng shui here, but I alone take care of my elderly mom. My daughters reach out for help frequently. A friend told me I helped her begin her sobriety journey. My dearest friendships have deepened and strengthened. I’ve done some good stuff, just not feng shui stuff. After all, even if you screw up some stuff, you don’t screw up everything. Make a list of all the good things you’ve done to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Remember: You Matter! Self-compassion is the act of saying YES to yourself. In effect, it sends the message, ‘I matter.’ Most importantly, self-compassion reminds you to embrace self-love even when self-loathing yells louder. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
As a funny motivational speaker, one of my biggest fears is looking like a hypocrite. In no way do I consider myself more grateful, optimistic, or kinder than anyone else. In reality, these are topics that I read about, study, and try to practice in my daily life because I need and believe in them. Nonetheless, I also spend time being irritable and indulging in self-pity. When this happens, I try to catch myself and step away to regroup. I experienced many life changes due to COVID pandemic. For the most part, I’ve tried to stay positive as my speaking career reboots to virtual. In contrast, I’ve also hosted several self- pity parties. POOR ME- my live speaking events have postponed WAA WAA WAA —I’ve lost my live audiences BOOHOO — I have so much to do Overall, I am not a poor me type. When life gets challenging, I get stuff done. That said, I don’t walk around, surrounded by a glittery rainbow. I’ve inherited the superpower ability to see possible pitfalls around every corner. Because of this, I can quickly become Whinederella and fall into a puddle of self-pity. Facing Challenges At times, most of us struggle to harness the power of Gratitude to overcome obstacles. Despite this, practicing Gratitude is one of the most dynamic ways to change your attitude towards your life circumstances, increase Resilience, and transform your life. In fact, a regular practice of Gratitude will help you deal with challenges and setbacks. This essay will share actionable strategies that will enable you to see more happiness and abundance in your life within days. What Does Gratitude Mean? In short, Gratitude means thanks and appreciation. It comes from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In addition, gratus is a Latin word that means “thankful, pleasing.” That said, often, Gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Robert Emmons is the world’s leading scientific expert on Gratitude. In the Greater Good, one of his essays entitled “Why Gratitude Is Good.” Here is how Emmons explains Gratitude: “First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts, and benefits we’ve received.” Next, he explains, “We recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. … We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.” To summarize, Gratitude has two core factors. Firstly, it is the affirmation of goodness. Secondly, it recognizes this goodness comes from outside of ourselves. As a result, Gratitude causes you to feel thankful. On the other hand, this kindness doesn’t create indebtedness. You are not concern about having to pay it back. Also, your appreciation can be for something tangible or intangible. As a result, Gratitude causes us to both recognize and acknowledge the good in our lives. Not only that, we usually see that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside of us. Subsequently, this causes us to connect to something larger than our selves. Whether this connection is to other people, nature, or higher power, we know we are not alone. Gratitude throughout history Gratitude has been praised as a virtue in almost every culture throughout the ages. In many religions, it is one of the core elements. Both ancient and modern prophets have recognized and taught the importance of Gratitude. In addition, it is the focus of many religious ceremonies, rituals, and holidays. For example, let’s consider Thanksgiving in the United States. The Mayflower colonist suffered greatly during their first winter in the New World. In fact, Forty-five of the 102 Mayflower passengers died in the winter of 1620–21, primarily from scurvy, pneumonia, and lack of shelter. Nevertheless, despite all the hardships the Pilgrims suffered, they practiced Gratitude every day. Furthermore, they even set aside a day for Gratitude called Thanksgiving. The Benefits Of Gratitude Multiple studies have shown a correlation between Gratitude and increased well-being. Not only that, but this benefit also expands to both the individual and all other people involved. Accordingly, research from Positive psychology has revealed that Gratitude has a consistently secure connection to increased happiness. How Gratitude Helps -Improves your health -Helps you feel more positive emotions -Allows you to relish good experiences -Build stronger relationships -Enables you to better deal with adversity For this purpose, you can feel and express Gratitude in multiple ways. For example, you can remember the past by recalling a past blessing or a cherished memory. On the other hand, you can concentrate on the gifts you experience in your present. Being thankful assures you won’t take good fortune for granted when it comes your way. Lastly, you can be an optimist and create a positive attitude about your future. As you can see, Gratitude’s attitude is a quality you can continue to grow throughout your lifetime. Gratitude Makes You Better Of equal importance, studies have established that those of us who deliberately count our blessings tend to be happier and less depressed. For example, Emmons and his team studied over 1000 people from ages eight to 80. These participants were required to keep a simple gratitude journal for only three weeks. The results were overwhelmingly positive. Participants who consistently practiced Gratitude reported loads of benefits in the following areas: Physical Benefits of Being Thankful • It helped strengthen their immune systems • They were less bothered by aches and pains • Blood pressure decreased in some people • Taking better care of their health and increasing their exercise became more important • Some found they slept longer and felt more refreshed upon waking Gratitude Helped Psychologically• Participant increased their levels of positive emotions • They became more alert, alive, and awake • Many reported experiencing more joy and pleasure • It helped build optimism and happiness Thankfulness increase their Social Strengths • They reported feeling more helpful, generous, and compassionate • Some said they felt more forgiving • It transformed some into becoming more outgoing • Many reported it Lowed their feelings of loneliness and isolation Gratitude Increases Resilience Equally important, Gratitude practices can help you better manage any hardships or challenges that come your way. To this end, Resilience is about control and perspective. A Gratitude practice allows us to stop and reflect on the good instead of overlooking it and passing it off as unimportant. Moreover, it will enable us to put some space between our impulses and our actions. This space allows us the ability to choose. It gives us the control and perspective we need to make the right decisions while dealing with challenging situations. In short, when Gratitude becomes an intentional daily practice, it becomes a habit. This habit trains our emotions and our minds to thrive amid adversity. Our lives and perspectives change because we can now see the positives in tough situations. Six Ways To Cultivate Gratitude Emmons suggests the following ways to cultivate Gratitude: 1. Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter. To clarify, express your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. After that, make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself. 2. Thank someone mentally. No time to write? Instead, it may help just to think about someone who has done something beautiful for you. Then, mentally thank the individual. 3. Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thought about the gifts you’ve received each day. 4. Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your benefits — reflecting on what went right or those you are grateful for. To this end, sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. Meanwhile, as you write, be specific and think about your sensations when something good happened to you. 5. Pray. Religious people can use prayer to cultivate Gratitude. 6. Meditate. Finally, mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Of course, people often focus on a word or phrase (such as “peace”). It is also possible to focus on what you’re grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.). Gratitude Makes Every Day Precious Generally, researchers claim there are 27,375 days in an average lifetime. Needless to say, people vary in how long they live. Nevertheless, you can approximately figure out how much time you have left with the following calculation. Multiply your age by 365, then subtract that number from 27,375 days. To sum it up, one day you will have more time behind you than in front of you. Believe me when I say life passes in a flash. Unfortunately, we often speed walk through life without celebrating the beautiful gifts our lives contain. The good news is that every day can be made more precious through Gratitude. So, slow down and savor. This life is a gift, but this gift doesn’t last forever. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Imagine: It’s so hot your thighs are sweating. Your throat feels like you’ve swallowed sand. You bring the icy glass of lemonade to your parched lips and drink a huge gulp. Suddenly, your tastebuds sear with tongue slipping sour; you spit the drink out, yelling, “I forgot the sugar!” Forgetting to laugh during stressful times like drinking lemon water. Laughter makes a sour day, sweeter. Humor is the sweetener in life. When you learn to shift your perspective and find the light side of a situation, you can turn lemons into lemonade. Humor doesn’t ignore Difficulties, it makes them tolerable. You do not have to let the fact that you are frustrated, stressed, and overall miserable keep you from finding a bit of fun and joy out of life. I’ll help you understand that humor has the power to weaken negative emotions. As a matter of fact, humor can even flip a negative mood into a positive one. Furthermore, finding funny can redirect you towards finding solutions to the problems that created your negative emotions in the first place. It will ease the tensions you feel and give you greater control over the challenges you are facing. Humor helps keeps everyday irritations in perspective. Most (not all) problems are pretty small when you consider the big picture. Laughter is Contagious Once you get good at adding comic sugar to sour days, you will feel happier. Better yet, those positive emotions will transfer to those around you. When we sprinkle humor into our day, goodness grows. As a funny motivational speaker, I’ve watched one giggle swell into a wave of snorting, knee-slapping laughter that swamps my audience. We all know how good it feels to share a laugh with family members at a reunion or with co-workers. Let’s face it, the sound of roaring laughter is contagious and much better for us than a sniffle, sneeze, or cough. Shared laughter unites us and increases our joy and affection for each other. Laughter Strengthens Resilience The power of laughter appears when you learn to use it during stressful situations.
For this reason, your sense of humor plays a huge role in your resilience. On your worst days, humor will help you bend without breaking. Finding the funny will help you better handle the challenges life throws at you. Laughing is a powerful weapon to help you punch back at adversity. Laughter Helps In addition to the ripple effect of happiness and delight, laughter also activates healthy physiological changes.
Laughter Is Strong Medicine For The Body There are oodles of stress management techniques out there. People find great success with deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and other stress busters. However, we often forget that humor is one of the most effective stress reducers available to us. It is natural, free, and one of the most essential tools you have to create an enjoyable life. No pill you pop will work faster or is more dependable in bringing your mind and body into balance than a deep laugh. Laughter is a potent remedy to conflict, stress, and pain. A good giggle lightens your burdens and keeps you grounded. It creates a connection to others and helps you remain focused and alert. Laughter has healing power. For this reason, your ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource because it:
Humor Doesn’t Mean... Just because you find something to laugh about during tough times doesn’t mean you aren’t serious about it. In fact, laughing can actually help you handle the problem more effectively. For instance, consider that many corporate meetings start out with a funny story or a joke. Beginning with a laugh puts attendees in a positive frame of mind, which can help the meeting flow better. Likewise, if you’re racing through your day, putting out fires, a good belly laugh can dampen the flames. Did you know that four-year laughs once every four minutes while adults laugh only an average of 15 times a day? Increasing our ability to find humor is vital for lots of reasons. Let’s start by exploring a few of the physical benefits, such as: Positive vs. Negative Humor Just to be clear, not all humor is the same. We’ve all known people who have miserably failed to be funny during stressful situations. Most likely, their humor leans towards being sarcastic, rude, or cringe-worthy. A study showed that the tendency to use negative humor is associated with lower interpersonal competence, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, higher levels of depression and anxiety—and even more frequent psychiatric symptoms. On the other hand, a bias towards positive humor is associated with higher self-esteem, interpersonal competence, and overall psychological well-being and lower depression and anxiety. Dark Humor President Abraham Lincoln once read something to his advisors, which he found very funny, but they didn’t laugh. He said, “Why don’t you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die, and you need this medicine as much as I do.” As a psychiatric R.N. who worked in an acute care psychiatric hospital, we dealt with heartbreaking situations and horror stories daily. There is an emotional build-up resulting from being immersed in other people’s emotional conflicts and turmoil day after day. Humor helped us, “let go.” I’ll admit that there were times when our humor could turn slightly gray. Humor preventing our negative emotions from taking over. It helped us maintain a positive focus while dealing with our patients. Not to mention, humor helped us avoid the ongoing risk of burnout. We also knew this humor could only be shared with staff, not patients or people outside our unit. Our sense of humor was sometimes unusual, but it also helped us manage our personal roller coaster of emotions. I love collecting stories from audience members after my keynotes. This true story came after a keynote to an audience of nurses. Emergency service personnel such as police and firefighters and E.R. providers also use humor to cope with the agonizing events they encounter. In these demanding occupations, cynical humor or ‘gallows humor’ helps them cope with stress, relieve tension, and vent their feelings. A Coping Mechanism One way this humor helps is by allowing the service giver space to detach or distance themselves. Also, it helps foster group stability and social support. As a result, they can be more effective during tough situations. None of this humor is meant to hurt or diminish the pain of the people they care for every day. Instead, it creates a momentary positive focus, which, in turn, helps them live with the emotionally draining things they confront daily. In addition, it helps them fight burnout and do their job effectively. Humor doesn’t ignore Difficulties, it makes them tolerable. You do not have to let the fact that you are frustrated, stressed, and overall miserable keep you from finding a bit of fun and joy out of life. I’ll help you understand that humor has the power to weaken negative emotions. As a matter of fact, humor can even flip a negative mood into a positive one. Furthermore, finding funny can redirect you towards finding solutions to the problems that created your negative emotions in the first place. It will ease the tensions you feel and give you greater control over the challenges you are facing. Humor helps keeps everyday irritations in perspective. Most (not all) problems are pretty small when you consider the big picture. “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.” (Woody Allen) “It is because they can be frivolous at times that the majority of people do not hang themselves.” (Voltaire) Laughter is Contagious Once you get good at adding comic sugar to sour days, you will feel happier. Better yet, those positive emotions will transfer to those around you. When we sprinkle humor into our day, goodness grows. As a funny motivational speaker, I’ve watched one giggle swell into a wave of snorting, knee-slapping laughter that swamps my audience. We all know how good it feels to share a laugh with family members at a reunion or with co-workers. Let’s face it, the sound of roaring laughter is contagious and much better for us than a sniffle, sneeze, or cough. Shared laughter unites us and increases our joy and affection for each other. Laughter Strengthens Resilience The power of laughter appears when you learn to use it during stressful situations.
For this reason, your sense of humor plays a huge role in your resilience. On your worst days, humor will help you bend without breaking. Finding the funny will help you better handle the challenges life throws at you. Laughing is a powerful weapon to help you punch back at adversity. Laughter Helps In addition to the ripple effect of happiness and delight, laughter also activates healthy physiological changes.
Laughter Is Strong Medicine For The Body There are oodles of stress management techniques out there. People find great success with deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and other stress busters. However, we often forget that humor is one of the most effective stress reducers available to us. It is natural, free, and one of the most essential tools you have to create an enjoyable life. No pill you pop will work faster or is more dependable in bringing your mind and body into balance than a deep laugh. Laughter is a potent remedy to conflict, stress, and pain. A good giggle lightens your burdens and keeps you grounded. It creates a connection to others and helps you remain focused and alert. Laughter has healing power. For this reason, your ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource because it:
Problem-Focused vs. Emotion-Focused Coping Problem-Focused on Coping Because problems come in all shapes and sizes, there isn’t a one size fits all solution. Admittedly, we know this is true. But instead, we often apply a preferred solution to most of our problems, ignoring the fact that it doesn’t fit. While addressing a problem, one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is: What can I control? One of the most helpful methods you can use to address a problem is; What do I have control over? We need to be realistic about what we can and what we can’t control. Problem-focused coping works when the problem causing you pain is under your control. For example, like many of you, COVID significantly disrupted my work when all my convention events were postponed. I couldn’t control the virus, but I could control my keynote options. Within weeks my husband and I built a studio in our basement, and I started presenting virtually with great success. My mom was diagnosed with wet macular degeneration. She can’t reverse the disease but is now on an eye-injection regime that has diminished its progress. Some situations we can fix and some we can’t. Instead, we must learn to live them. Emotion-Focused Coping However, some situations we can fix and some we can’t. When we can’t fix it, we must learn to live it. For example, you arrive at work and several co-workers are out sick. No float nurses are available, so your patient load is increased. As a result, you have a hectic and stressful day. In this case, emotion-focused coping concentrates on changing your mood or your frame of mind. In this case, you need to pull yourself out of anger or anxiety and replace it with a positive frame of mind. Switching from a negative to a positive mindset will help you recognize what you need to do to deal with stressful situations. SHAZAM! HUMOR TO THE RESCUE Humor creates a cognitive-affective shift. In other words, it reframes our perspective. Once you change the way, you also have an emotional shift to a more positive direction. Once you accept that humor creates this shift, you can deliberately use it to manage your emotional state.Now that’s POWER! The power of humor is that you can’t be genuinely happy and sad at the same time. 3 ways to increase your humor 1. Boost the humor in your daily life. Funny surrounds us, so there are lots of simple ways to boost humor in your life. Consider looking at outside sources.
2. Laugh at Yourself We all make mistakes, have quirks and goofy habits that are funny. Life is happier when you learn to laugh will get stop taking yourself so seriously. (Even though you continue to take your work and responsibilities seriously.) 3. Look for the Humor Humor is everywhere. Watch for humor at home, at the grocery store, at your job. Find fun in your relationships, at the dinner table, and while doing lawn work. Life is funny. When you look for the Funny, you will find it Humor is one of our greatest blessings. Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. It helps bolsters your immune system, eases pain, protects the heart, and burns calories. Laughter strengthens relationships, enhances teamwork, and diffuses conflict. Find the funny relieves stress, improves your mood, and strengthens resilience. Best of all, laughter brings joy and zest to life. Everyone deserves a laugh and, if you look, every day will give you one. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! |
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