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By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
It’s that time of year again. Even if you haven’t put away the decorations, I suspect you have spent the past few weeks putting away enough food and drink for the both of us. And I’m right there with you. Now, it’s time to get back to work, back to school, and back to the gym. Or not. January 1st is a logical day to set goals for the coming year. Whether it’s work goals, financial goals, or Netflix shows to binge, the first of the year just feels like the right time to set a new course. If nothing else, that new wall calendar is screaming to be used for something significant—not just birthdays, book clubs, and dentists’ appointments. The problem with this approach is that every day is an opportunity to schedule something significant. So, what is a driven, goal setting, Type-A, go-getter supposed to do? Well, as an anti-driven, goal avoiding, Type-D, stay-here-er, I have no idea. But I do have a simple suggestion that has unlimited possibilities and is not based on an arbitrary day like January 1st: Take one day at a time. I know what you’re thinking: I was expecting so much more from you. Welcome to my simple world. I’ve built a career on deeply shallow thinking—so you should never expect more from me. But I do understand where you’re coming from. It’s easy to view “one day at a time” as a narrowly applied cliche because it’s more commonly used by those dealing with addiction, grief, or other ongoing challenges. But when it’s applied to our everyday life, it can be one of the most powerful approaches we can embrace. First of all, one day is what we have to work with. And at the risk of being a bit morbid, we don’t even know if we’ll make it through the whole day. You see, we can’t predict what will happen from one minute to the next. And it’s so easy to get lulled into thinking that we always have more time. Yet, whenever we hear about a natural disaster or a tragic accident, we realize that there are no guarantees. But the one thing we will always have is this moment right now or in a broader sense, this day. As author Sam Harris put it, “It is always now.” So, if it is always now, how does this affect our goal process for being the best “we” that we can be in 2022? Well, everything we want to accomplish happens in this moment. The more we focus on that, the easier it is to take advantage of the time we do have. You won’t accomplish anything by just focusing on the future. It doesn’t mean that you can’t set goals. It just means that the key to achieving those goals happens in the moment. Here’s an example. When parents travel with small kids, the most common question they hear is, “Are we there yet?” When a child is confined to the uninteresting prison of the back seat, every trip seems endless. They just want to get to wherever they’re going. Harley Davidson, on the other hand, has created ads that focus on the value of the journey rather than the destination. While every journey has a destination, if we’re only focused on the endpoint, we miss the rich moments along the way. One of my favorite Harley Davidson ads asked that if you look back at your time on earth will you say that you “kept a crabgrass free lawn?” If so, the ad suggests that your focus is on the wrong thing. “One day at a time” is about keeping the focus on the journey. The second reason for a day-to-day approach is that it’s just more manageable. Year-to-year goals can be overwhelming. The reason the one-day-at-a-time principle works is that it gives us a bite-size chunk of time that feels doable. For instance, if I decide that I want to read twenty books this year, that may seem like a reasonable goal. But if I get to the end of January, and I haven’t read a single book yet, then I have to go into catch-up mode and that feels unreasonable. I might even ditch the entire goal for fear that I won’t accomplish it. On the other hand, if I know that I want to read more books, then I can decide to read for an hour today and simply accomplish that specific goal in the moment. If I don’t do it, I can start fresh the next day. Each day and each moment become opportunities to grab a win rather than getting mired in the onslaught of accumulating losses. When people are fighting addiction or grieving the loss of a loved one, coping for days, weeks, or years seem unattainable. But getting through today seems possible. The same is true for our routine lives. We can achieve a greater sense of calm while accomplishing something significant by being focused on the day. In a world that throws enough stress our way, it seems that it might be less stressful to embrace one day rather than three hundred and sixty five of them. We can still have our goals. And we can still set a course for our life. But in the process, we want to focus on the moment. If we don’t, we might just miss it. And if we miss the moments in life, we never get them back. Here’s to a meaningful and fulfilling 2023…one day at a time. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
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By Laurie Guest
One of the premium services I offer to clients seeking to level-up their customer service delivery is Secret Shopping. My team and I experience your business as a customer would and report back on our findings, good, bad or ugly. And of course, we always provide solutions to help your team improve interactions every step of the way. With over fifteen years of experience in secret shopping, we’ve seen it all. This month, with the busy end of the year approaching and many of us already exhausted from a challenging year, I want to share with you the results of a recent secret shopping client so that you can recognize similar opportunities for improvement in your team’s customer service delivery. The client will remain confidential, of course, but their top three missed opportunities need to be shared because I know that they are not alone in making these errors. In fact, they are so common we can all learn from them, no matter your product or service. Let me set the stage: for every secret shopping client, our shoppers conduct a 32-step customer service audit. Nearly half of those checks (14, to be exact!) occur before we ever set foot in the establishment. Today, and because so much business happens online and via phone these days, I’m focused on just those aspects, the website and phone encounter portion of our experience. What Matters Most to Your Customer in this Moment? One of our first steps in secret shopping a business is also a customer’s first step: we pick up the phone and call them. In this example, our client is in the healthcare industry, meaning the most essential phrase whoever receives the can say is, “Please tell me the problem you’re experiencing today.” Or some version that allows the customer to immediately share why they called in. Of all the personnel we spoke with, only a shockingly low 3% of them asked us directly what we needed help with in that moment. It’s shocking because everything that follows in our interaction is dependent on the response to that inquiry. From understanding the level of urgency required to your best word choice and even the appropriate levels of empathy or humor the situation warrants, it’s all critical. If everyone calling your business is treated alike, with the same formulaic questions and no opportunity to truly communicate, the engagement becomes transactional at best and a subpar experience for your customer. Does this apply to other industries? Of course it does! From roof repair to travel planning, a customer’s need becomes your action steps. And if you’ve never taken a moment to discover what that need is, it’s going to be much, much harder to make a meaningful connection. Be On Your Game, and Respond to the Customer to Build Rapport We all understand there are multiple demands on everyone’s time, especially if your office or business is working with a limited or smaller-than-usual staff. However, that’s no excuse for making your customer feel like a bother just for getting in touch or asking their questions! Plus, it throws any chance of building a rapport out the window, often a deciding factor for new customers choosing between your business and another. In our recent secret shopping experience, one team member in particular won top honors for her service, and she was a standout. She was patient, asked her questions in complete sentences rather than one-word utterings, and had a tone that was friendly and warm. These may seem like small details, but they’re the tipping factor for your customers time and time again. Are there times when “blunt and quick” is appreciated? Yes! When the caller seems in a hurry, doesn’t desire a rapport-building moment or presents as someone who just wants answers, then being direct is good. That means you’re in tune with the customer and responding in a like mode, a next-level customer service delivery skill. Getting to that point is a game changer, but it means your staff must be totally present and on the ball to make it happen. Contact Information: What are you really doing with it? Obtaining a person’s basic contact information—name, phone number, email address—is a smart and simple place to start; every website you’ve ever visited has a contact form that captures this information. We know that when a customer is fully engaged and makes the effort to submit a contact form, there should be an internal process for what to do with that new lead. Which is why it’s so surprising to say that in my fifteen years of secret shopping, I can only remember TWO TIMES when a business actually took the time to follow up with their secret shopper, checking in after the shopper didn’t make their purchase on their first encounter. We all know that a warm lead is closer to conversion than a cold one. Why fumble this incredibly easy chance to connect and, more importantly, close the deal? At this point, you might be wondering what exactly follow-up looks like, and it’s true that it can be different for different businesses, goods and services. From assigning the customer a specific account manager to compiling a list of product options based on their inquiry, I unpack this and more lessons learned from my years in secret shopping in the video series that I’ll share with this article. I hope you’ll watch and learn—and tell me what changes you’re going to implement to get your customer service delivery back on track before the end of the year. Often, we don’t deliver on our customer service performance not because we don’t know how to do it, but because we have grown tired, bored or otherwise unmotivated by the effort it takes. Has service fatigue impacted your execution of duties, or do you see your team delivering subpar service more often than you’d like? What would you say if you found out your last customer was a secret shopper, and they had all the details on just where your customer service delivery comes up short? By reviewing our work performance through the eyes of our customers, we can spot areas for improvement, many of which are a matter of stepping up, showing up and being present for the people who make our work possible: our customers. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Kristin Baird
It’s almost Christmas which means your already-hard-working staff is now working holiday shifts. It’s always a balance between maintaining high-quality care and leaving a little space and time for some lighthearted festivities. Years ago, I heard a healthcare leader talk about the four hospitals within every hospital. He said that there was the daytime hospital, the nighttime hospital, the weekend hospital, and the holiday hospital. He went on to say that, while all four existed in the same facility, each operated differently with its own set of cultural norms and related practices. In other words, what you see at 11:00 am may not be the same as what you experience at 11:00 pm, on weekends, or Christmas Day. I’ve worked as a nurse on the PM, night shifts, and day shifts. I can tell you each shift had its own pace and set of responsibilities. Holidays could be a bit more relaxed and allow for a bit of festivity. CARVING OUT ROOM FOR THE HOLIDAY With Christmas and New Year’s just around the corner, it’s time to tune in to your team and set the tone for the holidays. Now, more than ever with staffing issues and high census, it’s important to stay connected to the team working through the holidays. Do they have what they need? Will they be seeing you (their leader) on the holidays? How will you show your appreciation? After all, they are sacrificing time at home with family. Helping them make the most of working over the holidays is key. While you want to make sure that the patient experience remains positive, high quality, and trust-generating, there is still room for sharing the holiday spirit among those dedicated associates who are covering the holiday shifts. As a nurse, I have fond memories of our holiday potlucks, secret Santa, and white elephant gift exchanges. The break room was usually full of goodies and offered a nice reprieve from the hustle of the unit. These are all important for building camaraderie and engagement. Encourage your team to enjoy the holiday spirit, but always – always – keep the patients’ needs at the center of every action. Make sure your “Holiday Hospital” delivers on the brand promise just as consistently as any other day. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Chip Bell
You’ve seen the tee shirt. “Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.” It has a bit of a smart-alecky tone, like someone who has been around the block a few times and is proud to show off. But it also has a super confident, “I can’t wait to surprise you” theme. I met face to face with a frontline server with completely unexpected passion. She was on fire to serve. My business partner and I were working with a client holding a meeting in Puerto Rico. Arriving at the Ritz-Carlton San Juan mid-day, we checked in and made our way to one of the hotel’s restaurants. Jennifer Lacomba had a menu in our hands before our bottoms touched our seats. Her sprawling warmth enveloped us like a bright sunrise on a spring morning. “I am so glad you are dining with me,” she said. Her manner was a perfect blend of the attentiveness of a grand host with the confidence of someone with total dominion over the experience she was beginning to unfold for our enjoyment. “Where are you boys from?” she asked, smartly adjusting her style to be in sync with our way-too-obvious Southern accents. When our answers conveyed a willingness to be playful, she tiptoed toward a more daring exchange. Her warmth became the backdrop to a decidedly feistier style. She was an absolute authority on the menu, utterly frank on what she liked and didn’t. Her authenticity surfaced our unreserved trust in her menu recommendations. Learning we were interested in cuisine slightly off the beaten path; she turned up the volume on her boldness. “You want to try my special sauce with those French fries? It gets raving reviews from the brave souls willing to give it a try.” Her expression was both impish and certain—this was her playground, and she had all the toys! Naturally, we enthusiastically took the bait! Her complete countenance conveyed someone in love with her role. She refilled our iced tea glasses without request and asked us to give her assistance moving a nearby heavy table. She brought more dinner rolls (“Let me get you boys some hot ones!”) and briefly sat down with us at our table to solicit feedback when she brought our check. And it did not end with the check. When we gathered our stuff to leave, we heard, “Can we do this again tomorrow?” like she’d had as much fun as we had. Customers love getting service delivered by passionate associates. Research shows they abhor indifferent service even more than they hate bad service. Bad service can be explained as a byproduct of factors beyond the influence of the frontline persons. Indifferent service, on the other hand, signals one clear and present message—the lack of caring. The antidote to indifference is leadership and a culture that supports and celebrates the Jennifer Lacomba’s of the world. Elevate bold and watch your bottom line grow. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
Many people send out Christmas cards this time of year. These cards typically feature pictures of smiling kids, happy couples, cute dogs, new homes. Many cards include images of beautiful Christmas trees, Santa leaving gifts, Snoopy driving sleighs, or nativity scenes. But several years ago, it was a seemingly bland card, with a seemingly odd message, that most deeply moved me. On a plain blue card weren’t pictures, images, families or snowflakes, but four words: “Do Not Be Afraid.” Seemed like a strange message for the holiday season. Why lead with a message of fear around the holidays? Why not send pictures of puppy dogs and snow flakes and Santa and kids looking just perfect? Kind of a dark message, right?! Then I remembered the first words Mary heard from the angel: Do Not Be Afraid. And the first words heard by Joseph in a dream. Do Not Be Afraid. And the first words a bunch of shepherds heard while tending to their flocks. Do Not Be Afraid. Then I thought of the woman who had sent this card. She was recently widowed, struggling with intense grief, dealing with loneliness, facing uncertainty. And I understood the grand simplicity and profound truth of her card. My friends, we all carry so many concerns into this Christmas week. Some wrestle with the agony of a lost loved one and their first Christmas with an empty chair around the table. Others endure the weight of too many pulls on their time, too many places to be, too many things to get done. Some feel trapped in an unhealthy relationship; some ache to be in a relationship. We all carry insecurities and anxieties into this week and into the final days of 2021. And then we are reminded of a fundamental truth too frequently overlooked this time of year. Do not be afraid. It was a message delivered 2,000 years ago that transformed the lives of those who heard and heeded them. Perhaps there’s value in hearing and heeding them in our lives today. This is your day. Do not be afraid. And Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Mary Kelly
We are often surrounded by negativity and stress. People often ask, “How can I stay positive during a crisis, challenge, or change? How can I keep my own motivation level high when events seem difficult? What can I do when everyone around me seems to want to be angry?” If we allow ourselves to start to think that everything is negative, it can lead us in to a cycle which makes us feel hopeless and unproductive. Feeling badly about our situations can make us feel unmotivated to change what is making us feel down in the first place. If you are feeling stuck, unmotivated, or in need of a positive change, try to: 1. Stay away from social media. There always seems to be something dramatic on social media, and it is easy to get caught up in events that have nothing to do with us. Does an event at the Oscars negatively impact you? Make the commitment to turn it off for a day. 2. Learn and master a new skill. When you learn a new skill and become good at it, your confidence increases and continues to grow. This is especially true if the skill benefits something you already do, or is creative. Being creative stimulates our brains, and the more we use our brains, the bigger the benefits. If you combine creativity with trying something new, even more benefits are achieved. 3. Update your resume on LinkedIn. Start by making a list of all of your accomplishments. It can be easy to forget all of the things you’ve achieved so far, and a professional forum is the place to update. Be proud of your accomplishments. 4. Define your own core values for your life. What are your core, unwavering values? Does your current lifestyle reflect these values? If it doesn’t, take an action to make necessary changes. Know who you are, what you stand for, and then live those values. My friend Amber has what she calls her non-negotiables. These are things on her list that she pledged to do for herself, no matter what, because they support her core values. One of hers is to be outside for 5 minutes every day. 5. Actively commit to thinking positively. Instead of thinking negatively when faced with something irritating, think about it as a challenge that you can overcome with dignity and grace. Think positively, consider what you can learn from the experience, and try to find a way to help others. 6. Stretch your comfort zone. Try new things. Go to new places. Meet new people. Getting out of your comfort zone means getting out of your own brain space. This is why travel and new experiences are so healthy – it pushes our brains and our bodies beyond our comfort zone. Maybe you cannot travel the way you want to right now. Try a stay-cation. And actually plan it like it was a vacation destination, and then DO what you planned. 7. Help someone. There are always people worse off than we are. Sometimes we need to take some kind of action to get us going in the in the right direction, and helping others is a great start. Stop thinking about what is negative and focus on how we can make someone else’s life better. 8. Let negatives from the past go. Past issues or drama can prevent you from moving on and growing, both personally and professionally. You may want to speak to a trained counselor to talk through issues you may have. Sometimes, just ritualistically deciding to move forward can help with forward motion. 9. Don’t worry about what others think. The one person whose opinion of you matters is you. Do what you believe is best, feel confident that you did your best, and be satisfied with your results. 10. Read for work. Many people read about people who have overcome issues or dire situations, and gone on to lead successful lives. Consider adding business or leadership books to your motivational mix, such as The Competent Leader by Peter Stark, Exactly What to Say by Phil Jones, or Thrive by Meridith Elliott-Powell. Having the right knowledge, leadership, and words to move forward can inspire you to do even more. 11. Surround yourself with positive people. There are plenty of people in your life who always seem to leave you feeling badly about your circumstances. It may be best to let them go. Instead, try to surround yourself with positive people who will lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. 12. Focus on what you can change. Some things in life are out of our control. Focus your energy on the things you can control, and you’ll happily find that you can change your life for the better. When the virus crisis first started, a friend of mine asked how he could coach his workforce into staying positive during what he knew was going to be a difficult time, so I drew my plan on a cocktail napkin. “Encourage them your team to focus on what they can control, instead of what they cannot.” 13. Action trumps fear and negativity. Movement is better than stagnation. When you feel negativity start to creep up on you, stop the negative downward spiral with movement. Go do a load of laundry. Walk the dog. Take out the trash. Do some pushups. Drink some water. Call your Mom. Do something to get your body and your mind away from the negativity. Once you start to incorporate some of these tips into your daily life, your positivity will start to grow. It may not happen overnight, but in time, you’ll see improvement with a happier you. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Throughout the years, I’ve realized that one of my most significant powers comes from focusing on what I can control and making the best of what I can’t control. Examples:
I do have control over creating a studio and performing virtual presentations. Due diligence and lots of practice have made my virtual performance exceptionally well received. That’s good. But I have no control over when my live keynotes will begin again. My commitment to recognizing what I can and can’t change is a significant cornerstone in Stoicism’s ancient philosophy. Stoicism gives us tools that will make us more resilient, wiser, more virtuous, and even happier when applied. Stoicism and just rational thinking point out that the root cause of emotional suffering comes from worrying about things outside of our control. Will I get the promotion? Is this this plane going to crash (once airborne)? Why are my hips so wide? Will my adult child text me back? Giving power to things we have no control over is the cause of mental and emotional suffering. Worrying over circumstances or events we cannot change is not only a waste of time; it is a painful waste of time. Instead, we need to focus on what we do have control over. We have control over our perception and our actions. In other words, we can decide how to interpret an event, what it means to us, and how we want to react to said event. We control whether our action (response) to that event is honorable or corrupt, noble or lowly, good or bad. After that, nothing else is under our control. We can’t control the weather, other people’s actions, our health, and body. Frankly, we can’t control anything or everything else that happens around us. You may object by saying, “I can control my body through diet and exercise.” But these are behaviors. Yes, you can jog fifty miles a week, but this won’t affect your height, the size of your feet, or the color of your eyes. There are things about our bodies we don’t control. Some things are up to us, and some things are not. Change your Focus Alcoholics Anonymous embraces this philosophy through the first lines of the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. A person suffering from alcoholism cannot return to the past to change the pain they caused themselves or others. He can’t un-drink the alcohol. Instead, he can accept the past and focus on changing the present and the future by making better everyday choices. Remember the story of William Tell? A cruel Sheriff forced him to shoot an apple off his son’s head. Stoics used the archer metaphor to illustrate their fundamental belief of focusing on what you control. William Tell focused on the apple, drew his bow, aimed, and fired. But he couldn’t control the wind, that may have blown the arrow off course. He had no control over his son, who may have moved his head in fear. Once the arrow left his bow, he had no more control. His only choice was to wait and see what happens. Tell could do his very best up until the arrow left his bow. But ultimately, whether he hit the apple or killed his son was not in his control. This story is a metaphor for the same control we have in our everyday life. We can prepare, choose our intentions and our response, but ultimately, the outcome depends on variables outside our control. Years ago, I worked with a difficult person. She was rude, demanding, and lazy. Multiple complaints to management did nothing. I realized I had three choices.
Whether you are dealing with a crabby co-worker, the effects of COVID, an angry teenager or unpopular changes at work, your first step to resilience is recognizing what you can and can’t control. Focus on what you do have control over, then make the best out of what you cannot control. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Shep Hyken
There are many ways to deal with complaints or angry customers. I’ve written a number of articles on the different ways to do so, and today I want to add an excellent technique. The idea is to say something that lets the customer know you understand the problem, you’re in sync with their concerns, and you empathize with their frustration, anger or whatever emotion they’re exhibiting. I refer to this as The Perfect Thing to Say. This is more than apologizing and acknowledging the customer, which are steps one and two of my five-step process for dealing with angry customers. When a customer brings you a problem or has a complaint, you want to find a way to align with their goals and articulate it in such a way that immediately lets them know you are on their side. Let them know you’re in sync with them and what they want to achieve. Here is a perfect example. I had switched to a new mobile phone. I was having great difficulty getting familiar with the new features. I wanted to return the phone and go back to the older technology. Actually, returning the phone wasn’t on my mind. I wanted to smash the phone and mail the pieces back to the manufacturer. It was that different. Eventually, my frustration forced me to call customer support. In just a short time, I was talking to a rep. I know he sensed my frustration, so I emphasized that I wasn’t angry at him but at the phone. After all, if he was there to help me, I didn’t want to make him angry. Then the magic happened. Once he listened to my problems, making several comments that proved his empathy toward my situation, he said something that made me want to keep the new phone. He said, “I want you to love your phone so much that you’re willing to jump in front of a bus to save it.” Trying to stay with his lighthearted comment, I replied, “I’d be happy to jump in front of the bus, as long as it was going backward.” But what I was really thinking was that this was a bigger challenge than he thought, and was he up for the task? Go ahead and give it your best shot. Regardless of my frustration, I realized he was there to help me. His positive attitude and energy, along with his perfect thing to say, turned me from an upset customer into one who wanted to love his brand. Think about the problems or complaints you hear most often. Is there a sentence or phrase you can work into the conversation that would turn that misery into magic? This isn’t something you make up on the spot. This is a line you will use again and again. It’s the line that will turn your angry customers into loyal customers who say, “I’ll be back!” Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Courtney Clark
Do you find it harder to maintain relationships when you can’t see friends face-to-face very often? Many people do, and the lack of in-person connections has made the past years of the COVID-19 pandemic difficult. Fewer parties and gatherings, quarantines and lockdowns, wondering who shares your same safety levels… it’s enough to make even the strongest friendships start to feel like they’re more of a “chore” than a gift. But that’s a real problem. Having people you can lean on has been scientifically linked to higher happiness levels and a lower risk of illness. So whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert, whether you have 100 friends or just 2 BFFs, whether you prefer to talk to friend’s every day or only sporadically, friendships are important. If you’ve been prioritizing health over friendships these past couple of years, that’s totally okay. But these 6 behaviors are important signs you need to spend a little more time with friends (even if it’s over Zoom!). 1. You Feel Burned Out Burnout is a commonly misunderstood feeling. We often think of burnout as an extreme form of feeling busy, but burnout is in fact more closely related to a feeling of melancholy. Burnout comes from a lack of meaning and enthusiasm, not too much stress. Spending time with friends, doing something outside your regular work routine and home routine, can help reignite some missing excitement in your life. 2. Your Partner Repeats Six Little Words If your partner says “you already told me about that” more than three times in a week, that’s a sign you’re missing another outlet. Most of us need more than one close confidante to bounce our thoughts and feelings off of, because different people provide different kinds of support and feedback. If you’ve been repeating stories to your partner (I’m so guilty of this!), you’re looking for a style of support you haven’t gotten. Time to phone a friend! 3. You’re Bingeing Netflix Streaming service is a handy companion, but not as good as a real friend. Especially in a pandemic, and extra-especially in the winter when it’s cold, it’s easy to fall into a routine of hunkering down instead of reaching out to someone. But reruns aren’t old friends, even when they seem comforting. Instead of watching a fun show solo, can you recruit a friend to watch, too, and chat about it afterward? 4. You Feel Tired Thinking About Hanging Out If thinking about being around your friends makes you feel excited but EXHAUSTED, that’s a sign you need more friend time. You’re out of practice of being social, so it feels overwhelming. But that’s not an excuse to avoid it (like exercise!) It just means you need to start slowly and build up your tolerance for human interaction. 5. You Start Friend Time With *This* Phrase… The phrase “oh my gosh, what’s going on with you?!?!” sounds like a normal way to kick off conversation with a friend, right? Wrong. If you don’t even know enough to ask specific questions like “What’s going on with your new job?” or “How is little Olivia dealing with that difficult teacher?”, you’re too out of touch. This was my warning sign midway through last year, when it became obvious I hadn’t been doing a good enough job knowing even the basics of what my friends were struggling with or celebrating. We deserve to be able to lean on one another, but we can’t if we don’t know “what’s going on.” 6. You Don’t Miss Your Friends If you’ve gone so long without seeing your friends that you don’t even feel sad about it, that’s the biggest warning sign of all. It’s a little bit like being hungry: early hunger is a gnawing pain in your stomach. But if you wait long enough without eating, the discomfort disappears. It’s like you aren’t even hungry anymore! But your body is still in need of food, you just ignored the pain so long that the warning sign went away. If you’ve stopped missing your friends (assuming the relationships are healthy and reciprocal!), you’ve gone way too long without support. Try sending a short text to a long-time friend, one of those who won’t bombard you with questions but will always be there to pick up where you left off. Friendships serve a purpose in our lives, providing us with morale support, sounding boards, and even making us physically healthier. If you’ve been neglecting friendships, maybe it’s time to make them a little bit more of a priority. Not just for your sake, but because your friends need you, too. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! |
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