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By Marilyn Tam
It hits you as soon as you wake up. The world is in messy disorder and it’s seeping relentlessly into your daily life. Inflation, Supply shortages, War etc., are making you feel anxious and stressed. According to a survey by American Psychological Association this month, over 81–87% of Americans are worried, anxious, and fearful about these issues now. How can you maintain some sense of equilibrium so that you can manage your work, personal life, and health without feeling overburdened by the parade of challenges? Many years ago, I used to have occasional dreams where I was not prepared for a presentation. I would wake up with a start, sweating. Such dreams are an indication that a person is feeling less confident in handling some aspect of their lives. During our current tumultuous times, it is easy to feel insecure. I am happy to share the simple tools that have helped me manage my life and world view with self-assurance, equanimity, and faith. Paraphrasing Rudyard Kipling, if you can keep your head while others are losing theirs, you’ll master the world and all that’s in it. Here’s how: First of all, breathe. Deep belly breaths to release the knots in your shoulders, tightness in your chest and to slow down the buzzing in your head. When you are tense, your breathing is shallow, and you may not realize that your shoulders are hunched up by your ears. Breathe deeply to release the tension. Repeat. Smile. Smiling, even a fake smile triggers the neuropeptides (endorphins) to relieve stress, pain and help you relax. The old songwriter who penned the lyrics for the song, “Smile” knew before the confirming research: “If you smile through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You’ll see the sun come shining through for you” Stretch, move your body. US Dept of Health & Human Services has shown that movement reduces feelings of depression and stress, enhances your mood and overall emotional well-being, increases your energy level, and improves sleep. Another great benefit? It’s free. You can move any time you feel tight and anxious. Meditate. Quiet your mind. As hard as that may sound when you are feeling stressed, it’s possible. Do the above three steps first and then find a quiet place where you can be alone and feel more relaxed. Sit comfortably. Divert from your anxiety to focusing on your breath, or on a single point like a plant, a candle or some favorite object, and breathe deeply and regularly. When your mind wanders to other matters, bring it back gently and repeat the process. Start with a short period, say 5 minutes, build up from there. You will find that you feel more refreshed and calmer afterwards. Meditating in nature gives you a double bonus of feel goodness. Go outside. Find support in nature. You are part of the natural world. When you are in nature, a park, lake, ocean, mountains or just a small patch of green in your neighborhood, it will improve your attention quality, lower stress, reduce risk of psychiatric disorders, increase empathy and cooperation. A double bonus is when you meditate in nature, you will reap the rewards of both! Seek help. You are not alone, there are people, organizations, and spiritual support to assist you. A friendly ear, a helping hand, a reassuring hug, a useful referral, a heartfelt prayer. There are many ways for help to come, ask for them. Be open to receiving them. List the most challenging things you are dealing with. Prioritize them. Place possible action steps next to each item. Realize that you can affect each situation in some way, even the ones that seem out of your apparent control. When you feel that you can influence the matter, you will feel more empowered. A phone call, making a decision, a small donation to the cause, a prayer and/or your positive intention can make a difference. Find the good in the situation. Your choice of how you perceive the issue changes how you feel. Viktor Frankel, the psychiatrist, and Holocaust survivor said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~ Viktor Frankel It’s challenging to perceive good in grim circumstances. In Viktor Frankel’s case, and he suffered greatly in the concentration camps, he lost many friends and his entire beloved family in the holocaust. Being a psychiatrist, he did his best to support his fellow inmates, and he observed that the ones who survived were the ones who had a reason for living. Viktor Franel’s will to live came from his determination to be reunited with his wife and to use what he was learning in the horrific conditions to help humanity. Fortunately, our problems generally are not as dire as Dr. Frankel’s, and we have more resources to support us. Use the above 8 tools to ease your path to a happier, calmer and more creative life. The world may seem frightful, but you can be a light and support in shifting the trajectory in your own way, by living from a place of awareness positivity and calmness. I’m with you. Breathe. Smile. Stretch…….. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
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By Marilyn Tam
Sara decided that it was time to leave her job. After reviewing the pros and cons and talking it over with her family and close friends, it was time to go. The question is, how to find and gracefully transition into a new company that would fit her career and personal needs? Sara has a responsible well paid position; she supervises a team and is hands on designing and creating as well. Two members of her group left already because they too have seen the new top management recruiting and promoting more people from their previous organization and slighting existing employees. The current team’s hopes for upward mobility, and even basic trust, are gone. Sara thought with her recent excellent job review, that they would leave her and her group to function as they have done so well, but no. Increasing micromanagement and top-down decisions expand, and her authority is being questioned regularly. She feels pressured now to look outside the organization she’s been happily working in for the last seven years. It’s not a hastily made choice, and she wants to make sure that it’s a good one. Balance your current work while looking for a career move. photo: Magnet-MeI have been coaching Sara through her “should she stay or should she go” decision-making process and now it’s time to move onto the next step: how to continue to do her current work well while looking for a career move that would maximize her talents and interests. Sara is confident in her skills and abilities, but apprehensive about the leaving her work. It’s normal to be nervous about changing companies and starting anew. There are 7 steps to a graceful and relatively easy transition: 1. Acknowledge that you have considered and are complete with your current position, and that leaving is prudent based on all factors. Change can be unsettling, and it is natural to doubt yourself after you made a choice. Keep your list of why you chose to leave handy so that you can review them when unease arises. 2. List your desired career attributes and description as they are aligned with your life purpose. In Sara’s case she wants opportunities to learn, to contribute and grow to her highest potential while using her experience and training. She wants to do meaningful work she cares about with an engaged and collaborative team that serves and helps people. Also important for Sara, especially because of her current experience, is clear direction and shared mission in the organization. Integrity and commitment to service are other key factors. And for the work to be interesting and fun! Use your vision of what you want to guide you in where and how to look for your new position. 3. Set up your resume chronologically if you are seeking a new career similar to what you are currently doing. Classify your information by skillset and training if you are looking for something better matched by your overall experience than your current job description and past job titles may indicate. Similarly, categorize your work experience, history and background if you have time gaps in your career. Reflect on your work experience and use the resume writing process to help guide you on your desired career move. Consult with a few trusted mentors and respected industry associates; get their feedback and refine your resume as needed. 4. Refresh your professional media pages to reflect your interests, talents and experience. List your accomplishments and awards. It’s easy to forget to update your online presence; now is a good time to shine them up and highlight your achievements. Organizations are looking for talent online and through their connections; make yours visible and reflect your strengths. 5. Start researching and networking. Review and connect with the overall employment picture, with internal associates who have left, industry contacts, outside mentors, professional online platforms, employments sites and social media. Many opportunities are found by networking and via professional platforms. 6. Be open and flexible. Work opportunities are wide and growing in today’s fast changing world. Sometimes the most exciting and rewarding career for you may be in a tangential area to what you have been focused on. Explore a wider field, you may find possibilities you have not considered before. 7. Stay positive! At the beginning of any unfamiliar process, you may be hesitant or nervous. Regard this exploration as a new way to share your skills, passion, and strengths with another audience. You have the potential to shine and be recognized for all that you bring to the table. The proper fit will come, take time to consider the options, and know that you are deserving of a career that is fulfilling and rewarding. Sara is excited, and a bit nervous to be juggling her current job, the search, and her personal life. It’s a memorable time. The good news is that the job market is hot. Organizations are eagerly searching for people who have fresh ideas and expertise. Flexible work locations and work schedules are more common than ever before. This opens your career options wider since you can live and work remotely. It’s a wonderful time to reassess the different facets of life and to create something new that will serve you and everyone you touch. Perhaps you may even decide to step out and start something on your own. Good luck, I’m rooting for you! Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
The past year has graphically shown us that sudden disruptive change can happen without warning. What worked in the past is not going to resolve the issues of the present and future. The previously familiar command and control style of leadership is ineffective in managing the challenges we face now. Harvard Business review’s article by Herminia Ibarra & Anne Scoular illustrated how successful leaders today coach and mentor their teams to achieve optimal results. Yet most leaders overestimate their abilities in developing and motivating their teams. In research by Joe Folkman & Jack Zenger published in HBR, the majority of 2,761 leaders studied overestimated their coaching and mentoring skills. 24 percent were significantly off the mark on how effective they were in fostering their employees’ abilities to achieving their best, individually and as a team. Yelling and reprimanding employees, especially in a meeting, is a poor way of coaching and motivating others.My first corporate boss after college yelled constantly instead of speaking in normal tones. He shouted at everyone he worked with, in person and on the phone. He didn’t listen and barked out orders whenever he needed anything. Yet he thought he was a great leader, telling (shouting at) anyone around that he’s the best trainer of new executive trainees, including for yours truly. No one dared to contradict him — for fear of more screaming. It’s a wonder that he lasted as long as he did even back then when the hard knocks way of developing employees was more accepted. Today when talent can be accessed globally to work remotely, leaders have to establish a culture that fosters engagement, growth and collaboration to attract the best. The competition for quality workers is strong and they have great flexibility in their choice for employment. A high development environment is attractive and good for the employees and also fosters productivity, innovation, morale, recruitment and retention for the company. In 2020, Gallup research showed that organizations with a coaching and talent development centered culture have employees who are motivated by more than a paycheck. They are aligned with the company’s goals and know that their own personal career goals are intertwined with the success of the organization. These workers are more engaged, productive, innovative and stay longer at the company. How do you develop the skills to become a better leader in today’s abrupt and constantly unsettling environment? A manager’s role now is to support, guide and encourage employees to learn and adapt to continuously changing environments so that fresh energy, innovation, and commitment become the norm. The boss is not anymore the person who knows the most or has the most experience. The successful leader is the one who can manage and lead the team with vision, integrity and understanding. A coach/mentor who can bring out the best in the team, facilitate collaboration and guide progress towards the organization’s mission and goals. Leading a team remotely requires different skills. A manager has to coach and mentor to bring out the best in each person.Here are four points to help up level your leadership skills for now and the future: 1. Clarify your organization’s mission and goals and explain how they align with the work each person is doing. When employees understand the alignment between their goals and the company’s, they will know how to approach the changing circumstances appropriately with the resources available. Equally important, they will feel that they are working in tandem with the company’s mission and are actively committed to achieving it. 2. Connect with each direct report to establish their personal goals and benchmarks and maintain regularly scheduled follow up sessions. At each meeting, ask open ended questions, truly listen and respond honestly with the intention to foster personal and professional development. Conclude each meeting with actionable and measurable items to be discussed during the next session. 3. Treat each person as you would like to be treated. Guide them in fulfilling their goals even when their ideas seem grandiose. With active communication and support, your employee will either find a way to achieve their goals or learn to modify them so that they can be attained. Your job as a mentor/coach is to help them explore and grow. You gain new perspectives, and the organization is energized from the possibilities that you may not have considered. All parties learn and grow from the interactions. 4. The coaching sessions will also reveal case(s) where the employee’s goals and talents are not suited to your division/organization. Help them transition to another division or company. By doing so you open their position(s) to a more suitable person and also strengthen the reputation that you and the organization genuinely care about the employees’ wellbeing. Morale will increase, retention and recruitment will be enhanced. As you can tell the benefits of being a coach/mentor for your employees has multiple benefits. The old saying, “it not personal, it is only business” can be retired for good. Welcome to a more humane world. What happened to my first boss who yelled all the time? He was let go less than a year after I was promoted. The last I heard he moved back to New York and was doing similar work in a small company there. I wonder if it would have been a different story if he had a good coach and mentor. As for me, I learned from him how not to be. I learned the value of coaching and mentoring and how everyone and the organization gain when we collaborate, support each other and work towards the same goals. Thank you, S.C., my “anti-mentor”. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
As a child growing up in South Africa, Arun was bullied, harassed, and beaten up for being dark, and also tormented, pushed around, and thrashed for being not dark enough. He became suspicious, bitter and filled with rage. Fearing for his future, his parents sent him to India to live with his grandfather, Mahatma Gandhi. Arun learned about peace and service, and he found his life purpose, happiness ensued. Arun Gandhi is one of the six happy, diverse, and accomplished people, who run global multi-million-dollar companies to leaders of national nonprofits, I interviewed for my Happiness and Meaning of Life series. Happiness and the meaning of life, these are universally important to everyone. Yet people often miss the mark in finding the very things that they are looking for. The “shoulds” and “must haves” in our heads, subtly and incessantly infiltrated and embedded there by well-meaning people, the relentless marketing from media, and pressure from social networks, drive our thinking and actions imperceptibly and ongoingly. The leaders I interviewed, shared their personal stories, their “ah ha” moments, and how they found their way to living their life purpose, in joy, inner peace and their personal version of success. Arun Gandhi, humanitarian & grandson of Mahatma Gandhi went from an angry young man in S Africa to a lifelong “peace farmer” and activist residing in the US. Hyepin Im, founder & president of FACE, transformed from a Venture Capitalist to becoming a minister, and forming her nonprofit. Howard Schiffer, founder & president of Vitamin Angels, formerly a natural products industry executive, spent five years founding Vitamin Angels from his bedroom while working full time. Linda Akutagawa, CEO of LEAP, volunteered at the organization in between jobs and stayed on to eventually leading the organization. Sandra Yancey, founder & CEO of eWomenNetwork, didn’t have any idea she wanted to create her company until she turned 40. Bill Shireman, founder, CEO & president of Future 500, spends his life joyfully where most people would be quite uncomfortable, working to get polar opposites in politics and the environment to collaborate. These people are living the lives they were born to live. Happily, gainfully and with a peaceful heart. Listening to their stories, I found underlying principles and tools that led them to where they are living in alignment with why they were born. Here are the five key points. Six inspiring leaders, sharing how they found their path to happiness and meaning of life, and I got to record all their stories and insights! 1. Happiness is a choice In the darkest and most confusing of times, we can still find a reason for being and for gratitude. Each leader had their own version of awakening, where they found inner peace in their life circumstances. They identified reasons to give thanks in the midst of apparent disorder. By appreciating something about your current situation, the negativity, worries and even outside conditions, change to bring you more happiness.Linda Akutagawa was in between jobs; she was unsure of her next steps. Instead of worrying about her future, she volunteered at LEAP, Leadership Education for Asian Pacifics because she thought she could help others gain training and skills to advance in their careers. LEAP’s mission to support and train Asian and Pacific Islanders (APIs) in leadership, empowerment, and policy for full participation and equality resonated with her. Decades later Linda is still at LEAP, now as CEO. Her choice to help make others happier enabled her to be joyfully doing what she loves every day. 2. Find your life purpose and follow it Each one has a reason for being. Find yours and live it. How? Go inside and listen to your inner wisdom. Align your passion, gifts and calling to achieve happiness and inner peace. Howard Schiffer was a successful executive in the natural products industry, but inside he was uneasy. The question of what would be written on his tombstone nagged at him. “He sold a lot of products”, didn’t seem to be meaningful enough. It took him five years of being open and actively working on how he can make a bigger difference for him to birth the nonprofit, Vitamin Angels Vitamin Angels educates and supplies nutritional supplements to 70 million underprivileged children and mothers in over 65 countries a year. Howard is now comfortable with what is going to be etched on his grave stone. 3. You have the capability to achieve your life purpose, work on your abilities to make it real. Your dreams are achievable. Get the training, develop the skills, and make the connections needed to follow your meaning of life. Hyepin Im graduated from UC Berkeley in finance and became an auditor and VC, but neither fit with her life purpose. She enrolled in Ministerial school, and then founded her nonprofit, Faith And Community Empowerment (FACE) to empower faith community leaders to better serve underserved communities. FACE trains faith leaders, educates underserved communities, and provides advocacy so that the voiceless may have a voice. She is now aligned and fulfilled. 4. Helping others is good for you Service to others is the way to personal fulfillment. When you support others in their growth and life journey, you are also lifted, often in more ways than you can even imagine. Sandra Yancey’s father died when she was five years old. Her mother alone with three young children went on welfare to survive. Sandra remembers how others helped them when they were in dire straits. Her gratitude inspired her to develop a company dedicated to providing a mutual support business network for women entrepreneurs. She and her multi-million dollars global company, eWomenNetwork is thriving by doing good for others. 5. Your legacy lies in how you made a difference in other people’s lives What you leave behind when you depart the planet is the good you did for others. Contribute your talents, time, and resources to improving your community. Feed, educate, entertain, support, and heal others, plant trees, and/or green the earth. There are numerous ways for you to combine your interests, abilities, and time to create a more harmonious, healthy, and happy world. Young Arun Gandhi in S Africa was not thinking about his legacy. He was worried about his personal safety and life each time he went out. He was harassed regularly for his skin color by both the blacks and the whites. He was “not good enough” for either side to accept. His grandfather, Mahatma Gandhi showed him that there is a greater calling and way to live. He taught him that each person has been given unique skills, and talents and they are on loan for you to give back to the world. Arun transformed his anger and determination to learning how non-violence is more powerful than fists and guns. He has since devoted his life to teaching, speaking and promoting peace and harmony. He is happy and fulfilled now. Have you found your meaning of life? Are you happy? Asking these questions are a step in developing the path to fulfilling these vital life questions. You are connected to the greater whole and your thoughts and actions can positively influence the overall direction. Understanding this key fact has shown to be powerful motivation for people to persist and overcome challenges to greater emotional and life rewards. This is even true for young people who are discovering their reason for being. For me, interviewing these inspiring leaders and absorbing their wisdom have made me even more committed to living my life purpose of making a positive difference. May your life be similarly enhanced. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
Why being grateful creates happiness and more good 'Twas the worst of times. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack. I stopped working from the shock, my family was preoccupied and on another continent, and friends stayed away because they didn’t know how to deal with death so early in our lives. I was alone, no work, no income, and no place I wanted to be. Getting up in the morning seemed like an exercise in futility. Why bother? There was no one there, nothing to do, no place to go, and money was dwindling away. Giving thanks saved me. In the depths of my depression and listlessness, I turned inward. I prayed. I prayed for clarity, the reason for being, for what’s next. Somehow in that place of despair I heard an inner voice say to me, “Give Thanks”. Give thanks? For what? Yet the voice persisted. Give thanks. It was more a command than a suggestion. In the midst of depression and confusion, you can find a heart of gratitude. So, I developed a ritual. Upon awakening from another restless night, I forced myself to list five things I am grateful for before I get up. Small things like, I can get ready very quickly, my teeth are naturally straight, I don’t have any appointments to rush off to etc. Each morning I struggled to come up with five things to give thanks for. Some days it was hard. Other days it was really, really hard. But somehow after I listed the five, getting up became easier. Little by little the darkness cracked, and tiny slivers of light broke through, if only for a moment here and there. During my periods of equanimity, I started sorting out what to do next. Change out of my PJs. Exercise. Eat. Do things for others. Learn new things. Give thanks. Repeat. Repeat again. Gradually, over some time, things became more manageable. Then an executive recruiter called out of the blue to offer me a dream job. I accepted the job and moved across the country to a new life. Giving thanks all the way. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it? Yes. Grateful. Happy. Give thanks and the sun will shine again and you will dance again. Brother David Steindl-Rast developed a deep appreciation of gratitude from living day to day with death imminent under Nazi occupation in Austria. Heis now a Benedictine monk and a leader in Buddhist-Christian dialogue, alternatively traveling the world speaking on spirituality and gratitude, and spending time in deep retreat. Brother David, his teaching and life is about gratitude. His short video (5.23), “A Grateful Day” has been viewed over 1.1 Million times. Many people and groups use it and his teachings in their daily meditation. He preaches that if you wish to be happy, be grateful. The very same core message that I received when I was in deep despair. Brother David established the interactive website, www.Gratefulness.org, which serves as the home for the worldwide Network for Grateful Living. It is a place where you can find support for living each day with gratitude in your heart. It is no wonder that many cultures have a thanksgiving festival. Instinctively and traditionally, people have found that giving thanks leads to more reasons to give thanks. Like attracts like. You can use this to power your own happiness and thankfulness. Give thanks for what you have now, no matter how meager it may seem to you. Your current situation is one that some else would be grateful for. Find things in your life to give thanks for and soon, you will find that you indeed have more to be pleased about! Express gratitude in whatever way that feels authentic to you. Persist in doing so even when it’s difficult to feel grateful for your life. You will find as you do, that you’ll be happier and more good things will flow into your life too. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
Successful leaders now are more coaches and mentors than business whizzes or domain experts. Surveys and research are showing that the top leadership skills for the future are the abilities to coach, support their employees and to foster teamwork. Are you prepared? The past year has graphically shown us that sudden disruptive change can happen without warning. What worked in the past is not going to resolve the issues of the present and future. The previously familiar command and control style of leadership is ineffective in managing the challenges we face now. Harvard Business review’s article by Herminia Ibarra & Anne Scoular illustrated how successful leaders today coach and mentor their teams to achieve optimal results. Yet most leaders overestimate their abilities in developing and motivating their teams. In research by Joe Folkman & Jack Zenger published in HBR, the majority of 2,761 leaders studied overestimated their coaching and mentoring skills. 24 percent were significantly off the mark on how effective they were in fostering their employees’ abilities to achieving their best, individually and as a team. Yelling and reprimanding employees, especially in a meeting, is a poor way of coaching and motivating others.My first corporate boss after college yelled constantly instead of speaking in normal tones. He shouted at everyone he worked with, in person and on the phone. He didn’t listen and barked out orders whenever he needed anything. Yet he thought he was a great leader, telling (shouting at) anyone around that he’s the best trainer of new executive trainees, including for yours truly. No one dared to contradict him — for fear of more screaming. It’s a wonder that he lasted as long as he did even back then when the hard knocks way of developing employees was more accepted. Today when talent can be accessed globally to work remotely, leaders have to establish a culture that fosters engagement, growth and collaboration to attract the best. The competition for quality workers is strong and they have great flexibility in their choice for employment. A high development environment is attractive and good for the employees and also fosters productivity, innovation, morale, recruitment and retention for the company. In 2020, Gallup research showed that organizations with a coaching and talent development centered culture have employees who are motivated by more than a paycheck. They are aligned with the company’s goals and know that their own personal career goals are intertwined with the success of the organization. These workers are more engaged, productive, innovative and stay longer at the company. How do you develop the skills to become a better leader in today’s abrupt and constantly unsettling environment? A manager’s role now is to support, guide and encourage employees to learn and adapt to continuously changing environments so that fresh energy, innovation, and commitment become the norm. The boss is not anymore the person who knows the most or has the most experience. The successful leader is the one who can manage and lead the team with vision, integrity and understanding. A coach/mentor who can bring out the best in the team, facilitate collaboration and guide progress towards the organization’s mission and goals. Leading a team remotely requires different skills. A manager has to coach and mentor to bring out the best in each person.Here are four points to help up level your leadership skills for now and the future: 1. Clarify your organization’s mission and goals and explain how they align with the work each person is doing. When employees understand the alignment between their goals and the company’s, they will know how to approach the changing circumstances appropriately with the resources available. Equally important, they will feel that they are working in tandem with the company’s mission and are actively committed to achieving it. 2. Connect with each direct report to establish their personal goals and benchmarks and maintain regularly scheduled follow up sessions. At each meeting, ask open ended questions, truly listen and respond honestly with the intention to foster personal and professional development. Conclude each meeting with actionable and measurable items to be discussed during the next session. 3. Treat each person as you would like to be treated. Guide them in fulfilling their goals even when their ideas seem grandiose. With active communication and support, your employee will either find a way to achieve their goals or learn to modify them so that they can be attained. Your job as a mentor/coach is to help them explore and grow. You gain new perspectives, and the organization is energized from the possibilities that you may not have considered. All parties learn and grow from the interactions. 4. The coaching sessions will also reveal case(s) where the employee’s goals and talents are not suited to your division/organization. Help them transition to another division or company. By doing so you open their position(s) to a more suitable person and also strengthen the reputation that you and the organization genuinely care about the employees’ wellbeing. Morale will increase, retention and recruitment will be enhanced. As you can tell the benefits of being a coach/mentor for your employees has multiple benefits. The old saying, “it's not personal, it is only business” can be retired for good. Welcome to a more humane world. What happened to my first boss who yelled all the time? He was let go less than a year after I was promoted. The last I heard he moved back to New York and was doing similar work in a small company there. I wonder if it would have been a different story if he had a good coach and mentor. As for me, I learned from him how not to be. I learned the value of coaching and mentoring and how everyone and the organization gain when we collaborate, support each other and work towards the same goals. Thank you, S.C., my “anti-mentor”. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? What am I striving for? During these challenging times, such questions come up in many people’s minds. If we knew our life purpose and the meaning of life, the stress of our day to day trials would be easier to understand and endure. The heavy pressure, physical, emotional and financial strain we are feeling under the current health crisis, travel restrictions and political uncertainty could be converted into motivation if we can see the bigger picture. My dear friend, Glenn, is an emergency room physician and medical director. In the 30 years he’s been practicing medicine, he has seen many near-death situations and many people die. It has given him an interesting perspective on our culture’s attitude toward life and death. He says that we put the dates of a person’s birth and death on a gravestone with only a dash in between to denote their life and contribution. For example, all we know from a gravestone inscribed with the words, Abraham Lincoln (1809–1865), is that Abraham Lincoln was 56 years old when he died. We do not know that he literally held the United States of America together when it might have split apart, that he freed the slaves, and that he was a powerful orator whose vision and speeches moved a nation. The dash symbolizes our entire lives — the time we have to create meaning for ourselves, our families, our communities, our country, and the world. We are the ones responsible for what we do with our lives. We are the ones who will one day look back and determine whether the life we lived was happy, fulfilling and if it was one we are proud to have lived. Like Abraham Lincoln, we do not know when our lives may end, so we need to ask the question now: “What is the purpose of my life?” For an individual or a company, the answer to that question determines the mission and purpose. Each day you have the choice to begin again. Choose wisely. When you think about that dash — the length of your life between your birth and death — what do you want it to say about you? Ask yourself what is most important instead of what is most urgent. What gives you joy and a sense of satisfaction? These are the big questions that you need to answer in order to proceed with inner peace in your life. Some people find it by taking time to meditate and reflect. Other people find it after encountering some life-threatening incident. And others find it after being hit by some emotional or financial disaster. The key to finding it is to ask yourself honestly and fearlessly: What really makes you happy? What gives you inner peace? Ultimately it is usually the relationships that you make with yourself and with your family and friends you value that are most important. It is about contributing to the wellbeing of the greater whole, to using your talents and gifts to help make the world a better place. Make a commitment to yourself and to your loved ones that you are going to devote your time to what is going to make you happy and proud of your “Dash.” Knowing the meaning of your Dash makes it less trying to deal with the onslaught of challenges you are facing today. Your dash; it’s yours to determine how you play it out. Make it one that you are happy to live. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
It's been a tough year. Many of us turn to food to soothe our spirits. Specifically, calorie laden, fat, sugar, salt and carbo heavy foods. These gut bombs give us momentary solace and then upset our stomachs, pack on the pounds and generally makes us sorry we ate them later. It’s natural to search for relief from stress in small and big ways. How do we ease the tension and anxiety without making ourselves feel worse? Food seems to be a natural. And it can be if we adjust our behavior and the ingredients in our comfort foods, giving our physical, sentimental and emotional selves, relief while nurturing our bodies with nutrients. It’s doable when you keep a few points in mind. 1. Pause before you reach. Impulse buying and eating of fast foods, takeaways, salted and high fat/sugar snacks and heavy use of ready-made sauces and mixes in cooking is closely correlated to when a person is stressed, feeling pressured and/or hungry. The National Institute of Health has shown that we do not make the best decisions when we are preoccupied, tense or famished. Recognizing this, pause what you are doing when you sense rising anxiety, frustration or hunger. Take the time to do what you need to destress, breathe deeply, center yourself, and/or find some nourishing snacks (nuts, a smoothie, fruit, cut up vegetables, hummus etc.) to replenish yourself before the urge to grab the unhealthy food takes over. Sharing food and ideas of what’s delcious and nutritious helps you support each other. 2. Make friends with your food. When we eat mindlessly, we tend to overeat and also not really taste what we are eating. Savor your food as you would a friend or something precious. How shiny is that apple, how well-made is your sandwich, and colorful is the salad? What about the texture when you bite into it? The taste and mouth feel? When you eat consciously you enjoy what you are eating, and your body has a chance to register nourishment is entering your system. You will feel satiated sooner and will be ready to stop before you are over full. 3. Switch out negatives. As we do in other aspects of our lives, learn how to replace the negative with something good for you; switch out nutritionally unhealthy ingredients with nutrient dense ones. We can still have fries, burgers and desserts when we exchange the unhealthy ones with better ones for our health. Air fries, plant-based burgers, naturally sweetened desserts with no hydrogenated oils etc. are delicious and nutritionally superior. 4. Taste and savor. Or avoid completely. If you have a food craving for something that you know is not beneficial for your wellbeing, enjoy small amounts. Relish to the full the tastes and memories the food brings up for you. Then push it away after a small taste. Acknowledge that you indulged in the nostalgic pleasures of eating memories and now you are satisfied and back in the present. For some, it is easier to never purchase or approach the unhealthy food(s) again. Completely eliminating certain item(s) is often simpler than trying to regulate the quantity consumed. You know your personality, choose the option that suits you. 5. Move your body. The next time you want to reach for some unhealthy food, move your body instead. Stretch, do jumping jacks, go for a walk, dance, sing…. When you give your body new interesting input, the desire to appease that food craving will lessen and it may go away for the while. Have healthy easy to snack on foods available so that you can easily satisfy any genuine hunger and nourishment needs. Create fun, special and memorable occasions with your friends and family cooking and sharing healthy food together. 6. Create new food memories. Develop new experiences with healthy food. Explore and create new dishes and snacks that are delicious and healthy. Share and cultivate interest in food and recipes with family, new and old friends who like healthy foods. Make friends and new memories by creating new recipes, rituals and bonding over nutritious food. 7. Be kind to yourself. When you are under stress you are vulnerable to making less than the best food choices, give yourself some grace. Recognize that the strain is weighing on you and you have strayed from choosing the best way to nourish yourself. Stop the behavior and use the experience to help you refrain from repeating less wise choice again. After a few times you may notice that you catch yourself sooner and the healthy choice becomes easier. Give yourself credit for each improvement you make. You are learning new skills and forming new habits. It takes time. Most of all, many studies show that eating well is nourishing you and providing you with the nutrients that help balance your hormones and moods. The highs and lows that come from eating sugar and fat laden junk foods are gone. Your mood swings and depression will be moderated, and you may find that you are enjoying your new habits more and more! Share your interest and enthusiasm with others, you could become the new food expert! Experiment and create, you may find that you have a knack for making food good and good for you! Happy eating. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Marilyn Tam
Life as we knew it pre-Covid-19 is no more. The changes and disruptions have wrecked many people’s mental and emotional stability along with their finances and careers. There are steps you can take manage your stress, anxiety, emotional and physical balance to give you the grounding to move forward gracefully. A longtime friend of mine is in the eye of the storm. She is the community outreach nurse manager in the area’s largest hospital group, dealing daily with general hospital issues, constant adjustments due to the fluctuating caseloads of Covid-19 patients and the increasing demands from the community at large. One of her siblings died suddenly and another one was misdiagnosed with the Virus. In addition, her husband had a freak accident which resulted in second and third degree burns to over 10% of his body. Then she fell ill with a severe sore throat which triggered Virus alarms; fortunately, she recovered with a clean bill of health. All this happened in the last three months. To say that she is under stress would be an understatement. How does she handle such an intense and potentially draining time? Having shared and supported her through this and many other challenging times, I like to share with you the tools we used to alleviate the tension, anxiety and regain some stability amidst apparent chaos. It’s easy to lose perspective when you are personally involved in a crisis and forget some of the fundamental steps to managing the situation. 1. Pause. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Take another deep breath. Inhabit your total body instead of just your mind. Your instinctive reaction to crisis is to fight or flight. Since you are generally dealing with something less than instant loss of life, hold on, gather your thoughts and regain balance before you jump into action. 2. Do something physical. Physical action will give your an outlet for stress, anxiety and depression — Mayo Clinic guidelines recommends physical movement to reduce stress, improve mental and emotional wellbeing, sleep, boost feel good endorphins and to reduce pain. Walk, jog, hike, exercise, dance, swim, cycle, do yoga, aerobics, etc. Release internal tension by doing physical activities that stretch the tightness in you. 3. Spend time in nature. Whether it’s a garden, park, mountains, ocean, lake or river, nature heals. The European Centre for Environment & Human Health at the University of Exeter did a study with 20,000 people that showed just spending two hours a week or more in nature provide physical, mental and emotional benefits for everyone. You can even spend a few shorter sessions in nature to come up with the total time needed to receive noticeable improvement in your physical health and cognitive functions. The natural world is restorative and most likely you will find that you will be looking forward to more time there. 4. Meditate. Calming the mind reduces anxiety and has lasting positive effects on your physical, mental and emotional states. John Hopkins University’s systemic review and meta-analysis of 47 randomized clinical trials with controls for placebo effects showed that mindful meditation can alleviate anxiety, depression and pain. Nowadays it is easy to be overstretched to the point you are depleted physically, mentally and emotionally. Meditation allows your mind to realign and heal, and that creates profound benefits for all aspects of your health. 5. Eat healthier. Nourish your body with nutritious food to supply you with the nutrients to keep your metabolic processes, immune system, nervous system, hormonal and cardiovascular systems functioning well to deal with stress. Harvard Medical School’s publication uses the analogy of treating your body as the fine-tuned machine that it is by fueling it with healthy foods. Eat fresh food, as close to the source as possible, plant-based food, unrefined foods and minimize or eliminate sugars and processed foods from your diet. That pint of ice cream may taste good while you are eating it, but the sugar high and subsequent crash is going to make you feel much worse for a longer time. 6. Team up. Cultivate friends and buddies to exercise with, meditate, and to develop healthy eating habits in tandem. Doing things together, even if virtual, will help establish the habits which will support your and their wellbeing. The social connections will also strengthen your social and emotional comfort. 7. Assess where you are. When there are many events and demands happening simultaneously, the tendency is to focus on the most glaring one(s) without considering the relative importance of each. List all the issues, emotions and physical symptoms you are dealing with. Write them down on a sheet of paper. Your hand to mind connection in writing will reveal what is bothering you more than typing on your computer or phone. Review your list and prioritize them for the impact they have on your life. 8. Review your list of priorities and acknowledge your response. Looking at the list may raise anxiety in you. Pause again. Breathe deeply and allow your feelings to come to the surface. What are they? Fear? Sadness? Frustration? Pain? Whatever they are, acknowledge them. It is natural to feel them. Give yourself time to process your emotions. 9. Seek professional help. If you are still feeling overwhelmed after using the above tools to manage the emotions that come up, consider seeking professional assistance — the spiritual counsellor from your belief system, trained support groups, therapist, counsellor, or other trained professionals. Sometimes stress can be too much for one to handle and it is wise to consult with others to help manage the issues. 10. Explore and itemize possible action steps. Now that you have released some inner stress, you have more creativity and fresh eyes to analyze and develop solutions. Review and see if some of your concerns fall into the same category. Can you work on those together? Are some of the issues caused by others on the list? Are there outside sources where you can get additional support? Scrutinize your list with these questions in mind and you may find solutions that resolve several matters concurrently. Itemize the potential ways to improve the issues; list the fanciful ideas as well as the practical ones. Your imagination may lead you to a creative resolution, if nothing else they may make you smile! 11. Decide on strategy and tactics. Look at your list and choose the ones and the ways you are prepared to work on now. You may wish to start with smaller item(s) first because you may not feel ready to handle more significant ones. Move at the pace you are comfortable. Checking things off the list will relieve some stress and help you gear up for the next ones. 12. Dive in. Getting started is sometimes the hardest part. Like being on the edge of a swimming dock or pool, the anticipation of the cold water is much worse than your experience when you finally jump in. Start on the project you’ve identified as the one you wish to work on. Take the first step and soon you’ll be feeling better as you make progress on your list! 13. Celebrate the small wins. Rejoice in your progress. One step at a time is now things get done. Give yourself the credit for tackling your issues. You’ve started and that in itself is a win. Go forth, and be happy! Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! |
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