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By Josh Linkner
Ever get stuck on a problem, only to realize you’re solving for the wrong thing? That’s exactly what happened when the rocket scientists at NASA were trying to make astronauts’ pens to work in the zero-gravity environment of space. According to Scientific American, “During the height of the space race in the 1960s, NASA scientists realized that pens could not function in zero gravity. They therefore spent years and millions of taxpayer dollars developing a ballpoint pen that could put ink to paper without needing gravitational force to pull on the fluid.” The Soviets, on the other hand, delivered us a nuclear warhead of embarrassment…they simply gave their astronauts pencils. NASA was focused on the wrong problem – making a pen work in space. The real issue at hand wasn’t a pen at all; it was providing astronauts a tool for writing. When reframing the challenge, the soviets solved a multi-million dollar problem for the cost of a #2 pencil. Innovation scholars refer to this as “jobs-to-be-done” theory. The classic example: when hanging a picture above your living room couch, the thing you need isn’t a 1/4″ drill bit but rather a 1/4″ hole. Too often, we get caught up in the nuances and complexities of a specific solution rather than deeply connecting to the job-to-be-done. Once we zero in on the right problem, we can more easily apply inventive thinking to achieve the desired outcome. If the brainiac rocket scientists at NASA can fall into this trap, so can we. As we approach our own challenges – big and small – let’s direct our attention to the job-to-be-done and proceed unencumbered with conventional wisdom. Instead of blowing 38 months on a pen that defies gravity, let’s push our creative boundaries to discover simple, efficient, and inventive solutions instead. Now that’s something to write home about. With your #2 pencil, of course. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
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By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
For many, the start of school ushers in a welcome shift from summer. It means reunion with friends, the return of routine and the familiar sights, sounds and smells of the school building. Yes, we may miss the freedom of summer, but it’s certainly a joy to be surrounded by others and in places we feel welcome, are encouraged to learn, and fit in with others. For many this is a wonderful transition. For many. But not for all. Some children, families and teachers are navigating a whole different range of emotions. Back-to-school for some brings back feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, fear, loneliness and dread. These are arduous emotions many of us remember experiencing. I wrote about struggling with these feelings in the book IN AWE, and those memories briefly return each time I send my own kids out the door this time of year. 35 years ago, I left school on a Friday afternoon in January as an athletic, popular, mischievous fourth-grade boy. 15 months later I returned to school on a March morning as a fifth grader radically different. After being burned, I was seated in a wheelchair, without my fingers, scarred over my entire body, scared about how others would perceive me, and unsure of what school would be like. Would I still have any friends? Would I be able to get from class to class? How would I get my books from my backpack to my locker? Ultimately, deep down, I wondered: Would I still belong? After an early morning physical therapy appointment, Mom drove me in our old Mercury station wagon. Leaning back against the red vinyl seat, I sat quietly next to her, terrified about the day ahead of me. I’d never been wild about going to school. Even before being burned, I had welcomed any excuse to miss school and stay home. Snow day? Check. Water-main break at school? Check. National or religious holiday? Check. Illness? Check. Potential illness? Check! On that March day, I took a deep breath. The school was around the corner. Could I come up with an excuse to postpone my return? It was too late. Mom made the turn, school was within sight, my fate of returning to school was sealed. And that’s when I heard the shouts and screams from up the road. Hundreds of students lined both sides of the streets. Mom slowed down the station wagon, and we crawled toward the school. As we did, kids on both sides of the road shouted welcomes, waved signs and smiled excitedly at me. They were trying to make the little boy who felt he didn’t belong recognize he did. As we rolled into the parking lot and Mom stopped the car, the cheering got louder. Mom got out, opened my door and helped me out. Being a cool fifth grader, I’m not sure I even looked up or waved to acknowledge the cheers. But I heard them. I was profoundly moved by them. I will never forget them. As our principal propped open the door into the school, I saw that my classmates lined both sides of the hallway. These were my friends I worried might not accept me back. Being rolled through the welcoming tunnel that formed, tears sprung from my eyes. I felt accepted, embraced, enveloped by love. Maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay. The welcome didn’t end with that carefully orchestrated morning. It lasted all year as I carefully navigated a new reality. My classmates didn’t look away. They didn’t avoid me. The other kids didn’t mock me; they engaged with me. They said hello, helped me with my books, fought over who got to push my wheelchair, and sat with me at lunch. I was burned, scarred, broken, and different. But I was back. And they let me know it was okay. That I was okay. Now here’s the thing: we all know some students will show up terrified this year because they have scars and hurts. Some will wear those scars externally, but most will be hidden. They’ll be concerned about acceptance, about friendships and about simply getting through the year. They’ll be dealing with stuff at home that they don’t talk about and no one even knows about. And it’s not just students who might struggle. New families and new teachers will arrive with anxiety wondering how they fit in, wrestling with self-doubt. That’s when you and I show up. We don’t need a formal parade to make our new students, families and teachers feel welcomed and loved. We just need a heart that remembers what it was like to struggle, what it was like when someone reached out and what it was like to experience that profound impact in our lives. We have a chance daily to make others feel welcomed and loved. We have an opportunity to remind them that they matter and that their life is a gift. It might, in fact, be the most important thing they learn this school year. Don’t miss the chance to teach it to them today. Today is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
Someone once said that “common sense” is really “uncommon sense” because it seems to be in such short supply. This very well may be true. I remember attending my first Boy Scout camp and a group of older scouts convinced me to go ask the camp director for a “left-handed smoke grinder.” Needless to say, left-handed smoke grinders do not exist. Neither do right-handed ones. Ultimately, my quest led to a thirty-minute lecture from the director during which he explained that I had been duped and that I really should be more careful. He then suggested that I join some of the other young scouts on a snipe hunt later that night. Geez. Anyway, now that COVID has become a bit less threatening, in-person conferences have returned and my travel schedule looks like it did in 2019. And while I find myself dealing with a new world of cancelled flights, understaffed hotels, and closed restaurants, it’s the situations where I encounter uncommon sense that frustrate me the most. Every time something inane happens, I think to myself, Who thought that was a good idea? Let me illustrate. I recently attended a conference at what might be called a “rustic” resort. I say “rustic” because it wasn’t really designed for upscale vacationing. The resort has several water parks, a dozen arcades, and a few fast food kiosks. But it doesn’t have upscale dining options or stylish rooms. From what I could tell, the goal is to get people out of their rooms and into the water parks, arcades, and fast food kiosks. However, one slight flaw in the resort’s design is that it also has a conference center. This means that business people like me stay there as well. And to be clear, we aren’t particularly interested in the water parks, arcades, or fast food. So, as I typically do when I travel for speaking engagements, I work in my hotel room. I check emails, review proposals, write pithy blogs like the one you’re currently reading, and doze off at my desk around 1:00 p.m. just like when I’m back at my home office. At this rustic resort, however, they don’t want people to stay in their rooms, much less doze off at their desk. So, a technique they have employed to encourage their guests to engage in other activities is to furnish the rooms with a tiny rustic table and two rustic chairs that seemed to have been constructed by someone without access to professional carpentry tools. The arms, backs, and legs of these chairs looked like tree limbs manufacture from some sort of imitation wood presumably harvested from an imitation forest. Suffice it to say, the chairs were neither ergo nor nomic (and I’m not even sure what that means). To give you a sense of the way these chairs fit my body, the back of one had a simulated knot that protruded directly into my left kidney. Luckily the back of the other chair did not hit my left kidney but instead, put pressure on a nerve in my spine that eventually led to numbness in three toes on my right foot. There was no other seating option in my room so I folded the duvet from my bed into a cushioned tower that would raise my back above the knots on the chair. After toppling off the duvet several times, I finally gave up and retreated to the lobby where I sat on a couch that was covered in what looked like moose fur. But thankfully, the couch had no knots. That being said, I did discover a few unexplained insect bites on my leg later that night and wondered if the couch had fleas. When I retired for the evening, I wanted to plug my phone into an outlet near the bed so I could use it as my clock. As I was looking for one, I noticed that this resort, like so many hotels, still offers an overly complex clock radio that no one uses. In fact, in one hotel I stayed in last year, the alarm clock went off at 2:00 a.m. I spent an hour the next morning trying to disable it. Finally, I looked up the instructions online and one article suggested that it was easier to throw the clock away than to disable the alarm. So, I simply unplugged it. At 2:00 a.m. the next morning, the alarm went off again. Apparently, there was a backup battery installed which allowed the alarm to work should the power “somehow” be disconnected. Even though the rustic hotel had a clock, I felt more confident using my phone. However, there was only one outlet on the entire wall behind the bed and it was located in the center of the headboard but below the mattress. I’m sure this lack of outlets violates more than one building code but it makes sense for a resort that’s trying to create a rustic Davy Crockett experience. I mean, he had no electricity either. To plug in my phone, I had to pull the mattress back from the wall and feed the cord through a narrow opening in the headboard. Once I did that, I was able to run the cord across the box springs and anchor it over the corner of the bedside table with the hotel phone. After getting all of this situated, I was exhausted and hopped into bed. The weight of my body on the mattress yanked the phone off the table and it landed in between the mattress and the side rails. I had already set my alarm so I just left it there and went to sleep. After a fitful night waiting for the alarm on the clock radio to go off, I got up early and took a shower. As I finished, I looked for a towel and discovered they were located on a shelf under the sink about twenty feet from the shower. I wanted to take picture, just to prove my point, but my phone was still caught in the side of the bed. I couldn’t imagine who thought it was a good idea to put the towels so far from the shower? I did consider walking out into the hallway to let my naked body “air dry,” as a form of protest, but I didn’t want to run into someone I might see at my presentation. I’ve heard it said that speakers should imagine audience members in their underwear as a way to reduce their anxiety. But I suspect that most audiences have no good reason to see their speaker naked. After my program was over, I was relieved to leave the rustic resort and head back home where my chairs, my outlets, and my towels are exactly where they should be. I boarded the plane and soon found out that our departure time was delayed because of a mechanical problem. The pilot told us that he wanted to conserve fuel while we waited so he would not be using the air conditioner. I sat there sweating like Davy Crockett at the Alamo and decided to pass the time by watching a movie that I had downloaded to my phone. I opened the app and got an alert that I my phone only had 2% of its battery left. Apparently, the outlet on the wall behind the headboard and beneath my mattress only worked when the overhead light was on. I couldn’t help thinking, Now, who thought that was a good idea? Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Laurie Guest
When we’re exhausted, there’s little room for joy. Everything is a slog, and it’s hard to find the proverbial silver lining anywhere. Being joyless deprives us of the energetic smiles and laughs that make customer interactions that much more enjoyable for us and them. But what are the actionable steps we can take to bring back the joy that our service fatigue has robbed from us? The single best thing we can do is deceptively simple: we create the joy. (And by the way, if “joy” isn’t the appropriate sentiment for your line of work, feel free to swap in something more suitable: satisfaction, gratitude, fulfillment.) Joy isn’t just waiting around for us to discover it; sometimes we have to make it ourselves in order to get back on track in other aspects of our lives. Creating joy and happiness in life and work isn’t just about mental health, either. It impacts our physical health as well! Neurobiologists have found accumulating evidence that having a positive perspective can lower your cortisol levels and systolic blood pressure. The articles and facts are lengthy so let’s just summarize it to say: Joy=Health. When you’re exhausted and lacking the joy you want to have in your work, it can seem impossible to get it back. Here are three actionable steps you can take today to find more joy immediately. Step 1: When in doubt, Google. This is no joke. Just Google the phrase “simple ways to find joy in your life” and you will find pages of suggestions that can reminde us what we already know but may have forgotten. Things like appreciating what you DO have, surrounding yourself with positive people, laughing more, or creating a work “bucket list” of the professional achievements you’re excited about. Dance party for one to start your day? Sure! Writing with a colored pen instead of black or blue? Go for it! You may think that these are cliché or just silly suggestions, but ask yourself: are you doing them? Can one of these simple acts maybe make a real difference? Simple is a great place to start when you’ve got nothing to lose and joy to gain. Step 2: Take a Retreat! This can be for your team or just for you, whichever you need more right now. I’ve been advocating for (and personally doing!) both for nearly thirty years. In fact, I love this concept so much that I wrote a whole book about it, a guide to help you get away and get a plan to get back to your joy. For me, the most enlightening moments always come when I realize that the things bothering me the most are actually more in my control than I realize. The key is to break it down, whatever it is that you need to do to find your joy. I’m sharing my whole step-by-step retreat plan in my live virtual event on March 11, and though your plan might look a bit different in practice, the result is always the same: create the environment for joy, because it will never just appear on its own. Step 3: Inventory Your Happy OK…you don’t want to (or can’t) take a retreat right now? No problem. There’s an exercise in my book, Wrapped in Stillness, that you can do to help get an idea of the happiness that already exists in your life. Get the chapter right here and start today. The exercise asks you to inventory the things in your life that make you happy each day for five days, and then asks nine vital questions whose answers may just surprise you . I did it once and thought I knew what the results would be. But was I wrong! The exercise convinced me to completely rethink how I structure my calendar in order to restore a sense of joy in my days, and therefore in my work and personal life. I firmly believe that where we put our time is where we find our joy. Sure, not sweating the small stuff helps, but prioritizing our time and attention is really the secret. So, go ahead and take a moment to consider how you can bring back joy to your life and work. Consider all three steps I shared today. Google some new ideas. Take a retreat, even if you can only spare an hour a week. Do the exercise from Wrapped in Stillness and discover where you really find happiness. And you know what would bring ME joy? Hearing from you after you have done these things and letting me know how it made an impact in your customer service delivery. If you are serious about busting out of service fatigue, it starts with restoring the joy that’s costing you so much energy and attention. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Shep Hyken
When you flip a light switch, you know exactly what to expect. The light comes on – right away. No hesitation. It happens immediately. The human brain loves instant results. Let’s use the TV as an example. It was a number of years ago, but I remember the frustrating feeling like it was yesterday. I switched to a new satellite system for the internet and TV. Before the switch, when I changed TV channels it was instant. Go up, go down or push the number pad to get a specific channel, and it worked instantaneously. But with the new system, it took three or four seconds, sometimes longer depending on the signal, to move from one channel to the next. It might as well have been three minutes! Call me impatient – because I am. I ended up switching back to my old cable and internet company. The point is that people don’t like to wait. They tolerate having to wait, but given the choice, they would rather not do so. Just do a Google search of “How long do we spend waiting in lines?” and you’ll get different answers, ranging from six months to 10 years of our lives. Let’s be conservative and go with six months. That’s still a lot of unproductive time, and you don’t get it back. Customers dislike standing in line so much that some will pay to have someone else stand in line for them. That’s one of the services offered by TaskRabbit – actually hiring someone, referred to as a “Tasker,” to stand in line for you. The point is that people would rather not wait. They want to get information quickly and easily. Consider that when you order an item from Amazon, you are immediately sent confirmation that your order has been placed. Great customer-focused companies make it easy to get information quickly. It might be a Frequently Asked Questions page on the company’s website or a video tutorial that teaches exactly what the customer needs without having to call customer support. The point is that it’s quick, painless, and takes very little effort. Companies that realize the importance of speed are gaining a competitive advantage. One salesperson calls a customer back within an hour, while another salesperson calls back in two days. Who do you think creates more trust and confidence and has a better chance of making the sale? (Obviously, that’s a rhetorical question.) In most cases, we can’t be as instant as a light being switched on and off. But recognizing that people have shorter attention spans, as in a Light Switch Mentality, will remind us to react faster to our customer’s needs, ideally meeting and even exceeding their expectations. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By LeAnn Thieman. This was originally published on LeAnn's blog.
The skateboarder came careening toward me at about 100 miles per hour down the post office steps, then screeched to a stop inches in front of me. My expression of terror (and admittedly annoyance) caused him to drawl, “Chill out, Dude. Relax.” I wanted to shake my finger and lecture him on his social skills, but realized the “dude” had a point. I’d been working at a frenzy all day, rushing to meet the postal deadline, to then hustle to my next meeting. I needed to chill out and relax. Maybe we all do. Relaxation is important because it is more than a state of mind; it physically changes the way your body functions. When your body is relaxed breathing slows, blood pressure and oxygen consumption decrease, and most people report feeling an increased sense of well-being. This is called the “relaxation response.” Using relaxation techniques to produce this response actually changes not only your mind, but your body, researchers proved. They discovered this list of ailments relaxation can help cure (in alphabetical order for your convenience): anxiety, asthma, depression, digestive problems, fibromyalgia, headaches, heart disease, high blood pressure, hot flashes, insomnia, irritable bowel, nausea, nightmares, overactive bladder, pain, ringing in the ears, smoking cessation, temporomandibular pain. Whew! Are any of these a bit too familiar to you? If so, will you join me? Chill out, and relax, Dude. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Steve Gilliland
The internet is awash with easy tricks to develop a healthy, positive mindset. While the intention is good, to be a strong, motivated person, you can do better than hacks. Throughout life, you’ll be receiving tons of advice about how to stay positive, but here are some ideas you might be better off discarding: Myth: Positivity Is Constant Happiness Some people confuse optimism and positivity with happiness. You can maintain a positive outlook without pushing yourself to keep smiling. When we do the latter, we don’t allow ourselves to acknowledge our genuine emotional responses. Even motivational and inspirational speakers appreciate that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and suppressing feelings is a quick fix with a short life. The benefit of allowing your perspective and mood to shift is that you can fully express any negative feelings you might have and move on from them. Alternatively, you carry them with you. You’ll find that positivity flows naturally when you have a strong sense of purpose and vision. Think about the larger picture and all the happy moments still to come, and suddenly small-scale disappointments become just that. That sense of purpose will come directly from your passions, and the journey to it will be filled with self-love and care. When you’re being honest with yourself, disappointment is fleeting. Eventually, you’ll realize that no matter what, you’re not stagnated. You’re not bound to any one event or result. Your future is still as filled with possibilities as ever. These ideas will give you the momentum to push through obstacles, big or small. There’s no reason to force them. Myth: Contentment Is A Destination There’s nothing wrong with seeking contentment, but as a purpose, it might bring you the drive you need. Contentment and satisfaction are emotional responses, and they could vary from one moment to the next. Instead of thinking of your destination as a set place in space and time, give yourself the liberty to find your own way. You might be pleasantly surprised to see how far you go. Goals are good when they’re flexible and geared toward growth. These are more likely to give you the consistent push to keep your ambition untethered and active. Myth: Surround Yourself With Positivity Having external sources of positivity is wonderful but not reliable. When you’re in a happy environment filled with upbeat people, not taking care to keep your inner positivity from slipping can make you vulnerable to losing momentum. The difference between an external source and an internalized perspective is that one of them is with you for life. Myth: Don’t Dwell On The Past Why not dwell on the past? Yes, we’re not defined by our past experiences, but they’re a part of our journey. Thinking back to previous joys and missteps and reflecting is a key ingredient for personal growth. If you’re careful to remember that thinking about the past is about learning, not fixing, then you can’t go wrong. It’s also a great way to embrace the ups and downs of your life and learn about who you are at your core. The consistencies will teach you about what drives you forward and what weighs you down. To admit these things takes courage. It might be tempting to put some memories behind you and not look back, but these are the parts of our lives that stand to benefit from reflection the most. You’ll find your problem-solving skills becoming second nature as you learn more and more about your inner workings. Discard the idea that you need to be constantly ‘fixing’ something about yourself. Instead, think about how you can optimize your strengths and weaknesses. Myth: Set Achievable Goals, Because Failure Is An “F Word” It might seem counterintuitive, but failure is one of the best things that can happen to you. Maybe it wasn’t what you hoped for, but the phrase “high risk, high reward” doesn’t lie. Failing at something is a sure sign that you took a risk because you believed in yourself. When you do this, the results can sometimes turn out better than you could have hoped for – and sometimes they’ll fall short. When you opt to play it safe, you restrict yourself to your perceived capabilities. All people are capable of amazing things, most of which they’ll only discover by taking leaps and opportunities with zest and knowing that it’s not about succeeding. It’s about having faith that no event will take away from your power. When you set a wildly unrealistic goal, you’re not setting yourself up for failure. You’re expanding your realm of possibility. When you see a challenge that seems too much too soon, tackle it. If you don’t succeed the first time, you’ll find a better way the second time. If you succeed, you’ve accomplished something incredible that you might’ve mistakenly thought was light years away. Being able to call yourself to action and rise to impossibly high standards will knock the word ‘unachievable’ out of your vocabulary. You’ll surprise yourself and the people around you with the consistent drive to do better and retain the energy that moves you. Obstacles in the future might appear bigger than they are, but as you march along your courageous crusade, reliant on your determination and focus, you’ll find that there’s always a way forward. Myth: Prepare For The Worst When you entertain the idea that things will go wrong, you manifest the chance that they will. To prepare for the worst is to fear the worst, and as top business speakers will attest, there’s nothing to fear when you’re armed with faith in yourself. When you think you’ll be better off preparing for something, remind yourself that all the power you have comes from within you and, one way or another, it’ll deliver you to success. You also have everything that’ll help you to overcome. No loss could take away from your skills and talents. You can grow from failure, but you can’t shrink from it. At the end of every day, you’re the same person with the same power who sees risks and sets out to face them. Practicing authenticity and staying true to yourself is a great way to avoid becoming trapped in your achievements. When you keep humility, passion, and priorities in your toolkit, a bad outcome is just a stepping stone to a better one. Keep your perspective intact, and see things as they are: solvable. When you love and respect yourself, your resilience comes naturally. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Chip Bell
We have a volunteer plant. It stands tall, beautiful, and mysterious. It is a volunteer—a plant that grew up spontaneously without our doing anything. It likely came from something planted years ago by the previous owner of the property. We refer to it as our wild plant. What if service delivery was like a volunteer plant? Customers love volunteer service—something that occurs without regard to pattern, agenda, or marketing plan. Like getting an unexpected birthday card from some friend you haven’t heard from in years, volunteer service makes customers feel like they are a part of an adventure or some whimsical show. It is the customer service version of a flash mob performance. Volunteer service breaks the set, upsets the status quo, and turns humdrum into awe. It engages the heart, envelopes the spirt, and transforms plainness into kaleidoscope, conventional into sprinkles. It can come in the form of an experience highly “customerized”—that is, made just for you, not just customized or made for someone like you. It might include something mysterious, inventive, or inclusive. It could feel to customers like a puzzle, a celebration, or an improvisation play. It might enchant, enlighten, or educate. But whatever its form, it should speak the language of bold and sing the song of extemporaneous. It is the essence of amazement. Our wild plant could care less about the nearby “pretty daises all in a row.” Volunteer service signals you are daringly innovative and willing to reach for a brighter future and not be shoehorned by your proper past or your practical present. So, shoot for the service moon. As the late Norman Vincent Peale wrote, “Even if you miss, you will end up among the stars.” Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Mary Kelly
Sometimes your most brutal critics can be the people you love the most. Your parent, siblings, spouse, children—you know, the people who should be supporting you. Instead, you get unvarnished, unsweetened criticism about your clothes, your choice in partners, your hair, or your career. Sometimes in happens in front of the rest of the family. So, what can you do during the holidays to handle unwanted comments? Here are five things you can do to survive critical feedback. 1. Reframe Criticism as Caring It can help to change your perspective of your family’s criticism. You know deep down that they do not think you are a terrible person or a failure, but maybe they do care enough about you to want the best for you. Sometimes their worries or concern manifests as criticism, even if the person did not mean it that way. Mentally reframe hurtful words as a sign that your family member really cares about you. 2. Talk About the Effect of Criticism on You Not all caring feels warm and fuzzy. Some family members probably have no idea that it is hurtful to challenge your life choices or criticize your parenting skills. Sometimes the best thing you can do is calmly tell the other person how their criticism makes you feel. Say you value their advice, but perhaps they could be more positive and helpful in the way they deliver it. Ask for concrete suggestions and see how you can strategize together. 3. Remind Family Member that Unconditional Love Is Not Just from the Dog Families are supposed to love each other no matter what, but sometimes people forget that. They think it does not matter how they talk to their child or their sibling, and the niceties of politeness fall by the wayside. It is interesting that we are often more polite to complete strangers than they people we love the most. Make a conscious effort to be more polite. Remember to use “please” and “thank you.” 4. Set Clear Boundaries Sometimes family members forget that grown-up children are adults, not kids anymore. I still remember when my nieces and nephew were born, and sometimes it is a shock when I think that they voted in the last election. Adults make their own mistakes and take responsibility for their actions and life decisions. Much as I WANT to give my nieces and nephew advice on their lives, I need to remember that if they want guidance or advice, they will ask for it. My job is to make sure they know that I am available for them if they want that advice. 5. Decide to be the Dog We all know that dogs love unconditionally. I personally live with The Happiest Dog on the Planet. She was a rescue dog who had no idea where she was going when we selected her, but she happily jumped in the truck, wagging enthusiastically the whole time, and never looked back. She was not sure where she was going, but she decided that it had to be better than where she was. Her attitude continues to inspire me. We can emulate the dog’s attitude and decide to love our family no matter what. That does not mean we like them all the time, or that we approve of some of their dumber life choices, or that they do not drive us crazy. But we can control our responses to their comments. We can decide that we will accept them as they are. 6. Make Good Choices Ultimately, it is our choice. Yes, some people are toxic, and maybe we need to limit our time with them, whether they are friends or family, but we can set time and emotional boundaries. We can choose to take on their negativity or not. We decide how we react. The holidays can be stressful because we all want happiness and enjoyment, and sometimes our expectations of others do not match reality. That is okay! Smile and say please and thank you, be pleasant, and control what you can control. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
As schools prepare to open, it’s a great time to reflect on some highlights from summer before it fades. For me, the list includes morning walks with Beth, a slower pace at work, evening swims with Grace, playing cards with my boys and family vacations to Michigan and Florida. One highlight, however, started as a bad experience, became even worse and through a new friend’s generosity was transformed into a highlight. Let me explain. On our last night vacationing with my parents, five siblings and 21 cousins in Florida a bunch of the younger kids wanted to get ice cream together. Beth and I loaded them up into a golf cart, double buckled a few, triple buckled the rest and began the short commute. The night was cool, the stars were out, the kids were laughing, the week had been perfect and the glistening lights of the ice cream hut appeared in sight. Everything was perfect. Until… Until the bright red and blue lights of a police car pierced the darkness and sirens shrieked over the sounds of nature. My heart sank – as did my pride – as I pulled the golf cart off the road into a parking lot used as overflow for the ice cream stand. (A little golf cart pulled over with seven kids in it became quite the spectacle for an extensive line of customers waiting for their ice cream.) While they gawked at us, the kids behind me started asking questions. “Why did they pull you over, Dad?” “Are they going to take you to jail, Uncle John?” “Will this be your first time in jail? “Does this mean no ice cream?” The officer approached and explained that although our headlights were on, the taillights weren’t. She needed to run my license, but would get us out of here as quickly as she could. After getting my license back, I thanked the officer, double checked that the tail lights were on, pulled out of the spot and finished the commute. We parked, the kids popped out, skipped to the end of the line, and waited to place our order. It had been a bit of an ordeal, but the night was back on track. Until… Until Beth whispered to me, “You have cash, right? This place doesn’t take credit.” My heart sank as I realized neither of us had brought cash. We looked at these little kids, with the realization the place was closing shortly. There wasn’t time to run back for cash. The little ones were going to be disappointed. We started telling the kids what happened, prepared to step out of line and dejectedly return to the golf cart, defeated. Until… Until a gentleman a few people behind us heard our conversation, approached and shared that he’d like to buy our family ice cream. After repeatedly telling him that his offer was too generous, we had too many kids, it cost too much, he shared: “John, I actually read your book ON FIRE. I loved it. And I’d love to buy your family’s ice cream.” My friends, the suntan from that Florida sun has faded. The shells collected from the beach have been misplaced. The sand has finally been washed out of the clothes and the ice cream stains removed from the kids’ shirts. But none of us will forget our last night. We won’t forget the series of mistakes that almost made the night a total failure. And we won’t forget the unexpected generosity of a stranger who did far more than buy ice cream for a bunch of kids. What he really did was remind a line of onlookers that anyone can stand back, gawk and feel sorry for another. But the opportunity we all have is to not merely observe what’s wrong with someone else, but to care enough to step up, to walk over and to try to do something that makes a difference. We all know life is not perfect. We all know it’s hard. We all sometimes struggles with self-doubt and self-worth. Until. Until someone shows up. Reminding us that we are loved, our life matters and the best is yet to come. Take the opportunity today to be that person for someone else. Today is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! |
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