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By Laurie Guest
If I said, “Let’s play a game of tug of war,” but gave you no other instructions, what would you do as soon as I handed your team the rope? Of course, you would pull as hard as you could against the other team and try to drag them to your side. That’s because the object of tug of war is to get all players on the same side of the line using force. The team with more strength will pull the other side across the line for the win. Tug O’ War Strategies A lot of people make this mistake in business. We try to win others over by forcing them to see it our way. For example, a front desk assistant says to a customer, “I’m sorry, but that’s our policy. There isn’t anything I can do about it.” This is not a statement that will win over anybody. This scenario is like a tough game of tug of war. The customer pulls from one side of the desk, while the staff member pulls from the other. Both are determined to get their way. Now, I would like you to think of the rules of tug of war and replace the words “with force” to a different word and see how the situation changes. Let’s try it. The object is to get all players on the same side of the line…using compromise. “Well, we may be able to divide your fee into payments, but I’ll need to ask you to put down at least a 50% deposit for us to offer that option.” Let’s try another one. The object is to get all players on the same side…with bribery. “We’d be able to knock a little off the fee if you let us put a sign in your yard that says we’re the company doing your re-roofing work.” You do something for us; we do something for you. Another common example of this tactic is when we say, “Today only. Buy one, and get one free.” How about this one? Get everyone on the same side…with peer pressure: “We’re only five new members away from meeting our goal. What would it take to get you to sign up today as a new member?” An Advanced Lesson in Staff Development: A Winning Strategy The list of examples could go on and on. Each one can work, but my favorite way to win someone to my side of the line is through influence. An influential statement might be, “I’m confident we can help you meet your goals by the properties of this new technology. Are you ready to learn how?” Looking for opportunities to turn a tug of war game into an exercise of finding solutions does not come automatically to most staff. We’ve given them policies we expect them to follow and, hopefully, an empowered environment that allows them to think for themselves. We expect solutions-based thinking. A winning strategy is found in the story of a minister on the West Coast, Will Bowen, came up with the idea of a rubber bracelet that would promote a positive attitude. He asked his staff to wear a rubber bracelet. Every time they said something negative, they were asked to take the rubber bracelet off and move it to the other wrist. When the next negative statement was said, move it back. It’s a back and forth game until you condition yourself to quit speaking in a negative way. I first heard about this story when a manager at one of my events raised her hand and shared how she bought the bracelets to use in her business. She started to laugh when she shared about the person on her team who was a boat rocker, a trouble maker, the one she was hoping would catch the drift and change her negative language. After a week of wearing the bracelet, she reported the staff member walked into her office, threw the bracelet down on the table, and declared, “I am not wearing this anymore!” When I asked her why, she replied, “I am so tired of changing it from wrist to wrist. I’m sick of it!” We all got a big laugh out of the fact that she didn’t understand the whole lesson was not about continually changing the bracelet, but her way of thinking. Change the mindset, and you don’t have to move the bracelet. You truly do get to pick how you want to react to things. Avoid making conversation into a tug of war. Look for ways to influence and find compromise. This will lead to an amazing guest encounter. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success!
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By Beth Boynton
In applied or medical improv activities, we are always practicing communication skills and building positive relationships in a trusting environment. With proper facilitation participants practice taking a little more risk, in a safe way to share ideas and build on the ideas of others. Intellectually, these growing edges seem simple. They are not. Both sides of the communication coin, listening and speaking up involve sharing power and that can be very challenging. Being more assertive means showing ownership , being accountable, and maybe even wrong. Listening more respectfully requires a letting go of control to make room for other people’s ideas and concerns. If our communication is limited then so too are our relationships. Our collaborative problem-solving will be stunted, we may hold resentments about not feeling heard, we’ll have trouble managing conflict, and ultimately will not be bringing our best selves into our team and leadership roles. Another way to explore how the roots of our communication can impact the system and is to look at three of the principles of complex adaptive i.e. human systems; adaptability, the butterfly effect, and flexibility. Adaptability Adaptability refers to the ability of the participants to adapt and learn from changes in their environment. In a high-stakes, high-stress health care environment, we could not be adaptible without consistent, effective and respectful communication. For example, inviting input on an issue and listening to it is key for engaging staff. Leaders sometimes avoid such engagement, because they assume that staff will expect them to follow all recommendations, which could lead to conflict if they don’t. Instead of validating, considering input and setting limits, they simply avoid asking. Staff who don’t feel heard may become disengaged or use resistance to solutions (consciously or subconsciously) as a passive-aggressive way of being heard. Whereas, many people will accept reasonable limits if they feel heard. Leaders can also embrace this idea to increase staff accountability for stubborn problems like, for instance, hospital-acquired infections. By asking staff, “What do you need to comply with hand-washing protocols?” and then listening carefully to the responses, they create the conditions for learning new information that might help, and they relay the message that input is valued. The butterfly effect The butterfly effect refers to a small event happening in one place, like a butterfly flapping its wings contributing to a large event happening someplace far away, such as a hurricane on the opposite side of the world. The butterfly effect of disrespectful versus respectful communication can be seen in these two health care-related examples:
Emergent behavior Emergent behavior refers to how we behave in the moment and in relationship to others. To gossip or not, to offer or take in constructive feedback versus avoiding conflict, or to speak up or remain silent about a concern are soft skills that are intrinsic in each of these behaviors:
Conclusion These communication-related skills and how they relate to outcomes in healthcare may be hard to see, but now that you know how to look for them, you’ll spot them more easily. As you do, you may see or suspect their impact in the workplace. Did the nurse who hurt her back ask for help? Was the surgeon receptive to challenges during the wrong-site surgery? Would the resident have fallen if the nurse assistant sat with her for a few minutes and listened to her concerns? Without getting at the roots of assertiveness and listening we will not have, cannot have the healthiest system we owe our patients and providers. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman. This was originally published on Karyn's blog.
Fun fact: In January 2019, Southwest Airlines reported their 46th consecutive year of profitability. They also ranked #11 on Fortune’s 2019 list of the World’s Most Admired Companies. One of this company’s standout qualities is its dedication to a humorous corporate culture. Their flight crews are encouraged to be funny, and the numbers don’t lie - that sense of humor is paying off! No, this post isn’t sponsored by Southwest Airlines! They’re just an excellent example of how a company that values a good laugh achieves success. This is High Performance Humor at work (literally!). High Performance Humor: Let’s Break It Down High Performance Humor (HPH) is the strategic use of humor in a professional setting in order to achieve a more successful work environment. Every organization can benefit from incorporating HPH into their workplace; however, before you can give HPH a seat in the boardroom, you have to understand how to properly employ it. I’ve identified the components to HPH that will help you develop masterful use of strategic humor in the workplace. These are The 7 Building Blocks of High Performance Humor... 1. Content: This is what you’re aiming to communicate to your audience (via an anecdote, joke, observation, etc.). It could be anything from a stressful project to your work buddy’s tie, and it can be used to create a lighthearted moment in the middle of any situation. 2. Bond: This is the relationship between you and your audience. Humor can help establish and reinforce connections between leaders, coworkers and clients. In fact, a sense of humor has been found to be a key trait in effective leaders! 3. Safety: This one is so important! The physical and emotional safety of your audience must always be considered when employing humor, both within and outside of the workplace. Respect is key! HPH never alienates, harasses, or otherwise harms another. 4. Distance: This refers to the emotional and temporal distance from a painful event. Recognizing that certain events and occurrences can be funny, but only from a certain distance, helps you discern how to deliver certain instances of humor. And remember: some topics are better left untouched! Use good judgement and always err on the side of caution. 5. Confidence: This is the self-assurance you feel in relation to your abilities or qualities. Humor has been shown to actually project confidence to others! As you continue to practice incorporating humor into your workplace, you’ll grow more confident in yourself and your abilities. 6. Competence: This refers to your level of skill, proficiency and mastery in a given topic. Understanding the topic you’re joking about helps you deliver a more impactful and nuanced message to others. This brings me to my second point about competence: communication! Knowing how to communicate with the different personalities you’re surrounded by improves bonds with others (see Point 2) through establishing shared emotions and a common goal. Get to know those around you and learn how to best connect with them! 7. Authenticity: While I’ve discussed the importance of considering those around you when employing humor, there’s one rule that I really want you to remember: Always be authentic! Learn about your unique sense of humor, and from there, learn how to translate it to different humor styles in a way that remains true to yourself. Grow We each have our strengths and weaknesses within the 7 Building Blocks, so identify yours and use that as a starting point. Build on your strengths and understand your areas of improvement. With a little practice and time, you’ll be an unstoppable force of High Performance Humor, and your workplace will thrive! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Kenneth Kaufman
There is an old saying in sports: “We’re looking for character, not characters.” Sam Walker found that this old saying doesn’t lead to the most winning teams. For many years, Walker was a sportswriter and he is now the leadership columnist at The Wall Street Journal. When researching his excellent book The Captain Class, Walker found that captains of the most successful teams in sports history had very little in common with the Hollywood version of a leader and a captain. They did not have superstar talent. They were not the best-known or the most individually successful players. Surprisingly, they weren't fond of the spotlight. They often played subservient roles to others on the team. They were not angels. Sometimes they were divisive. Carla Overbeck, the largely unknown captain of the 1996 gold medal–winning U.S. women's soccer team, was “average at best” as a defender, and her offensive totals were “anemic.” She was so selfless that she often carried teammates’ bags to their hotel rooms. However, her humility created trust among team members and lent power to her relentless pushing of teammates during training and games. Richie McCaw, captain of the New Zealand All-Blacks rugby team, talked with referees before each game to find out how tightly they would enforce the rules so he could play up to the very edge of what was permissible—and frequently over the edge. However, his rule-pushing created an atmosphere of assertiveness that was a large part of his team’s success. New York Yankees captain Yogi Berra could barely put sentences together. However, his constant one-on-one communication helped him understand each player’s strengths and helped bring out the best in his teammates. And Valeri Vasiliev, captain of the Soviet Union Olympic hockey team, once threatened to throw his coach out of an airplane. However, this was in response to the coach breaking a promise and calling out individual team members after the team, favored to win the gold medal in the 1980 Olympics, fell apart. Vasiliev's act, which was unimaginable for a Soviet player, galvanized the team and contributed to a stretch of great success. Longstanding organizations—such as hospitals—typically have strong, highly valued cultures. The potential problem is when an organization begins to play to that culture to the point that human resources decisions, especially for leadership positions, are constrained by culture. People hired tend to fit within that predetermined cultural mold. Given that view of culture, many people who would make great leaders in our organizations—like the captains that Sam Walker profiles—may never get hired, much less placed in leadership positions. Walker found, at least in sports, that teams benefited from putting people in leadership roles who did not fit the mold. Each of the captains that Walker profiled was a “character.” Each person behaved differently from the norm, pursued leadership in nontraditional ways, and in general looked at the world differently than most people. Yet those were the very characteristics that separated those people from their peers in terms of their ability to motivate, push, and lead their teams to levels of performance few teams can match. Walker found that these captains were dogged and focused to an almost unnatural degree. They played aggressively. Many projected humility and gained respect through their willingness to do thankless jobs and to stay in the shadows. Many communicated in a low-keyed, one-on-one manner. And despite their intensity—or perhaps because of it—these captains displayed ironclad control of their emotions. Hospitals and health systems are facing a time of basic business model change. That means not only a new way of doing business, but an entirely new breed of highly aggressive competitors. To face this challenge, we need leaders who look at the world in new ways. Those leaders may seem different from those that the current culture deems “a good fit.” The captains in Walker’s book lead from a very different direction from our usual expectations. Success is very personal to these people, and their leadership styles come from that personal drive and their very personal traits. Therefore, these leaders can’t be screened by measuring their relationship to the existing culture. These leaders don’t fit a pre-existing culture; they are the culture. By Vicki Hess
When was the last time you had to do something new at work? It can be a scary proposition. You don’t want to look silly or take too long to complete a task or make mistakes. Being a novice at something can be unsettling. I feel your pain. Recently I decided to join a masters swim program and got back in the pool for the first time in a long time. For those of you who aren’t familiar, a masters swim program is organized swimming that provides coaching and instruction. Since I’ve been doing a few triathlons this seemed to be a great way to bring a new form of exercise into my routine as well as a nice way to meet some people. The first morning that I got to the pool I felt a little anxiety. I thought to myself “What’s going on here? This is just exercise. Why are you worried about this?” Well, it’s because, at my core, I am someone who wants to do well, and I am someone who wants to look like I know what I’m doing. Do you ever feel that way? Here are several ideas for how to take the pain out of doing something new... 1. Look at your own beliefs about the new project that you’re embarking on. That first day back, I stopped myself from worrying and took a deep breath. I reminded myself that this was a choice I had made and was something I wanted to do. Quite often at work we put ourselves in a position where we ask for a new assignment because we’re bored and we want to challenge and then when it actually happens we think “Oh my gosh what was I doing?” Stop take a deep breath examine your own beliefs and look at how you can change those beliefs to be more affirmative. 2. Create intentional vocabulary around this new project. If you hear yourself starting to complain or lament about your fears and worries stop and take a deep breath. Do you see the pattern here? Re-imagine how you could talk about this experience. Instead of saying “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I have to learn this new technology” or “I hate it when things change” or “I am drowning in new work”, reframe things to be more positive. Even though it makes me a little anxious, I decided at the pool that every person I met I wasn’t going to focus on how little I knew. I decided to think about my past experiences and how successful I have been. 3. Embrace your vulnerability mindset. Recognize that this is a new activity. It’s OK to make mistakes. I love it when I realize that I don’t have to be perfect. Being vulnerable and adding courage to that gives you the opportunity to experience vulnerability and joy when you overcome the initial uncertainty and start to master the new skill. 4. Get in the (metaphorical) pool. Stop talking. Stop lollygagging. Stop putting it off. Start the project. Whether it’s learning some new software program or communicating with a whole new team of people or maybe learning a project improvement process, it’s time to dive in and take the plunge! 5. Evaluate how you’re doing. Stop and take a look at your progress. Now is the time to ask for feedback from others. There are coaches at the master swim program and I frequently I ask for suggestions on how I could improve my stroke. I thought I was a pretty good swimmer, but I learned a couple of things on the first day that really changed the level of energy I had to exert and the distance that I could achieve. Evaluate how you’re doing and ask others for help. Be sure to listen when they give you the feedback. Just listen and let it wash over you. 6. Celebrate your successes! They might be very tiny successes in the beginning. For me, mastering my flip turn gave me more momentum as I was pushing off from the side of the pool. I was still slow when I was swimming, but I have improved in one area. Work on the challenges and keep pushing forward. That might mean extra reading, listening or observing others. Celebrate your successes. Pat yourself on the back and celebrate! 7. Repeat the above steps. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Courtney Clark
As kids head back to school, families want to set their children up for success - which will be especially challenging this year! If you want to help your kid have a productive school year, try teaching some of these resilience lessons. Each one will help make your child more capable of navigating school year stressors... Everything is Hard the First Time School isn’t meant to be easy. If you knew everything already, you wouldn’t need to go to school! Learning something you don’t already know how to do is the whole point of an education. But for lots of kids, if something is difficult, they interpret that difficulty to mean they must not be good at that task, or they must be stupid. There’s an emerging school of thought called “growth mindset,” which focuses on our capacity to learn and grow. Often in our society, we praise children for their innate gifts and skills, saying “oh, you’re just so smart!” “you’re a good artist!” When that happens, we accidentally deliver the message that a child’s success is because they’re naturally good at something. Children are then at risk of developing a “fixed mindset”, which is the opposite of a growth mindset, and tells them that their skills and talents are fixed and can’t be changed. Help your child develop a growth mindset by encouraging work that is just beyond their current abilities, showing them a path to solve the problem, and then praising them for the effort they exerted, showing them how that effort got them the outcome they wanted. Your Teacher Didn’t GIVE You a Grade Has your child come home and said “my teacher gave me a C on my project! I don’t know why!”? That’s language you want to catch and correct. Saying “my teacher gave me thus-and-such grade” isn’t usually accurate. Except in the rare case of a disconnected or vindictive teacher, your child most likely earned that grade. When a child phrases their grades in a way that places responsibility on the teacher instead of themselves, you’re seeing something called “external locus of control.” People can exhibit either an internal locus of control or an external locus of control. People with an internal locus of control believe that they have some measure of control over the outcomes in their lives, and they take responsibility for doing their part. People with an external locus of control think that what happens to them is out of their hands: it’s all because of luck, fate, their boss, their mom. Listen to how your children talk about their grades, because it may be the first time you hear whether your child is prone to an internal or external locus of control, and you can help guide them to take more responsibility for what happens in their lives. Bullying isn’t the Same as Not Being BFFs For very good reasons, schools and communities are now intervening much earlier and more seriously when it comes to bullying. Childhood bullying can cause long-term stress that even carries into adulthood, and the growing awareness of bullying is a great thing that protects vulnerable children. But there’s one unintended downside to the rise in awareness against bullying. As children are being taught not to bully, their developing brains aren’t great at understanding what bullying really is. To a 5 year old, anyone doing something that makes them feel sad or angry feels like a bully. So saying “no, I’m not going to give you my favorite doll,” could be bullying to a 5 year old. We know better, as adults, but kids can’t always see the difference. It’s important to help your kids navigate a world where everybody doesn’t want to be their friend. Your 9 year old may want to be friends with somebody who doesn’t want to be friends back. And it doesn’t necessarily make the other kid mean. It’s just a fact of life that we all prefer some people over others, and children are no different. So at home, if you hear about meanness or bullying, try to really tease out the actions that took place, before you get upset. (Because if you get upset, your kid will get even more upset!) Their teenage and young adult years will be filled with change friend-circles and romantic rejection, so this is great practice for what lies ahead. Help your child develop more resilience by repeating these three mantras whenever they need a little nudge back on track. School-year stress is a real thing, but with a little guidance from you, your kid can grow into a hard-worker and a self-starting student! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Roger Crawford. This was originally published on Roger's blog.
You’ve likely heard this quote: “You don’t have to live in Pity City.” All of us have taken up residence in Pity City at some point. Maybe you were rejected for a job you really wanted, or you feel overwhelmed because of challenging circumstances. It’s important that your stay in Pity City does not become permanent because self-pity will:
This allows you to avoid taking responsibility for who you are and where you are. As a result, you don’t risk improving your life because you believe the end result will be negative. This is not about finding an excuse for failure; it is finding an excuse to give up. Self-pity is when you’re trying to find an excuse to give up. If we don’t risk or feel responsible for our lives, we mistakenly believe we will avoid anxiety and disappointment. Actually, not accepting responsibility creates more of the emotions you are trying to sidestep, because you’ll experience:
Don’t wallow in self pity — move on Let go of the illusion of “fair” Resist spending time trying to figure out if your struggles are fair, and focus instead on taking control of your mindset. Self-pity paralyzes you with this thought: “When life is fair, then I will be successful.” How do you really know what fair is? We don’t know all the struggles that others deal with or the unfairness they face. Mentally strong people don’t debate whether life is fair or unfair. They accept life as it is and move forward. I love this quote because it dispels the myth that life should be fair: “There is no fair. Play the hand you were dealt to the best of your ability.” -Naval Ravikant in Tim Ferriss’s Tribe of Mentors Look for ways to help others When you are in a cycle of self-pity, you tend to be self-focused, thinking only about your reasons to be bitter and resentful. You can break this negative cycle by looking for opportunities to help others. One of the quickest ways to lift yourself out of self-pity is to find ways to lift others up. When you begin to help people make their lives more positive, you stop focusing on your negativity. You see your life from a different perspective and can appreciate all the blessings you have. Helping others boosts your self-confidence and gratefulness. Look for inspiration Motion is driven by emotion, so if you’re feeling down, overwhelmed, or fearful, inspiration can serve as a catalyst for motivation. Be vigilant in looking for people and stories that inspire you. Look at the facts If you are feeling discouraged, ask yourself, “What is the reality?” Gather as much information about your circumstances. When we look at the facts we often see that we have over-generalized and over-dramatized our situation. This realization strengthens us and increases our courage. Play to learn All of us desire success; however, none of us are always victorious. How we interpret these setbacks determines our outlook. Commit today to view every situation as an opportunity for learning and personal growth. By doing this, you will begin to see how even problems can provide previously unseen possibilities. We choose whether to focus on the loss or the lesson. Watch your mouth Words can be more powerful than armies. During times of challenge, it is important to be cognizant of how we talk about our circumstances. It has been said that “language can corrupt thought.” Therefore, speaking negatively about a challenge the size of a molehill can quickly become a mountain. An irony of life is that it can bring us difficult obstacles, and at the same time, amazing opportunities. These are both truths — What truth are you going to dwell on? Choose grit over self-pity Grit has two components: the ability to stick with your goals and the ability to hang in there when faced with adversity. Self-pity is the opposite of grit. When you increase grit, you decrease self-pity. But how do you grow your grit? One quality of being gritty is being hopeful. This is not the kind of hope where you sit back and wish everything were better. If your wish doesn’t come true, this can lead to self-pity. “I always have bad luck; the world is against me.” Grit is believing things will get better because your efforts will make them better. It’s not just thinking about it; it’s doing something about it. Does hope really matter to future success? Research has shown that people without hope give up easily, place blame, and avoid taking risks. Sounds a lot like self-pity to me. Thousands of thoughts run through your head every day. What thoughts will you choose to focus on? The ones that keep you stuck and make you feel pitiful, or the ones that keep you moving forward and make you feel powerful? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Tim Hague Sr.
Sometimes recognizing gifts in life isn’t easy, which is why it’s so important to pay attention. To this day I still smile when I think of the edge we gained over the other teams on the race; it was as if we had an unseen (and maybe slightly unfair) advantage of a third team member. Of course Sheryl wasn’t there, but the advice she’d given was so profoundly important. Pay attention: that can sometimes be an incredibly difficult task. After all, when we’re under great stress, the mind doesn’t function properly. So many times on the race when Tim Jr. and I were lost and confused, unsure of what to do next, we’d be told to “read your clue.” I was continually amazed at how often we could do that and still not be any the wiser. When they told us to “read your clue,” what they really meant was “understand your clue.” Understanding requires concentration and focus—which is so hard when you’re under stress. Stress forces us to work too fast, which in turn makes us blow past the “clues” in life that we might have otherwise put to good use. So at these times I stop, collect my wits, and take stock of the situation. I look around my life and ask the important questions: Where am I at? Where am I going? Am I going where I want to go or should be going? These are just a few examples of how we can take a careful view of our lives and then become more deliberate about where our next steps take us. And when we learn to pay attention to the details in life, we often come away amazed at how things fall into place. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! |
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