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When Someone Asked Me Why I Was Stupid

3/10/2022

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By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.

“Were you born stupid? Or have you just become stupid over time?”

As a 20-year old college finance major, I had an amazing opportunity to work at a world-class financial service firm. Although at that age, my ability to balance my personal checking account was in serious question, this organization placed me in a position to support their most successful financial advisers.

Truth be told, the majority of my job consisted of making copies, printing spreadsheets and assembling mailing packets.

On the few occasions my phone actually rang, I’d answer excitedly only to be greeted by the voice of college friends pranking me or my mother asking how the day was going.

There was, however, one unforgettable phone call. As the phone rang, I cleared my throat and answered in my most professional voice, “Managed Products, this is John O’Leary. How may I help you?”

A deep, grumpy voiced barked back into the line, “Good, John, I got you. Have a question for you: Were you born stupid? Or have you just become stupid over time?”

Startled, I looked at the phone to make sure it wasn’t a number from a college friend. Seeing it was coming from our office in Chicago, I responded,
“I’m sorry. Excuse me?”

This manager’s advice after his employee received a cutting insult is something we all need to hear.

To which the successful advisor replied sarcastically, “Oh no, I am the one who is sorry. I forgot who I called. Let me slow this question down for you: Were. You. Born. Stupid? Or. Have. You. Just. Become. Stupid. Over. Time?” There was a long pause before he added, “Did I slow it down enough for you?”

Without going into the details, the cause of the problem this man had wasn’t actually me, or even our department. It was a filing issue elsewhere that kept him from closing a contract. And it was an issue easily remedied.

Although the conversation rattled me as an intern, the reason I am rehashing the story is less about my hurt feelings or someone’s assessment of my intelligence, and much more about my manager’s response and what it means for all of us today.

As a leader, Don Embree was quiet and humble, but also fierce and resolute. He became highly successful professionally by investing himself fully into his team. Whereas we have many examples of leaders today who quickly blame others for mistakes while earnestly taking credit for successes, Don worked in the opposite manner. His wisdom imparted that day remains with me 25 years later.

“John, never listen to anyone who is only able to tell you what you do poorly. Their hostility toward you is just a reflection of hatred toward themselves. They don’t feel good about themselves, they don’t have strong self-esteem and they most certainly don’t have your best interest in mind.”

This is so good.

Anger is frequently a reflection of self-loathing. It almost always reveals lack of self-esteem. And those who show it almost never have the best interest of others in mind.

It’s a beautiful sentiment but how do we live this each day?

The challenge today is two-fold:

This is what you should read into others’ attitudes and insults.

The first is to recognize when someone belittles you, is negative toward you, or treats you poorly, that their attitude reflects not your self-wroth, but theirs. Too frequently we give our power to someone who doesn’t even have our best interest in mind. Let’s take our power back!

The second aspect is even more important. In the divisive, quick-to-anger world we find ourselves navigating today we can choose to be a model that connects, lifts up, and provides hope.

Any fool can raise their voice or degrade an idea or another human being. It’s popular, trends on social and is the currency of the day.

Truly remarkable leaders and ordinary heroes, however, choose instead to faithfully serve, selflessly strive, continuously encourage, and humbly work to make the world a better place. They have high self esteem and have the best interest of others in mind.

My friends, 25 years ago a self-centered individual asked me if I was born stupid or just became that way over time.

Today, let’s share a very different message with those we encounter. Let’s ask if they realize they were born enough. Let’s ask if they’re embracing the wonderful opportunity to become even more brilliant in time.

And let’s begin this conversation with a person probably longing for the reminder: The reflection in the mirror.
​
This is your day.  Live Inspired.

Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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4 Ways to Develop a Positive Mindset

3/8/2022

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By Roger Crawford. This was originally published on Roger's blog.

Do you remember a time when you had a challenge to overcome, an important project to complete, or a situation that you had never faced before? Were you unsure where to start? Was it a positive or negative experience for you? How did you feel about the results?

What I’ve found after thirty years of speaking to over 4,000 audiences and coaching hundreds of highly-successful executives and industry experts is…the more positive you think, the better results you get. Take a look at the lives of successful people and you will find a common denominator. They have a positive mindset that allows them to break through obstacles and maintain momentum. Instead of retreating, they lean into their challenges and discover new opportunities less-successful people missed.

Those opportunities create a path through obstacles that leads to achievement. A positive mindset that results in success doesn’t mean you overlook challenges. Instead, you lean in and say, “Yes I can” which helps you see circumstances in the most favorable positive light possible.

If you choose a negative mindset, you will look for and magnify what is negative around you. You immediately anticipate the worst and start blaming yourself or others for a bad outcome, whether it occurs or not. There’s no opportunity to create a positive result and success.

My priceless years of experience show that a positive mindset is essential to perform your best and realize your awesome potential. Here are four key ideas to develop and maintain a positive mindset.

If you think with a negative mindset, you will look for and magnify what is negative around you. You immediately anticipate the worst and start blaming yourself for a bad outcome, whether it occurs or not.

Your Mindset Matters!

A positive mindset is essential to perform at your best and realize your awesome potential. Here are four ideas to help you develop and maintain a positive mindset.

#1 Manage Your Mouth
The language you use has a tremendous influence over your mindset. What you say affects how you feel; how you feel determines how you act; and how you act either increases or decreases results. Choose your words carefully because what you say impacts whether you’re crushed by, or conquer your circumstances. Positive words make you strong; and negative words make you weak.

It’s important to make a habit of using words that accurately reflect your reality. This way you won’t turn a molehill into a mountain. In other words, don’t exaggerate the situation.

How many times have you heard someone say something like this? 

“It’s a disaster!” Think again. Maybe it’s actually an inconvenience. 

“It’s impossible!” Is that a fact or an opinion?

The important point is that using language that mistakenly depicts our circumstances is a clear path to excuse making. Failure to take responsibility leads to an inability to find solutions.

When you have negative thoughts, strive to reframe your thinking in a more positive way. Instead of saying, “I am a failure,” try a more positive and accurate representation. “I failed this time, but what I learned will help me succeed in the future.”

#2 You Have the Control
People that have a consistently negative mindset have likely forgotten that they have control over their thoughts. They let challenges, other people, or even the weather determine how they think. 

Would you agree that we live life from the inside out? The thoughts and beliefs you have inside shape what you see on the outside, not the other way around. One of the most important principles of maintaining a positive mindset is understanding that while you may not control your circumstances, you do control how you respond to your circumstances. Remember, you are the boss of your brain!

#3 Have a Grateful Mindset
People with a positive mindset resist dwelling on their disadvantages and appreciate what they do have. A grateful mindset is not automatic… it’s intentional. So, instead of waiting for something to make you feel grateful, deliberately look for the blessings you already possess.
Being grateful doesn’t eliminate problems. However, by focusing on what’s good about your life helps remove bitterness and negativity. New York Times best-selling author Lewis Howes says, “If you concentrate on what you have, you’ll always have more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you’ll never have enough.”

#4 Release Setbacks – Rehearse Success
The next time you experience a loss, turn it into a lesson, and then let it go. Someone with a negative mindset spends time living in the past, dwelling on previous problems, and continually asks “why.” They ask themselves, “Why did it happen?” “Why me?” or “Why not someone else?”
On the other hand, someone with a positive mindset is present focused, learns from their past circumstances, and then asks “how.” They ask, “How can I learn from this?” and “How do I move forward?”

A positive mindset can take you from where you are to where you want to be. A negative mindset will stop you from even trying. The ability to develop and maintain a positive mindset is always within your reach, and I’ve given you four keys to help you. Lean into the opportunity to discover the tremendous potential you have and experience the great things you are capable of. Believe that success is possible, develop a winning mindset, achieve more, and become more of who you are meant to be!


​Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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A Nod to Caregivers: You are Not Alone

3/3/2022

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By Donna Cardillo

​
March is National Multiple Sclerosis Education and Awareness Month.

Twenty-six years ago, my husband was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Twenty-six years ago, I became a family caregiver; and, more specifically (in my case), a spousal caregiver.

I didn’t even realize that I was a family caregiver at that time because I always envisioned family caregivers as people who had to dress and feed the person for whom they cared. My husband didn’t need any of that. 

As time went on, I started to become very overwhelmed and bordering on burnout. I started to do some research online, and I found several wonderful websites that cater to family caregivers. As I began to read about what family caregiving is all about, I realized that I do all of those things—and more! I truly am a family caregiver. 

Caregiving is not just physically caring for someone with bathing, dressing, or eating. 

It’s also medication management, spending time on the phone with insurance companies and medical offices, and providing emotional support for the person for whom you care for. Family members, neighbors, and friends very often don’t want to ask the person who’s ill or disabled how they’re doing and get a real answer. Instead, they turn to the caregiver for all of those responses. 

Once I found relevant information online, I felt so much better just understanding my own experience more. The reason I’m bringing this up in National MS Month is that family caregivers suffer in silence. We often go unrecognized, even by ourselves. So, we suffer as a result—with a higher incidence of chronic illness—even a higher incidence of premature death. That point is not to scare you or make you paranoid, it’s just to illustrate the seriousness of the job we take on and why it’s even more important not to try to do it all alone. How vital it is—for us as family caregivers—to take care of ourselves and to also make ourselves a priority just as we do our loved one!

Self-care doesn’t necessarily mean going to the spa, although that would be lovely. It does include things like getting help and support through support groups or through counselors—visiting your own healthcare professionals for both physical and mental health issues. Create opportunities to do things like spending time outdoors, working on some hobbies—there are lots of things that you can do on your own for yourself! 

I became aware of how easy it is to get sucked into the vortex of caregiving, and as a result, lose yourself in the process. Then, if we lose that loved one at some point, we don’t even know who we are anymore, and don’t have much of a life left. I want to tell all family caregivers, whether your loved one has multiple sclerosis or another disability, or you care for elderly people, that you are a vital part of that equation. Taking care of yourself is just as important as eating and sleeping.

When people ask if they can help you in any way, we usually say, “No,” or “I don’t know.” Or they say, “What can I do for you?” We don’t even know what to say as a caregiver. 

So, here’s my best advice for you: The next time someone says, “Can I help you in any way?” Just say, “Yes,” even if you don’t know exactly what you need. Default to “Yes.” Then, if they say, “Oh, great! What can I do?” say, “What do you suggest?”

​In other words, you’re not even coming up with something yourself, you’re leaving it to them to offer. They might say, “How about I bring dinner over? Or maybe I can come over and sit with your loved one while you spend some time outside?” Say, “Yes! Great!” 

You have to seek help and support. You can’t operate in isolation. You’re not alone. I want you to know that. In fact, I wrote extensively about my own family caregiver experience in my book Falling Together: How to Find Balance, Joy, and Meaningful Change When Your Life Seems to be Falling Apart. I share my own experiences with readers so that even if they don’t have my exact experience, they can glean lessons learned.

Everybody who has read the book—especially the chapter on how caregiving feels—can relate in some way. Whether you are caring for children, elderly parents, or anyone else in your life who depends on you for your ongoing care and support, pick up a copy of that today, and get some additional tips on how to cope and care for yourself. 


​Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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4 Tips to Finding Humor at Work

3/1/2022

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By Amy Dee

Do You Feeling Stressed and Overwhelmed?

Emails pour in, a co-worker goes home sick, increasing your work load, the phone won’t stop ringing, and your elderly mom just called with her grocery list.  Everyone wants a piece of you at the same time. You feel like growing out your mustache, slapping on some sunglasses, and going missing…just get away from it all.

When stressed like this, your life feels off balance. Thoughts pour into your head so fast you can’t sort them out. You begin imaging worst-case scenarios: your co-worker will hate you, you’ll be fired, and your mom with starve to death. Most likely, none of this is true, but your head keeps spinning.

Not only that, your breathing gets shallow, causing your heart to start banging. Your muscles tighten. You can’t think straight or stop thinking, so you start beating yourself up with ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda.’ It’s all too much, so you either dig in, to work harder or dig into a pile of nachos with rocky road ice cream to numb out. AARGH!

Workplace Humor: Your Built In Stress Buster!

Now, here’s the good news! Tucked inside your body is a powerful stress buster. Best of all, you can quickly and easily detonate this weapon by laughing at a funny cat video or chuckling with a co-worker.

Laughter shifts your perspective, lowers the heat in stressful moments, and calms your nervous system. It has tons of other benefits, including strengthening your resilience.

Humor doesn’t only reduce stress. Laughing with co-workers enhances creativity, improves productivity, boosts morale, and makes you more approachable. As a psychiatric RN in an acute care hospital, I know how much laughter helped me emotionally survive the demands of my very stressful work.

There is no doubt that humor helped me cope with the demands of single parenting. Laughing helps me now, sandwiched between the layers of running a business, helping adult kids, and being the sole caretaker of my elderly mother.

If Workplace Humor is SO Great, Why Don’t We Laugh More?

Unfortunately, despite office humor being an incredible coping tool, too often, our sense of humor flies out the window when we most need it. Today we need it more than ever with the fear of Covid19 and the economy. Adding to the stress are school closings and working from home. Let’s top it all off with the cost of health care and concerns about our jobs. Right now, we are all under more stress than ever.

Studies show that those of us still working are putting in longer hours. What’s more, due to Covid19, healthcare, and tech workers have been incredibly stressed during this pandemic. Now, without question, we need to concentrate on what we can control and better handle what we cannot control.

Here are a few ways to bring more levity to your work-life. Most important, remember that this is about having fun, not about always being funny. There is no need for a comedy workshop; just decide to bring more playfulness to work.


4 Tips to add Workplace Humor

1. Start a Workplace Humor board

As a hospital RN, we had a bulletin board in the break room where co-workers could share funny cartoons or sayings. Laughing together brought us closer as a team. PS The internet has lots of funny things to share, like memes!

2. Poke fun at yourself

Don’t beat yourself up, but talk about your little quirks or embarrassing moments.

For example, one day I got lots of stares and sniggers while leaving a roadside bathroom.  Once back in my car, I realized my skirt was tucked up and inside my underwear,
Embarrassing? Yes! Funny? Absolutely!

We all have awkward moments. Sharing them with co-workers make you more human and relatable.

3. Find humor, even in serious moments.

I am not condoning offensive humor, but seeing the funny side of a situation can rebalance our thoughts and help us find more creative solutions.

I worked as a psych RN in an acute care hospital. One day, when an unhappy patient yelled, “You Fat-Old-B#*%H!” I whispered to my co-worker, “Pretty sure he’s talking to you.” Obviously, we didn’t laugh out loud, but it made for some levity at the moment.

4. Bring funny snacks to share

Due to Covid 19, I’ll recommend only individual pre-packed items but check with your hospital or company’s guidelines. Consider bringing candies with a double meaning, such as Laffy Taffy or Take 5 during a rough week, to remind your crew to laugh and take breaks when needed.

Make puns of candy names or prepackaged snacks like:
You’re a Whopper of a co-worker!
Snickers: You keep me laughing!
Nestle Crunch: You always help out in a crunch!
Chips: Thanks for chipping in!

Workplace Humor: Shift Your Perspective

Look for humor everywhere. Hone your ability to see funniness in everyday life. Share the funny things your kids do. As a toddler, one of my daughters loved the word ‘diarrhea,’ making for some comical moments. Share the goofy antics performed by your cat or dog. Or make fun of a particularly awful morning (overslept, spilled your coffee, stepped in dog doo on the way to your car). Do your parents mistakenly say funny stuff? One of my parents always mispronounced Volvo by changing the letter ‘O’ to the letter ‘U’.   Finding humor requires you to actively look for things to laugh about in everyday situations.

Even if you don’t consider yourself ‘funny,’ you can still learn to find humor in the little things.  Choose to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously. Seek out the funny wherever it happens.

Most importantly, look for humor no matter what happens. Shifting your perspective to find levity in even serious situations is one of the best ways to cope with difficulties.

So, if you are irritated with a co-worker, tired of all the meetings, or lose a sale, learn to poke fun at the situation and your tension will melt away. Once your mood is lightened, you will have more energy to find solutions. Shedding a little laughter on a dark subject can be the ticket to brightening things up.

In the end, once you understand how all-powerful laughter is, you’ll want to incorporate lots of workplace humor into every day.

​Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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Overcoming 3 Common Obstacles to Team Building

2/24/2022

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By Mary Kelly

An effective team fosters creativity and takes advantage of diverse strengths and experiences. Working as a group can produce results beyond what any individual member could do alone.
However, some teams thrive while others flounder. Creating a collaborative environment takes work, and many obstacles can undermine the process.

Maybe negative competition runs rife. Or perhaps your organization could benefit from investing more time in teaching team-building skills.

Situations like these can take a heavy toll on job satisfaction and productivity. Learn how to spot and overcome 3 of the most common obstacles to team building.

Vague Goals

Teams must understand their goals before they can commit to them. While work groups may function independently in some ways, they still need senior leadership to provide adequate direction and support.

Use these strategies to ensure that everyone on the team is on the same page:
  1. Clarify your purpose. Each individual needs to be on board with the organizational mission and values. You can help keep these principles at the top of employee’s minds with meetings, retreats, and regular conversations.
  2. Set specific goals. Establishing common ground and concrete goals for your team helps to guide decisions and evaluate progress. Have a clear written statement of what you want to achieve. Take personal goals into account too. 
  3. Define roles. Reach a consensus about roles, responsibilities, and expectations. Detailed job descriptions prevent conflict and confusion. They also help each member to see where they fit into the bigger picture.

Lack of Trust

Cohesive teams trust each other. They create an atmosphere where members feel safe to share information and take risks. Developing healthy relationships makes it easier to tackle any task.
Try these tips to build trust within the team:
  1. Establish ground rules. Codes of conduct let members know what’s considered acceptable. Employees are also more likely to follow rules that they played a part in negotiating.
  2. Spend time together. Work groups may bring together employees who otherwise have little contact with each other. Plan some fun social activities to break the ice. Keep teams small enough to encourage personal connections.
  3. Reward teamwork. How do you get members excited about shared priorities rather than their own agendas? Provide incentives for collaboration and host group recognition events.
  4. Discourage cliques. Some teams might remind you of high school with an in crowd that leaves some students out. Try giving assignments that require interacting with someone new and change the make-up of each team from time to time.

Ineffective Communication

Friendly and respectful communication makes employees feel like they belong. Team members feel more driven to achieve their common purpose.

Keep these effective communication techniques in mind:
  1. Exchange feedback. Help each other with honest and tactful observations about how to enhance individual and group performance. Resolve disagreements before they escalate into serious conflicts.
  2. Ask questions. Learn from each other. Listen attentively and ask for more information and clarification when you’re unsure. Many snafus can be avoided by gathering facts and consulting each other before taking action.
  3. Provide training. Communication skills can be strengthened with practice and instruction. Survey teams to find out what assistance they want and need. Offer courses online or engage outside experts to customize a program.
  4. Use technology. Cloud computing, project collaboration software, and video calls have transformed the way teams interact. Now, you can stay in touch and coordinate activities, even when some employees are in the office and others work remotely.
  5. Stay positive. Attitudes are contagious. Team members can lift each other up or make maintaining morale more challenging. Focus on what you like about each other and be generous with thanks and praise.
You can make a difference in any team you join. Knowing how to deal with common obstacles will help you to create opportunities for engagement and advancement for yourself and your colleagues.

​Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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The Show Starts When the Phone Rings

2/22/2022

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By Shep Hyken

You may or may not know that I’m a magician. Some of you may know that I’m also a musician. But today I want to talk about being a magician.

Growing up throughout high school and college I performed at parties, corporate events and comedy clubs. That experience in show business gave me the stage chops to start my business as a professional speaker.

I share this background to give you some context. Many of my friends are professional entertainers. A friend I’ve known for years is Jeff McBride, an amazing magician who performs throughout the world and resides in Las Vegas.

I was reading an article by Jeff in a magic magazine. He was writing about the business of a magic show, but his concept applies to business in general. His comment was, “The show starts when the phone rings.” He was referring to clients who call him for private engagements.

The point he was making was that the customer experience begins the moment the customer connects with you, not when they see you on stage or in person. The way the phone is answered is really your opening act, and the manner in which you conduct yourself from that point forward, all the way up to taking the stage, is part of the overall show experience for the client. I’ll also add that every interaction that comes after the performance on stage is part of the show. We can call that the encore.

It’s the same in business. Our customers may find us as the result of a Google search or a recommendation from a friend or colleague. They land on our website. Look around and research. They may call us or visit us.

At some point, they move from thinking of doing business with us to actually buying whatever we sell. Depending on what we sell, whether B2B or B2C, the buying cycle may take more than one visit. It could take weeks or months … maybe even longer. So, when does the customer start making the decision to buy? Long before they actually make the purchase. It happens between the moment the customer thinks of you and the time they actually buy. And, it’s probably much earlier in the process than you think.

Everything that happens leading up to the sale is part of the customer experience. And, that includes customer service. Most people think service happens after the sale. The reality is that every interaction leading up to and after the sale is part of service and experience. That first time the customer lands on your website or makes a phone call – that’s the opening act. From that point, the show has started.

​In business, the show never ends. There’s the follow-up, customer support and repeat business. For some, this is common sense, so consider this a reminder. For those who haven’t thought this way, this could be an epiphany.

So, here’s to strong opening acts, standing ovations and encores that get your customers to come back again and again!

​Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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When you try to solve a problem all wrong

2/17/2022

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By Courtney Clark

When I married my husband, he was really good cook. I could feed myself but I was not (okay, I still am not!) what anyone would call a really good cook. I am the person who lit the toaster oven on fire when I was in college! Apparently, too much cheese dripped down into the coils. But the good news is I learned how to use a fire extinguisher that day! That’s a life skill.

When my husband and I got engaged, I thought, “I am going to learn how to cook. I think that would be a good skill for me to have. I’m going to learn how to cook.” I started taking cooking classes. I learned how to roast a chicken. I learned how to hold my knives, learned the most efficient way to chop an onion. I felt like a real grown up. My cooking got incrementally better with practice, but it was still just… okay. I was practicing all the time – I worked fewer hours than he was, so I’d pull out the Cooking Light magazine and cook us dinner most nights a week. He’d cook about once a week, and his food was just better than mine. Significantly better. He was so confident in kitchen, and his food was so full of flavor.

And then we went on our honeymoon.

We ended up in Italy, where I ate 5 meals a day, 4 of them pasta. Our first Sunday home after we got back from Rome, we were grocery shopping. There, at the checkout, was a copy of Gourmet Magazine: “The Pasta Issue.” And the photo on the cover was of penne salsiccia, which I’d had a LOT of in Italy. I thought to myself, “Oh, this is a sign.” I threw that magazine down on the conveyor belt and committed to reading it cover to cover.

The next Sunday, I had my grocery list ready. I was going to make that Penne Salsiccia from the cover. I was so excited. My husband and I were going around the grocery store shopping. We pick up the sausage. We pick up the cheese. I grab the heavy whipping cream. It was when I was putting the heavy whipping cream in the cart that he looks at all the heavy ingredients, looks back at me and he goes, “Is this from Cooking Light?”. Since that’s where almost all of my recipes came from, he was surprised.

I said, “No, this is not from Cooking Light. This is from that gourmet magazine. We’re going to make real Italian pasta like we had on our honeymoon.”

That evening, I was so excited to get started.

6pm. I’m starting dinner. This recipe calls for VERY expensive, very fragile threads of Saffron to be soaked in water. I’m trying not to panic.

6:28. I’m trying not to scald the heavy whipping cream in the pan.

6:47. I’m trying not to overcook the pasta

6:52. I carry the plates out to the table. I set them down with a deep breath. For a moment I consider letting my husband take the first bite and tell me what he thinks but then I think FORGET THAT THIS WAS MY IDEA I MADE THIS MEAL. I put the bite in my mouth and I turn to my husband in shock.

I can’t believe what I’m tasting.

“I don’t stink at cooking! Cooking Light must stink at cooking! Because I. am. AMAZING” I would have said more but I needed to use my mouth for the important work of eating my phenomenal pasta.

Here’s what I realized: I had a materials problem. I had been trying for years to solve it with more skills training. 

I’m sure nothing like that has ever happened to you has it? No workplace of yours would EVER try to solve a materials problem with more skills training, right? <wink, wink>.

But that’s what happens when we jump to solve a problem too quickly, “Oh, I know what the problem is. I know what the problem is.” Action bias is a common impulse. It’s a feeling of being compelled to act quickly and solve a problem, and psychologists think it happens in order to regain a sense of control over a situation. There’s a cultural conditioning that can occur, where we learn as children to favor action over waiting, because waiting could be interpreted as “laziness” or “indecisiveness.” So action bias isn’t just internal – there’s a lot of societal pressure to take action! In some cases, we can even be rewarded tangibly for being the kind of person who leaps to action and solves problems quickly.

If we want to thrive and be successful in an uncertain environment (like we’re all in right now!), we need to give ourselves time to experiment. Time to think about what the problem could really be and what else we could really do about it so that we’re certain we get to the right answer. If the past two years have given us anything, it’s the opportunity to take a moment to make sure that we’re solving problems the right way and not the wrong way.

​Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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What are you doing with the precious moments of your life?

2/15/2022

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By Steve Gilliland

How are the moments of your precious life? Each one is beautiful, you know. And, while some are admittedly better than others, to squander away those moments is a crime we commit against ourselves.

The past year did not help us regarding the issue of time. Experts who study time have seen some disturbing patterns. Some experimental psychologists specialize in time, and among the best is Dr. Ruth Ogden.

In 2020, Neuroscience News published a survey Dr. Ogden conducted of more than 600 adults. It was her finding that more than 80 percent “felt their sense of time was distorted, with half of them feeling like time had slowed down, and the other half like it had sped up.”

When she drilled down a bit, the results were a combination of good news and troubling news: The days seemed to pass more quickly for people who were more socially satisfied, busier, and had less stress, which were primarily younger people. The days seemed to pass more slowly for those experiencing more stress and who had fewer tasks, which in this survey were mostly older people.

Five Minutes
The theory Dr. Ogden has advanced is one that even those of us who do not have advanced degrees in psychology can well imagine: “When we are bored and socially dissatisfied, we have lots of spare cognitive (reasoning) capacity; we then use some of that capacity to increase our monitoring of time.”  In other words, when we allow ourselves to get bored with life, we have plenty of time to sit, think and feel sorry for ourselves. Time passes slowly.

In fact, during the worst of the lockdown, Dr. Ogden concluded that “the negative emotions associated with isolation, boredom, sadness, and stress may have contributed to a slowing of time.”

Here’s the problem, of course, and anyone who has ever made a five-minute poached egg will readily understand this: whether you are a 60-year-old with an incredibly packed schedule or a 60-year-old who is isolated and bored, the five-minute poached egg takes…well, five minutes.

The Hourglass
Every life is lovely and valuable, especially yours. In that regard, we are all alike. However, none of us knows how many hours we have.

We are the only beings on the planet (insofar as we know) that fundamentally understand that the moments of our lives are limited. Whether you are a movie star or Olympian, a neurosurgeon, a nurse, or a carpenter, you must appreciate that one day the sand in the hourglass will dwindle.

In the quote from Carl Sandburg’s classic poem, one of the interpretations is that he is talking about time, relationships, love – and, if you’d like, our very reason, our purpose for being on this Earth.

What will we do with those precious moments from this very second from now on? We could, as Sandburg suggests, “spill and spend.” It has never been easier to do that.

The Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology recommends limiting the use of social media to 30 minutes a day. It leads to better mental health outcomes. What is the average amount of time we use social media? About two hours a day!

The average American spends five to six hours a day on their cell phones. About 90 percent of younger Americans sleep with their cell phone nearby, while about 50 percent of adults who are 60 sleep with cell phones at hand.

Why is credit card debt so high? More precisely, due to social pressure, online promotions, media influence, and wealth. Psychologist I. Durmonski wrote for Psychology that the chief reason we buy so much unnecessary “stuff” is that we’re bored and want to feel good.

When we add it up, many of us are spilling and spending our precious moments by flipping, clicking, and spending.

Add Value
Let us now turn to those who search and save. Here are three facts about the value of your moments:
  1. There is a tremendous shortage of amateur sports coaches and officials. You didn’t have to play sports to encourage a child.
  2. There is a nationwide shortage of mentors. Whether you are a retired nurse or an active bricklayer, your expertise is needed.
  3. The national volunteer rate has been declining. You can touch someone’s life by volunteering at a school, hospital, animal shelter, museum, arts festival, or community organization.

We have a clear choice. No matter our age, we can positively influence lives with our moments or selfishly hold onto them and be bored in them. Meaningful memories are made by precious moments.

​Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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Don't be stingy with the treats

2/10/2022

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By Laurie Guest

​
Our beloved dog Otis has started to show his age. With his 12th birthday coming up next month, he has taken on the attributes of a true senior. He wants to eat dinner at 4:30, go to bed by 8, and is slow to get up from a resting position. 

Over the past year, his appetite has diminished significantly. One day I opened a piece of string cheese, Sargento Colby Jack, and he didn’t care enough to bolt to my feet with those begging brown eyes. That’s when I knew we had a problem. The next day, the vet confirmed our fears: Otis is sick. He had a tumor the size of lemon in his spleen, and after much discussion, our family opted for surgery in hopes we can extend his life a little longer.

A week later, when the veterinarian was sharing the results of the pathology report, she made a profound statement that may become my new personal motto. When I asked if there was anything else we could do for him, she replied, “Yes. Don’t be stingy with the treats.” 

Of course, that was her polite way of confirming what we already knew: Otis Campbell Guest is in his sunset years of life. I jokingly said to a friend, I wish someone would give ME that instruction when my time comes! That’s when it occurred to me that the word “treats” can mean so much more than sweet calories. A treat is anything that makes us as happy as a Milk-Bone makes Otis. 

My first book, Wrapped in Stillness: A personal retreat guide, has a chapter on figuring out what makes you happy. It includes an exercise to help you identify the things that bring you joy and asks a few probing questions to wake you up a bit. For example, when is the last time you did “that thing” that makes you happy?

Over the years as a professional speaker, I have talked with a lot of people side-stage. That’s the moment right after a speech while the room is clearing out and a few people come up to the platform to share a private thought or tell me a tale they know I will enjoy. I cannot tell you how many times a person will share a story of being unhappy in some way— with their job, their boss, even their own actions. I can see it in their eyes, each one is hoping I have a special piece of advice that will make it better. 

Here is what I know for sure: Happy doesn’t come and knock on your door and say, “Hi, I’m here!” We must go and seek it.  

Seeking happy might mean setting stronger boundaries in your personal life. Do you need to stop saying yes to every request made of you? 

Happy might mean a controlled calendar. Who can have a slice of your time and who can’t? 

Happy might mean planning special events or meet-ups you had to postpone over the past year. Are you ready to take the first step to make that happen?  

For me, the happy moments are found in quiet times. After several decades of a hectic balancing act of family life versus a career on the road, I realized I’m tired! The silver lining of 2020 was having the chance to rest guilt-free. I took up a new hobby that I love. I’ve completed tasks that have been patiently waiting on my to-do list for years! And, most importantly, I’ve had quiet time to think and plan on what the next phase of life looks like at the Guest House.  

What’s your definition of a treat? Whatever it is, give yourself permission to be generous in consumption. Now is not the time to be stingy.

Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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Changing Principles of American Healthcare

2/8/2022

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By Kenneth Kaufman

For a very long time, hospitals have been organized around three principles that inform the way they run their organizations, and how they conduct themselves in the management suite and the board room.

The first principle is the desire to maintain organizational control.

This principle has come about in large part because the clinical enterprise is inherently risky. Therefore, leaders do not want to be in a position where they don't have control of the clinical enterprise. That principle has extended beyond specifically clinical matters to all aspects of operation. Maintaining organizational control has come to mean minimizing organizational risk.

The second principle, which goes along with the first, is to minimize enterprise risk. 

Hospitals have always been very risk-averse organizations. Over time, as different concepts have been introduced, organizations have had to be talked into doing things that allowed more risk, and that could result in better financial results from that risk or better strategic results from that risk.

The third principle is maintaining operational flexibility. Management teams and boards don't want to get caught in a box when difficult or bad things start to happen. This has to do with the public and reputational notion of running a hospital. Management and boards want to have the operational flexibility to take the actions necessary to resolve any situation that could harm the reputation of the organization.

These three principles are all well and good, but they have to be maintained and enforced. And it is expensive to maintain control, minimize risk, and maintain maximum operating flexibility. In general, leaders may believe that these very high levels of healthcare cost come from the way provider organizations are run. But that’s not true. Leaders make decisions every day in which they actually pay to allow those three principles to be in full flight.

Let’s look at a metaphor for this situation. If an organization is focused on maintaining control and eliminating to the greatest extent possible the externalities that limit control and increase risk, then when it comes time to finance, that organization will tend to look toward a 30-year fixed-rate transaction, because that transaction eliminates the risks of externalities.

However, if an organization wants to lower the costs of that transaction, the organization would do a variable-rate transaction or use certain hedging strategies. But getting those lower costs invites in the externalities of the world—the kind of externalities we saw in 2008 and 2009.

So management teams and boards that don’t want to bring in those externalities look toward a 30-year fixed rate transaction at a higher cost.

This is a metaphor for all the other operating decisions that a hospital makes. If an organization’s approach is to eliminate risk to the degree possible, and the leaders apply that approach to all their decisions, then the organization can purchase that increased control and minimized risk. But those decisions will result in higher costs.

We have recognized for many years that not-for-profit healthcare is expensive. There is a fundamental philosophical reason for that situation. Organizations are trying to maximize the principles of maintaining control, minimizing risk, and maximizing flexibility, and they are paying up to do that.

There are hundreds of examples of situations in which organizations have to decide: Do we enforce these three principles? Or do we back off these three principles in order to reduce the overall costs of running the organization?

However, if we continue to proceed on this operating philosophy, we will continue to have the high operating costs that are directly correlated with that operating philosophy. If we want to get to a healthcare system that has a different operating cost point, then we have to rethink these operating principles.

Also, these operating principles create a perspective in which the needs of the organization are given a higher priority than the consumer’s needs. That’s the opposite of what a company like Amazon does. Amazon’s mantra is, first figure out what the consumer needs, and then figure out what Amazon does.

When you insist on organizational control and low enterprise risk, the decisions that are being made in the board room are being made on behalf of the organization, and never really on behalf of the consumer. And that’'s a very unfortunate competitive place to be right now. This is just not the way the American economic model works anymore. The dominant model is the way that Apple, Microsoft, and Amazon behave every day. And in the past year, the dominance of that model has dramatically accelerated.

Now, in order for healthcare organizations to take advantage of certain critical opportunities, they are going to have to accept less control, to take more risk, and to reduce their operating flexibility.

In particular, that will be necessary in order to reduce cost materially. We’ve picked almost all the low-hanging fruit when it comes to costs, but costs are still too high. And that’s because now we have to attack the operating principles in order to reduce costs more.

Next, hospitals will need to take a truly consumer-first attitude. Research shows that what consumers really care about is how they feel as they walk away from the interaction. Not how they felt when they first got there. Not how they felt while the transaction was happening. It's how they feel about the last mile. This has not been an area of focus for healthcare organizations. That last mile may be smooth from the hospital’s perspective, but is the consumer truly happy when the encounter ends? For a company like Amazon, there is an extraordinary focus on making that last mile better and then better still.

The changing American economic model is incredibly fluid right now. It’s highly dependent on technical competency and accumulated intellectual capital. Why has Amazon been so extraordinarily effective during the pandemic? Because they accumulated this extraordinary technical competency and this unbelievable intellectual capital, and then they were able to combine that competency and capital, and roll it out during the pandemic.

And that was what consumers wanted. Which is why Amazon’s revenue was up 40% in the first quarter of the pandemic and while performance metrics fell through the floor for businesses using traditional business models, or businesses without the necessary technical competency and intellectual capital.

Hospitals don't have the technical competency and accumulated intellectual capital to be truly competitive in the dominant economic model. So hospitals will need to be open and experimental about possible partnerships and joint ventures to get that technical competency and intellectual capital.

There are so many strategic needs and opportunities in healthcare now. The need to deliver a better experience to consumers. The need to reduce operating costs. The need to integrate digital health into the care process. It's naive to expect that the average American hospital could do all these things themselves, which means that there are going to be many kinds of joint ventures and partnerships to accomplish these things. But in order to do those partnerships and joint ventures, it’s inevitable that hospitals will have to accept less control and take much more risk, and accept reduced flexibility.

​Planning your next event?
 Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event  a success!
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