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By Colette Carlson
Real estate agents know property value is all about location, location, location. Connected leaders, savvy team members, and salespeople know professional success is all about communication, communication, communication. The recent pandemic has forced our hand to rely on technology over in-person meetings, events or conferences. To continue to connect, inform, and inspire others, everyone must up their virtual meeting game. Pandemic or no pandemic, video conferencing platforms with layouts resembling old television shows like Hollywood Squares or The Brady Bunch will remain long after we return back to the new future. This is why it is paramount to employ the seven virtual meeting communication strategies below: 1. Show up prepared. Whether leading or attending the meeting, clear, consistent, and concise communication gets heard and acted upon. Meetings that lack focus only lead to more meetings, ramblings, and confusion. If leading, following your greeting, articulate the purpose of the meeting and why it will benefit those in attendance. This helps set the stage for why someone needs to be present and why an email would not suffice. Provide a verbal outline/agenda of the meeting’s flow to mentally prepare others to follow along. If providing updates as a participant, have talking points written out to stay on point and lessen speech crutches such as “um” and “like” which occur when you lose your footing. 2. Be the host with the most. If someone visited your office, you would inform them where they might find the restroom or grab a refreshment. Virtual attendees require the same courtesy to help avoid awkward moments. For example, acquaint others with the basic functions on your visual platform such as how to mute/unmute themselves, chat or ask a question. Provide guidance as to how the group should communicate with one another to remove the likelihood of stepping on each other’s sentences and hearing a constant stream of, “Oh, sorry, go ahead.” For example, do those on the call show support by waving both hands, or would you rather hear the cheers? 3. Visibility counts. I personally loathe a camera-ready look when working from home. Yet, staring at squares of black boxes, both as a speaker and listener, creates a disconnect that encourages multi-tasking and lack of focus. Depending on the meeting’s purpose and size of participants, set expectations in advance whether viewing offline is optional. Given the reality of Zoom fatigue, I’m going to assume the necessary transfer of information couldn’t happen via a phone call or email. Therefore, your advance meeting request might include playful language such as, “Feel free to skip a shower, but your physical presence is required. Baseball hats, beanies, and buns welcome!” Investing in a webcam gives the appearance you are looking directly at another which feels more natural and inclusive. 4. Find the balance between informative and interactive. The ability to connect and engage exists no matter the meeting size or purpose. Larger meetings can include anonymous polls for real-time feedback, pre-recorded videos, or the possibility of sending smaller groups to break-out rooms for deep-dive discussions. Stanford University research suggests the most productive meetings contain only five to eight people. More than eight tends to lower the level of intimacy and candidness amongst the group. To keep the flow and reduce dead air, communicate which team/group you want to hear from (pull names/numbers out of a hat if desired) and who is “on deck” next to minimize surprises and nerves. 5. Unpredictability creates interest. Any regular meeting, virtual or in-person, quickly becomes monotonous when the routine remains the same. For example, do you open your weekly meetings by asking others, “How are you doing?” Even if you are genuine and use an empathetic tone, the impact diminishes if asked repeatedly. A few suggestions for more engaging questions include: “What do you need to feel more supported right now?” or “What part of your pre-quarantine routine do you miss most?” or “What have you learned about yourself during the past few weeks?” Unexpected, richer questions lead to thoughtful answers and deeper conversations. You might add, “I’m happy to share my own answer,” and be transparent. Are you stuck in a speech pattern rut? When asked a question, do you consistently respond, “That’s a good question,” or overuse the word, “Amazing”? Instead, keep a nearby list of words or phrases you can substitute for variety. Why not change up a meeting with a fast, one-word answer round-robin to a question you shared in advance? An example might be, “What do you order on your pizza when dining solo?” Meetings with themes, show and tell moments, book discussions, or Jeopardy-style games, shake up the routine and add an element of fun! 6. Stories are sticky. As a keynote speaker, I’ve experienced first-hand how stories draw listeners in more than any other communication tool. It’s as if our brains can’t help themselves and must pay attention. Are you leveraging this opportunity in every meeting without fail? Yes, powerful stories take preparation, but their impact can last forever. At a minimum, communicate with anecdotes and provide an example for every point you make. If you create a rough draft of your meeting points, use a highlighter to note how often this occurs to gain awareness of where you can add such elements. A story is also a powerful way to close a meeting with energy, gain commitments, and inspire others to action. 7. Connection begins within. If you attend my programs, you will hear me say that clear, concise communication is no longer enough to get results: connection must be part of the equation. Connection demands you listen fully, ask rich questions, show empathy and compassion for another, and not just during convenient moments. When you are mindful of your own energy and well-being, you can be fully present for others to help build their “psychological muscles” during unprecedented times. Even when everything is in the same room, be mindful of what remains on your desk and what you take home. Give yourself permission to fill up your tank and take a breath. Trust me, the results will show when you show up for others at your next virtual meeting. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
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By Colette Carlson
During an action-packed movie scene, it’s not uncommon to watch a getaway vehicle, being chased by seven squad cars, fly 300 feet off a bridge, land smack dab in the middle of a busy freeway going the wrong way and still make it to safety. Or, perhaps during a thriller an individual awakes to the sound of breaking glass, but rather than call 911, they creep downstairs to investigate sans protection while calling out, “Is anyone there?” If you remained glued to the screen, you have mastered the art of suspending judgment. After all, not letting go of your critical mind and picking apart every scene would ruin the viewing experience. Yet, too many people refuse to leverage this same strategy in their personal and professional life. Take a look at the following three scenarios to recognize your own ability to suspend judgment:
Remember, every thought begins with you. Your thoughts lead to feelings either increasing your anxiety or bringing you calm. Thoughts leads to behaviors. Behaviors that showcase your strong leadership skills or display your lack of leadership. Therefore, rather than react with doubt, frustration, annoyance or criticism, why not suspend judgment and choose to assume everyone is doing their best. And let it rest. Sure, we’ve all been told that assumptions can backfire, yet they also help you avoid inaccurate or unhelpful feelings that do nothing but drive an unnecessary wedge between you and another. For example, if a colleague hasn’t returned your emails as quickly as you desire, here’s an opportunity to suspend judgment. Rather than immediately assume they are disorganized, slow to take action, or avoiding you, assume they’re doing their best. Perhaps they’re simply overwhelmed with their new home-schooling responsibility or a family member or friend has taken ill. Suspending judgment within your own family works wonders, too. Not everyone’s definition of clean is equal, nor how people choose to invest their downtime. Although I personally wear news cancelling headphones and choose to gather my information online, my sweetheart prefers to both start and end his day watching news…loudly. Rather than suggest my way is healthier or more efficient, I allow him to honor his own path. Trust me, it’s not easy, but it’s my mind that dictates how I want to view the situation, and I prefer a joyful relationship over one filled with frustration, misery or negativity. While you’re at it, why not suspend judgment when it comes to your own self? After all, you are learning how to navigate in a world you have never experienced before. You are learning how to be productive, focused and effective in an environment riddled with ambiguity. You’re learning how to lead and be present for others in a new high-tech, high-touch, but “don’t touch” environment. Why not choose to be understanding, empathetic and compassionate rather than critical? Why not choose to assume that right now, everyone is doing their best? In the process, you’ll be exercising the invaluable, connected leadership skills of empathy, understanding and compassion. And who can’t use more of that right now? Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Colette Carlson
Six years ago my car was in the middle of a five-car pileup. I distinctly remember the moments that followed as individuals emerged from their cars. No one appeared to be physically injured, although one person showed possible signs of shock. The first car’s driver jumped out, surveyed his smashed bumper, and left the scene quickly as if nothing had happened. Two adolescents surfaced from a back seat, sat on the sidewalk, held hands and softly cried. One guy screamed and cursed at the driver who was slow to hit her brakes causing the initial impact and domino effect. She softly repeated, “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Is everyone okay?” I reacted by going into what my daughters refer to as, Mechanical Mom Mode due to my eerily calm, composed manner in a crisis. A skill, I might add, developed over time through practice. This allows me to quickly provide the anxious woman a towel to lie down, water to hydrate, and a blanket to ease her shivering. Next, I pooled cell numbers and photographed everyone’s driver’s license, insurance card, and car damage while waiting for the police (which I had called) to arrive. Only much later did my own emotions surface. The coronavirus pandemic brought this memory back to life. Why? I was reminded of how individuals react differently when faced with unexpected, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable situations. Given this truth, leaders must communicate and support their teams, as different as they may be, without fail during a crisis. And our world is in the thick of a crisis. The foundation of everything we know has changed. No one is immune from riding the “Coronacoaster”, filled with emotional ups and downs. Unlike the obvious steps taken following a car accident, there is no current rulebook for leaders. Nor does anyone know when the ride will end or the long-term effects on people’s psychological state. Depending on your employee’s circumstances, they may be feeling confusion, anger, anxiety, sadness, fear or all the above. You may work with individuals who still exhibit signs of denial and wish others would stop overreacting. You might find yourself operating in Mechanical Leader Mode, especially if you support individuals on the front-line or find yourself juggling virtual meetings with homeschooling. Pushing forward and compartmentalizing without giving yourself the stillness or space that allows emotion to surface. What is a leader to do? As someone who studies human behavior, communication, and stress, my best advice follows to help you communicate and connect right now: 1. Communicate consistently. A study by TINYpulse to measure employee satisfaction with how their employer is dealing with them during the pandemic, rated frequent communication the most important key takeaway for leaders. Staying silent for too long, especially during times of rapid change, encourages workers to fill in the gaps with rumor and hearsay, increasing anxiety and stress. Best to be repetitive on different channels in different ways no matter how tired you are of saying the same thing again and again. Repetition is the mother of learning and ups the odds for message clarity. 2. Communicate candidly about job security. Ever wait for test results from your doctor to come back? The unknown and unsaid cause unnecessary angst. People can handle the truth when your delivery exhibits empathy and compassion. Employees are genuinely concerned about losing their jobs, so speak the truth with a heartfelt response. “As of right now, what I can tell you is we’re exploring all options to keep everyone on board. I’ll keep you apprised should anything change.” Leaders can model AirBnB’s CEO, Brian Chesney’s, approach. He delivered heartfelt, well-chosen words in a note to his employees: “This is my seventh time talking to you from my house. Each time we’ve talked, I’ve shared good news and bad news, but today I have to share some very sad news. When you’ve asked me about layoffs, I’ve said that nothing is off the table. Today, I must confirm that we are reducing the size of the Airbnb workforce.” 3. We NEED more cowbell! Hearing a cowbell when someone leaves a hospital anchors those inside to a joyful, hopeful feeling. As a leader, you must look for and shine a spotlight on positive moments to continue to build your team’s resilience. Remind them of prior difficult challenges they have overcome. Especially since some team members need your support to shift their focus and stress to a past or recent success, no matter how small. The ritual of asking my own daughters, “Tell me something good that happened today,” began in pre-school. Those moments were celebrated before focusing on snacks or homework. On the occasion my youngest snapped, “Nothing,” I held space for her to unload. “Wow, sounds like a tough day. Tell me more.” Being fully present for someone and empathetic listening counts as more cowbell. A healthcare director I interviewed for an upcoming virtual program asked her long-term care managers recently, “How is your soul doing?” In a later interview a manager shared, “It’s just downright crazy right now and we’re all running on fumes. But knowing my director has my back is my fuel to keep going.” 4. Know your audience. Leaders cannot ignore that people are grieving for different reasons right now and blanket policies or statements may not be effective. This demands more flexibility, patience, and tolerance than ever. Certain individuals are healthy, but still grieving the loss of attending milestone birthdays, graduations, or weddings. Others have experienced illness, either themselves or someone they know, so the degree of trauma is heightened. And then there are those who lost someone they love in this battle who are literally immersed in the stages of grief. Leaders who can meet people where they are at and provide necessary support will have gone further to engage employees than any benefit previously provided. Your teams will never forget if you ask, “How can I support you right now?” rather than “How quickly can we get back to hitting our numbers?” 5. Double-down on Feedback. Uncertainty and feeling out of control lead to increased stress, anxiety, and lack of focus. More than ever your team needs you to provide direction, as well as, input on their progress. Left only with visual cues provided during a virtual meeting means your team experiences fewer shared smiles, a nodding head, or concerned look than when sharing office space. Sharing why their contribution is vital and connecting it to the organization’s vision reminds employees they ARE making a difference and provides purpose for even the most minor task. On the flip side, encourage and provide safe channels for feedback to flow your direction. I’ve noticed a dramatic increase in the poll responses and chat feature during virtual programs by encouraging participants to change their Zoom name to the letter A. These anonymous answers, free of judgment and repercussions, dramatically increases both participation and transparency which provides for a better program. During a crisis, we all want someone to put their arms around us and tell us, “Everything is going to be okay.” As challenging as that may be virtually, by following the strategies above, the “Coronacoaster” will be a safer, smoother, and more secure ride for all. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
The woman in the royal blue jacket sitting in the front row gasped when she heard my next request. “One at a time, please walk to the front of the room, plant your feet, smile, and say both your name and where you work.” Easy, right? Simply stating your name and employer information doesn’t require a lot of thought, even under the most severe duress. Yet apparently, that’s what most of the 86 people in the room were experiencing – severe duress. How do I know? After everyone took their turn, I asked, “Who can remember two or more individuals’ names and companies?” Does it surprise you to note only the few individuals who went first were able to recall anyone else’s information? Why? Everyone else was too focused on their own upcoming delivery to be present and pay attention. If you have anxiety about speaking in front of a group, you’re not alone. But it’s time to get comfortable being uncomfortable because solid speaking skills support your career growth whether you’re presenting on a conference stage, in the boardroom, or one-on-one with a customer. So, here’s seven strategies to support you in gaining confidence while building audience connection:
And memorable people who are connected get tapped for even greater opportunities and rewards. Why not you? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Loneliness is detrimental, destructive, and sometimes deadly. Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, more than even obesity. Different than depression or feelings of solitude, loneliness is more about the quality of a person’s social relationships. The workplace is not immune, and everyone pays the price when loneliness strikes. When people feel tired and lonely, they disengage, perpetuating the cycle. As leaders we need to wake up to this issue, and continue to identify new ways to build connection amongst our teams. If you need compelling data to kick you into action, read on: 1. According to recently published research in the Academy of Management Journal, lower job performance is related to loneliness. In addition, coworkers perceived lonely employees to be less committed and approachable. 2. Cigna’s online survey of more than 20,000 U.S. adults 18 years and older found that most Americans are considered lonely. Generation Z (adults ages 18-22) and Millennials (adults ages 23-37) are lonelier and claim to be in worse health than older generations. 3. Cigna’s survey also reported approximately six in ten (59%) surveyed always/sometimes feel that their interests and ideas are not shared by those around them. Reasons contributing to these statistics include technology, social media, working remotely, busier schedules, extensive travel, job turnover, fewer individuals participating in community activities, sports teams and clubs, postponing vacations, lunches and even marriages! For some, a cancelled activity brings a sigh of relief to an already full life, but for others, this same situation may only reaffirm feelings of loneliness and cause further withdrawal. “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.” ~Mother Teresa We’re neurologically hard wired for connection which demands leaders create spaces and places for relationships to form. Keep in mind, connection gets created when you feel someone is genuinely interested in your story, your history, or your ideas. Connection often results through shared activities, thoughtful questions and being present when listening. Connected leaders patiently draw out those who aren’t quick to join in a conversation and look for ways to partner team members that otherwise would remain distant. For example, one leader I interviewed for an upcoming speaking engagement shared that during his team’s monthly meetings, individuals rotate responsibility for bringing a dish or treat to share. But, there’s a twist. Individuals must bring something that reminds them of their culture, family, or a memory. Offering that piece of information, along with the dish, is what makes this moment memorable. The more we learn about one another, the less judgment and bias we bring to the table. A virtual IT team I spoke to has regularly scheduled “virtual” parties to include dressing up for Halloween, celebrating birthdays and other milestones, along with after-hours drinks. Through visual technology, they do their best to bring everyone together and even play games such as Bingo and Twenty Questions to get the party started. In a couple of weeks, I’m speaking to a company who will spend their evening together building and decorating skateboards for the Boys and Girls Club, rather than a traditional meet and greet. Not only will this activity provide an opportunity for the team to connect, but they will be serving a community. And the fastest way to overcome loneliness is to give service to another. These situations alone will not eradicate loneliness. As a leader you must continue to check in with your team on an individual level to recognize small, behavioral changes signaling a possible concern. Your role is to provide a safe space for them to share and feel heard. A quick, “How’s it going?” as you pop by their office or begin a phone conversation will only ever get a trite response. After all, being connected is very different than feeling connected. What will you do to make an impact on the loneliness epidemic amongst your team? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
During an action-packed movie scene, it’s not uncommon to watch a getaway vehicle, being chased by seven squad cars, fly 300 feet off a bridge, land smack dab in the middle of a busy freeway going the wrong way and still make it to safety. Or, perhaps during a thriller an individual awakes to the sound of breaking glass, but rather than call 911, they creep downstairs to investigate sans protection while calling out, “Is anyone there?” If you remained glued to the screen, you have mastered the art of suspending judgment. After all, not letting go of your critical mind and picking apart every scene would ruin the viewing experience. Yet, too many people refuse to leverage this same strategy in their personal and professional life. Take a look at the following three scenarios to recognize your own ability to suspend judgment:
Remember, every thought begins with you. Your thoughts lead to feelings either increasing your anxiety or bringing you calm. Thoughts leads to behaviors. Behaviors that showcase your strong leadership skills or display your lack of leadership. Therefore, rather than react with doubt, frustration, annoyance or criticism, why not suspend judgment and choose to assume everyone is doing their best. And let it rest. Sure, we’ve all been told that assumptions can backfire, yet they also help you avoid inaccurate or unhelpful feelings that do nothing but drive an unnecessary wedge between you and another. For example, if a colleague hasn’t returned your emails as quickly as you desire, here’s an opportunity to suspend judgment. Rather than immediately assume they are disorganized, slow to take action, or avoiding you, assume they’re doing their best. Perhaps they’re simply overwhelmed with their new home-schooling responsibility or a family member or friend has taken ill. Suspending judgment within your own family works wonders, too. Not everyone’s definition of clean is equal, nor how people choose to invest their downtime. Although I personally wear news cancelling headphones and choose to gather my information online, my sweetheart prefers to both start and end his day watching news…loudly. Rather than suggest my way is healthier or more efficient, I allow him to honor his own path. Trust me, it’s not easy, but it’s my mind that dictates how I want to view the situation, and I prefer a joyful relationship over one filled with frustration, misery or negativity. While you’re at it, why not suspend judgment when it comes to your own self? After all, you are learning how to navigate in a world you have never experienced before. You are learning how to be productive, focused and effective in an environment riddled with ambiguity. You’re learning how to lead and be present for others in a new high-tech, high-touch, but “don’t touch” environment. Why not choose to be understanding, empathetic and compassionate rather than critical? Why not choose to assume that right now, everyone is doing their best? In the process, you’ll be exercising the invaluable, connected leadership skills of empathy, understanding and compassion. And who can’t use more of that right now? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Mistakes happen even under the best of circumstances. In today’s digitally-distracted, demanding world where many businesses are understaffed, mistakes happen even more frequently. A recent client shared with me that presentation binders [prepared in hopes of inking a major deal], showed up onsite an hour prior to the meeting… with a competing institution’s name on the cover. Even though this meeting took months to secure, this connected leader knew better than to make one of the costly mistakes below. Mistake #1: Shaming and Blaming. It’s not uncommon when things go wrong to be filled with emotion and look for someone to blame. Since outbursts demand little emotional control, leaders lacking emotional intelligence will often fly off the handle, yell, and shame others for their behavior. (Which is a shame, because the leader’s unprofessional behavior quickly teaches others, amongst other lessons, that it’s not okay to make a mistake.) Connected leaders, on the other hand, support solution thinking. In the above example, my client immediately engaged the marketing contact responsible, explained the predicament without pointing fingers, and as a result — stickers with the correct institution’s name were quickly placed on the binders’ covers. Mistake #2: Missing the Moment to Build Connection. If you’ve heard me speak, you may have heard me tell the story about a new server, Zoe, who dropped an over-loaded tray of cleared dishes. When her manager busted through the kitchen doors, those within earshot were surprised to see his broad smile and booming voice say, “Welcome to the club!” He encouraged her to find him during a break so he could show her “some tricks of the trade” that he had picked up over his years of restaurant service. I’m certain Zoe showed up for work the next day feeling more engaged and believing her manager has her back as a result. Plus, turning Zoe’s mistake into a coaching opportunity led to a more effective team. Similarly, a recent Washington Post article featured Hawksmoor Manchester Restaurant Co-Owner Will Beckett’s tweet. Turns out, a manager accidentally served a customer a $5,000 bottle of wine, rather than the $290 bottle ordered. “To the customer who accidentally got given a bottle of Chateau le Pin Pomerol 2001, which is £4500 on our menu, last night — hope you enjoyed your evening! To the member of staff who accidentally gave it away, chin up! One-off mistakes happen and we love you anyway.” Not only did his tweet gain 31,000 likes and priceless PR, he sent a clear message to his manager and staff that they are valuable and appreciated, regardless of an honest mistake. Mistake #3: Doing Nothing. Ignoring a mistake doesn’t make the problem go away, stay away or guarantee that the same mistake won’t be made again. Connected leaders address, rather than avoid, the issue at hand to collectively and strategically create or reinforce preventive systems. After all, mistakes that reoccur are often the result of an ineffective system, not an ineffective employee. In the case of my client, marketing and sales got together to develop a form which must be submitted for any printed projects to avoid future confusion. I recently read about a bakery that mistakenly put Noble Prize-Winning French Physicist, Marie Curie, on a birthday cake, rather than Mariah Carey (the person’s request). Hopefully, there’s a leader in charge who will leverage this mistake to build a more effective, connected team who serves up greatness to their clients and customers. Wouldn’t that be sweet. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
There’s no better time than a new year for reflection and renewal. After all, how can you recognize and celebrate your growth if you don’t look back to honor what brought you joy, the challenges you overcame and the connections you claimed? Without contemplation, how can you shed light on what you truly want or what you must shed in order to wake up with energy and passion for your life? If you didn’t make time for mind time, you don’t have to wait to decide what new behaviors to embrace or which ones to renew or release. Instead, take yourself out for coffee or lunch this week and bring a journal to jot down notes. If you’re uncertain how to begin, open up your phone and look through your photos or last year’s calendar to see what thoughts or feelings emerge and what questions or actions they stir. Once you’re clear on the what, address the how to set yourself up for success. If you’ve gone through your own reflect/renewal exercise, I’d love to hear what behaviors you’re bringing forward or leaving behind. To provide inspiration for your own journey, I’ll share mine. NEW: Block first 90-minutes of morning for content creation when off the road. My head swirls with ideas, programs and videos I know would support others, as well as my own business growth. Yet, in my desire to accommodate clients in other time zones or quickly turnaround a request, I often give away the time of day I’m most creative and energized. I know better (and can even quote the research in support of time blocking), and now it’s time to do better. How? I’m using Calendly.com to send a link to both speaking and coaching clients to show my availability which excludes that 90-minutes as an option! RENEW: Continue to invest time connecting with family and friends when speaking in their city. Trust me, it’s easier to simply jump on a plane and return home quickly to accomplish more. However, during my own reflection, the photos and memories most cherished were a result of the conscious decision I made last year to show up and be present for people I cherish. Two of my highlights were celebrating Dad’s 93rd birthday and a last-minute weekend with girlfriends, four of whom I hadn’t seen since high school freshman year! How? Rather than overthink the situation, as soon as an engagement is confirmed in a particular city, I send a quick email to a nearby friend to discuss options. Even if the timing for a visit doesn’t align, a fun conversation usually follows as a result. RELEASE: My need to be right. Although I’ve been working on this behavior for years and have made great strides in my professional life, I can’t claim the same in my personal life. I’ve grown up, done my time in therapy and healed enough to eliminate my need to have the last word, educate or judge others when it comes to the bigger issues in life. I truly accept and appreciate our differences and the different perspectives we bring to the table. YET, I still catch myself telling my sweetheart, Blue-Eyes, there’s a faster route to our destination than the one he’s chosen, a more effective way to communicate with his family or a more efficient way to load the dishwasher! As someone who speaks on the power of connection, I recognize the need to release this unhealthy and unattractive behavior once and for all. How? Before opening my mouth, I’m going to ask myself, “Is making this statement more important than making this beautiful, kind man feel loved, valued and appreciated?” After all, isn’t that what we all really want and crave from our connections? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
The holiday season is chock full of additional, and often unrealistic, expectations around entertaining relatives, parties, decorating, shopping, wrapping, cooking, cleaning and traveling. All this activity fills what little whitespace remained on your already-crammed calendar. Emotions run high filled with seasonal stress, as well as crowded mall parking lots, airports and freeways. If you prefer peace and joy, rather than more pressure and juggling, put the following survival strategy to work: Embrace a Less is More Mindset. By choosing to buy less, do less, or do (fill in the blank) less perfectly, you’ll immediately trade in chaos for calm. Granted, online shopping saves time, but look for shortcuts at every turn. For example, rather than purchase individual gifts for colleagues, show up with an edible everyone can enjoy. Better yet, make a pact to skip gift-giving entirely in lieu of a coffee date next quarter deepening a relationship. My hairstylist appreciates receiving the finely wrapped thyme candle gift, and shared she also appreciates my gift bottle of wine minus bag or bow. Rather than slave over a stove, grab and go instead. The homemade, smoked trout crostinis with dill sauce someone brought to a recent party I attended were devoured and enjoyed — but then again, so was the Costco shrimp platter. Rather than put up outdoor lights or even a Christmas tree, hang a beautiful wreath or create a mantle display. Skip the greeting cards and send a photo card from next year’s vacation if you must. Depending on the ages and stages of your family, align gift giving with a less is more approach. Now that my own daughters are grown, the packages under the tree are few. They’re blessed to have enough stuff, and I’d rather create memories through experiences together. My sweetheart and I gave up gift-giving years ago and instead contribute to a vacation account for the same reason. In fact, we’ve adopted a BOGO (Buy One, Goodbye One) philosophy when it comes to adding items to our life to reduce stress and clutter. Rather than accept numerous holiday invitations, ask yourself, “Will this activity bring me or my family more joy? Will it allow us to deepen our connection to others?” By limiting your commitments, you’ll maintain your sanity, but also your credibility as you’ll prevent last minute cancellations. Prioritize one or two events that mean the most to you and/or your family and then let the rest go. Here’s some phraseology that might make it easier: “I appreciate being included, however my calendar is fully committed.” If you’re uncertain, give yourself an out. “I will try to attend, but please don’t count on me given my obligations that day.” If pushed, you can respond, “Thank you, and the timing doesn’t work this year.” It’s okay to be missed. Remember, choosing to do less does not equate to being less. It means you’re time savvy and gives others permission to do the same. For those of you rolling your eyes, here’s the truth: If you’re determined to create a perfect Pinterest holiday, don’t be surprised when you find yourself sick, crabby, or exhausted. Good luck being present or creating connection with others in that state! Instead, give yourself the gift of doing less or doing things less perfectly. Seek connection, not perfection, to discover the true joy of the season. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Business articles and books which marry the theme of leadership with heart have gained traction of late, and as a speaker on the power of connection, I’m thrilled to witness the joyful union. When Robert K. Greenleaf coined the phrase “servant leadership” over 30 years ago, who knew it would take this long to shift mindsets and awaken awareness to the truth that leaders who start with heart create healthy teams that, in turn, drive healthy profits. When individuals feel respected, heard, challenged, and encouraged to achieve, their genuine desire to contribute, collaborate and produce is heightened. This is true whether you’re leading a team of project engineers, a classroom of students, a group of volunteers, or your own family. If you want to start with heart, here are three ways to show, not tell, another you genuinely care: Hold individuals accountable. What? This doesn’t sound loving. Yet, it is, assuming you’ve provided the structure, systems and support to help the individual succeed in the first place. When you let someone off the hook too easily, or simply end up doing the task yourself due to deadlines, you’re not being caring or helpful. Rather, you’re contributing to the problem and holding the person back from future opportunities, as well as stunting their personal growth. Not to mention you’re also showing others your inconsistent leadership style which erodes trust. The top salesperson who consistently arrives late to weekly sales meetings shouldn’t get a pass, nor the team member who shows up with half of his or her expected contribution. Heart-centered leaders immediately address –rather than avoid – accountability issues. Care enough to get to the heart of the matter through a calm, respectful conversation, discuss concerns, and identify solutions. Dare to Share. No, I’m not asking you to divulge your deep, dark secrets, but rather share more than your professional self to your teams. People best connect with the person behind the position, so feel free to share a story about your child’s soccer game or your talent behind the grill. I speak regularly at administrative assistants’ conferences, and I always hear that when their supervisors share pieces of their personal lives, the assistants feel a deeper connection and sense of loyalty. Be vulnerable during a meeting and offer up a time you made a costly error, worked on a project that didn’t go as planned, and what you took away as a result. When you share your less-than-perfect moments, you’re viewed as more humble and relatable. Daring to share creates a safe and trusting environment which gives people permission to take risks and reveal their own challenges as they occur. Show up, listen up, and learn. Yes, you’re busy. Everyone is busy and no one has time anymore to drop by or drop in due to more pressing issues. It’s rare not to be interrupted with an “Excuse me but I need to take this call,” or darting, distracted eyes. But the leader who shows up for the women’s leadership event to show support and remains to listen to the program; the leader who shows up in the cafeteria to sing Happy Birthday to an employee and asks about their job or family; or the leader who simply looks up while riding the elevator, smiles, and engages with those nearby will be talked about and remembered as one who has his or her heart in the right place. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! |
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