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By Colette Carlson
From my window seat on a Coach bus bound for Chicago O’Hare Airport, I watched the bus driver hustling below to load passengers’ luggage in the berth, in an attempt to make up for arriving 30 minutes late. Tension permeated the air as aggravated riders worried about possible missed flights. As the driver rushed back onto the bus and pulled out, I gazed down and saw she’d left the luggage compartment door open! An uproar ensued, luggage flew and brakes slammed, the chaos costing everyone more time. The airport atmosphere was even more intense, as I spotted a professionally attired woman running out of the restroom with a paper toilet seat cover stuck in her tailored pants waistband… Whether you call it hurry, distraction, or poor time management, the issue boils down to one thing: not being PRESENT. Consumed by trying to do too much at once, or thinking about what already did, or what might happen, we lose the only reality we have: the here and now. Sadly, for some people, this is a way of life, and the cost is dear. When we’re not present, we sacrifice the very heart of being alive, a gift best used and shared. And if we’re in a leadership role, we compromise our effectiveness by not paying attention to the tasks (or people) at hand. Being present sounds simple enough, but it’s definitely not always easy. Progress is possible, though, with commitment and practice:
We strengthen our ability to do this when we practice being available to each richly real moment of our lives. These limited commodity moments will eventually run out. Don’t miss a moment to be present. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success!
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By Colette Carlson
No matter how much you enjoy spending quality time with family and friends around the holidays, tensions and stress inevitably escalate as different personalities and preferences collide. Perhaps you have a politically passionate or pushy relative who excels at making you uncomfortable with their opinions or overly-personal questions. Even under the best of circumstances, with everyone’s emotions, expectations and exhaustion under one roof, misunderstandings are bound to happen. Rather than gobble up your feelings or lash out in frustration, chew on one of these three options to create deeper, healthier connections. 1 – Show up prepared. Similar to knowing what dishes will likely be on the Thanksgiving menu, you probably can guess what emotional buttons those in attendance might push. Rather than play defense or keep score on game day, plan for how you will handle uncomfortable situations. If you know your sibling will eventually serve up sarcasm on your parenting skills or career choice in front of others, be proactive. Pick up the phone prior and say, “It’s been too long since we’ve truly connected, and I’m looking forward to really hearing what’s going on in your life Turkey Day, rather than falling into old habits of teasing each other. Life is too short for that stuff anymore.” Should your sibling slam you anyway that day, be prepared to deliver a respectful, follow-up comment or question. Two options include, “When we gather together, I’ve noticed you choose to openly find fault with my style or choices. Today would be way more fun for everyone if we could find ways to support one another. Are you game?”. Or, if you want to be more direct, ask, “May I ask why you feel the need to speak negatively of me and my choices when you have an audience?” Oftentimes, family patterns continue because no one is bold enough to have an authentic, honest conversation (while staying calm and respectful) about changing them. 2 – Recognize your role. It takes two to tango, so how are you contributing to the toxic environment you want to avoid? Does confirmation bias influence you to only see what you already believe about another, rather than focus on how others have changed or grown? Did you hear the seven wonderful statements your mother made before she mentioned you looked tired and thin? Sure, your brother’s girlfriend may have more tattoos or piercings than you prefer, but did you notice how his eyes sparkle when she speaks? Do you need to be right rather than get it right and let others form their own opinions? Do you refer to your children as the athlete, smart or messy one in front of them or others? Labels create limits, both in the eyes of others and the hearts of those you reference. Recognizing the unhealthy behavior you bring to the table allows you the opportunity to make better choices. 3 – Think before you speak. Easier said than done, right? My 82-year old mother and I share the annoying trait of processing our thoughts out loud. This behavior lends itself to saying things better left unsaid. Last week, during a visit with my folks, my 92-year old dad accidentally wore his hearing aid in the shower. As he handed my mother the wet device, out came her vocalized thoughts. “I hope you didn’t ruin it!” Being me, I said, “That wasn’t kind to say.” Only after the words left my mouth did I realize we were both guilty of shaming and blaming. Thankfully, my family now places value on speaking our truth, not our mind, so both mom and I took responsibility and apologized for our unhealthy words. Mom let Dad know he’s still a strong man who simply made a mistake anyone could, and I acknowledged mom for all the hard work she puts in daily to keep her husband of 59 years going strong! May you use these strategies to deepen your relationships, not just on Thanksgiving, but every day, making the world around you a more blessed place. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
According to Walter Isaacson, biographer and author of Leonardo da Vinci, an important takeaway from the genius painter is that “being curious about everything not only makes you more creative, it enriches your life.” Turns out the artist who painted the Mona Lisa (and is often credited with the inventions of the parachute, helicopter and tank) also listed “Describe the tongue of the woodpecker” in a journal of things he wanted to know more about. The quality of curiosity is gaining momentum as a powerful and crucial asset. In fact, Zander Lurie, CEO of SurveyMonkey, recently wrote, “This singular trait, curiosity, will determine which firms will thrive and which ones will stumble.” Curious leaders uncover employees’ strengths and curious salespeople ask richer, more thoughtful questions of their clients. Curious administrators proactively seek out vital information to better manage their supervisor’s schedule. Furthermore, scientific findings support an actual change in our brain chemistry when we are curious, helping us learn and retain information more readily. Inquisitive new employees reportedly adjust more easily to their positions, contribute to innovation, even think of better ways to do their job. Given the vitalness—now more than ever—of being curious, how can you leverage this trait? Some of us are naturally more curious than others, but if you sense you’re deficient in this area, stimulating your curiosity levels will benefit both you and your workplace. And it might even be FUN!
As you find ways to maximize yours, take comfort in these recent words of Bill Gates: “This is a phenomenal time to be a curious person.” Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Chloe, a teeny fifth grade student worked the concession stand for basketball games to honor her student council volunteer requirement. One evening, a group of eighth grade boys approached the concession stand and proceeded to mock her petite frame. Rather than shrink in the moment, Chloe looked them square in the eye and said, “I volunteer my time to serve you, and I expect to be treated with respect. You can leave until you can address me in a respectful manner.” When the brat pack returned later for snacks, their behavior modeled Chloe’s request. When Chloe’s parent shared her story with me following a presentation, my heart swelled with warmth at the strength, character, and boundaries shown by such a young girl. Moments later, it deflated while listening to individuals decades older disclose current-day struggles surrounding self-respect. If you don’t treat yourself with self-respect, others with follow. Only when you fully respect yourself by owning your worth will you develop healthier relationships and deeper connections. Here’s three ways to show yourself respect: 1. Speak up. Take a clue from Chloe on this one. Whether a colleague consistently interrupts during meetings, or a neighbor’s dog leaves deposits on your lawn, give yourself permission to express your feelings respectfully when you feel disrespected. Remain calm and stick to observed behaviors. “Jerry, seven times during our morning meeting you cut me off mid-sentence. Perhaps you were simply excited to share, yet I would appreciate you holding your input until I’m finished with mine.” The more uncomfortable the situation makes you feel, the more you need to assert yourself to honor yourself. Even when it’s hard, the truth is always the way to go. 2. Create boundaries. Without clearly-defined boundaries, you’re a sitting duck for overbearing, pushy, or manipulative individuals – as it’s easier to be persuaded, taken advantage of, or harmed. For example, you may let co-workers grab plumb assignments, interrupt you during your time of “flow” or you consistently work late to finish the job while everyone else leaves early. In your personal life, you may let children dictate your schedule, cater meals to fussy eaters and allow a mother-in-law to call the shots. Instead, decide what YOU want. Stake a claim and stand your ground. Remember, there’s a difference between making compromises and being compromised. 3. Self-respect starts with self-care. In today’s world where the hours between work and life are blurred, making time to make yourself a priority has never been more challenging. Some days even I struggle to choose nutritious foods, move my body, and get enough sleep even though I’ve experienced the power of self-care resulting in a 50 lb. weight loss years earlier. During those moments I stay motivated by telling myself healthy actions show appreciation to my body in return for how wonderful this vessel treats me. I set the clock and give myself 10 minutes to move, meditate, or journal. I remind myself that taking care of myself translates to my ability and energy to be present and care for others. Qualities necessary for genuine connection. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Without respect, relationships falter. Everyone wants and needs to feel respected, and yet, research from a worldwide poll of over 20,000 employees shows that 54% of people report they don’t regularly get respect from their leaders. Busy, demanding schedules, often the excuse for abrupt or impolite behavior, is no excuse for a lack of civility. Need more incentive to do the right thing? This same research showed “being treated with respect was more important to employees than recognition and appreciation, communicating an inspiring vision, providing useful feedback — even opportunities for learning, growth, and development.” Below are five ways to show respect whether your title is leader, salesperson, assistant or parent... 1. Welcome all opinions, ideas and feedback. If you find others hesitant to share information or specific topics with you, chances are you’ve taught them to remain tight-lipped. Only a fool chooses to be vulnerable in an unsafe environment, so look deeply at your contributing behaviors. One off-color joke, piece of sarcasm, blatant interruption or shutting down another’s suggestion speaks louder than all the lip service you pay to equality, diversity or innovation. Be honest. Do you welcome opposing opinions, or do you insist on having the last word? Do you cast judgment before hearing all sides of a story? Listening past your biases requires awareness and practice, yet remains one of the fastest ways to show respect, build connection and maximize trust. 2. Be curious and compassionate. Next time someone on your team makes an error, rather than raise your voice, roll your eyes or shame and blame, take a breath, take a moment and take your time to ask additional questions to identify and understand the underlying cause.Instead of sternly saying, “How could you let this happen?” softly say, “Help me to understand what happened.” Feeling frustrated or disappointed is expected, but respectful leaders maintain emotional control and put their focus on solutions and next steps leaving others’ dignity intact. After all, haven’t we all dropped the ball or disappointed another at some point in our career? In those moments, what we need most is compassion and well-chosen words. Connected leaders hold individuals accountable through clear, sincere and respectful communication. 3. Be present and attentive. When Success Magazine asked followers the best way to show respect to others, 65% responded listening to others. I’m not surprised given how many individuals ignore those directly in front of them to respond to incoming emails, texts or calls. Sure, there are times when you need to divert your attention to more pressing matters, but know each time you choose to put another on hold, you’re sending a message they are less important.One leader I met, who has an open-door policy, teaches team members who enter to remain silent if his hands are on the keyboard allowing him to finish his thought, sentence or entry. Following, he pushes his desk chair away from the computer, smiles and gives his full attention to the individual. His time and attention makes others feel valued and respected. 4. Trust your team. Connected, respected leaders empower teams to deliver quality work through encouragement, guidance, training and tools. Following, they show their teams respect by trusting them to act in accordance to what they believe is the best solution in any situation.For example, a hardware store owner I interviewed provides $25 store gift cards to his team yearly. Employees are free to use these cards at their discretion to make for a better customer experience. Recently, an elderly customer who was upset an item was no longer on sale, was overcome with emotion when the employee pulled out his gift card and said, “Let me use my personal card to make up the difference.” I’d bet that employee felt pretty good himself knowing he was trusted to make the right decision. 5. Make your word gold. Those who know me, know the value I place on saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Are you committed to the same standards you expect of others? Do you talk about the importance of showing up on time for meetings, but breeze in 5 minutes late? Do you share confidential information with others to advance your own agenda? Do you tell an employee you’ll speak to human resources about their promotion or raise, but weeks go by without any action? Not only will you lessen your ability to influence or impact your team with these behaviors, but you’ll quickly lose respect in their eyes. After all, you can’t respect someone you don’t trust. Can you imagine how different our workplace and world would be if we all just showed each other some respect? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
My smartphone surprised me. It was about 7:00 p.m., and I had just gotten back to my hotel room after a long day at an out-of-town speaking engagement. I was startled by a flash from my phone, with the message, “Good evening, Colette” and photo of what looked like a row of brightly lit New Orleans French Quarter shops at dusk. I instantly had this warm and comforted feeling…then I chuckled at my response to a random phone app (which I don’t even recall downloading, by the way). Nonetheless, it got me thinking about this idea of merging technology – particularly artificial intelligence (AI) – with human emotion. Without getting into a deep discussion of the possible consequences of “virtual emotional support,” including Stephen Hawking’s view that full development of AI would put an end to mankind, I see evidence of this level of technology leading instead to increased need for “soft skills”—the capacity for creativity, empathy, compassion, and paying attention to others. But could AI be fine-tuned to master these connecting skills? Consider the following: Human Intangibles Can’t be Programmed – Recently, I read an article that talked about Apple Corporation’s hopes to broaden Siri’s IPhone functions to include mental health advice—sort of a quasi-therapist. To that end, this tech giant is reportedly looking for a software engineer with additional “peer counseling or psychology background.” The role is titled ‘Siri Software Engineer, Health and Wellness.’ Interestingly, the article also noted that Apple may be struggling to fill the position, which has been open since April, since there are not many people proficient in both coding and counseling. I think the lack of candidates is far more likely related to the inadequacy of “pat answers” to help people through complex emotional issues. Who else but another person could possibly understand human feelings, so often irrational and contradictory? Connection is a Priority in Health Care – As reported by Bertalan Mesko, MD PhD in his article, “The Future is About Empathy, Not Coding,” the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics predicts that while jobs for doctors and surgeons will rise by 14% between 2014 and 2024, the top three direct-care jobs – personal-care aide, home-health aide, and nursing assistant – are expected to grow by 26%. Healthcare is a growing area, especially now with the elderly population on the rise, and human connection skills are among the most important qualifications for working in this field. As Mesko states, applying technology to treating human beings has definite limitations. Although AI will perform diagnostic tasks, and robots might be able to do certain surgeries, can an electronic device talk to a patient with empathy about the risks and consequences of an operation? Natural Disaster & Trauma – Recently, I worked with a company that delivers technology and solutions for contact centers handling a high volume of incoming calls, including large moving, storage, and mortgage companies that have been recently inundated with calls relating to hurricane damage. Although AI can answer basic questions, these companies recognize the need for call center employees to be able to effectively communicate with victims about specific concerns. They need representatives who are skilled in relating to people who have suffered major, devastating losses after this type of large-scale disaster. It seems safe to say that AI can only be as effective as its ability to operate within people’s standards of practicality and emotion. By working on our ability to connect to others, we maximize our unique human strengths—the emotional qualities that make us irreplaceable. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
As a professional speaker, I’m always stressing the value of mindful, genuine communication in building effective business relationships. So, it’s no wonder I get excited when I hear of companies ready to step outside their comfort zone to put this into practice. That’s especially true when corporate leaders show they’re willing to break out of outdated roles (e.g. the upper-level executive who floats in a lofty sphere above the rest of the employees, with no time for the problems of, say, those customer service operators making $14.00 per hour on the front lines). For years, the traditional power hierarchy within corporate America has had a built-in arrogance that blocked authenticity and positive human connection. Today’s leaders are smarter. Many are willing to be more down-to-earth, realizing that a connection with their teams is necessary in order to further their company’s goals:
Whether your goal is to bring bright new employees onboard, or sell your business’s latest and greatest product to customers, the key to success for any business is human connection. And it looks like the world is finally catching on! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Connecting with others often brings warm, fuzzy feelings of affection, mutual understanding, and inclusion. But let’s face it, all that can go out the window quickly when someone you know gets something you want—like that promotion, that new home, or maybe even that smaller pants size. Envy can take a bite out of you, and suddenly you sense a twinge of resentment toward even your closest friends! Instead of becoming bitter, get better and put envy to work for you. Merriam Webster defines envy as “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.” The first two words that jump out at me here are “painful” and “resentful.” Neither of these adjectives sounds particularly fun or positive! So, let’s take a look at how you might reframe this a bit. In my experience, the most difficult attitudes and experiences, when confronted constructively, pay off in psychological, spiritual, and even material rewards! Be Fair When You Compare Let’s think about your tendency to compare yourself to others, which is the basis of envy. Granted, comparing yourself to others is part of human nature, but depending on your temperament, can lead to discouragement, depression, and giving up. Here’s why. Ever notice that the person you target tends to be the cream-of-the-crop, rather than the “crop” or average individual? By setting the benchmark this high, you pretty much guarantee you’ll come up short! If you simply must compare, at least be fairer and more realistic in your evaluation. Use standards that take into account who YOU are, not someone else. After all, how much do you really know about them underneath their “stellar” exterior? Wouldn’t it be a lot more reasonable and constructive to compare where you are now to where you started? This way, it’s easy to see how much growth and progress you’ve achieved, which will encourage you to keep working to get better and better. Use Benign Envy as Motivation Whereas malicious envy begrudges another’s gain to the point of wishing they would actually lose that thing or that harm would befall them, benign envy can stir your emotions toward positive action. Benign envy is when you wish you had something that someone else has, and you believe you’re capable of accomplishing the same thing, but so far you haven’t. Rather than sit and stew, use others’ qualities or achievements as a sign of hope that these triumphs are possible and achievable. Seeing others succeed can inspire you to work harder and improve your performance. Combining this idea with the reality that you are unique and completely distinct from the person you envy, can bring tremendous joy as you work to become the best version of “you” possible! When envy hits, you’re giving all your attention to what (or who) is outside you, rather than the harder task of looking at yourself. But remember that within you is an abundance of beauty, strength, and uniqueness. I promise you, concentrating on strengthening your own personal gifts and abilities will make you far happier and more peaceful than getting the biggest promotion and house, or even that “ideal” pant size. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
No, this article is not about setting aside your judgement and becoming more compassionate towards those you lead to create better connections. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I’m proposing that to maximize your relationships with others, you must first boldly accept yourself…flaws and all. Let me explain... Acceptance requires reflection and ownership of your truth. All of us show up with strengths and struggles, but too many of us only acknowledge the parts of ourselves that our companies, customers, community, and our families applaud. We bury, ignore or discount our less attractive traits and behaviors, which directly affects those we lead. For example, it’s easier to own your role in increasing quarterly revenue than to admit the intimidation used to drive sales. It’s far easier to own and speak proudly of your child’s excellent grades, rather than confess your tactics included yelling, shaming and blaming. As a leader you must accept, rather than reject, your weaknesses and foibles. After all, we can’t change what we won’t acknowledge. Accepting all of yourself doesn’t give you a hall pass to continue poor behavior by kicking back and saying, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” Instead, acceptance provides an opportunity to examine your methods thus far. Ponder why you choose to shame another rather than find compassion and empathy to reach the same result. Is it, perhaps, because you have little compassion or empathy when you slip up or fall short of a goal? That was certainly my story; perhaps you can relate. Until I accepted the fact that I was enough as is, not when I lost 50 lbs.; attained the promotion; or didn’t screw up, I couldn’t sustain healthy relationships in my life. After asking myself some deep, penetrating questions, I came to understand my quest for perfection and the need to present an image that I had it all together. Turns out, at my core, I believed that I had to be perfect to feel okay, worthy or lovable. Now that I owned this truth, what next? After all, acceptance requires action. Therefore, I learned how to give myself the approval I was seeking in others. I learned how to stop beating myself up when I made a mistake or didn’t live up to my expectations. Ironically, the more I accepted myself, the less demanding I was in all my relationships. The more kindness I showed myself, the more I had to give to others. The deeper the connection with myself, the deeper my relationships became with others. Too many believe that accepting all of yourself as is means you don’t want to get better, but that’s a lie. Acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t want to grow, improve and challenge yourself. Acceptance simply means you stop using your energy to tear yourself down…which, in turn, prevents you from tearing down others. Connected leaders don’t protect or deflect their struggles. Instead, they celebrate all of themselves, course-correct any liabilities and cultivate their connections as a result. What self-image do you need to trade in for self-acceptance to grow you and your team to the next level? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
One of the questions I am asked as a speaker who teaches the power of relationship building is this: How can I be more influential in the workplace? You already understand the benefits of being an influential person at your place of work. People look up to you, respect you, etc., and this is a trait for which many people should always strive. However, it’s not always an easy road because of different work situations. Here are some points to lead you to becoming an influential person in the workplace... 1. Be Knowledgeable The workplace is always evolving. Different techniques and strategies are continually making their way across your place of business and one of the key ideas of being influential is to be knowledgeable about many things. When you expound knowledge in your place of business you become the go-to source from which people rely on - a rock of sorts who is always striving for the correct answers to different problems your workplace is facing. Being knowledgeable means people have someone to lean on for help when they need you. Someone who can bring their own influence is a person who listens. Knowledgeable people understand when to share their advice to others as well as listen to the opinions of their colleagues. This brings your influence towards wisdom which promotes a healthy workplace where people can feel connected to you on an emotional level. 2. Bring Out the Confidence in Others A study by Ohio State University shares how your career path is influenced by the level of self-confidence you have. It’s always important to have confidence in the workplace. When you are sure of yourself, other people will be sure of you too. Confidence breeds leadership qualities and allows a path for others to follow, which of course, makes you a leader in the workplace. Not only should you be confident in yourself, but you also have an opportunity to help maintain the confidence in your co-workers as well. Take advantage of these opportunities when you can and people will see your influence. For example, social marketing entrepreneurs all want one thing: to have their social post shared by someone of influence. When someone shares their blog, update, etc. to a social audience of thousands, if not millions, then they become more confident in what they have just produced. While you may not be a social marketer, the product of sharing is still the same. Give more than you get. If you felt like a conversation was worth mentioning, take time and share your colleagues thoughts and ideas with others. You can build confidence in your co-workers better by lifting them up rather than yourself. They will remember who made them feel this way and your influence with this particular person will rise because of the emotional attachment you have just created. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! |
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