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By Colette Carlson
Lack of personal connection and the absence of human support is a struggle in most businesses today. Although companies can address this issue simply through understanding and better communication, many remain so singularly focused on profits, they are unaware of the insidious internal damage caused by poor morale. Here are a few things to consider when evaluating how to keep your company healthy: Does your company pay attention to its employees’ individual needs and opinions? Or does it take a cookie-cutter approach to its workers, expecting strict conformity without exception? Although it’s obvious that employment standards are necessary and healthy, some businesses overlook the fact that humans are not machines, and sometimes require special handling when adapting to changes at work or in their personal lives. Does your business encourage group activities, team meetings for communication and morale-building, and other opportunities to connect with fellow employees? Fostering good relationships among employees is a huge contributing factor in companies’ successfully weathering the ups and downs inherent in business. Furthermore, research has shown that positive feedback and personal encouragement at work frequently outrank even pay rate when it comes to employees’ job satisfaction! Smart companies don’t skimp on the holiday celebrations, employee family picnics, and birthday recognitions. As in all human interactions, when we feel valued, we are generally motivated to return the favor by giving our best. Do managers embrace an open-door policy, inviting employees to come to them for discussion and resolution of issues? Or are they unapproachable, with an attitude suggesting they’re superior, super controlling, or quick to resort to punitive measures? Here is where connection becomes absolutely critical for survival of a business “species.” Humans are social creatures, with an innate need for validation and acceptance by others. Companies would do well to encourage and understand, rather than criticize and condemn, fellow members of their species. Is your treatment of coworkers based on reality, as opposed to mental gymnastics? Don’t make the mistake of guessing the feelings and motivations of your employees. Often, we avoid connecting because we’ve already painted an ugly picture of them based purely on our own fears, past negative experiences, and displaced resentments! This form of judgement is actually very similar to the delusional thinking of people overcome by despair related to a mental illness. If fed with more inner distortions instead of outside support and objectivity, our perspective grows darker and darker, leading to harm and possibly death, be it to an individual or corporation. As a passionate spokeswoman regarding human connection, which directly bolsters the health of both individuals and companies, I challenge you to evaluate your own professional mental wellbeing. Consider how you think about—and therefore behave—toward others. Don’t make the mistake of minimizing the importance of relating to the people you work with authentically, respectfully, and compassionately. Because the truth is, the very life of your company depends on it. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success!
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By Colette Carlson
Connection is the glue that keeps relationships, projects, and organizations together, which is why leaders and teams often look for opportunities to strengthen bonds in the form of internal events and outside activities. Research supports that teams who play together have a better chance of staying together. Experiencing the person behind the position leads to deeper understanding which translates to more effective communication and collaboration back on the job. These occasions might resemble simple pot luck lunches in the breakroom to elaborate off-site, trust-building rope courses. However, the best of intentions to create a sense of community can backfire when organizers fail to fully consider the impact of their choices and actions on others. For example, many companies or teams still celebrate a finished project or the achievement of a sales goal by gathering at a local bar following the workday. Having participated in more than a few happy hours throughout my career, I’m well aware of the value of showing up. Time together outside of the office creates space for finding common ground and exploring interests. As individuals relax, conversations flow and information gets shared. This environment can provide face time with a supervisor who otherwise is too busy. This proximity power allows you to share your accomplishments or goals with those who have the platform or persuasiveness to get your ideas or agenda acted upon. Even though I’ve personally benefited from and leveraged a few relationships and conversations as a result of these gatherings, they’re not inclusive and therein lies the problem. When a supervisor suggests going out for a drink with the team as a way to connect, they haven’t taken into account team members who have obligations outside of the workday, colleagues who refrain from drinking alcohol, or individuals who prefer not to put themselves in an uncomfortable situation given how alcohol can affect behavior. Add to that list introverts who prefer not to make small talk and need downtime to re-energize or individuals from other cultures who show up but remain on the outside as those with more in common congregate at one end of the bar. A more effective way to support positive workplace culture is to create a space and place for everyone to feel included and contribute. This might come in the form of taking time away from work to volunteer together at a non-profit event or tweaking the pot luck lunch to include sharing the history behind or fun story about the chosen dish. Here are three things to consider when planning your next team event: 1. Create a diverse planning committee. When you include and solicit input from a variety of ages, genders, cultures and personality-types, you automatically increase the likelihood your activity will be more inclusive and innovative. If that’s not feasible, make time to individually gather team members insight, ideas and interests. 2. Have a clearly defined goal. Individuals prefer not to waste precious work or personal time on contrived activities or icebreakers without a strong purpose or takeaway. 3. Seek an activity with structure. Coming together and accomplishing something as a team can be a powerful experience with lingering effects. For example, a company who brought me in to speak collectively builds a Habitat for Humanity home every summer. These activities can build genuine, long-lasting connections and teams often find themselves reflecting together on the experience. As one person told me, “After pounding nails and sharing a few laughs with Jon that day, I’ll never hesitate picking up the phone and calling him the next time I need support from his department.” Now that’s connection in action. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
From my window seat on a Coach bus bound for Chicago O’Hare Airport, I watched the bus driver hustling below to load passengers’ luggage in the berth, in an attempt to make up for arriving 30 minutes late. Tension permeated the air as aggravated riders worried about possible missed flights. As the driver rushed back onto the bus and pulled out, I gazed down and saw she’d left the luggage compartment door open! An uproar ensued, luggage flew and brakes slammed, the chaos costing everyone more time. The airport atmosphere was even more intense, as I spotted a professionally attired woman running out of the restroom with a paper toilet seat cover stuck in her tailored pants waistband… Whether you call it hurry, distraction, or poor time management, the issue boils down to one thing: not being PRESENT. Consumed by trying to do too much at once, or thinking about what already did, or what might happen, we lose the only reality we have: the here and now. Sadly, for some people, this is a way of life, and the cost is dear. When we’re not present, we sacrifice the very heart of being alive, a gift best used and shared. And if we’re in a leadership role, we compromise our effectiveness by not paying attention to the tasks (or people) at hand. Being present sounds simple enough, but it’s definitely not always easy. Progress is possible, though, with commitment and practice:
We strengthen our ability to do this when we practice being available to each richly real moment of our lives. These limited commodity moments will eventually run out. Don’t miss a moment to be present. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
No matter how much you enjoy spending quality time with family and friends around the holidays, tensions and stress inevitably escalate as different personalities and preferences collide. Perhaps you have a politically passionate or pushy relative who excels at making you uncomfortable with their opinions or overly-personal questions. Even under the best of circumstances, with everyone’s emotions, expectations and exhaustion under one roof, misunderstandings are bound to happen. Rather than gobble up your feelings or lash out in frustration, chew on one of these three options to create deeper, healthier connections. 1 – Show up prepared. Similar to knowing what dishes will likely be on the Thanksgiving menu, you probably can guess what emotional buttons those in attendance might push. Rather than play defense or keep score on game day, plan for how you will handle uncomfortable situations. If you know your sibling will eventually serve up sarcasm on your parenting skills or career choice in front of others, be proactive. Pick up the phone prior and say, “It’s been too long since we’ve truly connected, and I’m looking forward to really hearing what’s going on in your life Turkey Day, rather than falling into old habits of teasing each other. Life is too short for that stuff anymore.” Should your sibling slam you anyway that day, be prepared to deliver a respectful, follow-up comment or question. Two options include, “When we gather together, I’ve noticed you choose to openly find fault with my style or choices. Today would be way more fun for everyone if we could find ways to support one another. Are you game?”. Or, if you want to be more direct, ask, “May I ask why you feel the need to speak negatively of me and my choices when you have an audience?” Oftentimes, family patterns continue because no one is bold enough to have an authentic, honest conversation (while staying calm and respectful) about changing them. 2 – Recognize your role. It takes two to tango, so how are you contributing to the toxic environment you want to avoid? Does confirmation bias influence you to only see what you already believe about another, rather than focus on how others have changed or grown? Did you hear the seven wonderful statements your mother made before she mentioned you looked tired and thin? Sure, your brother’s girlfriend may have more tattoos or piercings than you prefer, but did you notice how his eyes sparkle when she speaks? Do you need to be right rather than get it right and let others form their own opinions? Do you refer to your children as the athlete, smart or messy one in front of them or others? Labels create limits, both in the eyes of others and the hearts of those you reference. Recognizing the unhealthy behavior you bring to the table allows you the opportunity to make better choices. 3 – Think before you speak. Easier said than done, right? My 82-year old mother and I share the annoying trait of processing our thoughts out loud. This behavior lends itself to saying things better left unsaid. Last week, during a visit with my folks, my 92-year old dad accidentally wore his hearing aid in the shower. As he handed my mother the wet device, out came her vocalized thoughts. “I hope you didn’t ruin it!” Being me, I said, “That wasn’t kind to say.” Only after the words left my mouth did I realize we were both guilty of shaming and blaming. Thankfully, my family now places value on speaking our truth, not our mind, so both mom and I took responsibility and apologized for our unhealthy words. Mom let Dad know he’s still a strong man who simply made a mistake anyone could, and I acknowledged mom for all the hard work she puts in daily to keep her husband of 59 years going strong! May you use these strategies to deepen your relationships, not just on Thanksgiving, but every day, making the world around you a more blessed place. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
According to Walter Isaacson, biographer and author of Leonardo da Vinci, an important takeaway from the genius painter is that “being curious about everything not only makes you more creative, it enriches your life.” Turns out the artist who painted the Mona Lisa (and is often credited with the inventions of the parachute, helicopter and tank) also listed “Describe the tongue of the woodpecker” in a journal of things he wanted to know more about. The quality of curiosity is gaining momentum as a powerful and crucial asset. In fact, Zander Lurie, CEO of SurveyMonkey, recently wrote, “This singular trait, curiosity, will determine which firms will thrive and which ones will stumble.” Curious leaders uncover employees’ strengths and curious salespeople ask richer, more thoughtful questions of their clients. Curious administrators proactively seek out vital information to better manage their supervisor’s schedule. Furthermore, scientific findings support an actual change in our brain chemistry when we are curious, helping us learn and retain information more readily. Inquisitive new employees reportedly adjust more easily to their positions, contribute to innovation, even think of better ways to do their job. Given the vitalness—now more than ever—of being curious, how can you leverage this trait? Some of us are naturally more curious than others, but if you sense you’re deficient in this area, stimulating your curiosity levels will benefit both you and your workplace. And it might even be FUN!
As you find ways to maximize yours, take comfort in these recent words of Bill Gates: “This is a phenomenal time to be a curious person.” Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Chloe, a teeny fifth grade student worked the concession stand for basketball games to honor her student council volunteer requirement. One evening, a group of eighth grade boys approached the concession stand and proceeded to mock her petite frame. Rather than shrink in the moment, Chloe looked them square in the eye and said, “I volunteer my time to serve you, and I expect to be treated with respect. You can leave until you can address me in a respectful manner.” When the brat pack returned later for snacks, their behavior modeled Chloe’s request. When Chloe’s parent shared her story with me following a presentation, my heart swelled with warmth at the strength, character, and boundaries shown by such a young girl. Moments later, it deflated while listening to individuals decades older disclose current-day struggles surrounding self-respect. If you don’t treat yourself with self-respect, others with follow. Only when you fully respect yourself by owning your worth will you develop healthier relationships and deeper connections. Here’s three ways to show yourself respect: 1. Speak up. Take a clue from Chloe on this one. Whether a colleague consistently interrupts during meetings, or a neighbor’s dog leaves deposits on your lawn, give yourself permission to express your feelings respectfully when you feel disrespected. Remain calm and stick to observed behaviors. “Jerry, seven times during our morning meeting you cut me off mid-sentence. Perhaps you were simply excited to share, yet I would appreciate you holding your input until I’m finished with mine.” The more uncomfortable the situation makes you feel, the more you need to assert yourself to honor yourself. Even when it’s hard, the truth is always the way to go. 2. Create boundaries. Without clearly-defined boundaries, you’re a sitting duck for overbearing, pushy, or manipulative individuals – as it’s easier to be persuaded, taken advantage of, or harmed. For example, you may let co-workers grab plumb assignments, interrupt you during your time of “flow” or you consistently work late to finish the job while everyone else leaves early. In your personal life, you may let children dictate your schedule, cater meals to fussy eaters and allow a mother-in-law to call the shots. Instead, decide what YOU want. Stake a claim and stand your ground. Remember, there’s a difference between making compromises and being compromised. 3. Self-respect starts with self-care. In today’s world where the hours between work and life are blurred, making time to make yourself a priority has never been more challenging. Some days even I struggle to choose nutritious foods, move my body, and get enough sleep even though I’ve experienced the power of self-care resulting in a 50 lb. weight loss years earlier. During those moments I stay motivated by telling myself healthy actions show appreciation to my body in return for how wonderful this vessel treats me. I set the clock and give myself 10 minutes to move, meditate, or journal. I remind myself that taking care of myself translates to my ability and energy to be present and care for others. Qualities necessary for genuine connection. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Without respect, relationships falter. Everyone wants and needs to feel respected, and yet, research from a worldwide poll of over 20,000 employees shows that 54% of people report they don’t regularly get respect from their leaders. Busy, demanding schedules, often the excuse for abrupt or impolite behavior, is no excuse for a lack of civility. Need more incentive to do the right thing? This same research showed “being treated with respect was more important to employees than recognition and appreciation, communicating an inspiring vision, providing useful feedback — even opportunities for learning, growth, and development.” Below are five ways to show respect whether your title is leader, salesperson, assistant or parent... 1. Welcome all opinions, ideas and feedback. If you find others hesitant to share information or specific topics with you, chances are you’ve taught them to remain tight-lipped. Only a fool chooses to be vulnerable in an unsafe environment, so look deeply at your contributing behaviors. One off-color joke, piece of sarcasm, blatant interruption or shutting down another’s suggestion speaks louder than all the lip service you pay to equality, diversity or innovation. Be honest. Do you welcome opposing opinions, or do you insist on having the last word? Do you cast judgment before hearing all sides of a story? Listening past your biases requires awareness and practice, yet remains one of the fastest ways to show respect, build connection and maximize trust. 2. Be curious and compassionate. Next time someone on your team makes an error, rather than raise your voice, roll your eyes or shame and blame, take a breath, take a moment and take your time to ask additional questions to identify and understand the underlying cause.Instead of sternly saying, “How could you let this happen?” softly say, “Help me to understand what happened.” Feeling frustrated or disappointed is expected, but respectful leaders maintain emotional control and put their focus on solutions and next steps leaving others’ dignity intact. After all, haven’t we all dropped the ball or disappointed another at some point in our career? In those moments, what we need most is compassion and well-chosen words. Connected leaders hold individuals accountable through clear, sincere and respectful communication. 3. Be present and attentive. When Success Magazine asked followers the best way to show respect to others, 65% responded listening to others. I’m not surprised given how many individuals ignore those directly in front of them to respond to incoming emails, texts or calls. Sure, there are times when you need to divert your attention to more pressing matters, but know each time you choose to put another on hold, you’re sending a message they are less important.One leader I met, who has an open-door policy, teaches team members who enter to remain silent if his hands are on the keyboard allowing him to finish his thought, sentence or entry. Following, he pushes his desk chair away from the computer, smiles and gives his full attention to the individual. His time and attention makes others feel valued and respected. 4. Trust your team. Connected, respected leaders empower teams to deliver quality work through encouragement, guidance, training and tools. Following, they show their teams respect by trusting them to act in accordance to what they believe is the best solution in any situation.For example, a hardware store owner I interviewed provides $25 store gift cards to his team yearly. Employees are free to use these cards at their discretion to make for a better customer experience. Recently, an elderly customer who was upset an item was no longer on sale, was overcome with emotion when the employee pulled out his gift card and said, “Let me use my personal card to make up the difference.” I’d bet that employee felt pretty good himself knowing he was trusted to make the right decision. 5. Make your word gold. Those who know me, know the value I place on saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Are you committed to the same standards you expect of others? Do you talk about the importance of showing up on time for meetings, but breeze in 5 minutes late? Do you share confidential information with others to advance your own agenda? Do you tell an employee you’ll speak to human resources about their promotion or raise, but weeks go by without any action? Not only will you lessen your ability to influence or impact your team with these behaviors, but you’ll quickly lose respect in their eyes. After all, you can’t respect someone you don’t trust. Can you imagine how different our workplace and world would be if we all just showed each other some respect? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
My smartphone surprised me. It was about 7:00 p.m., and I had just gotten back to my hotel room after a long day at an out-of-town speaking engagement. I was startled by a flash from my phone, with the message, “Good evening, Colette” and photo of what looked like a row of brightly lit New Orleans French Quarter shops at dusk. I instantly had this warm and comforted feeling…then I chuckled at my response to a random phone app (which I don’t even recall downloading, by the way). Nonetheless, it got me thinking about this idea of merging technology – particularly artificial intelligence (AI) – with human emotion. Without getting into a deep discussion of the possible consequences of “virtual emotional support,” including Stephen Hawking’s view that full development of AI would put an end to mankind, I see evidence of this level of technology leading instead to increased need for “soft skills”—the capacity for creativity, empathy, compassion, and paying attention to others. But could AI be fine-tuned to master these connecting skills? Consider the following: Human Intangibles Can’t be Programmed – Recently, I read an article that talked about Apple Corporation’s hopes to broaden Siri’s IPhone functions to include mental health advice—sort of a quasi-therapist. To that end, this tech giant is reportedly looking for a software engineer with additional “peer counseling or psychology background.” The role is titled ‘Siri Software Engineer, Health and Wellness.’ Interestingly, the article also noted that Apple may be struggling to fill the position, which has been open since April, since there are not many people proficient in both coding and counseling. I think the lack of candidates is far more likely related to the inadequacy of “pat answers” to help people through complex emotional issues. Who else but another person could possibly understand human feelings, so often irrational and contradictory? Connection is a Priority in Health Care – As reported by Bertalan Mesko, MD PhD in his article, “The Future is About Empathy, Not Coding,” the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics predicts that while jobs for doctors and surgeons will rise by 14% between 2014 and 2024, the top three direct-care jobs – personal-care aide, home-health aide, and nursing assistant – are expected to grow by 26%. Healthcare is a growing area, especially now with the elderly population on the rise, and human connection skills are among the most important qualifications for working in this field. As Mesko states, applying technology to treating human beings has definite limitations. Although AI will perform diagnostic tasks, and robots might be able to do certain surgeries, can an electronic device talk to a patient with empathy about the risks and consequences of an operation? Natural Disaster & Trauma – Recently, I worked with a company that delivers technology and solutions for contact centers handling a high volume of incoming calls, including large moving, storage, and mortgage companies that have been recently inundated with calls relating to hurricane damage. Although AI can answer basic questions, these companies recognize the need for call center employees to be able to effectively communicate with victims about specific concerns. They need representatives who are skilled in relating to people who have suffered major, devastating losses after this type of large-scale disaster. It seems safe to say that AI can only be as effective as its ability to operate within people’s standards of practicality and emotion. By working on our ability to connect to others, we maximize our unique human strengths—the emotional qualities that make us irreplaceable. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
As a professional speaker, I’m always stressing the value of mindful, genuine communication in building effective business relationships. So, it’s no wonder I get excited when I hear of companies ready to step outside their comfort zone to put this into practice. That’s especially true when corporate leaders show they’re willing to break out of outdated roles (e.g. the upper-level executive who floats in a lofty sphere above the rest of the employees, with no time for the problems of, say, those customer service operators making $14.00 per hour on the front lines). For years, the traditional power hierarchy within corporate America has had a built-in arrogance that blocked authenticity and positive human connection. Today’s leaders are smarter. Many are willing to be more down-to-earth, realizing that a connection with their teams is necessary in order to further their company’s goals:
Whether your goal is to bring bright new employees onboard, or sell your business’s latest and greatest product to customers, the key to success for any business is human connection. And it looks like the world is finally catching on! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Colette Carlson
Connecting with others often brings warm, fuzzy feelings of affection, mutual understanding, and inclusion. But let’s face it, all that can go out the window quickly when someone you know gets something you want—like that promotion, that new home, or maybe even that smaller pants size. Envy can take a bite out of you, and suddenly you sense a twinge of resentment toward even your closest friends! Instead of becoming bitter, get better and put envy to work for you. Merriam Webster defines envy as “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.” The first two words that jump out at me here are “painful” and “resentful.” Neither of these adjectives sounds particularly fun or positive! So, let’s take a look at how you might reframe this a bit. In my experience, the most difficult attitudes and experiences, when confronted constructively, pay off in psychological, spiritual, and even material rewards! Be Fair When You Compare Let’s think about your tendency to compare yourself to others, which is the basis of envy. Granted, comparing yourself to others is part of human nature, but depending on your temperament, can lead to discouragement, depression, and giving up. Here’s why. Ever notice that the person you target tends to be the cream-of-the-crop, rather than the “crop” or average individual? By setting the benchmark this high, you pretty much guarantee you’ll come up short! If you simply must compare, at least be fairer and more realistic in your evaluation. Use standards that take into account who YOU are, not someone else. After all, how much do you really know about them underneath their “stellar” exterior? Wouldn’t it be a lot more reasonable and constructive to compare where you are now to where you started? This way, it’s easy to see how much growth and progress you’ve achieved, which will encourage you to keep working to get better and better. Use Benign Envy as Motivation Whereas malicious envy begrudges another’s gain to the point of wishing they would actually lose that thing or that harm would befall them, benign envy can stir your emotions toward positive action. Benign envy is when you wish you had something that someone else has, and you believe you’re capable of accomplishing the same thing, but so far you haven’t. Rather than sit and stew, use others’ qualities or achievements as a sign of hope that these triumphs are possible and achievable. Seeing others succeed can inspire you to work harder and improve your performance. Combining this idea with the reality that you are unique and completely distinct from the person you envy, can bring tremendous joy as you work to become the best version of “you” possible! When envy hits, you’re giving all your attention to what (or who) is outside you, rather than the harder task of looking at yourself. But remember that within you is an abundance of beauty, strength, and uniqueness. I promise you, concentrating on strengthening your own personal gifts and abilities will make you far happier and more peaceful than getting the biggest promotion and house, or even that “ideal” pant size. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! |
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