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By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
Do you like suspenseful novels or movies? How about mysteries or thrillers? I do. And what I like most about these kinds of books and movies is being surprised by a discovery at the end of the story. I still remember being stunned by the final scenes in The Sixth Sense and Primal Fear. In each, the conclusion unveiled a discovery that totally changed my understanding of the story up to that point. Recently, I heard a meditation instructor say we should approach people and situations as “mysteries to be discovered.” What an interesting concept. Can you imagine how different our lives would be if we went into every encounter expecting to be changed by the mystery we discover? I think it would lead us to being more open to every situation and would eliminate pre-determined opinions that typically prevent us from truly experiencing the reality in each moment. For instance, do you remember the first time you saw a natural wonder or an amazing tourist attraction? Whether you were looking at the Grand Canyon, Michelangelo’s statue of David, or The World’s Largest Ball of Twine, you probably just wanted to stand there and take it all in. We hardly have words to describe experiences like that. Well, except when we’re looking at the ball of twine. I’m pretty sure in that situation, most of us are saying, “Dang, that’s really big.” What is it about these encounters that affects us? Is it the magnitude of the Grand Canyon or the beauty of the statue of David? I think it might be the mystery we hope to discover. We want to know when the Modest Canyon became the Grand Canyon. We want to know when Michelangelo looked at the statue of David and decided it was complete. And when it comes to the Ball of Twine, we simply want to know why? We look, we ponder, and we ask questions to better understand the experience. Perhaps this is how we should travel through our lives—with the expectation that a wonderful discovery is waiting around every corner. But how do we do that? First, we must eliminate our pre-conceived ideas and open our minds to whatever the moment brings. I know this is easier said than done so here are a couple of examples to illustrate the concept. Discovering People A few weeks ago, I went to our local auto parts store to buy replacement blades for my windshield wipers. A young man was standing behind the counter and in front of the counter, there was an older man sitting on a stool. As I approached them both, the older man said, “Good morning. What do you have planned for the day?” “Well, I’m on my way to work,” I said. “I remember what that was like,” he said with a chuckle. As we talked, I found out that he had retired from his job as a maintenance supervisor in the transportation division at the University of Virginia. I told him that I attended UVA in the 1980s, and we compared notes about the way things used to be. He asked what I did for a living. I must admit that I always dread this question. I usually describe myself as a “motivational speaker” or an “author and humorist”—since most people understand those terms. But sometimes, it sounds like a pretend job and I feel a bit awkward when I say it out loud. Nonetheless, I told him that I was a motivational speaker. The young man behind the counter smiled and said, “Oh, I listen to motivational CD’s all the time. Our company brings in speakers like that for our regional meetings. I think their presentations are really helpful. Do you ever speak to companies like mine?” And there you go. I did not go into the auto parts store that morning expecting to find a business opportunity. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if I’d find the right windshield wiper blades. My mind was closed off to the possibilities. My assumptions were like blinders and I did not even consider that my rural neighbors would have an appreciation for my so-called job. It was a good lesson—to be more open minded. And for the record, I seem to have this kind of mind-opening education way more often than I should at 56 years of age. Just saying. Discovering Experiences When we moved to central Virginia a few years ago, my brother-in-law Bob recommended a hike that he thought we’d enjoy. We filed it away on our Someday-We’ll-Do-This List but never got around to it. A few weeks ago, however, our kids were in town so we decided to try the hike that Bob suggested. Our destination was Spy Rock, a large rock formation located just off the Appalachian Trail. After parking the car, we headed up a somewhat boring access road towards the trail. After walking along the trail for a while, we then had to scale the side of the rock to get on top. It wasn’t really that treacherous but it did require some concentration. Finally, we emerged from the climb and were greeted with a 360-degree perspective of the mountains and adjacent valley. It was one of the most extraordinary views I’ve ever seen. Again, I had not anticipated the possibilities of this experience. What started as a somewhat unexciting walk in the woods turned out to be a truly spiritual experience. And I suspect that even our time on the access road could have been better if my mind was set on a different expectation—one of discovery. So, how do we avoid the routine, self-fulfilling doldrums and replace them with the newly discovered mysteries that lurk all around us? I think the simplest way is to continually ask ourselves, “What am I missing?” When we understand that our brains will switch to autopilot if we let them, it’s helpful to remind ourselves to pay attention. In fact, this is where most humor is discovered—by paying attention. Once I saw a sign next to a bowl of oranges that said, “Gluten Free.” Luckily, because I was paying attention, I didn’t miss this ridiculously obvious information. If you like the surprise endings in mysteries and thrillers, perhaps you can write your own script by opening your mind to the possibility of discoveries. In other words, as you go through the day, ask yourself, “What am I missing?”, “Where’s the beef?” or “Who let the dogs out?” You’ll be amazed by what you discover. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success!
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By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
I travel quite a bit and I must admit that I’m a bit of a customer service snob. It’s not that I expect to be treated like royalty, you knave. It’s just that if I’m paying for a service, I feel I should be treated as if I matter. Recently, I was renting a car in Las Vegas. I won’t say the name of the company but it rhymes with “hurts.” I had not rented from them before so I wasn’t familiar with their particular routine at the airport. As I waited in line to check in, the agent, in a somewhat frustrated tone, instructed the people in front of me to move ahead to one of the check-in kiosks. So, not wanting to clog things up for the people behind me, I moved too. Apparently, though, it was not my turn. As I walked towards an open kiosk, the agent was clearly annoyed and yelled, “Sir, stop. Please listen. You can’t go there. You need to use the Number Six kiosk.” Before I go on, let me share a little bit about my physical response to this situation. First, there appears to be a bundle of nerves that runs up my spine and attaches to the hairs on the back of my neck. These nerves shot electrical impulses up my back, down my arms, and then told the neck hairs that it was time to wake the hell up. Second, I suspect there is this gland in my head that’s responsible for facial heat and coloration. It was also activated. My cheeks went royal flush, which was appropriate since we were in Las Vegas. I’m sure that all of these physical reactions have something to do with the flight or fight response that served our Ice Age ancestors quite well. But I wasn’t in danger of being gored by a unicorn so my physical reaction to the rental car agent was just a tad bit extreme (there were unicorns back in the Ice Age, right?). Anyway, back to my customer dis-service experience. My first inclination in response to the harsh agent was to tell her where she could put her Number Six kiosk. Luckily the part of my brain which prevents me from engaging in extreme verbal or physical behavior was fully intact so I didn’t do or say anything disrespectful. But even though I didn’t respond inappropriately, I did shut down emotionally. I retreated to a place where I used short verbal responses and made no eye contact. I felt as if a dark cloud had moved over my head and the feeling stayed with me the rest of the morning. This is an example of an ineffective zag. Had I zigged instead, I would have experienced a much better outcome. Let me explain. Two of the fundamental principles of humor are surprise and incongruence. The element of surprise catches us off guard and incongruence makes us look at things differently. Humor zigs rather than zags. For instance, this hot dog walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.” I know, it’s a horribly stupid joke—but still funny. The unexpected punchline and the play on words create a surprise incongruence, or a zig when we expect a zag. It’s an alternative ending. I have found that just about every time I react to a tense situation with a zig instead of a zag, I succeed in changing the outcome. In other words, I also create an alternative ending. When the rental car agent was upset with me, I zagged with an expected reaction—I got upset. But I could have zigged with something like this, “I’m so grateful you saw me heading towards the Lamborghini kiosk and steered me back to the Hyundai kiosk. I’m much more of a Hyundai kinda guy.” Would she laugh? Maybe. Would it create an alternative ending? Definitely. Here’s another example: My son and I played golf while we were in Las Vegas. The starter at the golf club told us that he could send us onto the course earlier than our scheduled tee time but we would have to skip the practice range. We said that was OK. He then challenged us and asked if we were sure we wanted to skip the practice range. I said, “Absolutely…we’re not that good.” He started laughing and sent us on our way. Now, granted, this situation was not as tense as the one in the rental car facility but the principle still applied—it helped us to zig when he expected a zag. If you’d like to zig rather than zag, there are really only two rules to follow. First, don’t do what is expected. Second, take the high road. First, when you surprise someone with unexpected positive behavior, you give them a gift. You give them the gift of another perspective—and if what you say is funny, you give them the gift of laughter as well. Too often, we just do what everybody else does. We complain about the weather. We gripe about being inconvenienced. Or we whine about being mistreated. And yet, we could zig instead. Once, in high school, another kid tried to pick a fight with me. Instead of fighting, I complimented him on his shirt. He thanked me and walked away. It was a brilliant zig that made him forget why he wanted to fight me and saved me from getting a broken nose. Second, when it comes to taking the high road, we just need to do what’s honorable. Today, a lot of people are being what my mother called “ugly.” She wasn’t referring to their looks but their behavior. Ugly behavior is when someone uses a disrespectful approach to others. Taking the high road means maintaining dignity for ourselves and for others. We use courteous language and never go on the attack. It’s just the right way to act. It’s more humane. We all will encounter challenging situations from time to time. But if we respond with anger, frustration, or aggression, it will only lead to more anger, frustration, and aggression. If, on the other hand, we choose to zig rather than zag, we’re likely to find an alternative ending that not only makes our day better but puts a positive vibe into the world. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
(The following stories are true. The names have been omitted to protect the guilty. But you know who you are.) Recently, I was walking to my gate when I saw four airport employees pushing four empty wheelchairs. They were walking side-by-side while talking and laughing. It was an amusing sight. That is, until I realized they were taking up so much space on the concourse, there was only a small opening barely big enough for one person to pass. Hundreds of passengers were clustered towards that opening trying to get to their flights. Those employees, oblivious to the passengers, were showing symptoms of Center of the Universe Syndrome. And apparently, it’s a very common disorder. I was pulling into a hotel parking lot when a man who was texting on his phone walked directly in front of my car. Even worse, he stopped to finish his text and was standing about three feet in front of my bumper. He stood there for a few seconds and then suddenly realized he was not only in a roadway, but directly in the path of a car. While it occurred to me that if I had kept driving, I would have “thinned the herd,” of course I didn’t. Instead, I just sat there and experienced another person who was afflicted with Center of the Universe Syndrome. At our grocery store, a woman was studying the label on a can of crushed tomatoes. Her cart was positioned diagonally so that her body and the cart took up the entire aisle. She was totally engrossed in the label and several people on either side of her cart were waiting for her to finish. Out of curiosity, I picked up a can of of the same crushed tomatoes just to see what was so interesting. Nothing caught my attention. My fellow shopper, however, had caught Center of the Universe Syndrome. My wife and I use this phrase for people who are oblivious to the fact that other people also live, work, and function in their world. It’s an interesting behavioral phenomenon and on some level, we’re all guilty of it at one time or another. But the very nature of Center of the Universe Syndrome is that the offenders are totally unaware of their behavior. And for that reason alone, I think there is a relatively easy cure—we must operate with both self- and other-awareness. Now let me be clear about something before we go on. I was not necessarily vaccinated against this syndrome. I am definitely self-centered. In fact, I am the most important person in the world to me. I think about me all the time. I just want to do what I want to do and really don’t want to do what I don’t want to do. However, my simple self-centeredness becomes Center of the Universe Syndrome when my wants interfere with the wants and needs of others. Here’s an example. Sometimes when I travel, I have a tight connection time. If my initial flight is delayed, then I need to scurry to the next flight. And by “scurry”, I mean “run like hell.” As any traveler knows, when the plane gets to the gate and the seat belt light goes off, everyone jumps into the aisle to retrieve their overhead luggage so they can get off the plane as quickly as possible. If my plane has arrived a bit late, my need to get off the plane might very well outweigh the needs of those who don’t have a tight connection. But, guess what? Everyone feels that their needs are the most important ones at that particular time. If I jumped into the aisle and immediately started pushing my way to the front of the plane, I would be exhibiting Center of the Universe Syndrome. If, on the other hand, I consider that the other passengers on the flight may also need to get somewhere, I would simply wait my turn out of respect for them. It doesn’t mean that I let everyone on the entire plane leave before I do. It just means that I wait until it’s my turn. I think this is what being both self- and other-aware is all about. We’re aware of our own needs and trying to balance them with the needs of others. Philosopher Martin Buber described this approach as treating other people as people rather than as objects. It’s what he calls the I-Thou approach as opposed to the I-It approach. If we simply pay attention to our own behavior as well as to how our behavior affects those around us, we begin to consider people as human beings rather than objects used to meet our own needs. Zig Ziglar, one of the greatest motivational speakers of our time, said, “You can get everything you want in life if you just help enough other people get what they want.” I really like that idea. If we help others, we help ourselves. While we probably shouldn’t be motivated by the goal of only helping ourselves, the benefit is there nonetheless. In a world where we’re constantly told to “go after what you want,” “don’t let anyone stand in your way,” and “do what you need to get ahead,” this concept of considering others could be seen as a barrier to success. However, if we embrace the approaches of Buber and Ziglar, we might find success not in spite of others, but because of them. If you think you might at times be guilty of having Center of the Universe Syndrome, consider expanding your center so that you include other people in your universe. And the next time I see you on a plane, we might just get stuck in the aisle for a quite a while because we’ll both be saying, “No, please, you go first.” Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun. The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
We had just finished a lovely Valentine’s Day meal, celebrating the day after Valentine’s Day since we can never get a table at a decent restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and our server brought the bill. I placed my credit card on top of the bill accompanied by a two-for-one coupon. The server said, “Hrrrumph, you have a coupon? Well, I’ll have to go back and redo the bill. Hrrrumph.” Before I go on, let me explain the background of the coupon in question. As a fundraiser, our local hospice sells booklets of coupons. The coupons are for restaurants in the area and are typically valid Sunday through Thursday when the restaurants are not as busy. Each coupon entitles you to one free entree when you purchase a second entree of equal (or more) value. Of course, if you buy a second entree of lesser value, then that’s the one you get for free. If there’s one thing these folks know, it’s algebraic coupon equations. Now just so you know, there is no requirement to inform the server that you plan to use a coupon. You simply give it to them when you pay for your meal. It’s not like they will give you worse service or smaller portions because you’re using a coupon. It would be quite a scandal if a restaurant owner said, “They’re using those stinking hospice coupons. Make sure you give them terrible service, less food, and then spit in their water.” I’m pretty sure that doesn’t happen. But there is an interesting twist when it comes to tipping. Apparently, in previous years, customers were tipping the servers based on the discounted price of their bill rather than the original price. So the coupon company adjusted their tipping policy and now, the restaurants automatically add a 20% gratuity based on the pre-discounted price of each bill. That way, the servers don’t get slighted. And finally, just to be clear, the servers don’t have to do any additional work when someone uses a coupon. They hit a button on the cash register that says “hospice coupon” and it automatically deducts the discount, adds the 20% pre-discount gratuity, and calculates the final bill. So, I’m not exactly sure why our Day-After-Valentine’s-Day server was so annoyed at having to process the coupon since it really took no more effort than a regular bill. But clearly, her gruff response suggested that there was something problematic about it. As I considered my response to her hrrrumphing, I figured I had a couple of options. First, I could have “accidentally” knocked my water glass off the table. I decided that was not the best approach as it would have made me look like a toddler protesting his parents’ discipline. Second, I could have confronted the server when she got back and asked her why she had a burr under her saddle. Honestly though, I really didn’t want to get into an altercation on an otherwise wonderful Not-Exactly-Valentine’s-Day evening. Lastly, I could have said, “Thank you” as pleasantly as possible without showing any of the sarcasm that was already building up inside me. The waitress returned, in a much better mood, and appeared genuinely grateful when she said, “Thank you very much. Have a wonderful evening.” I took my hand off the water glass, thanked her kindly, and left without incident. But the interaction bugged me. There was no need for her coupon attitude and as I thought about it later, I realized that this may be the new norm. We live in a world bursting out of its seams with disrespect. Most people can’t resist flaunting their indignant attitudes on social media. The news services are always trying to expose somebody for something they did sometime to someone. Many politicians, corporate executives, entertainers, and athletes act as if they are above the rules of respect and courtesy. We seem to have forgotten what we learned in kindergarten about how to treat our neighbor. My friend and colleague Larry Winget once referred to all of the books, seminars, and classes on the topic of customer service and said, “How’s this for a novel approach to customer service—just be nice!” I love it. Just be nice. I was raised in the south. And one of the great benefits of growing up in a rural part of the country is that many people encouraged me to be nice. They called it maynnnuhs (or “manners” for those of you in the rest of the country). My parents, my teachers, my scout leaders, and others routinely reminded me about the importance of being nice to others. Here are a few things they emphasized: Say please. This simple word is often neglected, especially when we’re being served by someone else. You’ll hear, “I’ll have a glass of water”, “Could you hand me the salt?”, or “I’d like to check out of my hotel room early.” But you don’t always hear “please.” Just because someone is in a role where they are providing a service for us does not mean that we should treat them with less respect than anyone else. The word “please” suggests humility rather than a demanding arrogance. Plus, it’s just a nice thing to do. Say thank you. One of the new ways that service staff respond to “thank you” is to say, “of course.” I like that much better than “no problem” but it almost feels like they’re rejecting our “thank you.” However, I still believe those two words are a powerful sign of gratitude regardless of whether the thankee feels they need to be thanked. And sometimes, when you see the surprise in someone’s eyes because they didn’t expect it, it feels great. And again, it’s a nice thing to do. Open the door. Chivalry may be an outdated term but I don’t think chivalrous gestures should be. Chivalry refers to the behavior of medieval knights that included courtesy, generosity, and valor. My parents were not knights but they taught me to open the door whenever someone was walking into a building behind me—whether it’s a man, woman, or child. This principle even applies when letting someone in before you allows them to get in line ahead of you. Opening the door is chivalrous and a respectful thing to do. Oh, and it’s also nice. Show interest. In a world full of human beings, we must live, work, and interact with other people on a regular basis. And just as we appreciate it when someone shows interest in us, we should also show interest in others. Sincerely asking people how they are and inquiring about their life shows that we care. In a world full of negativity, care can be in short supply. And of course, it’s also nice. Whether you’re talking about customer service or a simple interaction with a server on Valentine’s Day (or the day after when you can actually get a table), being nice is a good policy. It’s a positive and effective way to connect with other humans. And don’t you think we could all use more of that? Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
In my last post, I mentioned a phrase from my childhood about our being “worth our salt.” Here are some of the remaining principles which I embrace. Hopefully, by seeing them, you will think more purposefully about the principles you value... Fun A rabbi, a priest, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What, is this a joke?” Since I did my graduate thesis on humor and my brand is “Do it Well, Make it Fun,” it makes sense that I believe in fun and humor. The research is clear—a spoonful of fun makes the stress go down (or something like that). You see, during our lifetime, we will encounter both joy and sorrow. To truly experience joy, we must understand the experience of sorrow—and vice versa. Yet, many of us tend to focus more on our challenges and as a result, we miss many of the simple pleasures in life. So, while we don’t need to be reminded of the adversities we experience, since we’re already good at focusing on that, we do need to be reminded to seek more fun and humor—to balance the adversity. So quit working so hard and get back to goofing off! Honesty Mark Twain once said, “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” Honesty is the best path to take even when a “little white lie” appears to be the better course of action. For instance, has anyone ever said to you, “Now, this is just between you and me”? When that happens to me, I explain that my wife and I do not keep secrets from each other. Therefore, I willshare the information with her. I explain this so the other person can decide if they still want to share the information with me. I could just as easily say, “sure” and then tell my wife anyway. But that’s not honest. When we’re honest, even in those situations when we’re sharing difficult information or we have to admit a mistake, I believe the honesty shows integrity and that we can be trusted. Humility I am a speaker and author. That means if people like me and what I talk about, I tend to get hired more. This is risky proposition for someone who leans toward the narcissistic end of the self-centered spectrum. So, when someone says, “That was the best presentation I’ve ever seen,” I have to fight the urge to believe that I am a precious gift to the world at large. It turns out, humility is actually a better approach. And, it’s a very powerful principle even though it may not appear to be. When we show humility by admitting mistakes, sharing credit for our successes, and focusing on others, we actually make a greater impact than when we try to take all the credit for ourselves. A humble approach to most things endears us to others because it makes us less arrogant and more gracious. So, when we start to feel entitled and think that we deserve to be treated a certain way, we should remind ourselves that in most situations, we’re probably blessed to have what we have—rather than thinking we deserve more. And that can be a powerfully humbling realization. Professionalism Whenever I speak, I typically wear a suit. There are two reasons for my attire and both are related to professionalism. First, besides the fact that I look handsome and debonair, I found that I’m funnier when I dress up. If I look like a business speaker, my humor catches people off guard and I appear funnier. When I dress more casually, the audience expects me to be looser and funnier. And honestly, I don’t need that kind of pressure! So, I prefer to dress up and surprise them with the funny. The second reason I wear a suit is that I respect the role I’m in. I’m being paid to deliver a presentation and I want to show my client that I take that role seriously. Even when the conference coordinator tells me that the audience’s attire will be casual, I still wear a coat and tie (oh, and pants too). I think it shows respect for them and that I appreciate the importance of my job. Professionalism is really about taking your role seriously and respecting the integrity of the work. And it doesn’t matter what you do. I’ve seen garbage collectors take their roles more seriously than corporate managers. And when a cab driver goes out of his way to make my experience better, that’s professionalism. Someone once said, “Every job is dignified if done well.” Professionalism is, therefore, not just what we do but how we do it. Respect In the hospice where I worked, my colleagues and I felt very strongly about the role of respect, dignity, and self determination in the care of our patients. Many patients had come from an environment where they felt poked, prodded, and without a voice in the care they received. We tried to give them their dignity back by respecting their situation and their input. It seems that in the world today, respect has lost it’s dignity—especially when it comes to our differences. I believe that many challenges could be resolved if we would be willing to respect those who have a different perspective and to have a civil conversation about those differences. We’re all on this journey together and when we respect people as fellow human beings, we not only honor them, we often receive respect in return. Responsibility Responsibility means owning our situation, whether good or bad. I have found that this principle can be challenging because it’s tough to admit when we’ve made a mistake. As a hospice manager, I made a decision that turned out badly. At my next staff meeting, I explained my thinking, admitted my error, and described my plan to correct the situation. I believe it may have been one of the best decisions I ever made because it showed my staff that I was not only human and therefore could make mistakes, but I was willing to take responsibility for the problem. So, when we make an error, we should take responsibility. And when we do something good, we should take responsibility (with a bit of humility as noted above). Either way, we avoid blaming people or the system for our situation. Self Improvement Well, here again, this principle seems obvious. But I’m amazed by how many people I’ve heard say, “I don’t ever read” or “I’m not interested in learning about this” or “I’ll just get by.” In this life-long adventure we’re on, our goal is to end up better than we started. In other words, our goal is to always improve. If you’ve ever had a hobby, you know how good it feels when you improve. I played tennis in high school and when I learned a new way of hitting a ground stroke or got better at my serve, I enjoyed the game more. Life is richer when we’re better at it. Try to find a few things to improve and see if it isn’t true for you too. As I said in Part 1 of this series, the principles in our life are like salt: they season our lives. I hope you will take some time to figure out which principles are important to you. Then, as Stephen Covey suggested, write them down and put them where you’ll see them every day. If we’re all a bit more value-abled, we will season our own lives and make the world just a little bit tastier. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us today to make your healthcare event a success!  By Ron Culberson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
Several years ago in Golf Digest magazine, I read a story about a young golfer named Charlie Siem. He was playing in a tournament and after making the winning putt, he bent down to retrieve his ball from the cup. Immediately, he realized that the ball in the cup was not his. At some point along the course, he had played the wrong ball. Hitting the wrong ball in a golf tournament is grounds for disqualification. However, in Charlie’s case, no one else knew he had hit the wrong ball. Still, he presented the ball to the tournament officials and was promptly disqualified from a tournament he had just won. This was a case of a young man’s principles guiding his decision—even though it was not an easy decision to make. When I think of behavioral principles, I’m reminded of a phrase I heard as a child but had no idea what it meant. The phrase was, “He is worth his salt.” As someone who cooks quite a bit, I didn’t think being compared to a cheap commodity like salt seemed particularly complimentary, but the phrase supposedly has its origins in ancient Rome where soldiers were paid in salt. At the time, salt was quite valuable. And in the Christian Bible, there are numerous references to salt. Most use salt as a metaphor about enhancing our lives the same way salt enhances food. Christians are supposed to be the “salt of the earth”, or to bring value to the world. Perhaps salt, like principles, is more valuable than I realized. In The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey said, “Principles are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring, permanent value.” Principles are the way we carry ourselves through life and work, and essentially, they are our salt. Our principles are the seasoning that makes life better. So, I thought I would spend the next couple of articles focusing on the principles I have chosen to guide my life and work. Hopefully, by seeing them, you will think more purposefully about your own principles and how they season your life. Then, hopefully, we can all be worth our salt. Appreciation One morning, after getting dressed for a presentation, I got my second cup of coffee from the free hotel breakfast bar. As I sat the cup down on the desk in my hotel room, the lid slipped off of the cup. The cup bounced onto the desk back up in the air and then coffee spewed all over me and the floor. I did not have much of an “attitude of gratitude” at that particular moment. In fact, I recall a few “salty” words that were brewing in my head. And yet, after my initial irritation, I realized that there were many things for which I was grateful. On that particular morning, I was grateful to be working. I was grateful to be in a decent hotel with a free breakfast. I was grateful for my client and the audience who ultimately appreciated my presentation, despite their wondering why the sleeve of my shirt was brown. Here is the funny thing about appreciation. Sometimes it’s offered too routinely and we fail to recognize the sincerity. Just like the person who salts their food without tasting it, it’s automatic and not purposeful. True appreciation is sincere intentional gratitude for the good things in our lives and by reminding ourselves of this on a regular basis, life tastes a little better. Balance The simple truth is that when we have balance, we don’t fall down. And we need balance in most areas of our lives. We need balance between work and play. We need balance between people time and alone time. We need balance between our spiritual, emotional, and intellectual experiences. Otherwise, just as too much salt can mask the flavor of our food, we don’t get to experience the full variety of flavors in our lives. One year, I had taken on too many volunteer jobs in my Rotary club, my church, and my professional association. I was spending nearly 15-20 hours each week just keeping up with my duties. It was affecting my work, my family life, and my health. So, I had to cut back a bit and become more selective in the roles I took on. This balance helped me to do a better job in each area of my life. Compassion There is a common meditation practice called “Loving Kindness” which encourages us to both receive and give compassion. As someone who has a pretty active cynicism gland, this meditation is a wonderful reminder of the importance of compassion. In every situation, a compassionate attitude will give us more success and add substance to our relationships. Whether we’re opening a door for someone, saying “thank you” for a kind gesture, or just offering a smile to a stranger, kindness born out of compassion connects our hearts to others. Whenever I remind myself to consider what someone else might be experiencing, I always feel kinder towards them. A few days ago, I mentioned to a women tending a hotel buffet that the sausage gravy was really good. And as a southerner, I told her that I know my sausage gravy. Her face lit up as if I had given her a great gift. She worked hard on her buffet items and was grateful that someone noticed. We live in a world where negativity and aggression get the most attention. We can turn that around with a kind word and a generous spirit. Instead of “give me the salt,” perhaps we can say, “please pass the salt…and thank you.” Excellence As the author of Do it Well. Make it Fun., I chose excellence as the foundation of my book. If we seek excellence in everything we do, we create a platform of integrity on which to build our success. But we may not always know what we need to do to achieve excellence. When I took a motorcycle safety course in 2001, I assumed that I knew everything about riding a motorcycle because I had owned one in college. And since a motorcycle only has two wheels, I couldn’t imagine that there was that much to learn. Once I got into the class however, I discovered there were things I didn’t know I didn’t know. The class opened my eyes to my knowledge deficits. Unless someone gives us feedback or points out our mistakes, we will never discover where we need to improve on the road to excellence. When I worked as the Director of Quality Service at Hospice of Northern Virginia, we used a 360-degree performance evaluation process. In other words, for my yearly review, I was evaluated by my boss, my peers, and the people I supervised. It was certainly an unnerving process but it was one of the most helpful ways to find out my strengths and where I needed to improve. In all areas of our lives, if we strive to determine where we need to get better as employees, parents, partners, neighbors, etc., then we really can enhance the days of our lives…like salt through the hourglass (a few of you will know that obscure reference!) Fairness When I was offered my first management job, I realized that two of the people I would be supervising were my peers from a previous job. In order to manage the department effectively, I needed to make sure I treated them fairly and that the other employees felt they were also being treated fairly. So, we talked about it before I took the job and agreed we could make it work. However, if my other staff had felt that I favored my former colleagues, my ability to supervise would have been compromised. The concept of justice is based on fairness. None of us wants to be treated unfairly. We don’t want someone else to get a discount at the store when we’re not eligible. We want our children to get the same opportunities as other children. And we don’t like it when people who have more seem to get away with even more. Fairness is the basis for effective organizations and relationships. Every time we make a decision that affects other people, we might ask ourselves, “Is this fair to everyone involved?” It’s an ideal embraced by Rotary International and a good principle for the rest of us. When someone treats us fairly, we believe that they really are worth their salt. Hopefully, these principles will help you think about your own principles and how you can “walk the talk” in your own life. Please know that my own process of living my principles is a work in progress. But isn’t that what life is all about? We’re on the journey just trying to make the next day a little better…or saltier! To be continued...Read Part 2 here! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us today to make your healthcare event a success! With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun. The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
Holiday gatherings are often full of stories. But sometimes, I wonder if the story we tell is the whole story? When I was in elementary school, my father would take me with him to get the family Christmas tree. I had no choice in the matter as I suspect it was his way to get me out of the house so I wouldn’t bug my mom. We’d get up early on a Saturday morning and pack our lunch with a sandwich, some chips, and a thermos of milk. Back then, the idea of bottled water was unheard of. You drank milk from a thermos and supposedly, it grew hair on your chest. I’m not sure how the girls felt about that, but it’s the message my dad gave me. (For what it’s worth, the same was true for broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and liver.) Anyway, my father and I would get in our very old, very used, Chevrolet station wagon and head for Whitetop Mountain, the second highest mountain in Virginia. We were in search of the perfect Christmas tree. The first half of the trip was spent on gently winding roads through the beautiful countryside near Meadowview and Damascus. Then, as we headed up the mountain, the road turned into what felt like a gnarly pile of spaghetti. We drove one way and then quickly angled back the other way. I was not a fan of those roads and, at that age, I was not fan of spaghetti either. Without fail, when we hit the halfway point, my partially digested breakfast decided it had had enough. It wanted out. I said to my dad, “Uh, I think I’m going to be sick.” Also without fail, my dad would say, “No you’re not.” We continued up “Spaghetti Turnpike.” A few minutes later, I would say, “I really think I’m going to get sick.” My dad would reply, “It’s all in your head. Look at the horizon.” The horizon? How can you see the horizon when you’re driving up a wooded mountain road? Finally, I realized that time was of the essence, so I said, “PULL OVER, PULL OVER, PULL OVER, I’M PUKING!” My dad swerved to the shoulder and I spilled out onto my knees just as my breakfast spilled out onto the grass. For the rest of the trip, my stomach felt like it had been to the Tilt-A-Whirl at the county fair. Ever since I was a child, whenever I thought about our trips to get a Christmas tree, I vividly remembered the upchucking part. In fact, I’m a little nauseous just describing it. I never could understand why my dad didn’t believe me when I said I was going to get sick. This always bothered me and became the focus of my story. But here’s the interesting thing—the stomach emptying was only part of the experience. As I sat down to write about this, a flood of memories came back and reminded me that while the car ride was not particularly enjoyable, it was not the bulk of the day. It was just the story I had told myself. Now, I realize, there was much more to it. Since we lived in the country, we didn’t buy our trees at K-Mart or even at the lot where the Boy Scouts sold them. We went old school. We took a John-Boy Walton approach and drove to the top of the mountain where we could cut down our own tree for just five dollars (nausea included). The guy who owned the tree farm lived in a small cabin that was so run down, you could almost see through the walls. He had a chest-length beard, was dressed in well-worn overalls, and did not appear to have even heard of a stock portfolio. Yet, he always greeted us with kindness and Christmas cheer. One year, my father, who I think felt sorry for him, offered him an extra couple of dollars because he let us use his saw. The man said, “I wouldn’t think of taking that money.” With saw in hand, we trudged through the mountain snow to find the perfect tree. It had to be six feet tall with evenly distributed limbs. No Charlie Brown tree for us. My dad was very particular and a little OCD. After we cut down the perfect tree, we paid our five dollars, tied the tree to the car, and then retraced our path down Spaghetti Turnpike making sure we didn’t lose the tree off the back of the car. I did, however, lose my lunch off the side of the road. But the tree was secure—mainly because my dad used his OCD skills and miles of twine to make sure it didn’t budge. In fact, it usually took us an hour just to get the dang thing untied once we got home. The tree was placed in a homemade stand (coffee can nailed to two boards) and we began the arduous process of centering the tree in both the stand and the room. Then it was time to trim it. Our tradition was to decorate the tree while listening to Mahalia Jackson and Nat King Cole albums or while watching the Andy Williams Christmas Special on television. Both of these experiences put us in the proper mood to decorate. We packed the tree with all of our old, often handmade, ornaments. And then the icing on the cake was putting the icicles on the tree. I probably don’t need to tell you that my father implored us to carefully drape the icicles on the limbs of the tree to make sure that they hung properly. No clumps, no overlapping, and definitely no throwing. When the process was complete, we all sat back and admired our work. At that point, my stomach was just about ready for some Christmas cookies. In hindsight, I realize that the story I had told myself about our search for the perfect tree had become more about getting sick and less about the whole experience. The real story was that we had spent quality time together on an all-day adventure that ended with creating a lot of Christmas spirit in the Culberson house. Sometimes, I think, we choose to tell ourselves the wrong story. That story might be that people don’t care about our needs. Or that we’re not good enough. Or that we might not be as successful as someone else. But if we really look closely, there may be another story. I hope that the stories you hear, tell, and create this holiday season are not only the right stories but are worth retelling for years to come. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us today to make your healthcare event a success!  By Ron Culbertson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
When we’re faced with a challenge, it’s not often easy to find humor in the situation. But humor can be just what we need to balance the situation and boost our morale. I love it when I’m able to find something funny in the midst of a stressful situation. I’m not always good at it, but when I am, it’s Nirvana. For instance, a few years ago, while going through airport security, I was trying to remove my watch. I had recently changed the band and was having trouble unhooking it. As I attempted to take it off, the watch slipped out of my hand. I grabbed for it and accidentally smacked it twenty feet across the floor. Nervously, I turned to the TSA agent and said, “Time flies, doesn’t it?” He laughed. I retrieved my watch. And I made my flight without incident. Dropping your watch is not a huge problem. I understand that. But when we can find humor during life’s more challenging experiences, the situations feel a bit less challenging. So, I thought I’d share some of my favorite examples from family, friends, and colleagues who used humor to cope with their particular predicaments. ——-- Recently, I spoke for the US District Court clerks in western North Carolina. The Clerk of the Court, Frank Johns, shared that he was diagnosed with an unusual type of intestinal cancer in 1999. His daily treatments consisted of two chemotherapy injections administered in each side of his, well, back side. Luckily, Frank is married to a nurse so she could administer the injections. On some days, Frank noticed that the injections didn’t hurt at all while on other days, they hurt a lot. So one day, when he didn’t feel any discomfort from the shots, he asked his wife to mark the spots on each cheek with a Sharpie. A couple of days later, he went to a tattoo parlor and had two permanent bullseyes placed where the spots were. Oh, and by the way, Frank is an avid gun enthusiast so the bullseyes were appropriate on a many levels. In Frank’s case, humor definitely hit the spot! And it made a challenging situation better. Today, Frank’s cancer is in remission. ——-- Early in my career, I spoke at a local support group for people living with serious illnesses. I asked the participants how they used humor to cope with their health challenges. One man said that when he went to see his doctor for a checkup, he placed a Beanie Baby crab under his hospital gown. When the doctor lifted the gown to examine him, he said, “Sorry, I’ve got crabs.” The doctor burst out laughing. When you’re dealing with a serious illness, edgy humor can be one of the greatest reliefs for the tension. It’s like fighting fire with fire. In this case the patent’s reference to an STD led to ROTFL. ——-- A colleague was telling me that when her father died, she went to the funeral home to purchase an urn for his ashes. However, she felt that the urns on display were too serious and that they didn’t fit her father’s fun personality. She felt that they were just too “urn-est.” Haha. So, she solved the problem by burying her father’s ashes in a beer growler! He had always loved beer, and she felt this represented his life much better than a more somber container. I guess you could say one bad urn deserved another (sorry). ——-- My friend Theo Androus’s dad was quite a gregarious guy. Once, Theo told him that his haircut looked awful. His dad said, “Son, the only difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut is two weeks.” As Theo’s dad got older, he began to have physical problems due to diabetes. On one evaluation visit, his doctor told him that he would probably need to have his leg amputated at some point in the near future. Theo’s dad asked, “When you cut off my leg, can I have it back?” The doctor responded, “Why?” His dad said, “Because I want to bury it under a tombstone that says, ‘The rest is yet to come.’” Theo’s dad was the epitome of using sharp wit to battle serious life challenges. He was definitely a cut above the rest. ——-- My friend Michael Aronin was born with cerebral palsy. All his life, he has dealt with people who are uncomfortable with his speech and his unsteady gait. But, as a comedian, he has always responded to this discomfort with humor. Once, when Michael was nine, he was in a department store with his mother. He tripped and fell. A sales person came over to help his mother pick him up. As they were lifting him to his feet, he said, “I shouldn’t have had that second beer.” Michael has a brilliant way of straightening out the uneven road in his life. ——-- A couple of weeks before my father died, and when it seemed pretty clear that he would not get better, a few friends and family came to visit him in the hospital. My dad was a private person who didn’t like to talk about himself or the seriousness of his situation. One day, our pastor and my dad’s friend Neel were in the room. The pastor asked, “Is there anything you want to tell anyone?” In his typical witty way, my father said, “Well, Neel owes me five dollars.” We all laughed and my dad successfully avoided one more serious conversation. ——-- Sometimes it may feel like nothing is funny. Other times, humor is the only way we can get through the day. A touch of humor can be just the balance we need so that we don’t get knocked off our feet by life’s challenges. So, laugh a little. It’s good for what ails you. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us today to make your healthcare event a success!  By Ron Culbertson. With a master’s degree in social work, Ron Culberson spent the first part of his career working in a large hospice organization as a clinical social worker, middle manager, and senior leader. As a speaker, humorist, and author of "Do it Well. Make it Fun.The Key to Success in Life, Death, and Almost Everything in Between", he has delivered more than 1,000 presentations to associations, government agencies, non-profit organizations, and corporations. His mission is to change the workplace culture so that organizations are more productive and staff are more content. He was also the 2012-2013 president of the National Speakers Association and is a recognized expert on the benefits of humor and laughter.
I came across an article online a few days ago that I thought a friend would appreciate. At the top of the page was a “Share” button. I clicked the button and an email window popped up with the title of the article inserted in the subject line and a link to the article embedded in the body of the email. I entered my friend’s email address, wrote “thought you might enjoy this,” and hit “Send.” In less than thirty seconds, I had shared a valuable piece of information with a friend. It was too easy. Now that I think about it, sharing information has always been easy for me. Some might even say that I over-share, as I tend to include a lot of personal information in my books and blogs. When I wrote a local newspaper column a few years ago, I found that a personal approach not only led to the most interesting topics, it also seemed to connect best with the readers. However, my children were not always thrilled about the way I shared our family’s experiences. My daughter was annoyed because I once wrote that I had more Facebook friends than she had. It was true. But for a teenager, it’s kinda tough when your dad tries to out-friend you. Another time, my son just couldn’t understand why anyone would care that he hopped to his seat during a karate demonstration. Believe me, it was black-belt hilarious. My wife, on the other hand, is just used to it. She knows that I’m just a bit odd and she has perfected her eye-rolling response. Further, because of my personal sharing tendencies, many of you readers know that I have a fear of snakes, that I proudly reflect light off of my balding head, and that I can consume a single Cinnabon in record-breaking time. While these details might disclose more than some people would choose to share, I’ve found that a significant human connection occurs when I share my daily foibles. Sharing has the potential to help us understand one another better and thus deepen our relationships. The problem is that we’re not all as proficient at sharing as we could be. Some of us share naturally, some of us share too much too quickly, and some of us don’t share at all. For instance, I love to meet someone at a conference and find out that we have a friend or an experience in common. I’m not as thrilled to sit next to someone on an airplane and instantly learn that they have an advanced case of toe fungus. And, I always feel awkward when I share some personal information with someone who just nods or says, “Oh.” While we communicate to one another using a variety of different styles, perhaps there are a couple of ways we can hit the share button more effectively. In the book “The Tipping Point,” Malcolm Gladwell focuses on how little things make a big difference in creating change or causing ideas to spread. He refers to the role that people play in this process and specifically describes “Connectors” and “Mavens”. Connectors are the people who know a lot of people and can connect us to others who may provide some benefit to us. Mavens, on the other hand, are the people who know a lot of valuable things and can connect us to information that we might need. If you’ve ever needed a recommendation for a plumber or were updating your kitchen, you know how helpful it is when your neighbor tells you how much they love Rusty The Plumber but warns you to stay away from Open-N-Shut Cabinet Company. Similarly, if you’ve ever had cancer or another serious health challenge, you know how helpful it is to talk with someone who has gone through a similar experience and can provide access to the information that may help you cope. Sharing contacts or information is not only helpful, it brings us together as people who are all wanting the same thing—to enjoy life and to manage through it as smoothly as possible. But information about people or things is not the only items we can share. We can also share our experiences, feelings, and opinions. When I facilitated hospice bereavement groups, one of the most frequent comments I heard from participants was, “I thought I was the only one who felt this way.” After hearing other people share their feelings, the group members felt less isolated, less unusual, and less “crazy.” Just knowing they weren’t losing their mind was a big relief. But this would not have happened if the people weren’t willing to share. In Deborah Tannen’s landmark book, “You Just Don’t Understand,“ she describes how most women connect to one another by building rapport through the sharing of feelings and experiences. There is a lesson to be learned from Tannen’s work as well as from the feedback in my hospice groups. We feel less alone in the world when we know that others have been on a similar journey. And the way we discover these similarities is by sharing our experiences with one other. Finally, it is important to realize that the key to effective sharing is to listen to other people and to understand their needs. Paying attention gives us the cues we need to share the most appropriate information, contacts, and experiences. When we connect in this way, we help. And when we help, we are not only building better relationships, we are making the world a better place. It’s all about hitting the share button with the right information for the right person in the right situation. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us today to make your healthcare event a success! |
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