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By Amy Dee
Find Your Purpose Pain gives us a choice. The first choice is to give up. The second and better alternative is to take up a positive, proactive mission that converts aches into action. Deliberately locking into a cause that energizes and pushes you forward can transform agony into achievement and injury into innovation. Your mission becomes the fuel that empowers your resilience. It can be either personal or public. Personally, you may want to get into shape, create more harmony in your family, or quit drinking. Publicly, you may want to mentor high school students, register people to vote, or start a soup kitchen in your community. Having a purpose will increase your energy and passion. You will become more focused and determined! Finding your calling boosts your self-love, which encourages more self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others. Choosing a meaningful goal fires up your energy! Your heart floods with passion! Not only that, connecting to a mission will enrich your life and fire you up! The Science Behind Finding Meaning Psychological studies reveal that having a crystal clear focus and fully committing to the purpose of strengthens resilience. In fact, finding meaning is a basic human need. Because without purpose, we can become despairing and alienated. Studies also show a difference between seeing your work as a job, career, or a calling.
Find meaning in Trauma Trauma causes people to respond differently. Some eventually find value in Trauma. They become strengthened by it. As a result, they use it as motivation for growth. Others seek out the meaning in the Trauma they’ve experienced. They use their tragedy as a catalyst to help others. They deliberately turn their atrocity into positive actions. Faith in A Higher Power Connect to a higher power. It doesn’t matter what it is. Your higher power should be something that inspires, motivates, and shelters you during hard times. Anything meaningful and powerful to you will work. Your higher power may be God, nature, or the concept of love. On the other hand, you may connect to moral principles, internal drive, or your Pledge to serve others. Whatever you believe in, this should be one of your most important relationships. If you’ve not identified something bigger than yourself, consider taking the time to do so. Life is a short but magnificent journey. Perhaps even more important than offering support during tough times, connection to something bigger enriches our short adventure on earth. Resilience Requires ConnectionMost of us believe there is something bigger than ourselves. But if you just can’t get there, consider believing in the concept of connection. The recognition that we are all connected can give you strength during difficult times. That idea of connection can lead you to better opportunities and choices you’ve not considered. Seeing more positive opportunities or even relief from pain increases hope, and hope strengthens resilience. Believing in something bigger than yourself allows you to rise above our everyday self. Fear, anger, and anxiety become weaker when we remember that connection. This connection changes our perspective. Our perspective shifts so that mistakes, disappointments, and failures don’t have the power they once did. This higher power helps us realize our lives have greater meaning that our current pain. We understand that there is a greater purpose for who we want to become. Funny Motivational Speaker Amy Dee calls you to “Take Action” Every day there is a situation where taking action is an option. Choosing to act increases resilience. There are great reasons to pick a goal and plan out the steps to reach it. But too often, we get so caught up in the planning and forget about the action. The truth is, planning to achieve some mental satisfaction. For years I would plan to start a diet every Monday. During the weekend, I’d research diets, shop for healthy food, and make a meal plan. While planning satisfying, it wasn’t enough. One Monday rolled into the next Monday because planning isn’t an action. Instead of sitting around gabbing about your next step, take the next step. Instead of planning for later, focus on the next minute. What can you do right now, in the next moment? Action in the Next Moment It’s challenging to keep your cool in the middle of an argument. Instead, decide to keep your cool for the next moment, then the moment after that. Like it or not, fears, worries, and anxiety is part of being human. Instead of thinking about how to fix this in the long run, take action in the short run. Here’s a metaphor that may help. Let’s say you’re a bus driver who has to complete a route. You make a stop, open the bus door, and anxiety steps into your bus as a jerky passenger. It’s not possible to kick anxiety off the bus, so you don’t waste your time. But you do have a choice. You can allow this nasty passenger to sit directly behind you, whispering horrors into your ear. Or, you can escort anxiety to the back of the bus and keep on rolling. Resilient people recognize that anxieties, worry, and fear are unwanted passengers on everyone’s bus. Instead of wrestling with them, they accept them and continue to produce. When I am fearful, an action makes me feel in control. Movement can be anything positive, do something. Forgiveness Forgiveness is voluntary. Sometimes we choose to forgive when we become ready to move forward. Then again, forgiveness may occur when our heart embraces more love than hate. Let’s face it; revenge often feels satisfying and justified. It is commonly our immediate reaction to being hurt. While stories of forgiveness warm our hearts, these stories make the news because we consider them unique. In our world, the need for revenge feels pretty “normal” to us. It takes strength and courage to forgive. That said, it is important to realize that we pay the price for our desire to retaliate. Namely, revenge poisons our minds. Carrying a grudge is a heaviness that weighs you down. When you hold onto anger and resentment, it gnaws away your ability to progress. Instead of concentrating on the next thing, you become stuck in the past thing. Bitterness blocks your power. For all these reasons, forgiveness is crucial to resilience. Throughout our lifetime, we will all have lots of opportunities to practice forgiving each other. Like it or not, hurting each other is part of the human condition. For this reason, it is helpful to approach day to day forgiveness as an outlook. If ahead of time, you commit to forgiving someone who hurts you, whether it is your co-worker, family member, friend, or stranger, you’ll be ahead of the game. Instead of clinging to anger, embracing an attitude of forgiveness, and you’ll become more resilient. Science and Forgiveness Fred Luskin’s forgiveness studies are pretty amazing. These studies show that the participants who learned forgiveness strategies had reductions in:
Perception Matters in Forgiveness As an aside, it appears that our perception matters when it comes to forgiveness. According to the Baumeister study, there is something called the magnitude gap. To summarize, when we are the victim, we tend to remember the hurt easily and in detail. When someone hurts us, we tend to feel it is intentional and even malicious. On the other hand, if we are the victimizer, the details are fuzzy. Even if we do remember it when we know our hurtful actions were not intentional. Because of this, we may believe our victims are overreacting. The truth is, most of us don’t walk around trying to hurt people. Nonetheless, sometimes our actions are hurtful. We all know there are some jerks in the world. That said, most people don’t walk about intentionally trying to cause us pain. Even so, though, their behavior is sometimes hurtful. In fact, sometimes they aren’t even aware that they hurt us. Once we let go of anger, we can move forward and become more productive. Instead of pouring our energy into the past, we can’t change; we can use it to empower a future we can change. Also, when you forgive others, you can better forgive yourself. For this reason, next time someone hurts you, consider their intent. Note: Forgiveness is not you are approving the wrong you’ve experienced. I was a psychiatric RN who worked in an acute care psychiatric hospital. Every day, I listened to stories from victims who’d experienced unbelievable horrors at others’ hands. Disgusting, irredeemable behavior is never okay. That said, forgiveness is not a gift to the perpetrator. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. Because, once again, holding a grudge weighs YOU down, not the offender. Four Tips to dig into your resources 1. What is your mission or purpose?Where are you feeling pain? How can you channel the problem into something that benefits you or your community? It can be an inner mission, i.e., to take better care of your health. Or, it can be an external cause, where you convert your pain into helping your community. Or, take advice from Viktor Frankl. Instead, searching for meaning by asking, “What is the meaning of my life?” Ask, “What does life expect from me?” You enter this world called with gifts that this world needs. Abilities that only you alone can give. 2. Higher PowerWho or what is your “higher power”? How can you strengthen this connection in your life? Can your higher power help you confront the weakness you are facing? Consider beginning each day with positive readings. Perhaps end your day by writing down moments that made you smile. Small experiences often hold great magic. 3. ActionWhat’s a task you’ve been avoiding due to a lack of experience, motivation, or resources? Do you tend to procrastinate tackling the task, waiting for the ideal moment that never seems to come? 4. ForgiveIs there someone you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself? Resilience Becomes You You appeared on this earth, at this time and place, and with a unique set of skills and talents. You’ve had a particular set of experiences that you’ve interpreted from your unique perspective. Your job throughout your life is to learn the reason you are here. In this world, you represent you. It doesn’t matter what you have. It matters what you do with what you have. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
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By Amy Dee
Do You Feeling Stressed and Overwhelmed? Emails pour in, a co-worker goes home sick, increasing your work load, the phone won’t stop ringing, and your elderly mom just called with her grocery list. Everyone wants a piece of you at the same time. You feel like growing out your mustache, slapping on some sunglasses, and going missing…just get away from it all. When stressed like this, your life feels off balance. Thoughts pour into your head so fast you can’t sort them out. You begin imaging worst-case scenarios: your co-worker will hate you, you’ll be fired, and your mom with starve to death. Most likely, none of this is true, but your head keeps spinning. Not only that, your breathing gets shallow, causing your heart to start banging. Your muscles tighten. You can’t think straight or stop thinking, so you start beating yourself up with ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda.’ It’s all too much, so you either dig in, to work harder or dig into a pile of nachos with rocky road ice cream to numb out. AARGH! Workplace Humor: Your Built In Stress Buster! Now, here’s the good news! Tucked inside your body is a powerful stress buster. Best of all, you can quickly and easily detonate this weapon by laughing at a funny cat video or chuckling with a co-worker. Laughter shifts your perspective, lowers the heat in stressful moments, and calms your nervous system. It has tons of other benefits, including strengthening your resilience. Humor doesn’t only reduce stress. Laughing with co-workers enhances creativity, improves productivity, boosts morale, and makes you more approachable. As a psychiatric RN in an acute care hospital, I know how much laughter helped me emotionally survive the demands of my very stressful work. There is no doubt that humor helped me cope with the demands of single parenting. Laughing helps me now, sandwiched between the layers of running a business, helping adult kids, and being the sole caretaker of my elderly mother. If Workplace Humor is SO Great, Why Don’t We Laugh More? Unfortunately, despite office humor being an incredible coping tool, too often, our sense of humor flies out the window when we most need it. Today we need it more than ever with the fear of Covid19 and the economy. Adding to the stress are school closings and working from home. Let’s top it all off with the cost of health care and concerns about our jobs. Right now, we are all under more stress than ever. Studies show that those of us still working are putting in longer hours. What’s more, due to Covid19, healthcare, and tech workers have been incredibly stressed during this pandemic. Now, without question, we need to concentrate on what we can control and better handle what we cannot control. Here are a few ways to bring more levity to your work-life. Most important, remember that this is about having fun, not about always being funny. There is no need for a comedy workshop; just decide to bring more playfulness to work. 4 Tips to add Workplace Humor 1. Start a Workplace Humor board As a hospital RN, we had a bulletin board in the break room where co-workers could share funny cartoons or sayings. Laughing together brought us closer as a team. PS The internet has lots of funny things to share, like memes! 2. Poke fun at yourself Don’t beat yourself up, but talk about your little quirks or embarrassing moments. For example, one day I got lots of stares and sniggers while leaving a roadside bathroom. Once back in my car, I realized my skirt was tucked up and inside my underwear, Embarrassing? Yes! Funny? Absolutely! We all have awkward moments. Sharing them with co-workers make you more human and relatable. 3. Find humor, even in serious moments. I am not condoning offensive humor, but seeing the funny side of a situation can rebalance our thoughts and help us find more creative solutions. I worked as a psych RN in an acute care hospital. One day, when an unhappy patient yelled, “You Fat-Old-B#*%H!” I whispered to my co-worker, “Pretty sure he’s talking to you.” Obviously, we didn’t laugh out loud, but it made for some levity at the moment. 4. Bring funny snacks to share Due to Covid 19, I’ll recommend only individual pre-packed items but check with your hospital or company’s guidelines. Consider bringing candies with a double meaning, such as Laffy Taffy or Take 5 during a rough week, to remind your crew to laugh and take breaks when needed. Make puns of candy names or prepackaged snacks like: You’re a Whopper of a co-worker! Snickers: You keep me laughing! Nestle Crunch: You always help out in a crunch! Chips: Thanks for chipping in! Workplace Humor: Shift Your Perspective Look for humor everywhere. Hone your ability to see funniness in everyday life. Share the funny things your kids do. As a toddler, one of my daughters loved the word ‘diarrhea,’ making for some comical moments. Share the goofy antics performed by your cat or dog. Or make fun of a particularly awful morning (overslept, spilled your coffee, stepped in dog doo on the way to your car). Do your parents mistakenly say funny stuff? One of my parents always mispronounced Volvo by changing the letter ‘O’ to the letter ‘U’. Finding humor requires you to actively look for things to laugh about in everyday situations. Even if you don’t consider yourself ‘funny,’ you can still learn to find humor in the little things. Choose to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously. Seek out the funny wherever it happens. Most importantly, look for humor no matter what happens. Shifting your perspective to find levity in even serious situations is one of the best ways to cope with difficulties. So, if you are irritated with a co-worker, tired of all the meetings, or lose a sale, learn to poke fun at the situation and your tension will melt away. Once your mood is lightened, you will have more energy to find solutions. Shedding a little laughter on a dark subject can be the ticket to brightening things up. In the end, once you understand how all-powerful laughter is, you’ll want to incorporate lots of workplace humor into every day. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
“I can’t believe I’ve gained weight!” “I’ve gotten nothing done!” “How did I messed up so badly?.” Are you tough on yourself when you mess up or miss a goal? Join the club. To be honest, I tend to be pretty hard on myself. As a matter of fact, research shows that I am not alone. The problem is, beating ourselves up isn’t helpful. In fact, studies show that the lack of self-compassion is the root cause of most of our mental suffering. For example, when all my speaking engagements were postponed in March 2020, I had BIG plans to get lots done. To do: -Lose 40 lbs: to lower my cholesterol and wear that red dress on stage. (The skinny dress I’d worn twice, ten years ago) -Feng shui my house. -Cull and organize my kitchen cabinets and dresser drawers. -Repaint my entire upstairs -Update our lighting fixtures. In contrast, this is I’ve accomplished: – Organized one kitchen cupboard. -Lost ten pounds. (I lost 25 pounds, regained 15 pounds binge eating Moose Tracks ice cream and kettle-cooked jalapeño chips. Not proud, just the facts, Ma’m.) Unfortunately, seeing the numbers skyrocket on my bathroom scale or digging through a messy kitchen pantry can make me very angry with myself. But to get back on track, research shows that self-compassion is the path to self-improvement. What is Self-Compassion? When we fail, struggle, or notice a quality about ourselves we don’t like, self-compassion encourages us to be supportive and understand ourselves. Self-compassion requires you to be a good, kind friend to yourself. Why Do We Dodge Self-Compassion? I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be. — Kristen Neff Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering self-compassion researcher, author, and teacher, tells us that self-compassion isn’t self-pity, and it doesn’t give us a license to whine and avoid taking responsibility. Instead, self-compassion asks us to experience, accept and deal with those unpleasant feelings and emotions. Rather than brood and ruminate about lousy stuff, self-compassion helps you embrace, process, and let go of it. Sadly, deep down, many believe that if we don’t blame or punish ourselves for failure, we will become too lazy to change. But, being compassionate to yourself won’t make you complacent. Instead, research shows that self-compassion works lots better for personal motivation than self-punishment. So, instead of dodging personal accountability, self-compassion actually strengthens it. Compassion contains Compass and Passion Compassion/Compassion. Have you ever noticed that inside the word compassion, you can find the words’ compass’ and ‘passion’? A compass is an instrument that determines your direction. When it comes to self-compassion, the arrow points to you. Passion is a very powerful feeling or an extreme interest in something. Self-compassion requires both feelings of self-love and self-mercy, and interest in self-understanding, self-empathy. Lovingly investigating ourselves, warts and all is an important part of our life journey. 3 Steps to Self-Compassion 1. Respect Your Emotions: Allow for Your Pain This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need. — Kristin Neff Self-compassion requires you to honor and respect your own suffering. Being present with the hurt helps you learn more about yourself and gives value to even unpleasant experiences. Telling yourself the truth enables you to see the good, the bad, and the ugly within you. Self-compassion encourages you to accept every bit of yourself. It asks you to draw a bigger circle to encompass all of you during this once in forever life journey. 2. Recognize your Common Humanity You must allow yourself to fail because your setbacks, stress, and suffering are part of the human condition. You are Not Alone. To clarify, self-compassion asks us to acknowledge our common humanity by realizing that everyone is flawed. Being flawed is part of the human experience. Furthermore, you don’t have to be right all the time. Self-compassion allows you to let yourself off the hook if things didn’t turn out the way you wanted. Stop expecting perfection and beating yourself up for falling short. Forgive yourself. You are a mortal, after all. Being human means you get to be a fallible, wonderful person just like everyone else. 3. Self-kindness/self-mentoring. To begin with, remember and honor your core values. Your values are the things that influence the way you live and work. These are your priorities. Knowing your core values will help you make decisions that align with what is most important to you. Values give you a way to measure whether your life is turning out the way you want. Use a kind voice to ask yourself helpful questions such as: How can I help myself right now? What do I need most? What feels hardest?” Negative self-talk Next, watch for negative self- talk. Negative self-talk is commonly very black and white, all or nothing. “I am a loser because I regained the weight I lost.” Instead of accepting this negative tape, ask yourself, “Is this true?” Find evidence to the contrary. For example, I did regain most of my weight (not good). But, I also took care of two sets of family members who lived in my home for six months (good). Respond to your negative self-talk by remembering: you are enough, you do good work, too. You have friends and family who count on you and love you. Beware of the Busy Trap In his 2012 New York Times piece, “The Busy Trap” Tim Krieder writes, “Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.” Restrictions caused by COVID has taken many of us out of the everyday busyness loop. Consequently, some of us have more ‘free time’ to enjoy ourselves. Despite this, instead of enjoying the time off, our obsession with busyness challenges us to be productive! Use this time wisely! Optimize it! Now, in addition to worrying about catching a potentially deadly disease or the world economy crashing, our anxiety is boosted by the worry of ‘not doing enough.’ This is not helpful! To put it bluntly, beating yourself up because you didn’t finish writing your novel, learn Latin, or repaint your house isn’t helpful. Instead, those negative emotions suck up the energy to need to move forward. In other words, focusing on everything you haven’t done or should do, drains the energy and attention you need for future tasks. So, instead of concentrating on the things you didn’t do, shift your mindset by noticing all you have done. To be sure, there’s no Feng shui here, but I alone take care of my elderly mom. My daughters reach out for help frequently. A friend told me I helped her begin her sobriety journey. My dearest friendships have deepened and strengthened. I’ve done some good stuff, just not feng shui stuff. After all, even if you screw up some stuff, you don’t screw up everything. Make a list of all the good things you’ve done to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Remember: You Matter! Self-compassion is the act of saying YES to yourself. In effect, it sends the message, ‘I matter.’ Most importantly, self-compassion reminds you to embrace self-love even when self-loathing yells louder. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
As a funny motivational speaker, one of my biggest fears is looking like a hypocrite. In no way do I consider myself more grateful, optimistic, or kinder than anyone else. In reality, these are topics that I read about, study, and try to practice in my daily life because I need and believe in them. Nonetheless, I also spend time being irritable and indulging in self-pity. When this happens, I try to catch myself and step away to regroup. I experienced many life changes due to COVID pandemic. For the most part, I’ve tried to stay positive as my speaking career reboots to virtual. In contrast, I’ve also hosted several self- pity parties. POOR ME- my live speaking events have postponed WAA WAA WAA —I’ve lost my live audiences BOOHOO — I have so much to do Overall, I am not a poor me type. When life gets challenging, I get stuff done. That said, I don’t walk around, surrounded by a glittery rainbow. I’ve inherited the superpower ability to see possible pitfalls around every corner. Because of this, I can quickly become Whinederella and fall into a puddle of self-pity. Facing Challenges At times, most of us struggle to harness the power of Gratitude to overcome obstacles. Despite this, practicing Gratitude is one of the most dynamic ways to change your attitude towards your life circumstances, increase Resilience, and transform your life. In fact, a regular practice of Gratitude will help you deal with challenges and setbacks. This essay will share actionable strategies that will enable you to see more happiness and abundance in your life within days. What Does Gratitude Mean? In short, Gratitude means thanks and appreciation. It comes from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In addition, gratus is a Latin word that means “thankful, pleasing.” That said, often, Gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Robert Emmons is the world’s leading scientific expert on Gratitude. In the Greater Good, one of his essays entitled “Why Gratitude Is Good.” Here is how Emmons explains Gratitude: “First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts, and benefits we’ve received.” Next, he explains, “We recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. … We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.” To summarize, Gratitude has two core factors. Firstly, it is the affirmation of goodness. Secondly, it recognizes this goodness comes from outside of ourselves. As a result, Gratitude causes you to feel thankful. On the other hand, this kindness doesn’t create indebtedness. You are not concern about having to pay it back. Also, your appreciation can be for something tangible or intangible. As a result, Gratitude causes us to both recognize and acknowledge the good in our lives. Not only that, we usually see that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside of us. Subsequently, this causes us to connect to something larger than our selves. Whether this connection is to other people, nature, or higher power, we know we are not alone. Gratitude throughout history Gratitude has been praised as a virtue in almost every culture throughout the ages. In many religions, it is one of the core elements. Both ancient and modern prophets have recognized and taught the importance of Gratitude. In addition, it is the focus of many religious ceremonies, rituals, and holidays. For example, let’s consider Thanksgiving in the United States. The Mayflower colonist suffered greatly during their first winter in the New World. In fact, Forty-five of the 102 Mayflower passengers died in the winter of 1620–21, primarily from scurvy, pneumonia, and lack of shelter. Nevertheless, despite all the hardships the Pilgrims suffered, they practiced Gratitude every day. Furthermore, they even set aside a day for Gratitude called Thanksgiving. The Benefits Of Gratitude Multiple studies have shown a correlation between Gratitude and increased well-being. Not only that, but this benefit also expands to both the individual and all other people involved. Accordingly, research from Positive psychology has revealed that Gratitude has a consistently secure connection to increased happiness. How Gratitude Helps -Improves your health -Helps you feel more positive emotions -Allows you to relish good experiences -Build stronger relationships -Enables you to better deal with adversity For this purpose, you can feel and express Gratitude in multiple ways. For example, you can remember the past by recalling a past blessing or a cherished memory. On the other hand, you can concentrate on the gifts you experience in your present. Being thankful assures you won’t take good fortune for granted when it comes your way. Lastly, you can be an optimist and create a positive attitude about your future. As you can see, Gratitude’s attitude is a quality you can continue to grow throughout your lifetime. Gratitude Makes You Better Of equal importance, studies have established that those of us who deliberately count our blessings tend to be happier and less depressed. For example, Emmons and his team studied over 1000 people from ages eight to 80. These participants were required to keep a simple gratitude journal for only three weeks. The results were overwhelmingly positive. Participants who consistently practiced Gratitude reported loads of benefits in the following areas: Physical Benefits of Being Thankful • It helped strengthen their immune systems • They were less bothered by aches and pains • Blood pressure decreased in some people • Taking better care of their health and increasing their exercise became more important • Some found they slept longer and felt more refreshed upon waking Gratitude Helped Psychologically• Participant increased their levels of positive emotions • They became more alert, alive, and awake • Many reported experiencing more joy and pleasure • It helped build optimism and happiness Thankfulness increase their Social Strengths • They reported feeling more helpful, generous, and compassionate • Some said they felt more forgiving • It transformed some into becoming more outgoing • Many reported it Lowed their feelings of loneliness and isolation Gratitude Increases Resilience Equally important, Gratitude practices can help you better manage any hardships or challenges that come your way. To this end, Resilience is about control and perspective. A Gratitude practice allows us to stop and reflect on the good instead of overlooking it and passing it off as unimportant. Moreover, it will enable us to put some space between our impulses and our actions. This space allows us the ability to choose. It gives us the control and perspective we need to make the right decisions while dealing with challenging situations. In short, when Gratitude becomes an intentional daily practice, it becomes a habit. This habit trains our emotions and our minds to thrive amid adversity. Our lives and perspectives change because we can now see the positives in tough situations. Six Ways To Cultivate Gratitude Emmons suggests the following ways to cultivate Gratitude: 1. Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter. To clarify, express your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. After that, make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself. 2. Thank someone mentally. No time to write? Instead, it may help just to think about someone who has done something beautiful for you. Then, mentally thank the individual. 3. Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thought about the gifts you’ve received each day. 4. Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your benefits — reflecting on what went right or those you are grateful for. To this end, sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. Meanwhile, as you write, be specific and think about your sensations when something good happened to you. 5. Pray. Religious people can use prayer to cultivate Gratitude. 6. Meditate. Finally, mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Of course, people often focus on a word or phrase (such as “peace”). It is also possible to focus on what you’re grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.). Gratitude Makes Every Day Precious Generally, researchers claim there are 27,375 days in an average lifetime. Needless to say, people vary in how long they live. Nevertheless, you can approximately figure out how much time you have left with the following calculation. Multiply your age by 365, then subtract that number from 27,375 days. To sum it up, one day you will have more time behind you than in front of you. Believe me when I say life passes in a flash. Unfortunately, we often speed walk through life without celebrating the beautiful gifts our lives contain. The good news is that every day can be made more precious through Gratitude. So, slow down and savor. This life is a gift, but this gift doesn’t last forever. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Imagine: It’s so hot your thighs are sweating. Your throat feels like you’ve swallowed sand. You bring the icy glass of lemonade to your parched lips and drink a huge gulp. Suddenly, your tastebuds sear with tongue slipping sour; you spit the drink out, yelling, “I forgot the sugar!” Forgetting to laugh during stressful times like drinking lemon water. Laughter makes a sour day, sweeter. Humor is the sweetener in life. When you learn to shift your perspective and find the light side of a situation, you can turn lemons into lemonade. Humor doesn’t ignore Difficulties, it makes them tolerable. You do not have to let the fact that you are frustrated, stressed, and overall miserable keep you from finding a bit of fun and joy out of life. I’ll help you understand that humor has the power to weaken negative emotions. As a matter of fact, humor can even flip a negative mood into a positive one. Furthermore, finding funny can redirect you towards finding solutions to the problems that created your negative emotions in the first place. It will ease the tensions you feel and give you greater control over the challenges you are facing. Humor helps keeps everyday irritations in perspective. Most (not all) problems are pretty small when you consider the big picture. Laughter is Contagious Once you get good at adding comic sugar to sour days, you will feel happier. Better yet, those positive emotions will transfer to those around you. When we sprinkle humor into our day, goodness grows. As a funny motivational speaker, I’ve watched one giggle swell into a wave of snorting, knee-slapping laughter that swamps my audience. We all know how good it feels to share a laugh with family members at a reunion or with co-workers. Let’s face it, the sound of roaring laughter is contagious and much better for us than a sniffle, sneeze, or cough. Shared laughter unites us and increases our joy and affection for each other. Laughter Strengthens Resilience The power of laughter appears when you learn to use it during stressful situations.
For this reason, your sense of humor plays a huge role in your resilience. On your worst days, humor will help you bend without breaking. Finding the funny will help you better handle the challenges life throws at you. Laughing is a powerful weapon to help you punch back at adversity. Laughter Helps In addition to the ripple effect of happiness and delight, laughter also activates healthy physiological changes.
Laughter Is Strong Medicine For The Body There are oodles of stress management techniques out there. People find great success with deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and other stress busters. However, we often forget that humor is one of the most effective stress reducers available to us. It is natural, free, and one of the most essential tools you have to create an enjoyable life. No pill you pop will work faster or is more dependable in bringing your mind and body into balance than a deep laugh. Laughter is a potent remedy to conflict, stress, and pain. A good giggle lightens your burdens and keeps you grounded. It creates a connection to others and helps you remain focused and alert. Laughter has healing power. For this reason, your ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource because it:
Humor Doesn’t Mean... Just because you find something to laugh about during tough times doesn’t mean you aren’t serious about it. In fact, laughing can actually help you handle the problem more effectively. For instance, consider that many corporate meetings start out with a funny story or a joke. Beginning with a laugh puts attendees in a positive frame of mind, which can help the meeting flow better. Likewise, if you’re racing through your day, putting out fires, a good belly laugh can dampen the flames. Did you know that four-year laughs once every four minutes while adults laugh only an average of 15 times a day? Increasing our ability to find humor is vital for lots of reasons. Let’s start by exploring a few of the physical benefits, such as: Positive vs. Negative Humor Just to be clear, not all humor is the same. We’ve all known people who have miserably failed to be funny during stressful situations. Most likely, their humor leans towards being sarcastic, rude, or cringe-worthy. A study showed that the tendency to use negative humor is associated with lower interpersonal competence, self-esteem, and psychological well-being, higher levels of depression and anxiety—and even more frequent psychiatric symptoms. On the other hand, a bias towards positive humor is associated with higher self-esteem, interpersonal competence, and overall psychological well-being and lower depression and anxiety. Dark Humor President Abraham Lincoln once read something to his advisors, which he found very funny, but they didn’t laugh. He said, “Why don’t you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die, and you need this medicine as much as I do.” As a psychiatric R.N. who worked in an acute care psychiatric hospital, we dealt with heartbreaking situations and horror stories daily. There is an emotional build-up resulting from being immersed in other people’s emotional conflicts and turmoil day after day. Humor helped us, “let go.” I’ll admit that there were times when our humor could turn slightly gray. Humor preventing our negative emotions from taking over. It helped us maintain a positive focus while dealing with our patients. Not to mention, humor helped us avoid the ongoing risk of burnout. We also knew this humor could only be shared with staff, not patients or people outside our unit. Our sense of humor was sometimes unusual, but it also helped us manage our personal roller coaster of emotions. I love collecting stories from audience members after my keynotes. This true story came after a keynote to an audience of nurses. Emergency service personnel such as police and firefighters and E.R. providers also use humor to cope with the agonizing events they encounter. In these demanding occupations, cynical humor or ‘gallows humor’ helps them cope with stress, relieve tension, and vent their feelings. A Coping Mechanism One way this humor helps is by allowing the service giver space to detach or distance themselves. Also, it helps foster group stability and social support. As a result, they can be more effective during tough situations. None of this humor is meant to hurt or diminish the pain of the people they care for every day. Instead, it creates a momentary positive focus, which, in turn, helps them live with the emotionally draining things they confront daily. In addition, it helps them fight burnout and do their job effectively. Humor doesn’t ignore Difficulties, it makes them tolerable. You do not have to let the fact that you are frustrated, stressed, and overall miserable keep you from finding a bit of fun and joy out of life. I’ll help you understand that humor has the power to weaken negative emotions. As a matter of fact, humor can even flip a negative mood into a positive one. Furthermore, finding funny can redirect you towards finding solutions to the problems that created your negative emotions in the first place. It will ease the tensions you feel and give you greater control over the challenges you are facing. Humor helps keeps everyday irritations in perspective. Most (not all) problems are pretty small when you consider the big picture. “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.” (Woody Allen) “It is because they can be frivolous at times that the majority of people do not hang themselves.” (Voltaire) Laughter is Contagious Once you get good at adding comic sugar to sour days, you will feel happier. Better yet, those positive emotions will transfer to those around you. When we sprinkle humor into our day, goodness grows. As a funny motivational speaker, I’ve watched one giggle swell into a wave of snorting, knee-slapping laughter that swamps my audience. We all know how good it feels to share a laugh with family members at a reunion or with co-workers. Let’s face it, the sound of roaring laughter is contagious and much better for us than a sniffle, sneeze, or cough. Shared laughter unites us and increases our joy and affection for each other. Laughter Strengthens Resilience The power of laughter appears when you learn to use it during stressful situations.
For this reason, your sense of humor plays a huge role in your resilience. On your worst days, humor will help you bend without breaking. Finding the funny will help you better handle the challenges life throws at you. Laughing is a powerful weapon to help you punch back at adversity. Laughter Helps In addition to the ripple effect of happiness and delight, laughter also activates healthy physiological changes.
Laughter Is Strong Medicine For The Body There are oodles of stress management techniques out there. People find great success with deep breathing, meditation, yoga, and other stress busters. However, we often forget that humor is one of the most effective stress reducers available to us. It is natural, free, and one of the most essential tools you have to create an enjoyable life. No pill you pop will work faster or is more dependable in bringing your mind and body into balance than a deep laugh. Laughter is a potent remedy to conflict, stress, and pain. A good giggle lightens your burdens and keeps you grounded. It creates a connection to others and helps you remain focused and alert. Laughter has healing power. For this reason, your ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource because it:
Problem-Focused vs. Emotion-Focused Coping Problem-Focused on Coping Because problems come in all shapes and sizes, there isn’t a one size fits all solution. Admittedly, we know this is true. But instead, we often apply a preferred solution to most of our problems, ignoring the fact that it doesn’t fit. While addressing a problem, one of the most important questions you can ask yourself is: What can I control? One of the most helpful methods you can use to address a problem is; What do I have control over? We need to be realistic about what we can and what we can’t control. Problem-focused coping works when the problem causing you pain is under your control. For example, like many of you, COVID significantly disrupted my work when all my convention events were postponed. I couldn’t control the virus, but I could control my keynote options. Within weeks my husband and I built a studio in our basement, and I started presenting virtually with great success. My mom was diagnosed with wet macular degeneration. She can’t reverse the disease but is now on an eye-injection regime that has diminished its progress. Some situations we can fix and some we can’t. Instead, we must learn to live them. Emotion-Focused Coping However, some situations we can fix and some we can’t. When we can’t fix it, we must learn to live it. For example, you arrive at work and several co-workers are out sick. No float nurses are available, so your patient load is increased. As a result, you have a hectic and stressful day. In this case, emotion-focused coping concentrates on changing your mood or your frame of mind. In this case, you need to pull yourself out of anger or anxiety and replace it with a positive frame of mind. Switching from a negative to a positive mindset will help you recognize what you need to do to deal with stressful situations. SHAZAM! HUMOR TO THE RESCUE Humor creates a cognitive-affective shift. In other words, it reframes our perspective. Once you change the way, you also have an emotional shift to a more positive direction. Once you accept that humor creates this shift, you can deliberately use it to manage your emotional state.Now that’s POWER! The power of humor is that you can’t be genuinely happy and sad at the same time. 3 ways to increase your humor 1. Boost the humor in your daily life. Funny surrounds us, so there are lots of simple ways to boost humor in your life. Consider looking at outside sources.
2. Laugh at Yourself We all make mistakes, have quirks and goofy habits that are funny. Life is happier when you learn to laugh will get stop taking yourself so seriously. (Even though you continue to take your work and responsibilities seriously.) 3. Look for the Humor Humor is everywhere. Watch for humor at home, at the grocery store, at your job. Find fun in your relationships, at the dinner table, and while doing lawn work. Life is funny. When you look for the Funny, you will find it Humor is one of our greatest blessings. Being funny is possibly one of the best things you can do for your health. It helps bolsters your immune system, eases pain, protects the heart, and burns calories. Laughter strengthens relationships, enhances teamwork, and diffuses conflict. Find the funny relieves stress, improves your mood, and strengthens resilience. Best of all, laughter brings joy and zest to life. Everyone deserves a laugh and, if you look, every day will give you one. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Years ago, I moved from Norway to the United States with my two little girls. While living overseas, my first husband and I started a very successful home-based business. I bought his permission to leave with our daughters by giving him half of our profitable business. It was the best business deal I’ve ever made. With only our suitcases, the three of us flew home to begin a safer and happier life. During those nine years of living in Norway, I ran our home-based business. Suddenly, it was gone. I had no idea what I would do. Leaving my home, friends, and significant financial security, I started over as a single mom of two. It was scary because I had no home, no job, no plan for the future. Fortunately, I had something much more robust: Hope. That hope carried me through renovating a hundred and six-year-old dumpy house and nursing school. Faith sustained me throughout the years of single parenting. It was an exciting and challenging time. Hope made me strong. Over the years, psychologists have studied optimism, grit, self-efficacy, passion, inspiration, etc. All of these are valuable. Unfortunately, there is one critical intervention that is often underrated and even shunned in our society. Hope is Unappreciated Hope is scoffed at because it appears weak, impractical, and even silly. It stirs up thoughts of an eternal optimist, sitting down for a picnic while the forest burns around her. However, studies repeatedly show that hope is critical to resilience. What is Hope? Merriam-Webster defines hope as : to cherish a desire with anticipation: to want something to happen or be true Most psychologists who study hope prefer the definition developed by the late Charles R. Snyder, Ph.D., a psychologist at the University of Kansas and a hope research pioneer. According to Snyder et al. (1991), hope is a positive cognitive state based on a sense of successful goal-directed determination and planning to meet these goals. Snyder’s model of hope has three components: goals, agency, and pathways. To clarify, ‘agency’ is our ability to shape our lives. We believe that we can make things happen. It also includes the motivation to reach the desired outcome. On the other hand, a pathway is a road that gets us there. No matter the size of a goal, we need a plan and a path to achieve a goal. The target could be some as simple as losing a few pounds or as challenging as running a marathon. In other words: Hope is the belief that your future can be better than your past, and you play a role in making it so. Hope Is Not Just An Emotion Hope is not just an emotion. Instead, hope is the mindset that drives resilient behavior. Hope is the pathway to resilience. Hope vs. Optimism Optimism is a positive attitude about a future event that is probable and likely to occur: the optimist expects that life will work out well and as expected (Scheier & Carver, 1993). Conversely, being hopeful is regarded as more realistic. A hopeful individual recognizes that life may not work out as planned, yet maintains positive expectancy directed toward possible outcomes that hold personal significance (Miceli & Castelfranchi, 2010). In fact, hope is the single best predictor of well-being compared to any other measures of trauma recovery. Psychologist Shane Lopez, Ph.D., is a senior scientist at Gallup and author of the 2013 book “Making Hope Happen”. Lopez, together with Matthew Gallagher, Ph.D., a psychologist at Boston University, found hope to be a strong predictor of positive emotions (Journal of Positive Psychology, 2009). Their research revealed that hope and optimism are different. Through his work with Gallop Polls, Lopez studied hope in millions of people. He found that both traits are essential for happiness and well-being, according to Lopez. While he concedes that hopefulness alone won’t make a person happy, he deems both are required to find contentment. “You have to knock down the hope domino to get to the happiness domino,” he says. Hope isn’t just wishful thinking. Hopefulness is different from wishing. “Wishing is ubiquitous, but it can be kind of an escape from reality. Hope is different because it has to do with facing reality,” says Jon G. Allen, Ph.D., a senior staff psychologist at The Menninger Clinic, a psychiatric hospital in Houston. “As I see it, hope is the motivation to stay in the game.” Hope Doesn’t Mean Pollyanna Hopeful people are not just perpetually cheerful types. They are not naive Pollyanna’s wearing rose-colored glasses. In fact, these people are often very realistic. After all, continuously setting unrealistic goals set you up for failure. Repeated failures can wear you down. As a result, your hope will diminish. Why Hope? Hope doesn’t just feel good, it is good for you. Randolph C Arnau University of Southern Mississippi and colleagues reported that hopeful people have a greater sense that life is meaningful (International Journal of Existential Psychology & Psychotherapy, 2010) There is evidence that hope can buffer adversity and stress. In addition, hope can predict critical outcomes. Best of all, hope can be learned and sustained. Human beings differ, and some people lean towards being more hopeful. Those who a more extraverted and agreeable tend to have more hope. Conversely, those of us who are more neurotic generally have less a bit less hope. People with a high degree of hope tend to be better at setting goals, according to psychologist Randolph C. Arnau. “A high-hope person tends to have more goals, and is quicker to focus on another if they fail.” Lopez has found hopeful people tend to share some commonalities. When challenged by a crisis, less hopeful people tend to shut down. Hopeful people are more likely to take action to help them cope. Hope Can Drive Success. After tracking college students for over three years, John Maltby, Ph.D., a psychologist at Leicester University, found students with more hope students had higher academic success. Maltby’s research discovered that hope better at predicting academic achievement than intelligence, personality, or previous academic performance (Journal of Research in Personality, 2010). The good news is, “Hope is an equal opportunity resource.” per Lopez. Three Steps for Building Hope Lopez describes three necessary steps for building hope: The first step is a process he calls “futurecasting.” Futurecasting requires you to envision a specific future goal. The key is to create a vision that is brilliantly alive. Let’s say you want to learn to speak Spanish for an upcoming trip to Spain. To begin with, Lopez suggests finding pictures of the sites you plan to visit. Use these pictures to create a collage and place it in an area where you will see it often. In other words, keep your goal front and center in your mind.” Really crystallize what you want your future to look like,” he says. Remember: The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment. Earl Nightingale Create a Path Secondly, create a path to your goal. You may remember that the idea of pathways is central to Snyder’s model of hope. After all, once you choose a destination, you must figure out a way to get there. If you want to learn Spanish for your upcoming vacation, look into language apps and classes to path the way to your success. Finally, plan for contingencies. Lopez’s research discovered that the most hopeful people create several possible solutions to a potential problem. Conversely, less hopeful people tend to consider only the best-case scenario. At most, they may create just one or two paths to their goal. Instead, Lopez tells us, “You have to come up with many ways to overcome those obstacles.” Hope and Trauma Trauma may require a fourth skill that Lopez calls “regoaling”. Years ago, I worked with a psychiatrist whose young son had been diagnosed with cancer. After years of medical treatment, his treatments stopped working. Heartbroken, they had to shift their goal from helping their son live to make the most of his last months on Earth. She and her husband took a sabbatical from their jobs. They took family trips to Disney World, the Grand Canyon, and New York. In the end, their goal changed. Rather than fighting to keep their little boy alive, their new goal was to keep him comfortable until he died. This little guy had even helped plan his own funeral. There wasn’t a dry eye in the church when the pallbearers entered wearing full out Star Wars costumes. His entire grade school class attended. Despite the heartache, the stories about this little boy left us all with hope. During these times, counseling can help people accept this new goal. In the end, they need to release old dreams and aims to create a new future. We Need Hope It is challenging to give up on a dream. But hope makes it more accessible. We need hope. “Many of the ancient religious texts reference faith, hope, and love. Hope is an ancient virtue and a basic human quality,” Lopez says. Hope is important because life can be tough. We all face obstacles. When dealing with challenges, having goals is not enough. To move towards those goals, we need to overcome all the twists and turns that come our way. When we harness hope, we can approach problems with a success mindset. This, in turn, will increase the chance that you will actually accomplish your goals. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Years ago, I worked as a nurse in a behavioral health hospital. One day we had an unfortunate incident. My co-workers took the adolescents to our gym. As always, the kids were warned to avoid hitting the celling. Above all, we were concerned they’d hit the sprinkler system. Certainly, most kids followed the rules. Unfortunately, one day an angry teen intentionally smacked the sprinkler. Consequently, the sprinkler went off, and the gym was flooded. The flooding caused considerable damage. Meanwhile, one of our managers stormed onto our unit. Unbelievably, she announced “The gym has $10,000 dollars of damage, so no raises this year!” Subsequently, her outburst caused an adverse reaction from my co-workers. First, they didn’t want to lose their raise. Second, they thought this was unbelievably unfair. She immediately apologized for her comment, but it was too late. The damage was done. Chatter about her comment went on for weeks. This manager allowed emotions to hijack her thinking. Understanding and strengthening her emotional intelligence may have helped. Emotional intelligence is a set of emotional and social skills that combine to establish how good you are at:
Explaining Emotional Intelligence In short, EQ is how you blend your thinking with your feelings. It helps you make the right decisions, and build authentic relationships. Of course, many factors predict performance, development potential, and success in life. However, emotional intelligence is a critical factor in these areas. You can developed, improved, and change your EQ over time. Studies estimate that EQ accounts for between 27% to 45% of job success. Although EQ is often linked with management training and skills, everyone needs it. Three tips to increase your emotional intelligence 1. Take Responsibility for Your Feelings and Behavior No one can make you feel or act. You are responsible for your emotions and behavior. Accepting responsibility for how you feel and behave will positively impact other parts of your life. 2. Choose to respond rather than react Reacting is an unconscious action. First, we experience an emotional trigger. Next, we act quickly without thinking to express or relieve the negative emotion we are feeling. On the other hand, responding is a conscious process. To clarify, you take time to acknowledge the emotion, then choose how to behave. 3. Learn to empathize with yourself and others Above all, empathy requires you to understand why someone feels or acts in a particular way. In addition, it requires you to explain your understanding. Certainly, we need self-empathy as much as everyone else. Strengthening your empathy comes with practice. It will also improve your EI. First, begin by practicing on yourself. To clarify, notice your feelings and behavior, ask yourself, “Why do I feel or act this way?” Eventually, your self-awareness and self-control will increase. Be patient with yourself. EI isn’t one and done. Therefore, you must continue to practice. As a result, you keep improving over a lifetime. Every situation is different. You’ll need practice to hone this skill. It is worth it. You will reap a lifetime of benefits. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Empathy defined Em ·pa·thy | \ ˈem-pə-thē. Definition of empathy the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner. A story about the power of empathy The power of empathy was reinforced while I was a psychiatric RN in a behavioral health hospital. One day, while working on our child unit, I met Kimi who taught me a lesson I’ve never forgotten. Kimi was 11 years old and completely shut down. She attended our groups and therapies but refused to talk. An outsider may have interpreted her behavior as entitled or oppositional, but we all knew she was hurting. So, I plopped down next to her during lunch and told her silly stories about my dogs and kids. Eventually, she laughed, and we started talking. After a while, she said, “I was five when I left my grandma’s home, and I’ve been in 22 foster homes since then.” Twenty-two foster homes in six years! No wonder she didn’t bother to engage! She didn’t trust us. Why would she? From Kimi’s point of view, there’d be no point in getting close to us. After all, she’d soon be moving on to her next stop. Once we appreciated her perspective, we knew to approach her extra slowly and earn her trust. Empathy ignored Shortly after that, a psychiatric resident introduced himself to Kimi for her first evaluation. Instead of slowly getting to know her, he immediately began peppering her with questions. Kimi shut down and refused to talk to him. Consequently, the resident became frustrated and left. While leaving, he said, “She won’t talk or look at me. Give her some assignments. She needs to learn to respect doctors.” At that moment, the resident ignored the Power of empathy. He didn’t “put himself in her shoes.” You see, Kimi didn’t care about his medical degree. After all, she’d been shoved around for years, so she trusted no one. Had he taken the time to see her perspective, he may have approached her differently and gotten better results. Sadly, in this situation, he didn’t bother. The power of empathy in leadership Unfortunately, leaders often consider empathy as an unnecessary soft skill. As a result, they ignore one of the most powerful tools we have when it comes to connecting and understanding one another. Leadership is about inspiring others to take action beyond their capabilities. A great leader guides them in a direction that is compelling and dynamic. Most certainly, understanding is the bedrock of those actions. Empathy is essential to effective leadership. Empathy is not Sympathy Sympathy and empathy are different. Sympathy is a feeling of concern for someone, but it doesn’t require seeing things from their perspective. You don’t “step inside someone else’s shoes” to grasp their perspective or recognize their emotions behind it. Empathy, however, requires you to consider the other’s perspective. It necessitates that you set aside your own thoughts and opinions to learn how someone else perceives things. The power of empathy at work and home Empathy lets us build friendships, cooperate with others, and help out when we see people being bullied. It has many valuable assets both at work and in our personal life. The Power of Empathy at work
Empathy builds connections. So, when employees relate to their customers, they form a relationship. Your company or hospital will stand head and shoulders above the competitors who don’t bother to encourage this connection. Therefore, empathy is good for business, according to Harvard Business Review. Power of empathy in personal life
When we take time to understand each other, we are more likely to accept them. As a result, positive feelings flow for them and for ourselves. We feel more connected, and that bonding increases our happiness and our wellbeing. Empathy doesn’t require agreement Empathy doesn’t require us to agree with another person’s point of view. Instead, it merely asks us to recognize and understand their perspective. We better understand each other when we withhold judgment and sincerely consider their perspective. I am grateful that Kimi eventually trusted me enough to tell me about her chilling, short life. Her stories helped us create a more effective treatment plan. But Kimi also taught me a valuable lesson during my time as her nurse. She taught me that the real power of empathy is in bridging the connection between two hearts. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
Just like you, the coronavirus has created changes and challenges for my family. All my spring and summer speaking engagements were either rescheduled, or became virtual events. In addition, Mom’s senior living apartment complex remains closed to visitors. Meanwhile, we’ve not gone to a movie or eaten out for months because, like you, we are stuck at home. The good news is that reframing is an excellent tool for building the foundation for a happier life. Reframing works because it requires you to look for positives in a situation. Negative to Positive. A Reframing Metaphor: The camera and director There are always many ways to view a situation. For an example, let’s say your Uncle Bob is videotaping your family’s Thanksgiving dinner. Uncle Bob can focus his camera lens on the massive pile of dirty cooking pans by the sink or focus on the family laughing together while enjoying their food. When you shift your perspective you change your perception. Robinson Crusoe Reframing to go from negative to positive There are many reframing techniques. This method is named after the principal character, Robinson Crusoe, in Daniel Defoe’s book Robinson Crusoe published in 1719. After a shipwreck, Robinson Crusoe ends up alone on a remote tropical island. In order to survive he has to make the best of an unpleasant situation. This method requires that you to look at the other side of the coin. As a result, you can gently change a negative situation to something more positive. What follows is an example from Steve Klein’s book, The Science of Happiness. You start by creating a simple template with two columns, the minus column, and the plus column. If Crusoe used this technique it might look something like this: Minus Plus I am stuck with no chance of rescue, but I am alive while others died. There is nothing to eat, but in this tropical jungle, I can forage for food. I have no clothes to wear but, in this tropical climate, I won’t need many clothes. Most importantly, notice that the minus column starts with ‘but’. This is intentional. The word ‘but’ decreases the power of the minus portion of the sentence. The but helps you move from your glass being half empty to being half full. Studies show this reframing technique successfully helps people move from negative to positive The American National Institute of Mental Health used a CBT method similar to the Robinson Crusoe method on several hundred people diagnosed with moderate-to-severe depression. Their study revealed that this technique cured 60% of the participants’ depression. To sum up, you can’t choose everything that happens in your life, but you can choose how you respond. So, next time a challenging situation appears consider using Robinson Crusoe reframing to minimize the negative and find the positive. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By Amy Dee
With everything that's happened in the last year, life in America seems more stressful than ever. But have you noticed that people cope with stress differently? As a funny motivational speaker, I have a bird’s eye view of an industry that turned upside down when our country closed in March. Like everyone else, all my speaking events postponed. Lots of speakers dealt with cancellations. Suddenly, virtual speaking became the only option. People Cope With Stress Differently That’s when I saw how differently people cope. Some speakers decided virtual wasn’t for them, so they are waiting it out. Others reluctantly dragged themselves into virtual but are still floundering today. A select few charged head-on into virtual speaking, now they love it and say they’ll never return to live events. You’ve seen it yourself. Some people face pressures directly. They are mentally flexible. These people flourish and grow through tough times. While others pretty much curl into a ball and hide. Let’s start by recognizing that stress gets a nasty rap. But truthfully, not all stress is bad. In fact, a bit of pressure is necessary to get you out of bed in the morning. Good stress helps you get things done; bad stress messes you up. In this article, I summarize stress categories so you will better understand stress. After that, I’ll give you tips you can quickly apply to build your stress resilience. You Already Know Stress Can Be Harmful By now, you’ve undoubtedly heard of the perils of stress: sleep disruption, increases in the stress hormone cortisol, cardiac stress, and depression. In addition, it can make you irritable, obese, and wreak havoc on your relationships. As if that isn’t enough, you may experience G.I problems, have difficulty thinking, and find yourself isolating. The list goes on. The truth is that Chronic Stress correlates, in degrees, with all of these awful, scary effects. Without a doubt, this is terrible. None of us want to be a lonely, irritable, fat, gassy, depressed person with heart and relationship problems. At first glance, it appears that stress should be avoided like the plaque The Other Truth About Stress While this awful stuff can be real, this isn’t the entire story. Here two important things to also understand about stress. Stress also has lots of significant and positive benefits. and… The way you look at stress is even more critical than the amount of stress you experience. Different Types of Stress To clear this up, I’ll identify the different types of stress. Normal Stress (Eustress) Eustress is a situation or event when a bit of stress shows up, then quickly leaves. This stress can be beneficial. It may give you a burst of energy that helps you get things done. In addition, it may create an incentive that allows you to focus and improves your performance. Example: Despite speaking to thousands of people yearly, I get a little burst of eustress before I grab the stage. This stress helps me sharpen my focus; it makes me alert and completely present. Ultimately eustress improves my performance. Distress Distress is harsher stress. Although it doesn’t last long, it does cause significant disruption. The effects are serious but short-lived. After experiencing distress, we usually return to a normal state. Example: You trip during your morning jog (a reason I do not jog). You suffer minor injuries but recover. Traumatic Stress Traumatic Stress is a big deal. It is profound. After this experience, your beliefs and assumptions may change. You recover over time, but you are forever changed. Heavy or unrelenting traumatic stress may outmatch your capacity to cope. As a result, you may experience fatigue, exhaustion, or even a breakdown. Example: A natural disaster such as a hurricane rips apart your home. You or a loved one becomes diagnosed with a major health problem such as cancer. The Persistence of Stress Stress can also be categorized based on how long it lasts. Acute Stress Acute Stress is the most common form of stress. It may be a result of pressure and demands from the past or the future. Acute stress is exhilarating and exciting in small doses, but too much becomes exhausting. Example: You arrive at work excited and ready to roar. But by 3 pm, you are drained and ready for a break. If you don’t take time to recharge, you risk making critical errors. Episodic Acute Stress Some of you may suffer from acute stress frequently. Perhaps your life is pummeled continuously with chaos and crisis. You may be juggling lots of demands and find it challenging to keep them all afloat. Episodic acute stress causes you to experience acute stress reactions, i.e., becoming short-tempered, over-aroused, anxious, irritable, and tense. You may have lots of nervous energy. You may rush about but find yourself often late. At times you can be abrupt and irritable, causing you to respond to others with hostility. In the end, you may harm your relationships. Example: You may self describe as a worry wart or a type-A personality. These characteristics can create frequent episodes of acute stress. Chronic Stress Chronic Stress is the eroding stress that wears you down bit by bit over a long time. Unfortunately, people experience this when they can’t see their way out of a bad situation. You may experience constant demands and pressures for seemingly never-ending periods. Eventually, your hope depletes, and you quit looking for solutions. Chronic stresses may come from traumatic, internalized early childhood experiences that make the present painful. Eventually, your view of the world or your belief system eternalizes this constant stress. The world becomes a threatening place. You may feel you must always be perfect. Worst of all, you may normalize feeling this way. You get used to it. You forget that this unpinning pressure is even there. Long Term Effect of Chronic Stress Because acute stress is new, you immediately notice it. On the other hand, chronic stress becomes easy to ignore because it’s old and familiar. Oddly enough, it may even become almost comfortable. Your physical and mental resources erode. This lack of resources makes the symptoms of chronic stress are more difficult to treat. Extended medical, as well as behavioral treatment and stress management, may be required. Example: Chronic Stress may come from being in a dysfunctional family situation or living in the stress of poverty. You may feel trapped in a hated job or career. Inside, not outside response to Stress Let’s face it, too often, our first response to stress is to look for help outside ourselves immediately. We download productivity apps or invest in productivity software. These promise to help us reduce distraction, add hours to our day, and make our lives easier. Or instead, we look for more get more help at the office or home. We consider switching careers. Sure some of these solutions can help. But more often than not, these external fixes are superficial and temporary because the answer lies inside, not outside of you. Remember Your Power In order to manage long term stress, you must find your internal power before looking for external solutions. By strengthening your resilience superpower, you can turn problems into challenges and difficulties into opportunities. Resilience Resilience, according to The American Psychological Association, is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress (such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors). In other words, resilience is “bouncing back” from tough situations and painful experiences. The great news is that research continuously shows that resilience is ordinary—not extraordinary—and that people commonly demonstrate resilience. Research also shows that our resilience muscle can strengthen by choosing to respond positively to difficult times. To be clear, emotional pain and sadness are common when we have suffered through trauma or major adversities. Furthermore, resilient people don’t live on cloud nine; they also experience difficulty or stress. Truthfully the road to resilience is likely paved by considerable emotional distress. That said, resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. Instead, resilience is a process. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that resilience involves thoughts, behaviors, and actions that can be learned and developed in all of us. 3 Steps To Resilience Unless you live under a rock, you already know that eating right, sleeping enough, and exercise are essential. All of these help you better deal with stress and increase your resilience. Instead of rehashing these critical factors, I’ll introduce a few mental tools you can use. STEP ONE: Find Your Locus of Control Locus, according to Merriam-Webster, means a place where something is situated or occurs. Do you have an Internal or External Locus of Control? If you are uncertain, you can take a quick quiz to determine the position and strength of your locus of control. To sum it up, people with an internal locus of control believe that their actions determine the rewards they get during their lives. Conversely, those with an external locus of control believe that their behavior doesn’t matter that much. Instead, they think that life’s rewards are outside of their control. Your Locus of Control is important because… Resilient People have an Internal Locus of Control. In other words, Resilient people believe that they are in control of their lives. While these folks understand that they can’t always control what happens to them, they know that they can control their responses. Having an internal locus of control makes a huge difference in our attitudes and the course of our lives. Fortunately, you can develop your internal Locus of Control. Here are three quick tips to consider: CHOICE: Remember, You always have a choice. No matter what happens, it is YOU who decides how you will cope. It is YOU who decides what resources you will seek out. It is YOU who decides the language you will choose to describe this challenging time. TRUTH: By telling yourself the TRUTH Saying “I have no choice” or “I can’t” isn’t honest. You always have a choice. You may not like the option available, but you do have a choice. At times you may have the opportunity to change a situation. At other times, your choice may be to accept the situation gracefully. No matter what, you choose. Brainstorm: Brainstorm your choices When you feel stuck, create a list of every possible course of action. Don’t judge your options, just scribble them down. This list will help to remind you of your choices and keeping you from feeling stuck. You’ll remember that even though there are things you cannot do, there are also things you can do. When feeling overwhelmed and stuck, remember Viktor Frankl, who suffered from three years in horrific Nazi concentration camps and lost most of his family. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Frankl writes: “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl (March 26, 1905–September 2, 1997) STEP TWO: SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE Resilience people accept that life will always be full of difficulties. Because this is true, they understand that they need to be flexible and open to change. They don’t have a victim mentality. In other words, no self-pity, feeling victimize or look for someone to blame. Instead, they look for the positive benefits of facing stressors. Recognizing that growth comes from experiences and mistakes, they look for actionable forward-moving steps. Kelly Mcgonigal’s research (see this TED talk) compared people with a positive attitude about stress to people who have a very negative attitude about stress. Her research found that people with an equal amount of stressors are not equally affected in negative ways. Instead, only people with a negative outlook about stress have an increased risk of these adverse consequences (death, illness, etc.). In short: your perspective of your stress matters more than the number of stressors you experience. In essence, Your perspective about stress affects how you experience it. Your attitude matters. You can shift your perspective and grow your “resilient attitude” by being aware of the positive aspects of facing stressors. Understand that stress is a part of every life. Realize that stress enhances your ability to grow and get stronger. When you shift your perspective, you change your perception. Changing your perspective is process. Therefore, with greater awareness and clarity about your power, you will better handle stress and strengthen your resilience. Step Three: Relationships: Get support. No man is an island. People with low social support are more likely to develop depression in the presence of chronic stress. In fact, strong social support helps protect people against the harmful effects of stress. In addition, the brain of a stressed person has lower adverse chemical effects when they have high levels of strong social support. We all know that when it comes to facing challenges, our friends help lighten the load. Resilient people are likely to have secure networks of social support. They also tend to cope well with stress and to stay healthier and happier throughout life. Certain feelings and behaviors are signs indicating the need for prompt, professional help. Important warning signs are:
Seek Help if you are overwhelmed If you feel that your resilience is crumbling, you should seek help without delay. NAMI is an essential national alliance that offers mental health support. https://www.nami.org/Support-Education The National Suicide Prevention Hotline offers 24-hour telephone support a 1-800-273-8255. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org Human beings are amazing creatures. We’ve mastered flight and traveled to the moon. We’ve developed language, writing, electricity, photography and the internet. Vaccines, music, wind and solar power, theory of relativity and quantum physics have all been created by us. So, how is it that such intelligent creatures, still struggle with managing stress? The good news is, we have the power to change. We can better manage our stress and increase our resilience through a mindful approach to life. Stress resilience is a process, a journey…not a destination. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! |
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