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By Karyn Buxman. This was originally published on Karyn's blog.
In October 1962, the world held its breath as America and Russia went to the brink, with nuclear weapons at the ready. Russia was installing nuclear missiles in Cuba—a mere 90 miles from the Florida coast. The 13-day crisis played-out in real time on TV around the world. As American and Soviet delegates came together to negotiate, tensions were high, and they soon became deadlocked. And then…a Russian delegate told a joke: “What is the difference between Capitalism and Communism? In Capitalism, man exploits man. In Communism, it is the other way around.” Delegates on both sides laughed, and this created a bond among all of them. (Hey, ya gotta start somewhere!) With the tension eased for the moment, talks resumed, and eventually a deal was struck that avoided blowing up the planet—no small feat! Whether you’re negotiating for world peace or for which movie to go to, humor can play a crucial role in your success. According to a recent study on business negotiations, humor has numerous functions in the negotiation process. It can put the negotiators at ease; it can introduce a difficult issue; it can foster togetherness and team spirit; it can help the other negotiator save face; and it can be a way of being cooperative in spite of disagreement. Additional studies show that if you can inject humor into your negotiations, you’re more likely to get what you’re negotiating for. Once when I was negotiating with a potential client over the phone, it became obvious that budget was a delicate topic. I could feel the tension rising, and when he posed the question: “How much is this going to cost me?” I wanted to reduce the tension. I paused and said, “Are you sitting down??” He laughed, and from that point, the conversation about money went smoothly. Those four little words, spoken in just the right tone of voice, have helped me close dozens of deals over the years. Think strategically. Who do you negotiate with? It might be with a colleague, a competitor, a customer, an employee, a boss, a colleague or even a family member. (You do understand, I hope, that getting a child to go to bed is not something that you command, but rather something you negotiate. Some of those rugrats make Johnnie Cochran look like an amateur. And don’t even get me started on teenagers!) What are you negotiating for? Examine it and look for an opportunity to weave in a little humor—like a humorous and relevant anecdote, a funny comment or gesture. You probably want to start with something whimsical. Something short. Something that relates to the situation at hand. Negotiations are often important and intense, so use humor wisely, cautiously and professionally. (No “sharp jabs” like Don Rickles is famous for!) The ability to successfully negotiate is a helpful skill for everyone, but it’s an essential tool for anyone who plans to sell or lead. You may not be called upon to save the world from nuclear war—but I guarantee that sometime soon you will be called upon to save a deal, or make the sale, or advance your agenda in some manner. Humor, used strategically, can make you a more powerful and effective negotiator. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success!
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By Karyn Buxman. This was originally published on Karyn's blog.
The travel gods smiled upon me. My bag and I both arrived at the same airport at the same time, traffic to the hotel zoomed along, and the line for hotel check-in was shorter than the TSA’s. As I made my way to my room, I observed this hotel’s unique (and somewhat goth) décor: elegant, comfortable... and dark. Dark! Dark! Dark! The walls were black, the furniture was black, I even think the water was black—but I couldn’t tell because, well, it was so DARK. (And I’ll let you guess what color the ballroom floor and the staging were...) The meeting began and halfway through my presentation, I stepped forward to make a dramatic point...and walked right off the front of the stage. (Picture Wile E. Coyote stepping off a cliff.) As you might have guessed, the black carpet and the black stage floor merged visually, leaving no hint that there was a drop-off there. The audience gasped, wondering (in the dark) if I was injured; then they held their collective breath. While the stage was only four feet high, the fall seemed to last forever. Thoughts raced through my mind. Would I bust my butt? Break my neck? End-up paralyzed? Is there a lawyer in the house? Wham! I landed flat on my back. The wind was knocked out of me, and for several moments I was unable to breathe—my mouth gaped open and closed like a fish out of water. The audience sat in stunned silence. Being a long-time speaker, I’d maintained a death-grip on the hand-held microphone. And then I pulled out the “saver-line” that I had tucked neatly away in the back of my mind for just such an (unlikely) occasion. I sat up, looked at the audience and said, “And now I’ll take questions from the floor.” The audience laughed with relief and applauded as I climbed back up onto the stage. I refused to let them see how badly I’d bruised my ego—and my bottom! Some members of the audience thought I’d actually done it on purpose! (“Oh, she’s so clever!”) Good grief! But like a magician who never divulges “how it was done,” I didn’t tell anyone that it was “planned spontaneity” that saved my...butt. Planned spontaneity is a great little technique for sales professionals. Hold on, hold on—I can hear several of you in the back, murmuring, “I don’t need any planned spontaneity! I’m witty, I’m quick, and I perform best under pressure.” Hey, good for you. Now get over yourself and take a tip from one of my teachers in the world of Improv: “You need to be sharp and quick to perform Improv, but you also need to practice. Practice, practice, practice. Only a fool goes up on stage armed only with his ‘natural born’ talents. Yes, it’s possible to ‘get by’ for a while. But if you want long-term success, you might want to follow in the footsteps of the greats who are brilliant—folks like Carol Burnett, Will Ferrell, Bill Murray, Tina Fey, and Chevy Chase.” A novice salesperson often lives on the edge by being only marginally prepared. A professional salesperson expects the unexpected. You prepare responses for sales resistance, right? You’ll be doing yourself a big favor if you also prepare for unlikely, and even outlandish, situations. Quick, answer each of these questions. You’ve got two seconds to respond. If you delay any longer you’ll get the gong. Ready? Go! You’ve prepared meticulously for the 30-minute slot your prospect has allotted you for your sales presentation. As you walk into their boardroom your contact whispers to you that your time has been cut to 10 minutes. Now what? You’re addressing a ballroom full of potential clients and the sound system goes down. What do you say? You suddenly get the hiccups. Your PowerPoint goes down. Aliens land in the client’s atrium. When the unexpected happens or—heaven forbid!—you make a mistake, humor can be the saving grace. I’m not saying you should just laugh off a serious mistake. However, when used mindfully, humor will decrease the tension, acknowledge the error, and provide some comic relief. Done well, it can also show others that you have the ability to laugh at yourself. The manner in which you respond may actually strengthen your relationship with that prospective client. If you listen carefully to successful comics and politicians, you’ll begin to notice the saver-lines they pull out after a snafu. They’ve thought ahead and crafted a clever response (probably several responses) should the need arise. * * * Try this: Start writing a list of the possible—and the probable—mistakes, glitches, problems, interruptions or Freudian slips you might experience. Then write a list of possible comebacks. (Capture every idea. Later on you’ll edit-out the lines that are really funny, but are inappropriate to use. [Save those for your stand-up act!]) As you develop your own potential saver-lines, pair them with your possible blunders. Now practice them. Aloud! Why? Because the goal is to get them well-planted into your subconscious mind. Practicing in your head is good, but practicing aloud is great. By saying the words aloud, you are literally putting words in your mouth! And when you actually say the words, and hear yourself saying them, you are creating more connections, and stronger connections, between your neurons. So when the need arises, your response will come of its own accord, and appear to be spontaneous. Mistakes happen. As a sales professional, you can plan ahead and use humor strategically to acknowledge a problem and bounce right back. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman. This was originally published on Karyn's blog.
“I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.” “This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.” “Don’t bother me. I’m livin’ the dream.” Sarcasm. Gotta love it, don’t ya? Used for comic effect and dry criticism throughout the ages—by us common folks and by the famous. Oscar Wilde observed: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” Stephen Bishop said: “I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.” Mark Twain once quipped: “I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” Sarcasm. You hear it nearly every day, from all kinds of people, in all kinds of situations. [Yeah, we all know—or think we know—exactly what sarcasm is. But for the meticulous among you, here’s the precise definition, according to Webster’s Dictionary: “the use of words that mean the opposite of what you really want to say—especially in order to insult someone, to show irritation, or to be funny.”] Sometimes sarcasm works, and sometimes it doesn’t. Sarcasm does work when it bonds like-minded people together, and when it produces just the right level of chuckle. Sarcasm doesn’t work when it’s wielded like a weapon—when it’s used to cut someone down to size, especially when they’re not in a position to defend themselves. Leaders need to learn how and when to employ sarcasm, and also how to recognize and deal with it when your employees/followers use it. Among equals/friends/insiders sarcasm is often used as friendly jousting. It can be an entertaining and intellectually stimulating exercise in bantering. But when directed at strangers/outsiders/visitors sarcasm is cruel and unfair—producing embarrassment, anger and resentment. (Not good things to stir-up in your people!) Sarcasm used well is like fencing: Battling as a friendly sport. Sarcasm used poorly is like aggressive fighting with a sharpened blade. Because sarcasm can definitely cause harm, hurt feelings, and even damage someone’s standing in the group, many leaders simply ban sarcasm (and often any kind of humor) from the workplace. This is not a good idea for two reasons: (1) It’s actually impossible to stop people from using humor. You can censor it, but you’ll only drive it underground—where it can backfire on you as it subverts your authority. (Also, humor is hard-wired into the human brain. You literally can’t stop humor from arising spontaneously). (2) Humor—including sarcasm—can be a tremendously positive force among people and inside organizations. Humor can bond people, it can ease tensions, it can enhance communication and it has been shown to enhance the bottom line. And here are some facts from the scientists who study such stuff: positive humor can produce a dopamine hit which leads to feel-good sensations throughout the body. But hostile humor can evoke stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenalin, which lead to inflammatory responses throughout the body that exacerbate illnesses such as heart disease, diabetes and cancer. One insight that eludes many users of sarcasm is that cruel sarcasm reflects poorly on them. Bystanders are likely to judge them as boorish and vicious. Not an image that many leaders want to project! Wise leaders use humor—including sarcasm—in an intentional and strategic manner. It’s a subtle skill. But then, great leaders know how to wield a host of tools to help them direct human behavior. As a neurohumorist—one who studies the intersection of humor and the brain—I utilize many different forms of humor. But sarcasm? Me? Never! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman. This was originally published on Karyn's blog.
As I chatted with Brett in his office, several of his staff walked by the door and giggled. One of the young women leaned into the doorway and said, “Don’t be late for your appointment!” and winked. He waved at her and laughed, saying, “Don’t worry. I’m not backing out!” He looked at me and laughed. “It’s not what you’re probably thinking! A couple months ago I told my staff that if they could go an entire month without an injury or a safety violation, I’d shave my head! At first I was just joking around. I said it more out of exasperation than seriousness. But the staff pounced on the idea. Before you know it, for the first time in ages, they hit the target. As soon as that happened, they came to me and set up a date to ceremoniously shave my head! Between you and me, my first thought was ‘Oh crap! I’m going to look like a dork!’ “But then I realized I’d achieved two things: Most importantly, we met an important safety target. That’s huge. But the thing that I hadn’t expected was that this silly challenge brought my staff together in a way that I never could’ve anticipated. I may look like a goofball, but you know what? I’ll definitely do it again—once my hair grows back!” As leaders, we’re not looking for opportunities to look foolish in front of those we lead. But as Einstein once said, to do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is insanity. We’re often called to step out of our comfort zone to achieve our desired outcomes. When Brett took a risk and allowed himself to appear silly, he achieved his goal—and more! As a leader, it’s important to be able to stretch out of your comfort zone to achieve different and better results. Humor is a safe way to do just that. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. So stretch beyond your comfort zone today and try something a little silly. Maybe a little air guitar in the cafeteria? A rendition of Monty Python’s Silly Walk across the parking lot? Former President George Bush Sr. wears goofy socks. Sam Walton was willing to dance down Wall Street in a hula skirt. He and his company laughed all the way to the bank. Leadership involves calculated risks. Humor, when practiced without purpose, can involve a degree of risk. But when used strategically, humor will help you achieve incredible results. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman
As I began the interview for my podcast, I looked at his boyish grin and into his playful eyes. “My guest today is Chade-Meng Tan, and he’ll be sharing his insights on leading with levity.” Meng got a puzzled look on his face and said, “Levity? Oh, I thought we’d be talking about levitation. I guess I’ll have to throw out my notes!” “Uh-oh,” I thought. “This might be a disaster!” Chade-Meng Tan then tipped back his head and laughed. Perhaps I should mention that Meng is known as Google’s Jolly Good Fellow. “Leaders need to establish trust—and humor is one way of establishing trust,” he said. Recently retired from Google (at age 45), Meng is an award-winning engineer, bestselling author, TED talk presenter (check out his TED talk where he shares his insight: "Compassion Is Fun”), and Co-chair of One Billion Acts of Peace, which has been nominated seven times for the Noble Peace Prize. As a leader, he demonstrates that you can use humor not only to lead in your workplace or organization, but on a global scale. In your pursuit of better leadership skills you’ve collected an extensive set of tools: Focus. Vision. Values. Strategy. Tactics. Emotional intelligence. Goal-setting. Decision-making. Storytelling. Mentoring. Humor. Humor??! I’ve noticed that MBA programs rarely teach humor. And business books don’t extoll the benefits of humor in the corporate—or any organizational—setting. And that’s too bad, because humor is a tool that enhances many of the other leadership tools that you use. Humor enhances communication; bonds teams; improves retention; increases productivity; and improves profitability. The effectiveness of humor used to be anecdotal. But now it’s a scientifically proven fact that humor has physiological, psychological, and social benefits. Over the past several decades neuroscientists, psychologists, social scientists, and integrative scientists have been ferreting out the secrets of humor. Research from Wharton, MIT, and London Business School reveal the practical benefits of humor in the workplace. Even “The Harvard Business Review” acknowledges that humor is an important leadership skill. As a leader, you need a variety of tools that will help you better guide, direct, and inspire others: Your overall temperament and personal style; the manner in which you give guidance, instructions and reprimands; your ability to adapt your techniques to each person and each team you’re addressing (“emotional intelligence,” anyone?!); the tone of your voice; the different styles of communications for one-on-one interactions, for small group meetings, and for large audience situations; your flexibility, your writing style; your confidence; your level of expertise, and—your use of humor. A good leader knows that when humor happens by chance, positive things can happen. But a great leader knows that humor applied with purpose, intention and mindfulness can change the world. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman
We’re cruising down the highway on a sunny California afternoon—the sparkling ocean to our left, the picturesque mountains to our right—then as we come around a curve we see motionless cars stretching for miles and miles ahead of us. “Shoot! Dang!” cried my husband. (Okay, so those weren’t his exact words. Hey, I want to keep this article rated PG-13!) His knuckles whitened around the steering wheel, his jaw tensed, his muscles stiffened. “Look at this frakkin’ traffic.” (Note: He actually did use the word “frakkin’.”) The sight of a traffic jam sent him immediately into a stress response. But I reminded him that we had plenty of time to get to our destination, we had plenty of gas, we had food and drink in the car (and neither of us was in need of a bathroom break!). So rather than fume about traffic I pulled out my phone, and played several episodes of a show that we both find hysterical (Cabin Pressure, a BBC radio sitcom, starring Benedict Cumberbatch). And we relaxed and laughed our way to our destination. Stress can be habit-forming. We see a stimulus (a traffic jam, a virus alert on our computer, that neighbor who rambles on incessantly) and we respond with irritability, muscle tension, anxiety, loss of focus, and the urge to strangle some jerk who desperately deserves it. Holocaust survivor Victor Frankl once said, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.” So often, when challenges pop up, we fly into an automatic response. But we do have a choice. There are lots of interventions you can initiate in that space between stimulus and response. One of the easiest and most effective choices is humor. Rather than experience a stress habit, create a humor habit. The trick is having humor easily available so that accessing it is a no-brainer. Here are three quick techniques for the next time you feel stress coming on. Pick one!
And here’s one last tip: You’ll get the maximum benefit from humor when you use it consistently. You can actually rewire your brain—so practice some kind of humor every day! Stress is always going to be part of our lives, but it doesn’t have to dominate our daily lives. Exchange your stress habit for a humor habit. Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman
John glanced quickly over his shoulder as he was driving me to my speaking venue and asked, “So you’re the speaker? What do you speak about?” Ah! Did he know that this is a professional speaker’s favorite question?! “My body of work for the last 25 years has been the study of humor’s relationship to profitability and health. This afternoon I’m going to share how to use humor as a competitive business edge,” I explained, delighted to share my passion with him. I could see John’s smiling eyes in the rearview mirror. “Did you know that humor is really, really good for you?” he asked in all sincerity. (Yes, I knew that!) John then went on to tell me a somewhat fuzzy version of Norman Cousins overcoming his life-threatening illness by watching funny movies. It was fun to hear someone else extol on the benefits of humor—and I was encouraged that the word was getting out to the general public that humor has practical benefits. As I got out of the car and headed toward my meeting, I thought about what John said. Everyone knows humor makes us feel better. Everyone knows it’s enjoyable. Everyone knows that “it’s good for us.” So making humor part of our daily repertoire should simply be common sense, right? But as integrative neuroscientist Dr. Heidi Hanna points out, “Common sense is not common practice.” Just because we know something is beneficial doesn’t mean we act on that knowledge. I know eating a low-calorie-high-fiber kale salad instead of a piping hot slice of delicious pepperoni and sausage pizza would be better for my waistline...but my belt size can attest to the fact that I don’t act on that knowledge—at least not consistently! My inconsistent actions keep me from experiencing benefits I know to be true. Just because you know humor can enhance your leadership skills, or give you a competitive edge in sales, or improve your health doesn’t mean that you’re actually experiencing any of these benefits. The truth is that the vast majority of people allow humor to happen by chance, rather than by choice. They stumble across something that makes them laugh in the midst of their busy day and then hurry on—places to go, people to meet. The good news is when you let humor happen by chance, you can still experience some benefits. But when you purposefully implement humor by choice—now you can really leverage the advantages and reap tremendous rewards. Exercising on an occasional basis is better than no exercise at all, but you really gain the most results when you exercise consistently. It’s similar with humor. When you stumble across humor occasionally, it can elevate your mood, it can decrease your muscle tension, and it may even boost your immune system a bit. But to truly build your resilience, improve your creativity, increase your likability, enhance your communication skills, and reap other additional benefits, it’s best to practice humor consistently—every day. Let’s say you make a commitment to run a 10K marathon. Would you wait until the day before the race to start working out at the gym? Only if you want to set yourself up for a huge fail! Instead you’d work out on a regular basis—increasing your strength and your stamina. Your commitment to run the race would be futile if you didn’t consistently prepare for it. Business development expert Mark Leblanc once told me, “Consistency trumps commitment every time.” If you want to experience humor as a competitive advantage, then set yourself up to succeed by practicing a bit of humor everyday. There are many ways to practice humor on a regular basis. Below are three ideas. Pick one and practice it consistently over the next 21 days. (You get extra credit for keeping track of your experiences in a journal.) I promise you that you will begin to see a difference not only in yourself, but also in those around you.
Set yourself apart and ahead of the crowd. Give yourself a competitive edge. Practice humor - not by chance, but by choice. Humor is power! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! By Karyn Buxman
Stand-up comic Michael Elizondo sat in the doctor’s exam room waiting to be seen. When the doctor walked in, he was taken aback by her beauty. “Come here often?” he quipped. She laughed. And as they saying goes… they lived happily ever after. When it comes to what we’re looking for in a mate, sense of humor ranks as a must-have by both sexes. That being said, men and women are looking for slightly different outcomes when it comes to sense of humor in a soul mate. Women are looking for someone who will make them laugh. Men, on the other hand, are looking for someone to laugh at their jokes. According to numerous studies, guys who can make a woman laugh are seen as more attractive. And guys feel affirmed and appreciated by a woman who laughs at his jokes. Humor and romance aren’t just for Valentine’s Day. The benefits are so delicious you’ll want to practice both of them all year long. Humor strengthens relationships. Being able to laugh with your partner will help you better weather the bad times and enjoy the good times even more. Over time, your “inside humor” (humor that others simply wouldn’t understand but leaves the two of you in stitches) will accumulate and help provide a bandwidth of resilience that will make your relationship even stronger and healthier. Here are 10 tips on how to add humor to spice up your relationship:
Humor and intimacy make for great chemistry! Looking for your next healthcare speaker? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to make your healthcare event a success! |
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