By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
One in a thousand. That’s your mathematical chance of catching a ball if you attend a Major League Baseball game. Those aren’t great odds. If you really want to take home a baseball, let me give you some advice: Bring a few extra bucks and buy one from the souvenir shop. Perhaps that’s why I felt a little cynical when I saw my son Patrick carting his baseball glove as we loaded up the car. Every summer I take an overnight trip with each of my children. My kids review my speaking schedule, pick the location they want to visit, research the city, and make plans for what we’ll do when we get there. I act as if the trip is for them, but really, it’s a gift for me. During the summer of 2017, Patrick chose Kansas City. It was an easy call: One of his favorite cousins lived there, there was a Legoland downtown, and the St. Louis Cardinals were scheduled to play the Royals the evening of our arrival. When I saw him exit the house with his baseball glove, I knew what he was thinking. “Bud,” I said with a smile, “let’s leave the glove at home. The best-case scenario is you’ll get hot with it on during the game, and the worst case is you’ll leave it behind in the stands.” What kids can teach us about “luck” and anticipation what it means for your approach to life. Not persuaded by my logic, Patrick shook his head and said confidently: “Dad, I’m gonna need it.” Well, in the eighth inning that evening, his words proved prophetic. A ball careened off the field, bounced high over the stands, and spun directly toward us. As I ducked to avoid impact, I heard the crisp sound of ball smacking leather. I looked over at my son. The ball had plopped perfectly into his waiting glove, and Patrick’s face was lit up with the sheer joy of a dream coming true. Man, I thought, what a lucky kid. I’ve been to hundreds of games over my lifetime and have never returned home with a baseball. I gave him a hug and celebrated with him. What a lucky kid. One in a thousand. Hope he savors this moment . . . because it will never happen again. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “Shallow men believe in luck, believe in circumstances. . . . Strong men believe in cause and effect.” I didn’t realize how shallow I was. The lesson of anticipation was further made the following summer with the same glove at a different baseball stadium.The following summer, as we prepared for our annual trip, our destination was Pittsburgh, hundreds of miles away. As soon as Patrick got in the car, I saw it. Already on his left hand, even though we had eight hours of windshield time in front of us. His glove. I bit my tongue and allowed him to have his fun. He wore that glove for the eight-hour drive, and each time I saw it, I smiled at his unbridled optimism. Little did he know our seats were high up in the right-field stands and about as far from home plate as you can get! We arrived just as the game was starting. We watched several innings from our seats in the outfield before taking a lap around the stunning ballpark. We got some snacks, took some pictures, and returned to our seats a few innings later. What a pop fly can teach us about life and luck. Just as we sat down, the Pirates’ third baseman crushed a ball toward us. The ball soared just over our heads, bounced off several sets of hands, and was corralled by a bear of a man seated three rows behind us and about ten seats over. Wow, that was pretty close, I thought, my heart racing as fireworks exploded in the sky and the Pirates fans celebrated. As things settled down, we took our seats. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the man who had just caught the ball standing at the end of our row. He was looking at us and pointing at Patrick, who stood out from the locals in his bright red Cardinals baseball cap. “Hey, kid!” he yelled. “If you can catch this, it’s yours. I want you to have something to remember this game by besides your team losing!” He then underhanded the ball toward us. Patrick reached high and brought the ball down in his mitt. I looked over at Patrick, his face aglow. And now, in his glove, against overwhelming odds, another freaking baseball. He was now, unequivocally, the luckiest kid I’d ever met. Shallow people believe in luck and in circumstances. Strong people believe in cause and effect. We always assume it is luck; in actuality it is something quite different. Today I am convinced it wasn’t luck that brought those balls Patrick’s way. Sure, a bit of good fortune enters into the equation. But you’ll never catch a ball if you aren’t in the stadium. You won’t see the ball if you aren’t actively watching the game. And you can’t grab it easily unless you bring your glove. Then why don’t adults bring their gloves to the game? Well, in addition to the fact that a big, bulky glove may not go with our outfit, we know the odds. We don’t want to look like fools, hoping for a miracle. Seriously, when was the last time you saw adults walking into a stadium with their baseball gloves on? It doesn’t hap- pen. And if it did, what would you think about them? Be honest! And yet, have you seen the transformation that takes place when adults see a ball coming their way? For a moment they turn back into little kids. They widen their eyes, jump to their feet, spill their drinks, drop their hot dogs, raise their hands high, all for the extraordinary chance . . . the life-changing opportunity . . . to catch a used baseball! The anticipation rouses them from the complacency shrouding their day, and awakens the child within. They turn from cynics into believers in the span of a few seconds. I’m not saying that we should walk around expecting to win the lottery every day. (In fact, I encourage you not to play the lottery!) But there is something powerful about moving through life, through work, through relationships, through each day, not readying ourselves for disappointment, but expecting adventure. The optimistic mindset of a child can be life-changing. There is something life-changing that happens when we return to that audacious, unguarded, optimistic mindset of a child. The stadiums of life today are mostly packed with bystanders, arms crossed, gloves long ago stored away. Rather than expecting adventure, we aim for realism. We try to protect ourselves from experiencing false hope. Instead of focusing on the bumps and bruises we’ve endured and the scars and wounds that we think have wised us up, let’s return to what we once believed; that life was a great adventure waiting to unfold. Because in fact, it is… Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success!
0 Comments
By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
“Were you born stupid? Or have you just become stupid over time?” As a 20-year old college finance major, I had an amazing opportunity to work at a world-class financial service firm. Although at that age, my ability to balance my personal checking account was in serious question, this organization placed me in a position to support their most successful financial advisers. Truth be told, the majority of my job consisted of making copies, printing spreadsheets and assembling mailing packets. On the few occasions my phone actually rang, I’d answer excitedly only to be greeted by the voice of college friends pranking me or my mother asking how the day was going. There was, however, one unforgettable phone call. As the phone rang, I cleared my throat and answered in my most professional voice, “Managed Products, this is John O’Leary. How may I help you?” A deep, grumpy voiced barked back into the line, “Good, John, I got you. Have a question for you: Were you born stupid? Or have you just become stupid over time?” Startled, I looked at the phone to make sure it wasn’t a number from a college friend. Seeing it was coming from our office in Chicago, I responded, “I’m sorry. Excuse me?” This manager’s advice after his employee received a cutting insult is something we all need to hear. To which the successful advisor replied sarcastically, “Oh no, I am the one who is sorry. I forgot who I called. Let me slow this question down for you: Were. You. Born. Stupid? Or. Have. You. Just. Become. Stupid. Over. Time?” There was a long pause before he added, “Did I slow it down enough for you?” Without going into the details, the cause of the problem this man had wasn’t actually me, or even our department. It was a filing issue elsewhere that kept him from closing a contract. And it was an issue easily remedied. Although the conversation rattled me as an intern, the reason I am rehashing the story is less about my hurt feelings or someone’s assessment of my intelligence, and much more about my manager’s response and what it means for all of us today. As a leader, Don Embree was quiet and humble, but also fierce and resolute. He became highly successful professionally by investing himself fully into his team. Whereas we have many examples of leaders today who quickly blame others for mistakes while earnestly taking credit for successes, Don worked in the opposite manner. His wisdom imparted that day remains with me 25 years later. “John, never listen to anyone who is only able to tell you what you do poorly. Their hostility toward you is just a reflection of hatred toward themselves. They don’t feel good about themselves, they don’t have strong self-esteem and they most certainly don’t have your best interest in mind.” This is so good. Anger is frequently a reflection of self-loathing. It almost always reveals lack of self-esteem. And those who show it almost never have the best interest of others in mind. It’s a beautiful sentiment but how do we live this each day? The challenge today is two-fold: This is what you should read into others’ attitudes and insults. The first is to recognize when someone belittles you, is negative toward you, or treats you poorly, that their attitude reflects not your self-wroth, but theirs. Too frequently we give our power to someone who doesn’t even have our best interest in mind. Let’s take our power back! The second aspect is even more important. In the divisive, quick-to-anger world we find ourselves navigating today we can choose to be a model that connects, lifts up, and provides hope. Any fool can raise their voice or degrade an idea or another human being. It’s popular, trends on social and is the currency of the day. Truly remarkable leaders and ordinary heroes, however, choose instead to faithfully serve, selflessly strive, continuously encourage, and humbly work to make the world a better place. They have high self esteem and have the best interest of others in mind. My friends, 25 years ago a self-centered individual asked me if I was born stupid or just became that way over time. Today, let’s share a very different message with those we encounter. Let’s ask if they realize they were born enough. Let’s ask if they’re embracing the wonderful opportunity to become even more brilliant in time. And let’s begin this conversation with a person probably longing for the reminder: The reflection in the mirror. This is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
What truly matters most right now? In the race through the day, it’s not a question most of us ask often. But it’s one I was liberated to answer last week. The week was packed with activities: Coaching calls, podcast interviews, virtual speaking events, pre-conference calls and team meetings. There were articles to be written, content to flesh out, emails requiring response, strategy to be clarified and problems to navigate. In other words: work. And in the midst of work, there are also the profoundly important needs beckoning within my community, my family, and my personal life. The awesome responsibilities of raising, educating and guiding four children to their potential. There is the desire to connect with, love well and still actively date my wife. There are personal goals to strive toward, problems to overcome, distractions vying for attention, Royal Family disputes, and never enough time to get it all done. In other words: life. The most successful afternoon I’ve had recently didn’t include a to-do list, 5 a.m. wake-up call or even a laptop. And it can all sometimes feel like a bit of a grind. It’s easy to simply race through the day, check off the to-do-list, go to bed exhausted, wake up tired, wash and repeat. We seldom pause and ask the question, “What truly matters most right now?” In the midst of that race last week my mom asked if I could sit with Dad Wednesday. With Parkinson’s disease, he just can’t be left for long periods by himself. I was thrilled to do it. Figured we’d have a meal together, visit for a bit, and then I’d get back to all my important work. But as I left the office for their house, I chose to leave my computer behind. Instead of bringing work, I brought a couple of chocolate milkshakes and some BBQ. Instead of achieving anything professionally or striving personally, I prepared Dad lunch, assisted with his medicine, and helped him navigate the complexities of using the restroom. Instead of doing much of anything, we just visited, sometimes speaking, sometimes listening, sometimes laughing. But mostly just sitting, together. When work and life get too busy we forget what truly matters. And it was one of the most meaningful, beautiful, successful days I can remember. My friends, while racing through life, and creating checklists, and checking boxes, it’s easy to lose sight of who and what matters most. It’s common to buy into the lie that the more we accomplish and accumulate the more successful we’ll feel. The global pandemic over the past year has taught us much. One vital lesson we would be wise to remember is the fragility and preciousness of life. Sometimes we can only recognize the grandeur of that miracle by slowing down long enough to take inventory of our blessings, the gift of relationships and the power of love. And one of the best ways to celebrate those blessings is to choose to be fully present with the individuals who matter most. This is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
A small drip coffee and a blueberry muffin. This was the order placed at a Starbucks by a gentleman named Jim. Jim didn’t seem like he had many friends or family. He lived alone across the street from this coffee shop in a retirement home. Every afternoon at 2pm, he’d walk across from his apartment, walk in with a big smile and place the same order. There was a short interaction between Jim and the baristas working. They’d thank him for coming, offer him a compliment and a good-natured criticism of his beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Then, they’d tell him they looked forward to seeing him tomorrow. In other words, they would simply be kind to a gentleman who frequently felt alone. You won’t believe the impact the sweet, simple gift these Starbucks baristas gave had on their customer. These baristas would do one additional thing before handing Jim his coffee and blueberry muffin. They would write a short note of encouragement on it. It wasn’t much. They’d write a favorite quote, affirmation or acknowledgment that they were grateful for him. Jim would take his items, thank the baristas and walked back to his retirement home. One afternoon as it approached 3pm, they realized Jim hadn’t made it in yet. When he failed to return the following day, a barista walked across the street to check in on him. The receptionist shared that Jim had passed away over the weekend. Although these Starbucks baristas only knew Jim from their momentary interactions with him, every one of their hearts broke when they learned the news. Jim had become part of their family. A beautiful reminder that you matter and your actions and words shape the lives of those around you. The following morning a family member entered the store and invited them to the memorial service taking place the following afternoon. As humbling as it was to be invited, it was what they saw entering into this facility that caused them to lose their breath. In this room, with just a few family members and friends, were three large round tables. These tables were stacked high with old Starbucks cup sleeves with handwritten notes on them. Jim may not have received lots of visitors, may not have received lots of mail, but every day he received a simple love letter from his friends across the street. And after finishing the muffin, or drinking the coffee, he would add the new sleeve to the stack to be reminded of the love that others felt for him. Writing a simple note on a bag. Offering a little encouragement on a cup. Looking people in the eyes. Seeing someone else as a unique, worthy and important individual. This all seems so little, insignificant, small. But for Jim, it was a reminder that he mattered, that he fit in, and that there were people who loved him. Don’t underestimate that doing little things well greatly elevates the lives of those around you. My friends, in a marketplace that so frequently feels disconnected and isolated, all too often we view our jobs, tasks, and even life itself as being insignificant. We forget the incredible power and possibility we possess through doing little things well to elevate the lives of those around us. Today, be reminded of the magnificent power of your life to influence change for good. It turns out regardless of our age, status or job title, that the ripples created by our actions truly do have the ability to impact lives around the world, across the street and across the aisle. Not sure where to start? Start with the reflection in the mirror. And start today. Today is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
At age 10, a painful experience revealed how broken, disabled, and imperfect I was. A conversation with my mother afterward, though, challenged me to never believe lies that cheapen the blessing of my life. We could all benefit from that lesson I learned 30 years ago. When I came home from the hospital after being burned, fitting in was a struggle. In the early days I was in a wheelchair. Bandages covered my entire body. Eventually, my bandages were removed and the wheelchair was no longer needed, but I was covered in scars from my neck to my toes. Throughout my life, I have had many experiences being stared at, pointed at and whispered about in public. The most searing experience was one in church. This church experience left a recently injured boy broken, until his mother stepped in with love and advice we all need to hear about confidence. During the service, there is a moment where we turn to others, extend our hands, shake theirs, and offer one another peace. As a kid, this was a much-needed chance to burn off a little energy that had been stifled for the previous 30 minutes trapped in a pew. On one occasion I remember joyfully shaking hands with my siblings and parents. Then, with the family we knew in front of us. Afterward, turning around and extending my hand to the gentleman behind us. He extended his, looked down at mine, and realized he was about to shake hands with a little boy with no fingers and scarred arms. The gentleman withdrew his hand, crossed his arms and looked away. Dejected, I pulled my hand back and turned around. I put my head down, tucked both scarred, fingerless hands deep into my pockets and tried to disappear. It may seem relatively insignificant, but as a child with profound physical differences, already struggling to fit in, lacking confidence, and longing to be normal, this was a painful reminder of how obviously different and unwanted I was. Hours later, through the power of a mother’s intuition, Mom could tell something was wrong. My typically joyful demeanor was absent. After denying anything was wrong several times, I finally, tearfully admitted what happened. She knelt in front of me, took my hands in hers and asked if I fully knew how remarkable I was? I nodded my head and told her I did. It was a lie. Mom looked into my eyes and said in the tone that only a convicted, impassioned mother could muster: “John, listen to me. You are a remarkable gift; a walking miracle. And, you are perfect exactly as you are. Absolutely perfect. Never, ever, let your value be defined by someone who doesn’t realize that. Do you understand me?” Your painful experiences are preparing you for something more beautiful than you can imagine. She then talked about the agony we’d already survived. She celebrated the bravery that we’d revealed and shared how these painful experiences were preparing me for something more beautiful than we could imagine. She discussed how real peace, acceptance and joy will never come from someone else’s opinion of me, but by choosing to love myself. And she challenged me that, from now on when I met someone, I not extend my hand hoping they take it. Instead, I should extend both, take theirs and pull them toward me with love – showing them that I am confident in who I am. Those I’ve had the honor of meeting after speaking engagements know that I do practice this way of shaking hands. It now usually ends with a big hug. And no, it wasn’t something I figured out as a man, successful speaker or published author. I was challenged to do it during a time when I lacked confidence, didn’t believe in the power of my story and was unaware of the miracle of my life. Over time this practice freed me to not only embrace the blessings of my own imperfections, but realize that everyone feels they, too, have scars that make them imperfect or unlovable. In authentically meeting others where they are and loving them as they are, they depart a bit more confident and joyful than they had previously felt. Do this to find real acceptance, joy and love in your life. We live in a marketplace that feels so isolated, stressed and divided. I invite you – like my mom invited me – to view your painful experiences as a gift preparing you for something bigger. You will not find peace, acceptance or joy in someone else’s opinion of you, but by choosing to love yourself. And finally my friend, today, approach friends, acquaintances and strangers with confidence, love and an open embrace. Accepting this challenge is certain to elevate the way we feel about our own lives. It will also liberate us to extend our hands and hearts to those still desperately seeking acceptance in theirs. Today is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
Recently, I had the pleasure of spending a morning with a group of children from all over the country galvanized by a single, unifying commonality. It was not that their families all leaned politically Republican or Democrat. It wasn’t that they all came from broken homes or perfect families. It wasn’t that they were all Black or White; all affluent or impoverished; all male or female. No, what coalesced these wonderful kids was something both painful and empowering: They all had been burned, bore the scars of that event, and longed for a place where they could simply be themselves and feel completely accepted. They found that love at camp. After a couple days getting to know one another, becoming comfortable with the surroundings, trusting the camp counselors and generally having fun as kids, they experienced a remarkably powerful activity. Because one of the most difficult aspects of being burned – other than the indescribable physical pain of recovery – is the reminder of that time that remains embossed on the survivor’s skin, it’s essential to learn to fully accept ourselves. The scars serve as a constant reminder not only of the agonizing struggle endured, but of how different we remain from others because of it. For burn survivors, the scars can make us feel less than, set apart, totally isolated. This painting activity from a burn camp will help you see the beauty within your own scars and past traumas. With that in mind, these kids are encouraged to view their scars differently. Vibrant water-color paints are provided to the kids. They are then encouraged to paint over the scars. Brushstroke by brushstroke, they paint over all the parts of their body that they often try to cover up with makeup or long sleeves or pants. These kids are encouraged to take their time and paint something beautiful where previously they’d seen only brokenness. When they’re finished, they’re encouraged to look at the vibrant colors and rejoice in the new beauty of what they see. And then the most powerful aspect of the activity occurs. As beautiful as whatever they painted on their body might be, the kids are encouraged to recognize the true beauty hiding just below it. Clean rags are soaked in warm water and distributed. The kids are encouraged to take their time slowly revealing something far more beautiful than what they had just painted. Gradually, messily, wipe by wipe, they gently remove the paint revealing the unmitigated splendor of what was already there… and all it represents. We then talk about real beauty, real courage and real vulnerability. We talk about overcoming, enduring, and authentically living forward. We talk about the scars existing because the wounds are now healed. Don’t wish away your scars and past traumas, do this instead. This is a powerful exercise for these brave kids at camp. It’s also a necessary reminder we must all embrace. The mistakes, missteps, bumps, bruises, brokenness, ugliness, and scars from our past are simply one part of the story. Rather than wishing them away or covering them up, why not begin seeing the beauty of compassion, faithfulness, and courage they reveal? Rather than desiring to be different than we are or angry at the past, why not celebrate the splendor of the life we have today and the limitless possibility that remains for tomorrow? It is true that in order to truly give light, we must endure the burning. And it is in that burning experience that the freedom exists to choose between two opposite outcomes: A life muted by pain, rejection, and challenge or one radiantly on fire with hope, perspective, and the conviction that even better days are yet to come. My friends, it’s okay to get out the paint, cover it all up and strive to make things beautiful. Just recognize true, real freedom is found in grabbing the rags, cleaning off the paint and learning to embrace what is already there. This is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
How long should I stay mad? Don’t know about you, but I ask myself this question with far more frequency than I’d like to admit. It’s likely one you’ve wrestled with, too. Perhaps after a friend let you down, a coworker missed an important deadline, a child disobeyed, or a petty fight erupted with a family member. And with the added stress of the approaching holidays, we’ll likely have additional occasions of being somehow slighted, offended, or let down. So, let me ask again, how long should we stay mad? This was a question Walter Wangerin had to answer, too. He shares vulnerably in his book Ragman: And Other Cries of Faith, that he and his wife had frequent disagreements when they were first married. Hot-tempered and prideful, his coping strategy in those early days was to storm out of the apartment, slam the door and walk it off. Well, on one such occasion after a small disagreement, Walter angrily turned away from his wife, grabbed his jacket, put it on, stormed outside and slammed the door shut. Only to realize his coat was stuck in the doorjamb. It was a frigid evening and pouring outside. The door was locked. He was trapped. With the steady rain falling, Walter had just two choices. He could take off the coat, leave it in the doorway and walk into the frigid rain without a jacket. Or. Or he could simply humble himself, ring the doorbell, have his wife open the door and be released from the prison. What would you do? Let humor, love, care, empathy – whatever connects you – be the bridge to forgiveness now. Walter rang the bell. His wife approached, looked out the window, and understood what happened. She saw her husband in the rain, soaked and stuck. The angry frown still present from their earlier fight dissolved into a gentle smile on her face. As she stepped closer, her smile grew in size, she began laughing, opened the door, lovingly grinned at her husband and invited him back in. And like that, the fight was over. The door was open and he was free to step out of the rain, into their apartment and back into relationship with his bride. It was that easy. But Walter, still upset, did what I think many of us would have done. He refused. He hadn’t proved his point clearly enough. He wasn’t done being mad. He wrote, “In that moment, I could simply have laughed with her. And humor would have provided the bridge to reconciliation. But I refused to do so. I gathered up my coat. And I walked off into the rainy evening. A prisoner of my own refusal to laugh.” My friends, how long should you stay mad? I must admit that in my life, and perhaps you’ve found in yours, that even with the door open and the bridge of reconciliation available, I tug on my jacket, turn around in anger, and walk into the cold rain by myself. But going forward, let’s determine to let go of our ego. Let’s choose to ring the bell, meet their smile with ours, and come back into the house. Let’s set down the poison, reenter relationship, and realize the gift of doing life, together. This is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
We're witnessing a season with profound public tensions. In the midst of headlines, stories, agendas and debates that are often propelled forward on emotion, it’s never been more important to have clear, researched thoughts on how your vote will make the impact you hope to see in your country and our world. And in a season of snap judgments, when lines are being drawn separating us from one another, it’s equally as important to invest the time to get to know another human being, to understand their opinion and how they came to it. Too often we cross our arms, close our minds, cast our judgments and our votes while arrogantly assuming that not only are we the ones uniquely privileged with wisdom, but those we don’t agree with are simply cursed with abject ignorance. I’ve discovered, however, when actually investing time to learn more about a subject or open myself up to authentically connect with another, how often my assumptions have been wrong. This is why you give people the benefit of the doubt. Several years ago, I delivered a three-hour workshop on growing top-line revenue and bottom-line profitability by pivoting our mindsets from trapped in adversity into embracing limitless possibility. There were eighty business owners in the room. 79 were actively participating. As I spoke, my eyes and attention turned toward him. The one person not engaged. My judgment started painting him for what I knew he was. He was sitting in the back row. (Figures, he probably didn’t even want to be there). He had the audacity to read the paper the entire time. (Shocking, surprised he could even read!) Not once did he look up, participate or take notes and he was the first to leave when the session ended. (Not surprised. Probably went back to his hotel room to watch Showtime.) I assumed I knew everything about this man. But my friends, our assumptions say far more about us than they do about the person we are judging. During a season when many of us are lined up with those who look and act and worship and vote just like we do, staring across the aisle repulsed by the others who look, act, worship and vote differently than we do, it’s important we read that again: Our assumptions of others say far more about us than they do about the person or group of people we are judging. After the hugs and handshakes and exchanging of business cards, I made my way toward the elevator. In the hallway, waiting for the elevator to arrive, stood one person. There were 80 business owners that day, meeting planners, sponsors, and staff… and somehow the one guy I have to take the elevator with was him. I looked down, still slighted, and prepared to walk past. “Excuse me, John. Do you have a minute?” This is why we should question our assumptions. Andrew told me the morning session had been difficult for him. He shared that his younger brother had been involved in a car accident. The car flipped, his brother was trapped inside, conscious, alert, speaking, but unable to get out. Although there were others attempting to free him, there was nothing anyone could do when the car exploded into flames. The first anniversary of his death was tomorrow. Before parting ways, he thanked me for fighting through my pain, speaking to organizations, and reminding others that there is always reason for hope. He shared that he had been incredibly discouraged lately and it was a message he desperately needed and was excited to share with his entire family. With tears streaming down his face, he gave me a hug. A moment earlier I judged Andrew as being aloof, indifferent, disengaged and generally just a bad guy. After we parted ways, I knew him to be personable, considerate, suffering and just trying to get through a very difficult day. Getting to know him and hear his story changed my perspective entirely. It’s a dramatic reminder that our assumptions say far more about us than they do about the person or group of people we might be judging. So, my friends, who are you judging today? Political divides are human-made; have a meaningful conversation. What political party are you sure is wrong? What group of people do you consider idiots? Which individual can you just not stand? As long as we continue to live separately and only spend time with people who think as we do, live how we live, vote how we vote: We will remain filled with judgments, anger, evaluations, and condemnations. We will continue to see them as less than and unworthy. True courage is seldom revealed standing with people who already agree with you. Sometimes true courage is as simple and as difficult as challenging your assumptions. They are, after all, your windows on the world. And if you don’t scrub them off every once in a while, the light won’t be able come in. In a darkened marketplace with so much negativity and certainty of opinion, maybe living with a little more humility and acting a little less on assumptions will provide some desperately needed light. This is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold
Does it seem like people are quick to anger these days? For many, it’s as if they go around seeking reasons to be disappointed, upset or infuriated. Have you noticed the hostility they share frequently makes things even worse? But what happens when an individual who has every right to be upset chooses instead to respond with grace? Years ago on an early morning Southwest Airlines flight, I had such an experience. After reaching our cruising altitude, the flight attendants took drink orders and passed out a snacks. They then began serving the requested drinks to the passengers. A hot coffee was set on my drink table and the passenger sitting directly behind me was handed a Bloody Mary. (Hey, it was already 6:30 AM… and probably 5 o’clock somewhere… Don’t judge!) Unfortunately, at that exact moment the plane hit turbulence and some of her drink spilled on the lap of the lady seated to her right. It was not a pretty scene. There was a lot of commotion, significant anger, and lots of words needing to be beeped out. It’s the kind of interaction we are, regrettably, too familiar with these days. Fortunately, another passenger came to the rescue, trying to help clean up the mess that was now seeping into the aisle. Unfortunately, in bending down she accidentally lifted up the tray of the gentleman on the other side of the aisle. It was like a sitcom, but with absolutely no laughter. A surprising response brings joy during a challenging situation. The messy dominos of life were now falling. And as it sent his freshly brewed cup of coffee into his lap, the dominos weren’t done, yet. Concerned that he might get burned, the lady with the Bloody Mary actually took what was left of her tomato juice and poured it on his pants. As a guy who’s experienced actual burns I can appreciate the gesture, but next time let him choose it for himself… and maybe with water, instead! As the carnage eventually began to subside, I watched this unlucky victim wipe at his hopelessly drenched pants. During a time when many feel they’re entitled to allow little things to infuriate them quickly, he responded in a most surprising way. Although clearly heading to a corporate meeting and badly needing a new pair of pants, a most unexpected expression appeared on his face: a smile. A flight attendant apologized profusely to him as he looked up from his pants, into her eyes, smiled again, and shared a quote I’ll never forget: “It’s only coffee… and tomato juice.” In the midst of the chaos, remember this truth. My friends, things will happen this morning and this week completely out of your control. Global pandemics will spread… and the media will cover it. The weather will be hot… or cold. It will rain… or the drought will continue. She’ll be late, or he won’t show. The kids will whine, or the silence will be deafening. But because of a man with a ruined pair of pants and a smile on his face, we now have a simple, better example on how to respond: Not to wish that life becomes less messy, but to become wise enough to remember that it’s only coffee… and tomato juice. Life remains a gift. Let’s choose to act like it. Today is your day. Live Inspired. Planning your next event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to schedule your ideal speaker and make your event a success! By John O'Leary. This was originally posted on JohnOLearyInspires.com. When John O'Leary was 9 years old, he suffered burns over 100% of his body and was expected to die. He is now an inspirational speaker and bestselling author, teaching more than 50,000 people around the world each year how to live inspired. John's first book, ON FIRE: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life was published March 15, 2016. John is a contributing writer for Huff Post and Parade.com. John is a proud husband and father of four and resides in St. Louis, MO. Order John’s book today anywhere books are sold.
Heart-ache from isolation and not belonging. Intense grief in the wake of loved ones dying due to accidents, illness and suicide. Great tension from financial insecurity. Destruction of our family home to fire. Twice. Total loss of physical health. Absolute lack of confidence, extreme self-doubt, uncertainty about the future. Daily physical pain. This is a partial list of struggles I’ve endured at different phases in my life. Partial! None of us ever seek struggle, yet the truth is it will appear along our journey. It will be incredibly painful and is certain to derail you from where you thought you were going. And yet. Adversity can serve as a great teacher.It can serve as a great teacher, offer insight, and propel you forward in a direction you never fathomed possible. So, next time you are going through challenge (and for many of us, that is today), remember to look out for these 5 surprising gifts gifts gained through adversity:
My friends, adversity is like a strong wind. It will most certainly tear away from us everything that can be torn. Yet, it will also leave the things that matter most… reminding us who we really are. Planning your virtual event? Get in touch with us at the Capitol City Speakers Bureau today to book your healthcare speaker! |
Archives
December 2023
Categories
All
|