Let's Thicken Our Skin

By Christine Cashen

​Every day there is a “shame” post on our neighborhood Facebook page. “Just watched a man let his dog poop on our lawn.” “Driver in an SUV swerved in my lane and almost hit me!” “The city council didn’t respond to my email.”

​As a motivational speaker, one of my hot tips is to just make up a story when someone does or says something that gets on your last nerve. Today, I’m going to go deeper.

Not Out to Get You
Are you on the lookout to be offended? You can always make a negative assumption, but why would you? Most people do not have the same knowledge base or social graces that you have. They are just living their lives, unconscious of their misbehavior or ability to communicate in an appropriate way. Lord knows I have had a longtime issue with my missing brain-to-mouth filter. I’m not proud of it, but hope people who truly know and love me realize that I would never intentionally hurt them. Usually, I’m going for a laugh and often am totally unaware of my “tone.”

Question Intention
Most people don’t intend to be malicious. Do you think that person who did not pick up after their dog is trying to upset you? Maybe they were out of bags. How would your day change if you were to assume positive intent? Most people do not even know there is a problem. Can you fault them? Can you help them? Is your energy being wasted on negativity? Don’t create drama that only exists in your own mind.

 Master Your Mindset
Get control over your emotional state. Examine how often each day you are offended by something. Put your time to better use. Reframe and shift situations to change your perspective.

Here’s how:

• Stop taking everything personally and focus on what you can do to make the world a better place.
• Stop looking for what someone is “doing to you”. Do you have more important things to do?
• Stand up for yourself rather than sitting quietly offended. If you aren’t clear on what someone is trying to say, just ask nicely.
• Stop sharing offensive messages – if you find something offensive STOP SHARING IT on social media. By sharing it, you strengthen it.
• Realize it is not all about you. Get over yourself. Tough, but true.

None of us live up to expectations ALL the time. Thicken your skin. Assume the best and let’s all enjoy better relationships, less stress, and more peace. Let’s work together to be more understanding and less offended.

Walk out to the dog walker and offer a bag. Quietly pass my son and me as he learns to drive. And if I don’t reply to your email in a timely way, assume it went to SPAM (because it probably did). Stop being offended and take control. And, I promise to work on my brain-to-mouth filter.

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